What can I do if my boyfriend skypes another girl at 4am?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend and I are currently studying at the same university. last year we both lived in the same halls, and I met him after the Christmas holidays. we started seeing each other shortly after and have been official now for 3 months.

he told me that before he met me he liked a girl who also lived in the same halls and he had told her, but she said she wasn't interested. she's actually from canada and has since gone home to stay.

my boyfriend is very honest with me and lets me know when he has spoken to her. as they can't text each other, they tend to skype. but its about 3 times a week, really late at night (due to the time difference) so he ends up talking to her for 2-4 hours until 3-4am. and they go on webcam.

to make things worse, he has said he is going to canada next summer with laura (another of the girls friends) to meet up with her and go on a 3-week tour of the country. he said that he didn't want me to go because he didn't want to have to worry about hurting my feelings and just wants to have a good time.

i have tried telling my boyfriend that this is all hurting me. I completely trust him and know that he would never cheat on me, but I am just so jealous. I don't like the amount of time they talk for, the hours he stays up talking to her. I just think its wrong. and I don't know what to do. maybe there is a compromise? but I'm not sure what that would be. please help :) thanks xxx

[Anonymous]

Dear love,

Sorry to have seen your question late :/ You have every right reason to feel how you feel and personally I wouldn't like it either.

But put things this way, since the holiday trip to Canada has all been planned and organized, there's nothing much you can do. the only thing you can do (if it's financially feasible) is to ask whether you can fly there and have a trip with him together there (if and only if you can handle seeing all those girls there).

Otherwise, the best thing is to stay ignorant on what he does with those girls. Ignorance sometimes IS bliss and spares us from a lot of hurt and pain. Also, if you can, request that he contact you everyday. If he's an honest enough man who doesn't hide from you, he would tell you his whereabouts and the necessary details on what's going on, and making sure that you won't worry about his safety. His safety itself is a good enough reason for you to contact him and to make sure that he's alright and stuff.

Meanwhile, kindly tell him to stop contacting her until late night because you don't feel comfortable about that and you rather spend more time with him since you are his girlfriend. Justify and reason with him and keep it short and simple. Also, don't put your hopes high that your relationship with him will work or expect too much out of it (especially since you think that there's this thing going on between him and that girl). Should you sense that he has cheated or both of you can't come to terms in the relationship, it's time to let go and don't ask any further details. Good luck to you, and feel free to type to me should you want to talk about it :) xxx

[MzNatalie]

If you trust him then TRUST him don't pretend to trust him while complaining and being jealous. THAT isn't trust and makes you a LIAR. YOU need to address YOUR insecurities and stop projecting them on him or it will eventually ruin your relationship. You have your friends, he has his friends and then you have friends together. He doesn't have to like your friends and you don't have to like his friends as long as he isn't cheating on you the shut the f*** up already.

[Asker]

i trust that he won't cheat on me. but what if he has feelings for her and just doesn't want to admit it. what would be the point in having a girlfriend all the way in canada right?

[Steffielynn]

If he doesn't want you to go cause he doesn't want to hurt you that should throw up some red flags. Why is he going to another country to see a girl he used to like when he has a girlfriend?

[Asker]

they are really good friends and they get on really well. he says that he thinks I won't like it if I'm not getting al the attention, which isn't true, its worse that he doesn't want me to go. he says he is going for the experience and its just nice that he gets to see a friend too.

[Steffielynn]

If they're just really good friends then it shouldn't be a problem if you go. If you trusted him completely you wouldn't be asking this question so you should talk to him and find out where you stand. I've been in this situation before. Trust me.