Her friends hate me, advice?

my girlfriend is chilling with her friends and it makes me uncomfortable. both of them she has said in the past don't like me because of some of the arguements we have had...I really don't like them because they try and fill her mind with crap about me that I'm not good enough for her or something and they haven't even met me. she wants me to meet them but I don't even want to because the stuff I heard them say about me. I already feel like she is on the verge of ending it and I don't think they will help the situation. I feel helpless and don't know what to do. any thoughts?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Sorry to hear what you are going through >.< It must have been very frustrating for you. And I can understand why you would feel very helpless.

    You can't help how the girls feel about you I'm afraid :( I'd say meet them, but keep it short and diplomatic. Nothing's worse than appearing like a immature person. By doing so, at least you do yourself a favour by being a better man :)

    As for dealing with your girlfriend, you can only reassure her and be the best boyfriend you can be and expect nothing further from her. Meanwhile, try introducing her to say you friend (girls) or people who you trust. At least show her who you are, you have good company, perhaps let your friends or people you trust get to know her. Perhaps your friends/people you trust can help provide a better impression of you and even give you words of advice as to how she is or how to handle her.

    Ultimately it's her choice as to who she wants to believe and how she feels about things. If she IS that easily swayed by her friends and leave you instead, she's really really not worth your time and effort and be a better man and get a better girl :) Good luck and hope this helps!


What Girls Said 17

  • In my opinion I would meet her friends and also try and be friends with her friends. You may not like them and they may have different ideas about you, but make an effort because she will appreciate it even if your plan doesn't end up working out. My boyfriend is good friends with all my friends, it makes it so much easier for me because I can hangout with everyone and not feel bad for ditching my friends or not hanging out with my boyfriend enough. At first my boyfriend hated my one friend, she is really annoying and he used to call her a whore to her face every single time she talked, but because he liked me enough he told me he doesn't mind her hanging around, and makes an effort to be nice to her even though she drives him insane. He realized that she will be my friend even if we breakup so he accepted it and became kinda friends with her. Also, it made me like him so much more. If you want to keep your girlfriend (if you're feeling like its ending soon) I would try and tolerate her friends and change their opinion about you. Treat your girlfriend nicely and with respect around them, show them how much you care about your girlfriend and maybe they will realize you are good for her.

  • Your girlfriend has probably made the mistake of ranting about you to her friends and never saying the good things. This means the only things they know about you are negative, so of course they don't like you. I'd say you should meet them and stun them with your friendliness and how obviously you care about your girlfriend. She'll appreciate it and not feel like she has to choose, you won't have to worry about them saying bad things (cause you'll either be there or be confident that they like you) and they will realize that you aren't ALL bad! Win, win, win!

  • Meet with her friends, show 'em they're wrong. By refusing to meet them, it'll only look bad on you. They've got a loyalty thing going on and because they've yet to meet you and only hear about you from her, they only know her side. Just come with her, be the nice guy you are(assuming your nice, lol, j/k) and show interest in them. It shows her that you care about what she cares about and it'll make her friends realize, you aren't this bad guy.

  • I think this is a problem anyone will face. Her friends are looking out for her and surely they don't know every part of your relationship. Do you know if any of your friends don't approve with your girlfriend. You should talk to her about how she feels about you. You shouldn't care what others think but at times I understand they can creep in your mind. Just make sure that your girlfriend does like you.

  • "if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends"

    • Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,

      So tell me what you want, what you really really want,

      I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,

      So tell me what you want, what you really really want,

      I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really

      really really wanna zigazig ha.

      If you want my future forget my past,

      If you wanna get with me better make it fast,

      Now don't go wasting my precious time,

      Get your act together we could be just fine

      I'll tell you what I

    • ahhahhah ahhahhahahha so funny.. thanks for the laugh

    • you are very welcome:)

  • she I svery childish. I do talk to my friends sometimes about a fight I had with my boyfriend. we girls like to share. but one thing is for sure..i will never listen crap about him from them. they are allowed to give me their advise on how to deal with it but nothing more than that. its a shame she has no problems with her friends talking about you like you are a horrible person.

    do you think she is exaggerating about their attitude towards u? its quite likely. people tend to lie and exaggerate a lot. may be she wants you to feel guilty about something. who knows. if I was in your place I would have given a good piece of my mind to my boyfriend for not standing up for me if his friends said garbage about me.

  • If you want to make it work, you might have to talk to her friends & work it out.

  • when the friends bitchin your girl gonna start ditchin

  • Honestly, I've been in a situation like that before & all I can say is get the f*** out of it while you still have a chance. My boyfriend's friends don't like me either (which is funny because I haven't done anything wrong) & it's a nightmare. Especially if she values her friends opinion over yours. I mean, you can stay with her but it's gonna be a rocky road. Maybe once you do finally meet them, they'll see that you're not such an a**hole :)

  • It's been quite a few since you posted but this but how did things go? I'm in a similar situation...

  • a friend of mine has started dating a guy recently and from what we heard, the rest of her friends and I kind of hated him... :P. BUT when we met him he was really nice and now we're OK with it :P. still a bit iffy but it helped a lot to meet him. You have to meet her friends anyway and the sooner you do, the better it will be. I'd say be yourself but its such a cliche, plus I don't know you, but I do know, if you're polite, and friendly and confident, you should be OK :). maybe ask you're girlfriend more about them before you meet them so you can try and get along with them better? and if they do already dislike you, don't get mad, and maybe pretend you don't notice :P. don't let it get to you and be patient, you'll be ok! haha

  • sounds like all of you need to sit down to brunch and talk this out

  • just tell her not to tell you in the future what her friends have said about u... that you so don't care about their opinion. you are in that relationship for your girlfriend not for her friends. let her know and understand that. that you are not willing to sit and feel bad about what they talk about u. but you willing to sit and feel bad about what she (ur gf) exclusively feels about u. the end

  • they heard about whatever you did or said to her and are just being good friends.. you can't blame them

  • My friends are the same way...Everything I tell them that's bad turns into him being a horrible person and I can do better blahblah, I started keeping a lot of the bad to myself...After all it is OUR relationship, not theirs

    • I feel the same way .I haven't even told anyone about my problems that we have had besides one time when I thought she was about to break up with me. I leave our problems to ourselves not anyone else. but she has grown fond of not telling me what's going on and telling her friends and stuff.

    • Ya he got really mad at me and we had a fight because I wouldn't let him in and tell him what was wrong and "broke up" with me...I don't think he meant it 'cuz we made up like 2 days later, but I had to learn to just tell him...I used to just give him the silent treatment for a couple days, so I've come a long way, but after all the negativity from my friends I had to stop telling them stuff, it had really bad effects on the relationship :/

  • The problem might be what your girlfriends telling them. I instantly try protecting my friends no matter if it's from a boyfriend, another girl, etc...it's just a loyalty thing for me. That being said, if a girl starts telling me that her boyfriend did this or that (she's prob. also not telling them the positives since she expects them whereas she doesn't expect the negatives) I will instantly tell her to break up with the guy or he isn't worth it, etc. I would deff. meet them so it clears the air between everyone...consider it like meeting the parents or family, your going to have to do it sometime. Just know that some girls will always try protecting their friend from getting hurt and if she's telling them only one side of the story then that's prob. how they're going to always react.

    On a side note, I totally agree with the person who commented that a guy who give a girl up instantly if his friends didn't like her.

    • agreeed x 10000000000

    • Completely agree with this, because you don't know she may just tell her friends any issues you guys have. Not intentionally or anything, but its just a thing we girls do, we ask our friends for help with problems we have no matter what it's about, we hope that if what we hear from people we trust and we know care about us, such as friends, is the same as what we are thinking ourselves, it is more reassuring.So meet her friends to show her your not necessarily the kind of guy they picture you as

What Guys Said 8

  • Well if she is your girlfriend and these are her close friends, it seems like a problem if you are unable to even be in their presence. They may have said these things about you and it may be incorrect or unfair of them. But why not be the bigger person and meet them and let them see how you really are? I know it is tough and probably an insecure feeling being around people who have judged you that way and who have influence on your girlfriend. And I'm not saying you can necessarily change their mind or the situation. But why not try? Maybe once they meet you, if you treat them with respect and show them you are a good person, they will change their opinion. And if they don't, then you will know you did your best and you will get some good practice in how to maintain your poise around people who may unfairly judge you (which sadly happens in this world a lot). Also, perhaps your girlfriend will see you in a new light if you have the courage to meet her friends and treat them with respect in front of her, even and especially if they aren't returning the favor. You will look like the adult in the situation and maybe in the future when they talk about you she will remember what she saw and compare it to what she is hearing.

    In the end, if you do this and your girlfriend still breaks up with you, you will know she simply failed the test of being open and honest with you. If she is someone whose friends can talk her out of being wtih you without any good reason and who allows that, it says a lot about her character and you will know she wasn't a very emotionally safe person to be with.

    I say go meet the friends and be a brave and good guy and do your best with it and see what happens.

    • I want to try but its just I don't know it annoys the hell out of me, and we are going through a bit in our relationship and I'm just used to always getting thrown away by my girlfriends, I feel like they are going to push her to doing that to me. I hate the feeling.

    • It definitely is an annoying thing. And it is just a sad truth about our world. There are petty people who lie and mislead and say things about people they don't even know. There is no way to avoid it totally. The only thing you can do is respond to it with dignity and be the bigger person. Practice that here. If your girlfriend doesn't want the bigger person, then you will have to hold out for someone who appreciates that.

  • You have to be the bigger man and brush off the criticism they throw your way. This is exactly how they want you to feel. Spiteful friends are one of the most irritating things a guy can deal with when dating a girl, and for the most part, they really aren't concerned about protecting the her. It's some personal grudge or internal jealousy that spurs them to be so invasive.

    When you show concern, you are giving them power. Be a gentleman, and treat them respectfully. Show confidence in your relationship. If they continue to berate you, then it won't be long before your girlfriend realizes how full of crap they are.

    • If she prefers the petty chattering of her friends to someone real and respectful and dignified, then she wasn't mature enough for you anyway. But at least give her and her friends the chance to prove which one is true? Maybe they will pleasantly surprise you.

    • Show All
    • Friends DON'T like the guy**

      first comment section I left second line.

    • I completely disagree with what ltmcneill just said. QA, this is good advice just hang in there. Stop worrying about what her friends think. If you're an honest man, that makes them liars.

  • If they don't know you, then they're unfairly judging you. If your girlfriend is this great gal, is she going to believe two girls who make things up about you with limited experience with you?

    You're not helpless unless you do nothing to try to remedy the situation. Being passive and allowing these friends to not get to know you would be the recipe for disaster. Do not be afraid of them. They're just girls with their own problems, projecting them onto your girlfriend so that she is as angry or sad as they are.

    Try to organize something for the four of you. Perhaps take them all out to dinner one night for a meet and greet. :D

    Be that honorable positive person in this situation. If you truly want it to work out with your girlfriend, this will be the smallest of your issues. Friends and family are important to us all, and if you can't be friends with her friends, your romance will end ... badly. Would you give up your friends for her? I don't think you would, and neither would she.

    You'll get through knowing them with awesome results because their critiques will prove false once they get to know you. Much success to you, sir!

  • You are either paranoid, her friends are a**holes, she’s settling, or a mix or all three? Ok, ask her ever so calmly if her friends talk badly about you behind your back. If she responds positively, comfortably, and with candor then put your lame insecurity out of your head. However, if she responds hesitantly then she may be hiding something. This is not necessarily bad. She may be just trying to protect your feelings from her friends opinions. Don’t get defensive or even emotional at all. If you do then she will get defensive too and you’ll be done with the discussion and maybe on to the argument. Press her a bit, not too hard, show her you can handle the truth without flipping out. Now then, if her friends do think poorly of you then they are a**holes and something has to give. You decide what that is. Next ask her if she agrees with them. Again, watch for a hesitation or a break in her baseline behavior. Man, if indeed she thinks you aren’t good enough then she’s not worth your heart. So, if you are a normal guy, you know the kind that doesn’t swivel girls heads when you walk into a room? Then do what she is doing and enjoy, your relations, with her without emotion and realize that you can start prospecting for something better, since that is what she is doing. Oh ya, go dutch when you go out. OR, you could take the high road and be open about all this to her. Anyway, reread my first sentence and let us know what you find.

  • As stated in my comments under mrscti. I personally feel that your friends should ever decide whether or not you date someone. In my mind I would be thinking. Okay, I thought I was dating you, not your friends... But the problem that lies is that women don't think like this. They will stick by their friends side, and will break up with a guy off of baseless accusations. You hear the term bros vs hoes. Now this can be true, where guys will leave their girl because their guys don't like her. Not trying to agree with any reason, but for the most part, the reasons are severe, like she has another guy, or saw her all up with another guy the other day. Now sometimes girls have a good reason to tell their friend not to date a guy, like he's a manwhore, and sleeps with every girl. Now even these, shouldn't be deal breakers. Just reasons to think about before making your decision for yourself. But from what I have seen, a lot of the times, a girl will break up with a guy because their friends just don't like the guy. Maybe the guy and her friends personalities just don't click so they just can't get along. Now that is an extremely weak reason to break up with a guy, when it comes to because your friend doesn't like him. There should be solid proof, and a very good reason for a friend to say no you shouldn't date this person. Not simply just because they don't like them for their own personal reasons. Now that is just selfish and immature.

    Now, I am not saying all girls, hell not even most girls. Just most girls that I have met personally. If their friend doesn't like you, for petty reasons. They will break up with you. Stupid I know, but it's the sad bitter truth. What you should do is be nice, and thoughtful of her friends as well. Listen to them, and for the most part agree with what they say. If you get into arguments with her friends over silly things then they will start to not like you and then it will just be a bumpy road from there on. So until you know her friends better than she knows her friends. Just agree with them. Now don't just agree with her friends none stop, you can still have a backbone, but when you do disagree, don't make it a big deal. Just state your opinion and leave it as that. Respect her friends, they will respect you, regardless if they like you or not. And if they respect you then they will, for the most part, not tell your girl to break up with you. Show her and her friends that you care for her and will walk the extra mile, on your hands, over glass for the girl. Just got to suck it up right now, and meet them. For all we know, you might actually get along with these girls. Well I just wrote my first book, hope you had fun reading it haha. ANd best of luck to you man.

  • Wait, do you and her hang a lot? Do you talk over the phone or just meet up? This plays a role.

  • first remove fear of losing her from your mind, still if you do so, you will lose her.

    second, remove the doubt that her friends are infiltering her with bad ideas about her. if they are doing so and if you keep this thought in your mind this will mess it further.

    Be positive.

    meet her friends, be friendly with them as this is eventually the key to your successful relationship.

  • well I think its doom to be honest, fill your life with option for women. I'm currently having a situation with this chick that likes me but she hangs with this a**hole that given me a hard time in the past. I don't really care much for her now, I hang with girls that I don't have any conflict elements with them. makes life easier. just my take on life man. hope this helps.