Why does my mom always expect so much out of me?

I am the oldest, 22 ,of 2 younger siblings in HS.

My parents are Asian and were really strict about me doing well in HS. They made me go to tutoring every weekend and on top of that I had tons of extracurricular activities. Even though I felt like breaking apart from all the pressure, I still survived HS and maintained a GPA over a 3.6 until I graduated from HS and got into NYU. My mom was really strict and I got into trouble a lot of times for little things during my HS years and I was basically a nerdy little HS girl with little to no self esteem and it was TORTURE (I had few friends and didn't fit in with most of the kids). I think I sort of broke apart after I got into college and missed some of my lectures and did not do so well on my exams. I was academically dismissed from University and went to the school psychologist who diagnosed me with Depression and body image issues. Shortly after the story, my parents seemed to understand after holding in their immense anger. I told them that I wasn't capable of going to a top tier college and said that I wanted to take some time off and go to community college and think about what direction I wanted to take in my life.

I am almost close to graduating, but I have noticed that my mom is (understandably) treating me worse at home. She reminds me everyday how much money she and dad spent on my education and the lack of results on my part and resorts to yelling and sometimes hitting when I do something small wrong (like forgetting a chore). I have told her and she probably gets that I don't have a lot of potential or strength to graduate from an ivy league and get a master's degree on top of that, but my mom constantly bothers me about applying to some top 30 colleges, after my experiences with failing colleges and telling her that I believe I don't have the academic potential to succeed in a reputable college. I am thinking about still going to a college, but not a rigorous college (state colleges).

I don't get why she still pushes me to get into a good college after my failing NYU and showing her that I am not capable. My brother meanwhile, who is in HS gets Bs and sometimes Cs and my parents don't pressure him to do as well as me. My brother is a mess and talks back to my mom but all he gets is yelling, while I was slapped numerous times when I was in HS for really trivial things. I don't get why my parents don't give up on me and push my other siblings to do as well as me, since they haven't screwed up, yet? My sister and brother is not even 1/3 the dedicated student as I was in HS, and they are let by easily. It's just not fair. Is it just because I am their first child?

Why after all the failures I've been through, do they still pressure me about getting into a good college? Is a good college education really worth it? Maybe if I had other talents like being a great social leader or being incredibly beautiful, they wouldn't be pushing me this hard to get into college? :/


Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow you are definitely in a dilemma. I think the reason why your parents are very strict on you academically is because you're the oldest child (meaning the first) and they really want you to set a great example and be a role model to your younger siblings. They believe that if you can become excellent and succeed in the real corporate world then that your younger siblings can succeed as well. I understand that being a potential reason as why they are very strict on you and push you to be very great in all you do. Another reason why they do this is because they want you to take care of them when they get much older to the point where they can't take care of themselves, let alone your younger siblings. Now for the personal advice part.

    I personally think that you can do very well at any college you choose to attend, whether that college is a top-tier university or a great community college. I think that you have to be more confident in yourself as an individual. Also, you have to remember that you're going to college to benefit and advance yourself. You're not going to college to help make your parents better or your siblings better. They have to do that for themselves. Also, do want makes you happy no matter how much money you make from it. Every person has some talents or interests that they enjoy or are good at and that is what you should consider looking into as a future career. Just remember that the only person you need to make proud is yourself because you yourself are your own harshest critic and only you yourself can label yourself as inferior or as a failure.

    I hope that my advice can help you out somehow or someway, I hope it can give you some peace of mind, I hope that you find great happiness and success in whatever you do, and I hope you think of yourself as a success because I think you are. Good luck, sorry for the long response, and keep me posted on your progress! :)