Should it bother me that my friend had sex with my boyfriend years ago?

Question

About 8 years ago I told my best friend I had a huge crush on this guy we were friends with and was going to lose my virginity to him. So she immediately went behind my back and had sex with him. I found out and acted like I didn't care so she wouldn't be interested in him anymore. It worked and we started dating about a year later and have been together ever since. I quit hanging out with my friend shortly after for an unrelated reason until recently and now she is always inquiring about my boyfriend. He usually ignores her and really has no interest in making conversation and it seems to bother her since she always asks "Does he not like me? We used to be friends." I don't see why she cares. It's starting to really bother me because she acts really nervous around him and it makes me think she still likes him or just wants his attention. Should I be alarmed? Should I even be friends with her because she slept with him years ago?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

This is anonymous because I will admit I am ashamed of this. I did sleep with my best friend's boyfriend before they got together. I regret it and she knows. Its been years but I didn't think she would ever fully forgiven me, that was until I talked to her about it. I totally understand why she held back as much as she could. After I had explained the whole situation to her and she saw how much I truly meant what I had said to her, she started opening up again. As for him and I, we are friends but from a distance.

My friend explained to me that she would have loved nothing more than to forget about me and just do her thing with her boyfriend. But she didn't. When I asked her why? She said "I don't know anyone else who would confront things straight on. You did. As much as it did hurt, it tests a friendship." And it is in fact true. What I did was wrong, no doubt about that. But I was totally honest and I didn't purse her boyfriend. Do I get nervous around him? No, but it does tend to get awkward. If she was someone else she wouldn't;t have given me a second chance. But like I said because she saw how remorseful I was, she took me back. I do agree things will never be the same but I think its made us better friends.

Now the question you have to ask yourself is do you think she really regrets it? Is she a great friend you can't live without? You stated that you guys stopped talking for an unrelated reason, and she still asks of him and his views towards her. Personally, maybe you should be alarmed cause I don't think she cares about anyone else but herself. Instead of asking you whether "he likes her" she should be asking " Do YOU still like ME? After everything I did." From someone who has hurt a best friend, I could care less about him, I'm more concerned about the friend that was harmed.

missstacey14356 · Accepted Answer

OF COURSE BE ALARMED ...That's not a true friend you need to kick her ass to the curb...i use to have a friend just like her...this gurl always tryed to sabatosh my relationship with the guy I liked just because she could never get any of the guys I did or any guy for that matter lol all she wanted was attention but anyways only reason why she did that was because she was jellooooousssss! And your so called friend is exacally that! For goodness sake she had sex with him years ago when you liked him and then when you actted like nothing bothered you she just let it go! she was never your friend to have done that to you in the first place! and I hope not but if she ever had the chance to do it again she would! so0o you need to drop her ass ASAP!=]

BabyDuckling · Accepted Answer

does she know that he is currently your boyfriend? if no, let her know! if she does, then you need to put her in check...in a subtle manner of course. be like, hey your a great friend and all but the issue between you and my current boyfriend was EIGHT years ago, he is with me now and you need to stop acting foolish around him because not only does he not appreciate it, but you are disrespecting my relationship by doing so. also if she gets in your face about it, tell her that she slept with him 8 years ago because you had mentioned that you had a crush on him and all that stuff. stand up for yourself. don't let a loosely moralized girl get in the way of anything.

type102 · Accepted Answer

You already know the solution to this problem, and it's a very simple solution - Ménage à trois. You'll get the idea that she better then you in the sack out of your mind, she'll sleep with him one more time and remember that it wasn't really that good (for her) and he'll get a two woman threesome - it's a win-win-win situation.

For this to work you can't just ask him if he want's it to happen, no that would be a bad idea - because no matter what he says it will make him look bad in your eyes. Sure he'll say no, he might even mean it, but you'll know deep inside you that he is lying and that pain will lead the the end of your beautiful relationship. Do you really want to see it end like that? Because he can't his pure love for you with another person?

No you don't.

You have to be the one to jump on the love grenade, not just for your relationship but also for your own mental sanity. If there is one thing that no one can live through, it's the doubt of not knowing what could have happened. Have you ever heard of Archduke Ferdinand? He loved Jousting, when he was thirteen he broke two ribs because he loved doing it so much. And he pursued it with an undying passion, until his death. (sadly he was later shot down in a incident that everyone recognizes as the spark that started world war I)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm sorry to say... but why did you get in the middle of all this?  when you found out that your friend slept with the guy that your interested in ... why didn't you seek for an another person... there are millions of nice guys that are out there for you... I guess my question is how do you trust him?  If he is willing to sleep with your friend and you... woww... I would rather be more worried about him then your friend.  I guess it could be like a time bomb that is waiting to go off.  Yet it's blinded by the fact that you have what you already want.

Inkweaver2 · Answer

Some people are saying that you shouldn't have gotten together with the guy. I can see their point of view, but I really don't blame him for this. Ever heard that a guy has two heads, but only enough for one at a time? That wouldn't have been nearly enough of an excuse if you two had been dating, but you weren't, so he really didn't do anything wrong. (maybe morally, but not against you)

You friend on the other hand did. I don't think she is a real friend at all, and you should really try to distance yourself from her. Not saying your boyfriend would do anything with her again (now that he has you) but you still don't want her trying anything. Besides, she just doesn't sound like the kind of person someone wants to be friends with. I really don't even see why you're friends with her.

regular-guy · Answer

Some girls want to be the wanted one. My wife had a friend like that. She couldn't resist being the one the guys were going after so she would really flirt it up with guys her friends were interested in or even dating. Because of that my wife didn't introduce until well into our engagement.

Watch out for that girl. IMO, she is a relationship breaker just to soothe her own ego. She wants the guys to like her best and probably gets a secret kick out of knowing they are attracted to her even if they are taken.

Megs77 · Answer

I would say that you friend.. Isn't a "true friend". She obviously still likes him.. And is upset that the feeling isn't mutual. The fact that she slept with him, and is acting like he still is important says she would sleep with him again. She isn't trustworthy, I would avoid seeing her. If I were you, I would just tell her how you feel. It will make her feel uncomfortable and she will know she can't just walk all over you. Tell her how you liked him and she slept with him, and that it's very odd for her to be acting this way. If you make her sound stupid, she won't treat you like your stupid.

dave216 · Answer

8 years ago, 17-21. Those were two kids playing. You can't really consider what happened that long ago to people so young, too be important today. The past is past. Focus on the here and now. Ever hear of forgive and forget? In this instance, that sounds like a good plan.

Blake26 · Answer

She obviously realizes that she has nothing going for her. She knows that your friendship with her or past friendship is already a lost cause. It just sounds like she is trying to get at you, hoping she can cause you to be upset. She's trying to bring you down with her in all of this because she knows that she has already lost. The fact that she is still inquiring about it and being nosy eight years later is a red flag going up. That's a pretty pathetic friend you had, don't be friends with her.

MaxPrime · Answer

First of all yes she still likes him and further more now that she knows that you guys are dating she wants that attention.  She is NOT a good friend and you should simply ignore her.  Don't PLEASE don't be the over-reactive bitch to her about anything involving your boyfriend, this will only make her want to interfere even more.  Why are you all 3 hanging out together anyway?  The good thing is that your boyfriend isn't the problem. That's the best part.

Happy · Answer

haha this type og girl you still want to be friends? OMG if me I will delet her and will never EVER see her again trust me or when you are married she will still keep bothring you and make ur relationship with ur husband worse! she is a girl that want to win you and try to make you feel jelous, I pity her cause she have nothing better to do other than playing with other people bf.

i think she is a bit insane in her mind you should as her to go to crazy people hospital yes! haha

ashley90 · Answer

Well if he isn't interested, I wouldn't be alarmed. I would say to forget about what happened in the past and be friends again, but the way she seems to be coming on to him again makes me think that can't happen. So I don't think you should be friends with her, you deserve someone who cares about your feelings more.

Coeur7835 · Answer

I have had a similar best friend... my situation was bad though.. because the guy ended up liking my friend instead of me :-( It really broke my heart... So my advice is to definitely ditch her. Trust me... a friend who goes sleeping with a guy right after you tell her that you liked him... that's complete backstabbing. Live your life... and be happy with the guy who is with you( AS LONG AS HE IS TREATING YOU RIGHT AND CARES FOR YOU!). Trust me, there are girls out there (like myself) who would never do that to a friend. Look to those friends who would never try to break your heart and are fun to be with... and also those people who lift you up with them! :-) Life is too short to spend time with bitchy and ego- righteous girls who don't care about anybody but themselves. Its a shame for them... but never let it be a shame for you ;-) You deserve happiness with your  life and your man ;-)

tabbygirl01 · Answer

It seems to me this situation is headed nowhere but for trouble. Your "friend" is not being true to you it seems, I mean she's apparently going after your boyfriend, whether she has feelings for him or not..she should realize that you both need your space and to leave you both alone. However, if she continues to practially beg for his attention, maybe you should talk to her about it..some of the worst things can be solved by talking them over.

Lovely-Eyes · Answer

Well, it isn't the typical, "I'm sorry I had sex with your boyfriend" act at all.  Not only did she have sex with him, but even after the fact, she still longs for his attention while you are going out with him which is really not right. You should be alarmed, but only on her part, because the good thing is, your boyfriend isn't giving in to her ways.  I don't think she is really being a friend to you if she is acting this way.

993099142 · Answer

I think you should dump her as a friend. It's pretty obvious she is not someone you want to be around. Tell your boyfriend you want him to ignore her... and then cut her out of your life. It doesn't matter how long ago it happened, the point is, it still bothers you... do what makes you feel good. Friend's like that do not matter.

xtine21 · Answer

shes clearly an attention seeking person,that's for certain. which should make you weary... as who's to say she's changed. if someone can do that to there friend out of spite,then who knows what else she can do. I'm not saying don't be friends with her,rather just keep ur distance and don't become to close to quickly. have boundaries for people like that.

Anonymous · Answer

Hell no! Don't be friends with her!

And yes, you most DEFINITELY should be concerned!

A true friend would have backed up when you told her you liked him; at the very least, she wouldn't have run off and slept with the guy!

That seems very whorish to me. Don't take her back into your life. She's probably trying to steal him again.

What a homewrecker!

Tell her to hit the road.

Just my opinion. I'm off my soapbox now.

argentina · Answer

BUT what IF that bitch is your own real sister? like my situation? what should I do?

She is not a friend I can just disconnect to.

I think I have worse case here. :(

I tried to be nice to my sister but she was always been like that since when we were young.so it was been over 10years.! :O

Anonymous · Answer

she just wants his attention

i wouldn't be friends with her because that is just plan evil but I guess it depends on the circumstances. nobody can tell you that it should or it shouldnt bother you because you're the one who really knows what happened and how you truly feel about it. if you trust her, go for it. maybe you could tell her that you can be friends again but if she screws up, that's it.

rosc074 · Answer

I agree with good looking geek, kick her no good of a friends ass to the curb! she has absolutely no respect for you or your friendship. I have had "friends" like this b4 and they are worthless backstabbers and its all these people will ever be.

theana · Answer

do not be friends with her tell her you are over and that she is never to come around you and your boyfriend ever again and what happened in the past stays in the past and that you will never be friends with her again

epiphanysluvsu · Answer

It was wrong of her to do,and you had a right to be mad but that was such a long time ago that you should try to forget about it! I don't think that should be the primary reason for you two to not be friends anymore

zazzy · Answer

i don't like that kind of girl, don't ever trust her again, she will gonna try to steal your man. trust your instinct.. be alert... don't let them near to each other...guy is very weak... so be wise...

Should it bother me that my friend had sex with my boyfriend years ago?

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