Why does my husband call me such vile names?
I have been married for 10 years and he has always done it but I thought when the kids got old enough to hear that he would stop. Why does he hate me? We have normal disagreements but I don't get the name calling. I hate divorce but I am startingt o hate myspelf for accepting this especially since I have already told him I can't take it anymore
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
One of the most devastating effects of living with a verbal abuser is the change in self-esteem. As women begin to internalize the criticism and believe it's valid, self-image sinks lower and lower. They start feeling worthless, incompetent, unlovable. After all, when someone who knows them so well thinks they are so worthless and unlovable, then "it must be true."
Sticks and stones ... and that saying of old keeps many women in place until verbal abuse has destroyed self-esteem, making leaving even harder. They even start thinking that if this man loves them, they should hold on to him.
If you are in a verbally abusive relationship, start by acknowledging the abuse. This is not an easy thing to do, especially as your self-esteem is weakened. Outside help may be necessary because family, friends, and relatives are often under the spell of your "charmer" and don't offer belief or support. They think you are crazy not to marry this man.
Make plans to create a better environment for yourself. Don't stay too long, though, because every time your self-esteem sinks further, you lessen your chances of actually leaving.
Remember, verbal abuse escalates. Verbal abuse can and sometimes does, turn physical.
What Guys Said 2
Divorce him.Seriously,I can't stand guys who do that.You have children.I'm not married,but I have a girlfriend,and when we do get married,and even now,I would never say such a thing.I respect women and was raised better than that.No man,especially your husband should put you down or make you sad.You shouldn't accept this.You deserve respect,love and good treatment.I treat my girlfriend like a queen,i never put her down,i make her happy,make her smile and try to take away any pain she has.If I knew him I would kick his as* for you,especially since he is doing this in front of your children.He is an abuser.Leave him for your sake and your childrens sake
Unfortunately something is sick inside of him. He is an abuser and can't help but externalize the internal issues. He has to place the blame on others or make them feel bad so he doesn't feel like it is his problem. If he is unwilling to enter counselling I don't think there will be any change if he has gone this long without trying to change.
While he may not be physically abusive, he is abusing or battering you psychologically, and even if he does not want any professional help, you yourself should seek some help because this kind of behavior wounds and leaves scars that need to be addressed. I do not wish to make a presumptive diagnosis, but you are likely suffering the effects of battered wife syndrome. Your children should also receive counselling because he has been modelling this behavior to them and kids naturally mimic what they see and it affects the way they will behave towards you and others they are close to in the future (like future spouses). This is also causing pain for them, even if they don't recognize it or tell you about it.
What Girls Said 2
he won't change unless he wants to. you cannot change him no matter how hurt he sees that you are by this. do you really want your children to grow up and take examples from him and do this to there partners... if you don't get a divorce for you... then do it for your children they don;t get to decide what environment they are brought into and it is not fair for them. He is emotionally and mentally abusing you... who's to say he will not do this to your children... please please please... do not put up with this... no one deserves this... not you not your children... please leave him.
People who are abusive don't change unless they, themselves decide to get help. First let me start by saying that divorce would be best for not only your, but your children as well. If you have girls do you want them growing up thinking it is okay for a man to speak to them like your husband speaks to you? If you have boys do you want them growing up speaking to women the way your husband speaks to you? NO, you don't! Therefore, you have to break the cycle of violence. Leave. Maybe he will miss you and go get help, and maybe he won't. Either way don't wait around to find out. This isn't just you it is affecting it is your children. I am sure he verbally abuses them as well which is even worse. Please get out while you have the chance before the abuse turns from verbal to physical, because that is the next step!