Why do guys dread the friend zone?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

This was interesting to me because if you like a girl, you want to get close to her correct?

I'm not sure if I'm the only girl - and I don't think I am -

But I friend zone every guy on purpose.

Why?

As a female, I can specify the traits in my male friends, their likes, dislkes - what makes them feel good / bad - what their family life is like - how they treat others - what their goals in life are - do we get along really well - is there legit chemistry for even thinking about a romantic relationship - does he have a girlfriend - is he just interested in sex - does he really know me for who I am - can I learn from him - can he learn from me - do we have a good connection - similar beliefs - the list goes on and on.

Men dread the friend zone...but it's there for a reason...

Being put in it - doesn't automatically mean your not an option 100% of the time.

I constantly hear over and over on here, with friends, hell personal experience - about girls falling for one of our guy friends.

Hmm...interesting no?

So I dont' think guys should give up hope completely if you happen to be put there.

Updates

+1 y

lol shouldn't give up hope completely :P *


Sometimes a guy is friended without romantic interest - but other times he's befriended simply due to her interest in him...

Updates

+1 y

So I've realized there are two parts to this friend zone thing.


When I originally thought friend zone - I was thinking of the scenario in which a guy has a crush, and just happens to become friends with that crush. There's no asking out or rejection - just a mutual friendship is established - I say that's more positive because it allows the two of you to get to know more about each other before taking a romantic leap.


The other friend zone was when the guy gets rejected

Updates

+1 y

and the girl still wants to be friends with him. It's not terrible to be friends with her - but I'm sure it causes some hurt to the guy - so I can see why guys would hate that part of it - or when the girl starts emotionally using him as some guys have said below.


Yea - bad noodles there.


So I was referring to the first circumstance which happens just as often; girl / guy starts talking to each other - too shy to express deeper interest, just become friends - things develop later maybe...

[WaleedHassanien]

Dear QA,

Here is my point of view, I learned through painful experience to never judge people based on anything other than their actions...and therefor if I liked a girl, first I watch her from a distance...to see how she reacts to other people, like her friends -not stalking guys...settle down- and then I either flirt with her in a way that is funny and cute yet will preserve mutual respect if she is not interested.

If matters went well then it is good, if it didn't and usually they would like to keep contact but as a "friend zone"...which is fine for me...the reason is that I learned a lot about girls from having many girls as friends...and friends are more valuable than treasures...

I am not a nice guy as I may I seem...but I just learned the game of "3 masks" ( where you have a diplomatic mask you wear during work, social events and a special one for your friends:))...I just went through many rough experiences that required me to say not ever again to save the little left of my sanity :).

Where was I...uh :D...there are many guys that would like to start as friend first and build the passion from then which would be faaar more strong...the trick would be that you express that this friend zone is not limiting the possibility for anything more...that way if their intention is what we all know then they usually get bored fast -know what I mean?-...good luck.

Yours,

W H

[WaleedHassanien]

although this is an interesting discussion-I mean it- yet I discovered why I hate drama movies and shows =D.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

You get my perspective ^^

Some of the guys who comment make it seem like once a guy is friends with a girl, he suddenly only has to focus on trying to be with her...er no lol - sometimes that passion building into something does happen - sometimes it doesn't -

But just because it doesn't doesn't mean he's not free to go after other girls.

[TheDigitalSaint]

WH,

As long as you aren't banking all your money on a single female friend, you'll be fine. The masks theory does have merit. Good point.

Sweet,

Passion builds much slower for women than it does for men. We lust after you first, then we may come to love you. With women, you love/like a person first and then may learn to lust after a man. Don't make the mistake of thinking that our timelines are in sync, when they are often not.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

@ Digital Dude

Lol I know - I wasn't saying they do. All I was stating in this question - that it's possible for a female friend to develop feelings for you later on. That's it. So don't look at the friend zone like a death sentence - it's really not.

I'm not 100% saying she'll fall for you - hell or you'll even fall for her - it's a possibility tis all.

If it doesn't happen - your still perfectly free to live your life and pursue other women.

[Kain6th]

If he's still attracted to you its not going to work. the friendship is one sided

[TheDigitalSaint]

The friend zone isn't a death setence, but many men waste years of their lives hoping a girl will come around. It just isn't a good strategy for finding love for most men. You have to date a lot of women to know what you really want in the end. If you spend the majority of your time around a single woman, you don't have an fuller idea as to what is out there to make you happy. Once again, female friends are go okay, but you need to find other women to be balanced.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

How's it one sided? Just because he thinks I'm cute?

I'm not going to go running to him for every little whim and need, using him, manipulating him and keeping him around. The guy I helped get a girlfriend was still attracted to me, but we established it wouldn't work - and he fell for another girl.

I'm not the only pretty face he'll see and get to know - so after that point, it's a friend's duty to help one in need - so I found him someone to be with.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

' you need to find other women to be balanced "

YES lol - as I said, the girl / guy friendships I have and observe throughout campus operate on that rule. It's a friendship - not a marriage. The men are free to go about dating and doing whatev.

My guy buds talk about their kids ( if they have them,) how their relationships are going, ask us why women do this or that sometiems lol, ask us about what to say and help them dress up all good for dates and sh*t -

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

My guy buds open up a new perspective to me for simply being male / likewise, women offer a perspective to guys simply for being female. It's a very interesting and legit friendship.

Not every guy falls for his chick friends - sometimes we just compliment the other.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Good for you for helping him out with the romantic matters. That's what a true female friend does for all her male friends, no matter what.

[Kain6th]

Read my answer to poetic. Sweetness I am not strong OK. I cannot be friends with a woman I'm attracted to. It's not going to happen. end of story

[TheDigitalSaint]

Having female friends is helpful for understanding women, no doubt. There's no experience like direct combat with the enemy. ;-)

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

@ Kain6th

Yea I know - hey it doesn't work out for some guys - totally get that, and you have a right to not establish a friendship if it hurts you too much in the end.

One's way of life is not neccessarily another's.

@ Digital

LOL damn you figured out the truth to these :p...

[TheDigitalSaint]

My razor-like logic and instinctive powers as to the way the female brain operates are no match for your semi-revealing answers that don't get to the heart of the issue. Woman, put down your gun now and the terms of your surrender will be just and merciful.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

@ Digital

You do have a briliant mind - and those instincts are more sharp than your logic ^^

Saw righ thtrough that didn't you?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Be wary when you tell a woman to stand down;

The gun may be on the floor - but the knife will be in your back...

;)

[WaleedHassanien]

WOOOOOW...you guys raped my answer =D not that I am complaining, I really like the discussion...I just wonder...because I have a double personalities...one of them believe that there are feelings and there is hoe for realizing my dream...and another one skeptic because it understand that feelings are just pure neuro chimerical reactions...and I am tired of both of them :D

[WaleedHassanien]

*hope

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

LOL @ rape XD

As far as we know hope an all that jazz are just chemicals - but who cares - wouldn't hurt to go after your dreams :)

[WaleedHassanien]

yeah...well the bad news is...there is a reason why it is called dreams...because a beautiful house in a new built city while living with a golden heart young lady is actually partially not possible...since relationship isn't that nice like in movies...yet I am after realizing the house and new city dreams...as for the lady?...lets just say that I will keep it as a dream to enjoy every night while sleeping.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Oh yea - I'm not clinging to the hopes of finding that amazing guy - won't happen for some time I'm sure - but it's not impossible

[WaleedHassanien]

link the house I am intending to build -God willing- in a new city that we shall call "Paradise city" in the north western desert of Egypt.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

OMG IT"S BEAUTIFUL :O

I love modern style homes like that :D good luck with building ^^

[TheDigitalSaint]

Sweety,

Here's the deal:

What you're doing is using men emotionally, whether you realize it or not.

Stop thinking like a girl for a minute.

Lets say I liked you and you friend-zoned me. I'm either annoyed or disappointed or both.

I could choose to spend another couple of months or years listening to all your problems with the guys you ARE DATING, while still holding out false hope that I have a chance, even though you probably have eight to ten other male orbiters that are in the same boat I am. My odds are miserable and even if you are a decent person, you simply aren't worth my time as a love interest.

In the time I could spend with you and be your emotional crutch that you are using me for, I could have dated countless other girls and perhaps have found a decent one or two. At a dating strategy, it awful to friend zone guys first and hope to make them romantic interests later. You'll only get a bunch of guys that simply probably aren't very good with women in the first place, otherwise they wouldn't be spending so much time with you, but rather dating or their new girlfriends.

For your sake, I really hope you reconsider your plan, as it is highly counterproductive and disrespectful of a man's time and emotions.

[PoeticNinja]

Hmm, good point. - I have guys who still stick around knowing they're in the friend zone.. They seem okay with it.

So basically, you're saying no girl is worth waiting around for.. Yes?

[Kain6th]

"So basically, you're saying no girl is worth waiting around for.. "

Yup pretty much

[TheDigitalSaint]

Guys that spend a lot of time with a girl that has friend-zoned them generally aren't very good with women. Men that are good with women want a girlfriend. You aren't a girlfriend. You are a substitute. Do you think your male friends are going to tell you how rejected they feel? I'd be willing to wager money their love lives aren't very fulfilling. They rather be with you than be completely ignored by women, but the money I'd be willing to bet is that none of your male friends are Don Juan's.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Waiting around for a woman is a very, very bad idea. She controls all the cards, gets to use you as an emotional pillow and never offers her heart to you UNLESS IT IS ON HER TERMS. You know what kind of man that is? A doormat. That's why you weren't attracted to him in the first place.

[WaleedHassanien]

"Guys that spend a lot of time with a girl that has friend-zoned them generally aren't very good with women. " @ answerer (I liked your answer partially) but WTF?...are you serious?...dude you need to rethink your attitude toward people in general not only girls.

and @ Kain :D hell yeah...amen bro... =D...

[PoeticNinja]

If I was telling him all that then he has trust, integrity, active listening.. All check marks in my book.

A relationship is base off friendship. Someone of value, someone whom you enjoy your time with, and someone that you want to get to know. Guys have put me in the friend zone too, it never really bothered me any.. - I'm not asking them to tell me how rejected they feel.. Of course, rejection by itself already hurts.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Your response would make sense if I was just befriending guys for the sake of a love interest. I don't use my guy friends as crutches - that's what my girl friends are for - I just like having guys around whether they like me or not. All my guy friends have dated other women - even the one who ended up crushing on me had a girlfriend at the time lol -

Being friends with a girl isn't a social life death sentence - and you are free to date whoever you want... I think that's what guys confuse

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

If I'm interested in a guy - yes I will try and be friends with him - this does NOT mean he likes me back. Does it suck to like him and him not like me, and have to see him everyday? I guess - but we both have our own lives to live. Don't see why that's any reason to sacrifice a friendship with a person.

We're just friends - not married. And as I said - if he shows interest and I'm not interested, I'll let him know. If he can't be friends due to that then okay

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I've had it happen before - and I ultimately ended up hooking him up with another girl I knew lol.

The same rules of " one door closes, another opens " still apply as far as that aspect.

I think what a lot of guys thought I meant by this, was forcing guys to keep holding onto hope until I decided to take them - no not at all. Your not held by your will to be my friend or keep chasing when we've discussed it won't be anything -

All I said by this Q is - there's still a possibility

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Date other girls, enjoy your single social life - but just know being friends with a girl can open up the oppurtunity of her possibly falling for you. It happens. So don't fear it too much.

[TheDigitalSaint]

WaleedHassanien,

Waiting around for a girl is for men that don't have any other women in their life. I'm not saying you can't have female friends, but no man should agree to have a quasi-relationship with a woman and wait for her to come around. If she has 10 other guys like this in her life, you tell me that's good odds. I'd take my chances playing poker in Vegas first.

[TheDigitalSaint]

To the other comments just posted here:

If you are the only girl that he's hanging around with regularly, and doesn't have any other women in his life, that's using him. Now, if he's balanced and has other women in his life and not just quasi-relationships, then by all means, your friendship with him isn't harmful. Most girls who can't make that distinction end up using these guys whether they realize it or not. Ask yourself about the other women, that will be the mark you can judge him by.

[PoeticNinja]

Please explain how that is using another person..

It's his decision if he wants to hang out with me, not mine. No guy is obligated to do anything, if he doesn't want too.. So, it's wrong for girls to have a male friend who we don't romanticized? He doesn't have to wait around, he can be my friend and still have other women in his life. - You're making it seem as if girls are the bad guys here.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Poetic, please re-read all of my comments on this page.

No, it isn't wrong if he sees you as a friend. I have female friends, but I'm not hung up on thinking they are my only chance at love. Women are ONLY THE BAD GUYS if they aren't actively encouraging their male friends to try and find other women. Keeping him on the sidelines until when and if you are "ready" isn't helping him. Are you prodding him to talk to other girls? Or are you the only girl he spends time with?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

@ PoeticNinja

100% was about to say that :P

Your totally right girl - how can the girls be using a guy without the intention of even using him? Lol - if he sticks around when it's clear there's no connection - that's bad judgement on his part.

I'm sorry he's lonely, and has his problems - but everyone has their problems and guess what? You work to fix them. You can't honestly blame the women for his situation. Especially since she'll have other friends to go to as well.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

@ Digital

Now that's a totally different situation - that we definitely aren't talking about in regards to this friendship.

That's holding him against his social will whicih is I agree bad - hell guys do that with girls they want to bang too - not cool -

But that situation eh - happens way less than typical girl to guy friendships. Usually it's just general friendship.

However, some guys may get the wrong message because they mis - judge the girl's intentions or there's no clear

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

communication as to where they stand - which is what Waleed said needs to be established.

I 100% agree.

[PoeticNinja]

Ah, okay.. That makes more sense, thanks for clarifying.. Friends help each other out, so of course I'm going to encourage him to go find someone else. Hell, I would introduce him to some other people, if he would like. - If I'm the only girl he spends his time with. Then, it's base off of his decision.

Well, not all women are like that. Some men friend zone girls as well.

[TheDigitalSaint]

As long as you are encouraging him to talk to other women, you are a true female friend. If he happens to be single at the point of which you'd like a relationship with him, then go for it. Holding a man emotionally hostage is using him, just in the same way many men will sleep with girls and put off getting into a relationship or getting married. Women don't want to believe they "use" guys, because "guys do that thing". It can, and does happen. Just don't be that woman. :)

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

For sure ^^

[Prof_Don]

Read my answer, dude.

We definitely think on the same wavelength on this topic.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Most women don't really get it Don, because they don't believe that men have strong feelings about those women they like. If the women aren't helping out by setting him up with their female friends, she isn't being a "true" friend. No game playing, no problems.

[PoeticNinja]

I agree.. There's nothing wrong with being good friends.

I have to be his friend first. Friendship precedes from love, for me. I would consider him, someone of value.. Frankly, I am more comfortable sleeping with a male friend than some random guy.

[Kain6th]

But when you have a problem with the guy you are with, who do you complain to about it? your guy friends right?

[PoeticNinja]

My female friends.. :)

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Yep chick friends only -

But check this sh*t out - my guy friends will confide in me about all their damn problems - but I can't confide in them for a few of mine?

Bullsh*t.

Since when was being a good listener only for friends of the same sex? -_-

[PoeticNinja]

Yes, exactly! It's nice to have perspectives coming from both genders. I certainly don't mind helping a guy friend out whether I like him or not. It's called being a good friend, you help each other out. Why is that so hard for guys to comprehend..

[Kain6th]

Do you think after rejecting a guy he can just suddenly stop being attracted to you?

[PoeticNinja]

Rejecting him in what way?

[Kain6th]

As a romantic partner

[PoeticNinja]

Yeah, I would think so.. You can detach yourself from another person easily.

See though, I'm not rejecting him as a romantic partner.. I'm wanting to be his friend first.

[Kain6th]

I'm not you lol, I cannot do that so easily. So stop assuming others think like you, especially guys

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

No he's not going to suddenly stop being attracted - but what the f*** can you do lol?

I was head over heels for one of my guy friends - he's still smokin hot to this day and he rejected me. Big whoop - I can handle rejection and go out and search else where.

He and I are still good friends to this very day lol

Sometimes someone else will like you back - sometimes they won't. Just because their friends doesn't mean that aspect changes.

[Kain6th]

When I'm attracted lik I said up in my answer even if you rejected me and kept me around as a friend I would still look for signs and might attempt to do something, and you would be creeped out and tell me to stop eventually. The friendship takes a dive. This has been my experience.

[PoeticNinja]

Kain - Haha, okay. I mean, what else can you do? You're gonna move on eventually..

@QA - Right, you pick yourself back up and start again..

[PoeticNinja]

Why would you even attempt after being rejected? Remaining friends is one thing, but looking for a time to make an attempt is another. Of course, that's rather uncomfortable..

[Kain6th]

link

Here read this question.

[Kain6th]

"Why would you even attempt after being rejected?"

because I'm still attracted to her. And if you think I should stay around so she might date me eventually. I can't and won't do that.

[Kain6th]

So I'm saving myself the time and heart ache for both of us and just leave her.

[Kain6th]

At 28 years old I think I know how I will act and react by now, and I know it just won't work for me.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

@Kain6th

Then why be her friend? You not obligated to that friendship if you can clearly see there's no positive end point. It's okay to tell her no if your not comfortable with the idea - then find a woman who is more responsive to your advances.

[Kain6th]

That's my point sweetness. I can't be her friend so I won't after I've been rejected

[PoeticNinja]

Then leave her.. I'm not going to tell you to say around and hoping for a chance.. Some people are just impenetrable..

[PoeticNinja]

Honestly though, I don't see anything wrong with being rejected.. As least you know where you stand with her.. Rejection city is everywhere..

[Kain6th]

Again that's you poetic. stop thinking everyone thinks and acts like you. I can say that to myself all I want, but I know myself enough to know how I will act.

[PoeticNinja]

Hey now.. I'm not.. I'm just saying..

Okay then, problem solved.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

@Kain - totally gotcha

Soem people jus take rejection harder than others - difference in circumstance is probably why.

I don't blame him for being like screw her - that's exactly what I think when a guy interest ain't worth it

[Kain6th]

"Why would you even attempt after being rejected?"

also I should say that for me it's like a subconscious thing going on with me. I'm not actively thinking 'wow she just made a move and wants me now,' I just suddenly think I feel it or something.

[Alanaaa]

Because they can't get any cooter and they can't get out of the friend zone usually.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

They can get cooter else where - it's a friendship not a marriage lol

[Alanaaa]

yeah but usually they;re attracted to the girl.

[Kain6th]

Wow looks like alanaa actually understands it.

[Prof_Don]

If I get into the "friend zone" with a girl...I will cut contact with her completely, or minimize contact if she's too inter-wound into my web of friends/acquaintances to be "cut out" completely.

I absolutely REFUSE to listen to a girl, that rejected me, talking about the guy she chose OVER ME! F*** that. I wanted to be your date-guy/boyfriend, or nothing. I don't do friendship with girls that reject me. My offer was on the table and she declined, therefore she reaps no benefits of my emotional presence.

I'll politely tell you "i don't wanna hear about this". If she continues to probe, I'll go deeper into the topic, talking about how it's not right for her to talk about the guy she chose instead of me, TO me.

If she continues, I'll tell her to f*** off.

-------------------

Being in the "friend zone" (as in the "rejected" pile) is up to the female.

That's all that she can control.

The guy that continue to hang around her/contact her consistently with the hope of her "changing her mind"...not THAT is foolish.

She's a dead prospect. Go find another one.

All the above may sound ass-hole like, but this is what it takes to not get emotionally used by females. If they reject you, CUT THEM OFF OF YOUR EMOTIONAL AVAILABILITY.

Cauz frankly, you reap no benefits by being emotionally available to her, while some other dude is kissing, touching and f*cking her.

-----GAME OVER-----

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Not ass - holish - realistic.

I never understood why men would continuously go chasing after hopeless causes girl wise. I'm like...do they just not get it or what?

I guess the games a bit different for girls - I don't force guys to stay around - they're free to date other girls, I'm free to see other guys. if feelings happen to come - we just have to deal with them at the time.

All I'm saying is - being friend zoned doesn't always = bad. She could just be checkin you out more

[Prof_Don]

to the update:

He should just move on once he's in the "friend zone".

If the girl wants to give him a chance...that's her decision to make and he can't influence it at all.

His time is A LOT better spent finding new girls, than trying to convince someone who rejected him to rescind her decision.

----

Like prospecting in sales, when a prospect says "no", move on to the next one. If that previous prospect comes around, fine...but don't count on that happening. Handle your business.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

But what if she hasn't rejected him? What if she and him become mutual friends? He's still in the friend zone no?

With him there, he's still free to find other women - but also in a position to be studied by any of the girl's in his friendly circle. A.k.A - kinda improves his chances of getting a girl if one of his chick friends becomes interested in him.

That's why I dont' understand why guys dread the friend zone so much - there's actually a positive side to it - plus you can meet

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

more of her chick friends, and their chick friends and so on and so forth.

[Prof_Don]

To a guy, when he asks out a girl:

a "yes" is acceptance

ANYTHING else ("no", "let's just be friends", "im not ready yet", "call me tomorrow", "i just moved here", "im busy", etc)...is a rejection.

The face that this female in question didn't accept his offer WHEN IT WAS INITIALLY OFFERED...means he got "rejected".

Nobody likes being put on the shelf to be adhered to at some completely undefined &unknown time.

------

What I said above is how all guys feel about the "friend zone"

[Kain6th]

"a guy is friended without romantic interest "

Because that^ is what being friendzoned usually means to a guy. And rather than her just tell me 'im and interested' its like she just wants me around to make herself feel attractive. I don't like wasting my time like that.

[Kain6th]

'im not interested' *

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

But that's not the case all the time.

I see the need for caution against it though - but it's so weird because girls have been like eh I'm not interested to a guy friend - then suddenly they're dating months later?

I just don't think guys should give up hope if your her buddy - you never know...

[Kain6th]

Oh I have stuck around and 'hoped' that we could e more than friends, but I ended up regretting it because I kept looing for signs that really weren't there and she would be creeped out by me. Giving a guy *hope* is one of the worst things realy. She could be leading me on and then still refuses to go out with me. I don't want to waste my time with that anymore.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

It's like this; you befriend girls like you would going in for a bunch of job interviews.

Is it guranteed you'll get the jobs you apply for? No - but you greatly increase your chances of finding a job that's a good match.

Does it suck not to get the job you really want? Hell yea - but there are more jobs to possibly get the more interviews you have set up.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I do the same thing when I befriend guys I'm interested in. If he's not interested even with all my flirting and efforts - then we're just not compatible. We can stil be buds though, and if a mutual interest does arise in him, we are still friends and available for the romance.

[Kain6th]

Sweetness... I don't think you are seeing it from my perspective at all. I went out on a line and asked a girl out. She refuses. Thinking that 'there could still be a chance' is giving me false hope. And if you've been around this site girls always tell you that 'no means no' and I will take it as that. I can't be friends anymore because I will keep looking for signs subconsciously. And in the end the friendship suffers for it.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Wow - maybe it's just different for guys. I mean, I've gone out and befriended dudes I wanted, but they didn't want me - and it was fine.

Wonder why guys can't just be friends with girls?

[WaleedHassanien]

@ QA no...guys can be "friends" with girls but if the matter is clear from the beginning...get it?

Just why not be clear from the start...you know what...as a guy I am proud that we usually don't use mind games, if we liked a girl it is either yes or no...if you said to be "friends"- I hate the term "just", because a friend is like gold...something very appreciated- then it is clear that there shall be nothing in future!

@ kain...thumbs up for "NO means NO".

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

@Waleed

Okay that's what I was sayin - like of all the guy friends I've had just because our personalities work well - only one or 2 of them actually developed a crush on me. Just because a guy befriends a girl, doesn't mean he's commited to her beyond friendship. If you two just get along - you two just get along and make a friendship. Nothing more. If interest develops which is does sometimes, then you deal with it when it happens.

Just friendship - so guy is free to do as he pleases.

[Kain6th]

@update. Yes that's how I answerd your question. Friend zone means 'the reject pile' to guys.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

lol yea I was like wait... where did the rejection factor come from? Because I was only thinking about scenario one - but scenario 2 of friend zone - yea I see why guys would hate that one

[BCRanger10]

I can see the logic. However, the problem is thus. Guys are not like steaks. You can't put a guy in the freezer until x-point and expect him to taste the same when you think it's time to put him on the grill.

When a guy likes you and you friend-zone him, he's naturally disappointed. My question is what are you going to do if he meets someone else when you're ready to give him his chance with you?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Why do guys always jump to that conclusion about being friends? That we're just setting you aside for later?

How about I just like your personality and your company? :P

I have no problem with him meeting anyone else - I'm just seeing what he's really all about - that's it. Hell Ill help him get a girl if he wants :P

The friend zone is just a good way to see what a guy's about - not selfishly horde him to myself lol

By all means - go meet other women lol

[BCRanger10]

The way the question is phrased makes it seem like that's what you're doing.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

How? All I said was I do it so I can learn more about who a guy really is - not hold him hostage lol :P

With friendship - you can get to know a person a lot more before making any finalized decision for dating - often I don't know if he even likes me, and I don't let him know I like him until I'm certain I do. That way he's free to do whatev without looking at me as a prospect - and if he falls for another girl - then so be it.

[Kain6th]

"if you like a girl, you want to get close to her correct?"

Right there is why

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

What's that? It's true - if you like someone, you want to get to know them know?

Is friendship not a means of doing so?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

get to know them / close to them no?*

[Kain6th]

When I ask her out and she says no. no means no right?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Depends on her honestly. I want to fully agree but I see it too much where girls reject a guy then go after him later when she has some epiphany. Usually by then, he's with someone else.

Her loss.

If you can't handle a " no "from a girl - then hey it's totally cool to part ways.

[Kain6th]

So why would I hang around her hoping she would get with me if she says no? it doesn't make sense to me in my mind

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Because that's not what your hanging around her for - it's not the central goal, or rather shouldn't be. Its more a matter of just getting to know her, and if she happens to like you then cool - if not then you don't have to be friends.

I'm just saying from a girl perspective - there's another side to putting a guy in the friend zone - which is really just checking more of you out.

So don't dread it too much because you never know her intentions for it

[Kain6th]

We're going around in circles. I don't think you'll ever understand. so lets just agree to disagree.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I don't think I can understand because I'm more adamant about receiving interest than you -

So yea def agree to disagree

[nvestan]

"So I dont' think guys should give up hope completely if you happen to be put there."

What about in case of a breakup, cheating, or in any anything after a relationship/dating/stuff asking to stay friends. Is it because of leaving good memories of the relationship.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Oh see I don't know about those - personally I think both people need time apart after that to get their heads back together. My bestie is always being friends after a break up - and she does it because she doesn't want any hard feelings between her and the guy. A couple guys didn't want the friendship immediately after - but they eventually started talking again.

I don't think friendship after break up is terrible - better then being enemies I suppose

[Operations]

Why? Because to many, the 'dreaded' friendzone is an area to which there is no escape. To some, if they are attracted to the girl, the only reason they are there is to be a shoulder to cry on, and nothing more than that. We're the big brother or the protector, not a romantic interest, although that isn't always quite the case.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

No escape? LOL

No one is holding a gun to your head and saying you have to stay friends with her, or sacrifice your social life chasing after someone who's not showing interest. When I befriend the guys I do like - I definitely show interest. If she just places you in the " meh " category - then meh her back and go find a girl who matters more for a love interest.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Sweet,

It isn't about a gun. Lonely men (once again, assuming they have no other options) will chose the company of a female friend, often with the false hope that she'll come around. This is especially true if she has A LOT of male friends. The deck is already stacked against him. Lets be clear, how many male friends do you have?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

So this just applies to " Lonely Men"

LOL - that's not very fair to the rest of the guys who are genuine and not lonely.

Uh currently like 5 or 6

[TheDigitalSaint]

It applies to men who are making no other effort to find another woman besides you. Are you actively encouraging them to seek out other relationships? If so, good for you. If you are hoping that they don't date other girls on the off chance you decide to make them a love interest, you aren't being a friend. Friends want their friends to be happy, even if it is with another girl. Are you trying to help their love lives with other women?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Of course :)

I like helping my guy friends out anyway they want me too. I'm not possesive over them at all.

They're grown men - they have their own lives to live outside of our friendship.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Good job. :)

[c7777]

I don't want female friends that why for me atleast. Most girls don't like the sorts of things I do, so there's an interests problem. ( part of my problem in attracting girls ) I just feel like I have to hold back things I say or do when girls are around, plus I believe in the girls and guys can't be 'friends' thing. (as you have proven). I only want to be around females I like and who show the same in return, and not a friend like.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

wow that's so crazy guys think they can't be friends with girls... I feel like all my good guy buddies have been lying to me all these years - but it's so odd to hear this becuase they treat me like they do their guy friends? If friendships really couldn't work...why do they sometimes happen?

[TheDigitalSaint]

It is a matter of odds. Lets say you have five close male friends and all are interested in you. That means four guys are going to lose, even assuming you are going to pick one. At what point are you going to do that, if at all? If you are their only hope at dating success, they have allowed themselves to be placed in a corner. Of course, if they have dated or are dating other women and NOT JUST WAITING for you, that's different. They better not be waiting, otherwise it is a lost cause.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I would never - ever never put my dudes in a corner. When I befriend the guys I'm interested in - it's a pseudo - dating relationship, full of flirting and attention / interest for that guy. If another guy likes me and I don't know he does - well that's life sometimes in how we like people and they don't like us back. As for my other guys - sh*t I try to get them laid lol

[TheDigitalSaint]

To be the best possible female friend, you want to introduce them to girls that are more than one night stands. After all, if you ever want a relationship with your male friend, do you want him to view you as more than "just another notch"? As men, we have sex on our mind enough as it is, it doesn't hurt when you point out quality women and place them in our lives. :)

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Well - it greatly depends on what he's looking for at that time. If he just want sex, I'll help him find sex. If he wants a girl, I'll see if I know any girls interested. The best part of it is when they ask for a female perspective about another girl. What good chick friends isn't eager to help? lol

[TheDigitalSaint]

If you encourage your male friends to only pursue sex, your likelihood of him considering you or any other woman long-term material will be reduced. I think your intentions are good, but also consider the long-term ramifications. Less women of better quality will help him grow in the long term, unless your male friends are 16 years old and just want to hump everything. :)

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Lol well - they aren't 16 - 20+ but they still want to just hump things.

It's like this - you can lead a horse to water - but you can't make it drink.

If they don't want to settle down, and I have a female friend who's pestering about her need to get laid - I can talk until my voice is hoarse about why they should establish a relationship first - but if people just want sex...well what can you do?

Can shove the horses face in the water - but it will probably bite / kick you lol

[TheDigitalSaint]

Well, you can always appeal to their higher nature. Yes, just be careful if they kick too much. That hurts!

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

@Digital

Oh dear God how I try lol - horny college students who feel like they can do whatever because they're passed the legal age - are more stubborn than toddlers finnicking over their vegteables :P

[TheDigitalSaint]

Have you babysat both groups?

[kholland65]

Being friends first then dating, is not how men define the friend zone. That's just called logical steps to entering into a healthy relationship (which women don't seem to understand).

As far as I'm concerned the friend zone is when you have a romantic interest in a girl, and she only sees you as a friend whom she is close with and treats almost like a boyfriend.

[Hyrule]

Well of course some people think like you do, and of course you can fall for a friend. At the same time though, you often hear "no I don't want to risk our friendship" so that is why men don't want to be friendzoned...

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I've heard " I have a huge crush on my best guy friend," more often then " I don't want to risk our friendship" lol - oh and the " I ended up sleeping with this guy I've been friends with for X long..."

Idk - probably just my experiences.

I gurantee though, if she has enough interest, which does happen when a guy is friend zoned - she's not thinking about risking friendship - she's wishing you two to be more...

[Hyrule]

Ofc both scenarios occur, but it is still a gamble

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

But that's dating in general - a gamble.

You can meet up with someone for a date - everythings fine at the start - but realize the two of you can't make it work.

You rolled the dice - fortune wasn't in your favor at that time. You can roll again and hit a 7 and take the jack pot.

Life is pretty much a gamble so.

[Hyrule]

yeah, Well this hasn't really happened that much to me, but I know that a lot of guys mention these things.

After a date with a new person you go back to your life and don't see them again. If you are friendzoned you are always tortured by the fact that you love a girl and she just sees you as a friend, or doesn't want to "risk it".

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

oooh that makes sense :(

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

but still - there are other girls out there

[Hyrule]

well, not that easy when you love someone I'm afraid. I know what you mean though ^^

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

oh yea - falling for them does make it harder to get back out - eh sucks when it doesn't work out :(

[Hyrule]

Indeed

[Anonymous]

Because it means we have to put up with all of the never ending stories, complaints, dream interpretations and rants from the girl without being rewarded with nookie. That's like going to work and not getting a paycheck.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

-_-

[TheDigitalSaint]

While this wasn't very diplomatic, there was a significant degree of truth in what was posted above.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Sure but it's totally fine I have to listen to their problems in life and not turn a deaf ear.

I dunno... like a decent friend is suppose to -_-

You act like it's awful to be a little supportive and actually be there for someone. Guys do it for each other all the time - why the f*** is a girl any different.

Ay men...

[TheDigitalSaint]

We don't try to sleep with the "boys". That's why. :)

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

You've obviously never had a gay guy friend ha ha :P

It's not even that - if I have to hear about how you went down on your girlfriend and ate that p**** raw - you better give me at least a minute or two to vent about this bitchy teacher.

That's fair no? Because that's how it happens lol.

Us girls still have our main girl talk with ourselves - the boys have bro - time

And the world keeps spinnin lol

[Opinion Owner]

I'm plenty supportive, but when the subject gets to her troubles with the guy she's dating, I will not permit it.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Your a lousy guy friend.

It's not even about her talking, or how much she talks - it's just about your capacity to listen. I know half your brain turns to mush listening to all the he did this and that and took me here yada yada yada - but it's the least you can do as a friend.

Geeze.

Men act like they're socially retarded...

[Opinion Owner]

Perhaps I'm a bad guy friend, but at least I still have my dignity by having boundaries