My boyfriend insulted my sister. Should I be okay with it ?

[Yriuqni]

Me and my boyfriend were talking about diets .. and suddenly he brought up the subject that my sister was (bad word for fat cow ) ..and I told him he shouldn't say that about my sister...and he was like there's nothing wrong with it. So I realized he didn't understand that I was hurt so I was like " what if I called your mom cow now, would you be fine with it"..and he got all mad about it .. and started calling my sister names.. and that I insulted his mom and bla bla .. I apologized and said that I didn't mean to insult her, I just wanted to make him realize what he was saying ..

Anyway.. he said that he loves him mom very much and no one insults her.. I said okay then that's how much I love my sister so he shouldn't insult her. Then he said that no my love to my sis is nothing compared to his love to his mom..I said it's not his business how much I love my family.. I actually love my sis just like he loves his mom .. and I love my mom more than my sis and his mom... He got really offended and called my sister names.. and I was like don't talk like that .. and he said " then hang up so I won't start insulting you too " ..and I hung up ..

I know this whole thing sounds childish and immature.. but I don't know how on earth we reached such discussion and such level of immaturity... I am very mad at him for doing what he did and for the fact that he started insulting first .. but I am I wrong in this whole thing ? Should I be okay when he calls to apologize ( if he will ) ? .. I am really hurt and this is gonna be a huge deal .. and it won't go away fast.. but I don't know .. please someone enlighten me :) Thank you

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@Konnour : I forgot to add.. I am not egyptian myself .. I am totally European , I just live here from a couple of years. :)

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He didn't call untill now .. he most probably thinks that I am 100% guilty .. Gah I hate this so much and I hate the fact that I miss him , while I am really mad at him.. ugh :S

[ElijahCynicism]

Good god, man. He was being impeccably childish. I think he's perhaps the kind of person who insults people freely, but at the same time, totally unrelatedly, has immense pride in his great love for his mother. When you connected the two, he became infuriated and had to prove you wrong at all costs. I've been through that, being like that, I'd hedge a lot of the proud people have. He'll realize that he was wrong in time, I think, and I have a feeling he'll learn to become more sensitive, but I can't say that'll be particularly soon. He was in the wrong, and you weren't. You demonstrated your point expertly, but it was lost on him because of some pre-set motifs. That's my guess, anyway.

Forgive him if he apologizes, but don't just say 'It's okay', talk about it a lot. Elucidate to him as to why it upset you and why you felt he was wrong, and delve as deep into why he's sorry as you can. It should resolve itself after a lot of talking, but you're not wrong.

Uh... What's a bad word for a fat cow? I've never heard that before.

[Yriuqni]

You are completely right .. and I really hope for him to apologize ( he didn't call until now , and the fight happened 10 hours ago).. not to be fine with him , but to tell him how I feel .. I don't wanna call him so I ll just wait :) thank you so much for your answer!

and well .. the word is in arabic not English lol

[ElijahCynicism]

^^ I hope he does, too. Good luck, and you're welcome ^^

And ooooooh, it's an arabic word, right. That explains why I never heard it, ahahah.

[ElijahCynicism]

Thanks for BA!

[ElijahCynicism]

Hold outtt

[Yriuqni]

I am :) .. but it hurts you know .. We had a lot of fights but we never stayed mad at each other for more than a day or two .. and now its the end of the second day and nothing .. I don't expect him to call tomorrow either.. I can't believe he actually thinks I am guilty .. or maybe he just doesn't hear about me again .. :(

[ElijahCynicism]

=/ I know. Is he a very proud person?

[Yriuqni]

Well naturally yes, but from a couple of months he changed that .. and he used to always call first after a fight and.. always tried to fix up bad situations .. he is a very nice guy , but the fact that I approached the issue about his mother really hurt him .. I don't know I am just assuming .. I don't want too many days to pass , because it is bad for a relation .. I just want it to end .. I also have a ton of serious problems at home and have no friends.. so I kinda really need him ... :(

[Yriuqni]

Oh well he finally messages me .. and asks why didn't I ask about him these two days.. and that he feels bad and is mad at me , but needs me in his life and that he loves me .. I do tell him I am very upset and all that but he sticks to his part that he had the right to become so angry .. I really wanna make him feel guilty but I ran out of ideas ..

[ElijahCynicism]

Ah... Well... You can't make him feel guilty - if he's not guilty, he's not guilty. If you tell him he hurt you, he should feel bad. He doesn't... Hold out. Tell him you're not going to accept it, and hold out. If he really does love you, and need you, as he says, it should show him it hurts you. Some people can't be told, I suppose...

I hope things work out though, your seem like such a lovely person! You're being very strong =]

[Yriuqni]

Awww thank you very much :) You are very sweet yourself.. I hope things work out too, and thanks for the replies!

[ElijahCynicism]

It's alright ^^ Best of luck!

[Konnour]

You're also from Egypt.

I've noticed similar question some time ago, but too bad that the question asker was not happy after seeing my advice, so I rather shorten it this time.

The thing is that no woman may expect respect from Muslim men. I think this is obvious.

And people who are now ready to teach me not to generalize should open their eyes.

What you need to do is to chip down his inflated ego. Deny sex, don't talk to him, and if he tries to see you anyway sulk and bitchslap him so hard to leave a red mark on his face.

Most importantly - you got a reason.

People who lack remorse understand no reason, they "get it" only through blackmail and force.

Seriously - what kind of a person would tolerate an insult towards a family member?

[Yriuqni]

Yes you are totally right .. but he was raised in Europe most of his life so he is more European than egyptian .. that's why I fell for him ( I despise arabs ) , and I do try as much as possible to chip down his ego.. and well you gave me even more motivation to be angry at him .. I kinda calmed down in these 10 hours since the fight happened .. thank you!

[Konnour]

Always glad to help.

[xzinax2]

he's an a**hole. don't accept his apology till he realizes that he can't say things like that about anyone,esp. not your family. you're right for calling his mother names to make him realize what he was doing,he was just too stupid to get that you weren't really insulting her,but making a point,he's an a**hole,and I don't love you enough to feel bad about calling your boyfriend these names:idiot,a**hole,stubborn d***head,but if he was your brother and we were dating-i would never say that,cause we're dating and we're supposed to respect one another.

[Freetobe007]

Your boyfriend sounds like a hypocritical, disrespectful, insensitive a**hole who needs to learn some boundaries.

Sounds like you reached that level of immaturity because instead of owning up to being wrong, he continued to be an a**hole and argue with you because you simply tried to show him how it felt to have your significant other insult someone you love. Is he even worth it? He sounds like a prick. I'm sure you could find a guy who is way more respectful than that.

[danaagirl]

I agree. Guys like that don't deserve any girl in the world. Do not tolerate bad behavior he did like that. A relationship needed to have respect but if that guy doesn't even respect your sister then so is you. Respect yourself, open your eyes there's a lot of big fish in the pond. Let this be a learning to him, in order for him to change. DUMP HIM. Explain why then BREAK UP.

[Freetobe007]

Yeah, I think you should break up with him. Then he had the nerve to say he would start talking to you like that! Why do you even want to stay with him?

[Yriuqni]

Well as much as this was a huge issue .. I can't break up over this. We had a ton of great times in which he showed respect, care, love and other stuff.. I would break up if this was normal from him . but it is not .. it is the first time this happens.. and I know he bursted out because he fell offended..not because he is disrespectful .. anyway I ll see how he responds when we will talk again .. and I ll judge then . Thank you!

[Freetobe007]

okay well if he pulls some disrespectful, immature bs like this again, you can't say you weren't warned. Have you heard of the phrase 'fool me once; shame on you. fool me twice; shame on me' ?

[goflipaburger]

If my boyfriend ever insulted my sister like that, I would dump him. and if he didn't understand why he would get dumped for it, it would just be all the more reason to dump him over it.

No one is allowed to disrespect my family.

[arashmenalagha]

you wanted him to show him how it feel, and I think you did a good job, but it got kinda out of hand, you guys should start out fresh, and no calling each others mom and sister cow now. :)

[TheDigitalSaint]

It sounds like both of you weren't acting very mature. There's nothing wrong with pointing out that someone needs to lose weight, but it should always be done in a practical and diplomatic fashion. Cow phrases don't need to be brought on the table.

[Yriuqni]

I know .. we never used such vocabulary and we never acted so immature.. it's just that we both got angry because we felt our family was insulted .. thank you for your answer!