Boyfriend wants me to stop seeing my male friend

[RoxyKAy]

A guy friend of mine (Ben) and a girl friend of my boyfriend's (Amy) have recently become very interested in each other. Recently Amy told my boyfriend that Ben likes me. I knew that Ben was interested in me in the past but I didn't think he still was. Basically, my boyfriend doesn't want me to talk to him anymore.

I am not sure if Ben is still interested in me, but he hasn't been coming on to me at all. We never hang out alone and I don't even see him often. I can understand how my boyfriend feels but I've been friends with Ben for a long time and I don't think it's fair to break contact with him because of something that a friend says about him.

I also have a feeling that Amy may have lied to my boyfriend. Ben has a huge crush on Amy and I know he told her he used to like me but it would be pretty stupid of him to tell her he still did. Amy may also see me as competition and is telling my boyfriend to get me out of the way.

I talked to Ben about this issue and he denied liking me, of course. I told my boyfriend about this and now he is very upset.

What should I do? I know I would be hurt if I were in my boyfriend's situation but I don't want to hurt Ben just because of some gossip.

[Megan_lyn22]

If your boyfriend is really that insecure about your relationship maybe there is no point in being in one with him. Just saying.

If Ben is a friend, like you said, and you barely hang out with him, then your boyfriend is being insanely jealous for practically no reason at all. Pretty soon he will be secluding you from all your guy friends, and only allow you to hangout with girls.

You should stand up to him and maintain your friendship with Ben.

If he doesn't agree with it, who cares? He can't choose your friends.

Or I guess, he CAN...if you let him.

[TouchTheSky]

Yea, it's easy to say if you aren't in love, what do you want guy to do? Let her girlfriend hangout with guys have fun bla bla bla? Ah you girls are so bitchy sometimes.

[enigmatta]

I doubt she would be okay if she knew that Amy had something for her boyfriend. It's not likely that she would be "oh whatever, they're just friends, they can hang out, I trust them both". Wrong. Once you're in a relationship, a relatively young one, you want to build as much trust as possible for the future. If you feel threatened by your SO's very friend, then its something that annoys you. You may trust your SO, but like someone else already said here, you can't trust the other one.

[thisusername2]

When are people going to get it through their head that just because one person is interestetd does not mean the other person is.

Always pick the friend, friends are more likely to last much longer. One of my oldest friends had a boyfriend who told her to stop hanging out with me because I was going to abandon her one day and I wasn't a true friend even though her and I had been freinds for quite a few years before they even met. He has been gone for many years now and her and I are still good friends.

[youllthinkofme]

Tell Amy to f*** off. And maybe ask Ben to talk to your boyfriend as tell him that he has no feelings for you. And I'm not kidding about Amy, seriously tell her to mind her own business. And if your boyfriend still doesn't want you to see Ben, then ask him not to see Amy and see how he likes it.

[TouchTheSky]

Girls are pretty much okay with having guy friends, and act like there is nothing wrong, but there is a wrong and only guy who loves can understand that.

[youllthinkofme]

I understand jealousy, but completely saying that she cannot see him is a bit ridiculous. Especially if neither have feelings for each other. Maybe they can see less of each other but saying none at all is wrong. I hate girls who let the man in their life dictate everything they do. Plus, it's not fair for her boyfriend to stay chummy with Amy, when she can't be friends with Ben.

[martyfellow]

No boyfriend can dictate who you should see. If all your are doing is matchmaking for him and Amy, he has no reason to be jealous. And Amy may well be playing games.

Keep trying to get Amy and Ben together, make clear to Amy you are doing that and that you're not interested in Ben yourself. Tell your boyfriend not to worry, but tell him you will see your friends whenever you want.

[Kiran04]

You should really talk it over with your boyfriend. Did you explain any of this to him? Just assure him that you're his. Give me a reason to be at ease. Don't let the situation force you to make you look like you're choosing sides. You can have both if your boyfriend has any sense in him at all. Also explain to him that Amy is full of sh*t. That might help.

[RoxyKAy]

yea I talked to him. He's still pretty upset so I'm going to give him a few days to cool off before I bring up the subject again. Thanks for the advice :)

[Kiran04]

On a side not, if Amy really is telling the truth, you should cut Ben off some. It is extremely unfair to your boyfriend for you to keep someone around who would like nothing better than to see your boyfriend gone. I'd be upset too. You don't have to stop seeing Ben completely, but your duty now is to your chosen partner. All friendships change once you get into a relationship. Would be admirers need to be shown that you're taken and your boyfriend needs to be shown as a priority.

[RoxyKAy]

I don't see Ben very often anyways, but you're right it would be hurtful to my boyfriend to all the sudden see Ben all the time.

[kataloso]

Sounds like a bro talk needs to happen, where your guy smooths things out with Ben.

But as for you, being in a relationship shouldn't prevent you from talking to other friends, unless there's some sort of outrageous action that would deserve cutting the person off. Good luck :/

[Konnour]

It's perfectly OK for him to ask you to stop seeing that guy - when you're taken there's only one close guy to you and that's it.

Just like girls don't like their boyfriends having close female friends and probably it's the same to you aswell (whether or not you're aware of it) so you must respect his needs if you want him to respect your needs.

[gonyr]

well if Ben is really your friend, don't set him up with the kind of girl who plays dumb games like that. But if she is telling the truth, and she certainly may be, than as a man, I wouldn't want my girlfriend to see a guy that likes her either. Its not about not trusting her, its about not trusting the other guy.

[Prof_Don]

The main answer you need to get is for the following question:

Do you believe what Amy told you about Ben liking you?

Imo she very well could be lying; if you, the one with "female intuition" says she's capable of being that manipulative, then she very well can be lying.

-----

Once you figure out Amy's "truth or lie?" question, you'll know what to do!

[Anonymous]

If he wants you to stop being friends with Ben, he should stop being friends with Amy.

[honeyltsme]

can't you people just trust your significant other more than someone else?

[Anonymous]

Well, it's a legitimate concern. Things like that happen. Cheating occurs. I don't know what you should do, but I don't really blame your boyfriend for feeling that way.

[Anonymous]

Yeah why would you even want to keep being "just friends" with a guy who clearly has feelings for you? That's not fair to him and it will get your boyfriend pretty paranoid.

[RoxyKAy]

The thing is, the dude hasn't hit on me at all & really isn't super , "friendly" around me, and Amy has recently been cheated on so I am thinking that she lied.

[larry69]

Once taken most other opposite gender friendships are over...

[enigmatta]

Probably not over... but either they are approved by the boyfriend (and becomes his buddy too), or diminish considerably.

[iamroyalty]

control. its case he is f***ing amy