He doesn't want a girlfriend?

why does he act like my boyfriend? I have been staying with this guy every weekend for about 6 months... he has never had a girlfriend before, he's really shy, and he's a"nice" guy. in the beginning he told our friends he didn't want a girlfriend. they assume it's because he doesn't want to be "tied down"...but now it's been 6 months and I have given him time to 'come out of his shell' so to speak (we are both quite shy) and he has gotten pretty comfortable with me already.

he will do things like put his arm around me in front of all our friends, kiss me before I leave, call me 'baby' when no one is around, and just basically act like my boyfriend. but we aren't dating. and I don't want to tell him he has to be my boyfriend or we can't sleep together anymore, because I don't think he's just using me.

i just don't know how to figure him out. or what to say. and we never talk during the week. only when we see each other on the weekend. I think part of that is because he is shy and doesn't know what to say. but I am shy too, and I don't know what to do!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've asked your question to a group of people at work and the best answer so far we have agreed upon was break it off temporally and tell him you're dating other guys. Like the great saying "Release the bird, If it comes back you'll know he's yours..."

    You're making it to easy right now for him not to do anything and just keep it where it is.


What Guys Said 5

  • ahem..."I don't want to tell him he has to be my boyfriend or we can't sleep together anymore"

    What part of sleeping together makes him NOT your boyfriend? F his sensitive shy little 'feelings', he's getting the goods every weekend without asserting that he wants the role that you keep offering? So he only pays attention to you on weekends when he's getting the lovin'? Hello?

    Forgive me for saying the blunt answer but "Girl you are giving it up waaaaay too easily" IMO.

    Good luck.

  • Is he getting action? Because if he is, and if he's not using you, why is he getting action, without commiting to you? You're a booty call.

    • Yes, he is getting action.

      and I understand that it is easy for him this way.

      i guess I just don't know why he wouldn't want a girlfriend when he likes me, spends the next morning talking and whatnot with me, and has never had a girlfriend...at 23.

    • Show All
    • Harsh...but I guess the truth hurts.

      and I didn't post this question to hear what I want to hear.

      i would like to talk to him in some way about this though...

      im just not sure how to go about telling him that I just can't do the friends with benefits anymore. that we either have to date or be friends...because its hard enough to talk to a guy that shy about anything.

      any ideas? I mean, he's REALLY SHY. and I don't want to come across as giving him an ultimatum...i just want him to know that I can't do this anymore

    • Just tell him that you can't do anything sexual with him anymore. Just say you've come to the realization that you need to stop. And let him know that you still want to be friends, that you value his friendship. And chances are, he's going to be upset. Because he's getting sex for free without having to work for it. So when you say this to him, he's going to be upset. And this will show you that he cares more about the sex, then he cares about you.

  • maybe he is gay

  • Honey, He's waiting for something better to come along. He want what you're giving him now, but when someone else comes along you'll be out on your ass. DUMP HIM!


What Girls Said 12

  • He probably is scared of commitment and having the actual title of a boyfriend. Obviously he isn't scared of being a boyfriend just the actual title and commitment...typical guy. Just hang in there and hopefully he will come around but if not kick him to the curb doll and then maybe he'kk grow a set.

  • Girlfriend you need to shake things up! The next time he asks you to go over tell him you have already made plans. Don't tell him what you are doing but don't lie and say you are going on a date with somebody else either. Let him wonder if you are going on a date with someone else. The next time he tries to do a public display of affection you can tell him you don't feel comfortable because he isn't your boyfriend and you don't want to ruin your reputation because you only do that with a boyfriend and see what happens. That worked fo me!

  • hes either afraid of commitment, ashamed of your "relationship", he's a dumbass, he's a player, or he doesn't know what he wants.

    tell him your feelings and go from there.

  • well first of all.. if he isn't your bf. in the first .. you kinda making him act like this.. why would you let him put your arm aorund you call you baby.. " I'm gurssing sleep with you.. I don't know that part in your passage... but yea.. I think he is kinda useing you.. if he calls your baby and all taht shiz nits.you kinda making him fel like your a doll.. I know its mean to hear but yea... 6 months.. comeone. if he doesn't wnat a girlfriend than try to back off him... because than he might just play you. sorry. but yea.. if you relaly like.. tell him. adn ask if you can have a change .. for one month. and take it slow. I said I didint want a boyfriend at first. and I still don't because I'm young and yea.. I am scared to be pulled down have a lot of plans ahead of me and I don't know if a boyfriend is right for me

    I like to flrit but keeping one. ughh idk. but I love my boyfriend now. so yea

  • He has all the benefits of the relationship without actually being in one. That means he can do whatever he wants like other girls without feeling guilty, and if anything ever happens he can bounce at anytime because you knew that he didn't want to be "tied down". You can do better than that. You've been wasting your time on this guy for 6 months.

    It sounds like he had no intention of being in a stable relationship with you. Tell him that you don't want to be acting like his girlfriend without being his girlfriend and see what he says. And stop making excuses for him. He's not shy enough to get sex from you but he's too shy to discuss a relationship? Girl stop.

  • you should stop all that because it's never gonna go anywhere since he has told you and his friends he don't want a girlfriend. and how come you guys only talk on the weekends...what is he doing during the week. he can be shacking up with another girls and you don't even know. and how come he only calls you baby when no one is around, he sounds shady to me. if you guys are not exclusive then what is the point of the relationship. I think he wants his cake and to eat it too. tell him he has to pick

  • Start dating other guys and stop hanging out with him soo much.. take a break from him.

  • I would agree with the second guy.Dont give him any until he's willing to make a commitment.thats not asking for too much.if it is then leave him.

  • maybe he's seeing someone else during the week?

  • Sweets that's not good.. I was in your shoes before.. he even started getting jeaules and telling who talk to and he even used to call everyday we spent a lot of time together... putting his arms around me, he kissed me.. and says he likes me.. still he didn't want a girlfriend.. one day we had a fight about something stupid and he got really mad and it was kinda my fault so I txted him telling him that I'm sorry and didn't mean to and I guess this is the end of our friendship and I couldn't go on like this anymore bcuz he's not my boyfriend and still acting like one and that doesn't make him "just a friend" so he called me back telling me he loves me and asked me to be his girlfriend.. basicaly what he thinks is... your there with him and you care about him a lot and he's happy and gettin all what he wants...but still not your boyfriend so if he does anything else that doesn't give you the right to get mad..so he's getting it bothways... I think you should tell him that it's obviously you both have feelings or at least there is something going on.. and you can't keep acting as a friend and at the same time as a girlfriend.. so either he picks one or you will just go... and I think he'll say he has feelings or askyou to be his girlfriend... he will know then the value of the girl he lost and will come back for sure.. and then you can give him the chance to be your boyfriend=)

  • he wants to keep you around and someday when he's ready for committment, he'll be official with you

  • WOW this is so related to my life I had to check to see if I wrote this question... Anyways yeah The truth does hurt. That's too bad. The answers make complete sense I just couldn't connect the two. I have horrible luck with men...