How do you NOT friend zone a guy?

He likes me, I know this. But he insists on pretending to want to be my friend, while still flirting and trying to "sweep me off my feet". I don't like him, I most likely never will. What the hell do I do?

He is kind and nice, but I don't respect him as a man, hence I can't be attracted to him.

Now I think he is a good person, I don't hate him for his behavior, but I don't want to accept his friendship knowing he likes me. I know he wouldn't think of me as a friend if he wasn't interested in me.

I can't tell him to stop talking to me. I can't reject UNSPOKEN feelings. What do I do to spare his time and feelings? If it best just to avoid him now?

We go to college together. Same dorms, same library, similar classes.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You can still be nice to him, while "rejecting" him. People are human and have feelings. He obviously likes you. If he tries to talk to you, keep it short and say you have to go, or make sure to have other people in the conversation, and then you slowly walk away. There's plenty of things you can do to friendly avoid a person. Good luck.

    • Thanks.. I guess I already tried it today. Will see how it turns out. ^^

    • Worked.

What Guys Said 16

  • When you see him coming, start a conversation with the person next to you. If you do this several times, he'll stop approaching and will get the hint that you're not excited about talking to him.

    Try to talk to any nearby guys to keep him from starting a conversation with you. I know this works on me!

  • Keep your distance, cold shoulder, ignore him, etc. Eventually he'll get the hint...No matter what you do, feelings will still be hurt.

    "but I don't respect him as a man" why is that?

    • Because he doesn't make me earn HIS respect. He fawns over me and follows me around without ever questioning if I am a good person. He wastes words and time on superficial compliments and worry over a person who never did anything for him. He always does his best to make sure I get my way, while I expect a man to lead, not cater to the choices I didn't even make yet. He tries so hard to make me like him while having no mind of his own, while pretending and lying to me about wanting to be my

    • friend. I have friends and what he is doing is not a friendship but someone trying to be a puppy. A man should know what he wants. Go get it. Be upfront and unapologetic about it. And above all he should stop looking at me as if I am a guy. I don't care how his hair looks, or how big his muscles are.

  • You don't respect him and aren't attracted to him. He is still being a friend to you. Tell him you like him as a friend, but it won't go any farther. Let him decide if he wants to be in the friend zone.

    • But that's just it. It is not his choice. I am not giving him that choice. Friendzone =/= Friendship

      I don't want it. But he has done nothing but nice things for me and I don't want to hurt him either. That's why I asked this Q.

    • Well, if you don't want his friendship, all that's left is to tell him that you're sorry and it's not going to work between you. If he pushes, you can just say you're not comfortable being friends and knowing that he wants more.

  • well in that case you've already mentally friend zoned him. If I were you I would avoid one-on-one situations with him.

  • well the poor guy is under the impression that doing everything for you will earn your respect as a nice man... of course you girls don't beleive they exist so of course you won't respect him as a man. Its good youve realized it though most girls don't lol

    yeh ignore him and break all contact its better than trying to be mates with him, cause a guy who wants to be nice will just accept the attention as romantic or special to him etc. it will do him better in the long run

    • That's not true! It is not that I do not believe there are nice men out there, and his treatment of me is making me reject him, because I'm afraid of being lied to. That's completely of the mark.

      It's simple. He is not leading, dominant, aggressive (initiative), decisive, confident, and above all self respectful. If you are willing to jump mountains for a girl you barely know, it means you deem her good enough for you. And if you don't know her, you're standards are either low, or you suck. =/

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    • yeh but doesn't hold much truth, there's too many ugly guys with good looking girls or vica versa around for me to accept it

    • I can explain that too. Actually I did. To other guys. Scroll down.

  • Just be honest with him so he won't waste his efforts and emotions on you. It is the most humane and ethical thing to do. He can move on to someone that deserves him.

    You will find someone that you deserve.

    I can't believe someone down voted the girl that stated the same thing below.

  • Just get rid of the phone completely.

    Block his email.

    Block him on failbook.

    • I was hoping to avoid such upfront actions and just find a way to "drift apart" as one might say...

  • If you really don't want him in your life in any way, well take your distances.

    That means don't hang out with him, if he comes near to you, find an excuse to go somewhere else where he can't follow you, and so on. Don't smile, be a little bored when he talks to you.

    Such hints should make him understand.

    • Thanks for the advice.

  • You have to talk to him, tell him how you feel about your so called friendship. You should no longer keep your feelings within as it starts to stress you and can lead up to depression over time due to living a completely "misunderstood" friendship, a total lie. Once you do that, If he accepts to live with the fact of being a loser, it's fine-in case you want a loser buddy as well. I guess you should also ask that question to yourself.

    Otherwise, as a stern and necessarily STOIC man, he should know the honor of step away from you and look for his own future. That's the downside of being a man: Always the possibility to being rejected. And the tenacity, the emotional strength and mental endurance are the facts what makes children transform into MEN. No pain, no gain for any man.

    • Like I mentioned bellow. ^^

      I am not giving him that choice.

      Friendzone =/= Friendship

      I don't want it. But he has done nothing but nice things for me and I don't want to hurt him either. That's why I asked this Q.

  • Stop caring about his feelings and let him know what's up

    • But since that would be rejecting unspoken feelings, I would give him a chance to ridicule me in his bitterness, claiming I am just too narcissistic, before he walks away. While I do care about his feelings, I do not care that much.

  • He's always going to like you as long as he likes you, that's the way it is. Enjoy it. Carry on with your life and stop asking retard questions.

    • Enjoy what exactly?

    • The admiration.

    • It's flattering, but that alone is not enjoyable enough to shade over the bad sides.

  • Best to avoid him.

    You're the most objective girl I've seen in awhile, btw.

  • It's funny how girls don't respect guys that are actually good guys, but "respect" douche bags and then end up getting strung along, and get into fights with them frequently like it's supposed to be normal in a relationship. Just sayin'.

    This guy is probably really great if you get to know him. This sort of thing happens all the time. Girl thinks a guy with feelings for her is a wuss because he has feelings for her. Then thinks guys that don't like her are manly because in actuality they really don't have feelings for you and just spit game at you because they don't care. It can be hard to control emotions when a girl finally comes around that you like. It can be really easy to get sensitive. And especially even more so if you've done something to spark his interest even more.

    So sad. Girls are supposed to want loving relationships, but then they turn around and make the most counterproductive choices. Makes you wonder if women really even have a clue...

    • I don't think a woman has to automatically like a guy just because he's "nice." I think in this instance she's saying that he's trying to act like a friend when he's really not and won't step up and pursue her. I hate this approach too because it's confusing and wastes time. Just ask her for coffee and make your intentions known. Otherwise, he's no better than the guy who "spits game ."

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    • toricakes: you agree with what?

  • Well, if you don't like him just put him in the friendz-


  • From what it sounds like you've already sent him to the friend zone. Unrequited loves run there course, believe me I know I've had plenty of them. Simply let it fester on the back burner and eventually the candle will burn out, if its not tended to from time to time then it becomes nothing but a sad faint attraction. I realize this sounds sad but that's the way it has to be if you're no willing to give him a chance.

  • but I don't respect him as a man, hence I can't be attracted to him.

    Why don't you respect him as a man does he look like a girl?

    • No he acts like one.

    • Well then tell him to act up if he wants to be with you if that's your'e reason for not wanting him.

    • Yes, nothing makes me more into a guy, than instructing him in acting like a man. xD

What Girls Said 8

  • Tell me bout it. I know exactly how you are feeling. My friend has liked me for ages, even while I was in a relationship. Now my relationship ended, he's playing the comforting friend role and tried to kiss me the other night, like 4 days after my break up! I was so pissed off he would do that, plus I just can't see myself liking him even though he is a good friend. I think the best thing to do is ignore him, even though with stupid male psychology that seems to make guys like you more! Just tell him straight he isn't your type but you respect him as a friend and a friend ONLY. If he doesn't like it then he knows where to go.

    • Don't you think you are being mean by letting him play the role of your friend and hoping for more? It's a crush. As soon as the hope goes, so will he. If you two are close, the hope is there and you are kind of letting it stay. ..

    • well no because I have had it before where a friend has fancied me. I told him straight I wasn't interested (when drunk unfortunately) but now we remain the best of friends, he has dealt with it and moved on and is very happy in a relationship with another girl, but remains friends with me too. It's just about finding the right balance.

    • Well if you both think it is possible. Very well.

      But I have tried this "balance" and figured out there was still something there. Sadly, but only once, even on my part.

  • Just be honest with him and tell him you are not interested. Some people just don't get it.

    you can say it in a nice way... but I still feel like you need to be upfront with him.

    Whatever he is doing to 'sweep you off your feet aren't the actions of a friend. friends don't do that.

  • Just avoid him. There's nothing else you can do.

    I totally get the idea of not rejecting unspoken feelings. It's awkward because there is the chance that they could turn it on you.

  • Just friend zone.

    • I don't want to. =(

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    • I don't want him around. How do you make someone who is so nice to you go away without being rude or impolite?

    • You can be polite and not rude. But it will hurt his feelings no matter what. I guess you could just write him a letter so you don't have to see him hurt. Although he may still act out later.

  • He's a good guy, but you don't respect him?

    That is not what a "lady" supposed to be.

    • A lady is a female who does her best to make everyone around her feel comfortable and happy. You don't think that is what I'm trying to accomplish here?

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    • Okay girl don't be mad. Just don't give him the chance, try to stay away, and that's it.

    • xD I'm not mad.

  • go out to dinner and see how you feel after. if there is still no interest even in friendship, tell him! if you know ull see him a lot the worst is to ignore everything.

    • I'm not interested. Sharing food will not change that. Plus he has not asked me out on a date, merely to "hang out with some people". So.. Well you get the picture.

  • Gradually let things trail too busy for him. Or you can introduce him to another cute girl and try to pass him off to her. Don't flirt or be that about other guys. Let him see another guy around you

    • I wonder why you got down voted. I'd actually consider this...