What gives me the sh*ts about a lot of guys...

I can't stand it when I am talking to a guy about something I'm going to do, or learn, and he immediately states the bleeding obvious about what I should do.

For example, when I said to my ex (now good friend) that I'm interested in being a luthier (guitar maker), knowing full-well that I've spent years working/studying music and acoustics, he says "The best way to learn that is to watch a luthier work" and I think to myself "OMG, no sh*t Sherlock!"

i have another male friend who likes to instruct me on the bleeding obvious, and I have to restrain myself from going "OMG, roooollly, wow I didn't know THAT!"

It leads me to believe that so many guys either (or all of the below);

*Can't help but put in their two cents worth to make sure you that you think that they're a higher authority on the topic.

*Are really that dumb and think they're actually making a contribution.

*Aren't listening properly and thought they had better say something to show they're still with you...however, this happens via email too, so it doesn't hold that they didn't read it properly before they spoke.

What gives dudes? Why do so many of you do this?! Just so you know, if you think your impressing the girl, it's quite often giving us the sh*ts, and we think less of you for it! :P

And when I say states the bleeding obvious, I mean they say it in a way that they're informing you about something that you didn't know.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Meh they just like to hear themselves talk. The older they get the worse it gets. Tune them out I say

    • Thanks for the BA!

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    • @jager66 - What's kinda funny about yours and many other responses is that you are trying to answer questions I never asked & getting aggressive because I don't agree with u.

      "What gives dudes? Why do so many of you do this?!" That was my question. Not what I should do about it. Clearly, you can't help yourself but instruct ppl, can you?

    • @jager66 - chill out buddy :) We did what we could - answered (and some not in a good way either lol). I've noticed a lot of times people DO have their views even when they ask questions & give BA to one who reinforces that view. So it's cool, why sweat over it - we did what we had to :D

      @irishgal - err was I an exception or were there exceptions at least here about the instructing part that men do. Seriously I mean to ask not to be sarcastic or stuff

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What Guys Said 26

  • I don't think this is exclusive of men, but anyway, if the reason is what I think it is, then I can see how it would be more a male thing, while I believe that actually, FEW people have a feel for subtelty and most in the world think they need to make it all like a pre-school class (check the movies of our time compared to those of decades ago, no abstract ideas, no unresolved issues, they make wuestions and provide the exact answers and you can even predict them, those sell because the masses like them, they have that kind of mind and is MOST people, hence they earn millions) but I think there's another more important reason.

    we all want people to listen to us, to REALLY listen, and enage on what we are saying, but often times people don't listen, so we get used to thinking they are ignoring us, even if they are not, an example, you talk about a thing that is a passion to you, like for example, you are a musician, and give a speedy long speech about chords and how the instruments fit together, how it has X or Y influences, and the guy listen to you, with REAL attention and feels your passion, but understand almost nothing :P

    when you pause, because it is a chat and he is expected to say something (or he has that impression), there's very little he can say, honest answer would be "I don't know any of it", but then you'll be like "ohhh (with the face of someone who told a really bad joke and realized nobody got it)" so in order to save you that feeling the normal answer, the one most uf us would say is "sounds great".

    problem is, that, like saying "ohh I see" or "ohh ok", or just nodding, or mimmicking (if you smile he smiles, if you laugh he laugh even if he doesn't get it) are felt, even if that was not the intention, as someone who is not listening and just pretending to do it, and vague answers like that would upset many people, but specially girls, since male usually don't take it too hard if people just pretends to listen, but most of us would be carefull of even by mistake make a woman we care about feel like we are just pretending, we know better than that.

    so be easy on them, that may be their way of saying "I know less than you or nothing at all, but just so you see that I listen to you I'll answer with the little I know of the topic you brought, and is not just for talking, is for you to see I DO care"

    • I can sorta see that, but I promise I'm not one of those people who rattles on about a topic that I know the listener doesn't get, and feels uncomfortable with it. That would be belittling them and I don't do that. However, it seems that talking with a guy where we both have a good knowledge, he points out something obvious & I wonder how he cld think I wouldn't know such a fundamental thing. Happy to accept real help, but as one of the girls said below, you feel like he's 'presuming I'm a retard'.

    • spot on answer.

  • My return question would be, why are women so high strung and get angry at such meager things such as this?

    Seriously though, there isn't anything really complex going on here. It's most like one of or a combo of a few things.

    1. Some people, men and women, just aren't all that smart, however I'm making the assumption that this isn't really the case with the guy in the example. Seems like a relatively logical answer to give, especially by someone who probably doesn't know much about the subject. This leads me to the next point.

    2. Many times when you talk about something that is more your area of expertise or interest. The other person is going to say very dry and obvious things to carry on the conversation with you because there lack of interest or knowledge on the subject translates to nothing meaningful to say.

    3. It's in our blood as men to want to help women. When we see a women in need of help or advice, or is in distress, its like this alarm goes of in our heads that makes us spring into action. We turn into your big brother who wants to know who said what, what they did to you, and how we can help. This is why many women will spill there problems to the men in their life, thinking she is just venting, little does she know, she has just inadvertently called the man to action. These guys are probably just trying to be helpful but most likely due to #2 don't really have anything that really is all that meaningful and helpful. Can fault them for trying.

    I will say this, like jager66 said, you would do yourself a favor to chill out. If this is how you communicate with men (or at least what is running through your head when you do) your going to find that you will be a very lonely and unhappy women. Women who get bent out of shape and always complain about the little things like this annoy the piss out of us men. If you would have actually gotten made and said "no sh*t shirlock" You can kiss that friendship goodbye. Us men have no time for girls who will bitch and nag at everything we do or say, even if its less than perfect. People make mistakes and say stupid sh*t, it happens. Nobody is perfect. Save the fighting and bitching for something serious, not the fact that he made a slightly obvious statement that was intended to help you. I mean did he really inconvenience you with his words?

    • Omg dude. Bahahahahaha! You were there, were you? God, what an idiot! Can't even entertain the last paragraph, too presumptious & stupid. "Why are women so highly strung & get angry...". I'd say the shoes on the other foot, idiot. Since you obviously can't get along with women, I hope you meet the right blow up doll.

    • I rest my case.

  • Thats the way guys work. We like to fix things. It's our biological nature.

  • lol but that's probably how men are made to be. Not that one intends to patronize you in any way but somehow most men at most times tend to butt in and give out their advice even before the question (especially lengthy ones) has ended.

    I've tried my level best to control that urge over the years but I admit I wind up doing that from time to time. Though I don't do that on a professional level or with someone who's not really close to me.

    Men generally talk in points (not all I must say) and address each - at least I do. When someone comes up with a singlular paragraph (like if you hadn't broken up your question here into paragraphs I will have trouble reading it completely), their mind probably tends to break it up into points by itself and answering it as and when the mind puts a full stop to a point.

    Girls on the other hand are very descriptive about what they want to say. Hence, that winds up as a lengthy question for a man who is naturally short on patience.

    There ofcourse are exceptions to both situations.

    However, it is more concern that shows up as an attempt to patronize in a lot of cases just because the girl feels that she hasn't even completed what she wanted to say and this guy is judging me / my situation just cause I asked him. :) Yes there are situations and times when the guy is basically arrogant and high handed and means to patronize. There are also instances when the man (as like a dog - faithful but reckless where a woman is like a cat - polished and detailed) wondering 'how stupid' answers it half way though that 'how stupid' is not meant to look down upon or patronize the girl in any way, he merely sees the situation as stupid and I see it as so simple.

    • Yeah I aim to be as succinct as possible. I usually speak a couple of sentences at a time. I don't tend to waffle. I find this situation happens more often in intimate relationships or with close male friends.

    • As I've said that's how nature's made it :) and so has nature made 'irritation' that one feels in such situations ;)

  • LOL if we'd listened we'd eventually not be as dumb, and if we weren't dumb we would know when to shut up and listen. It's a vicious cycle :-)

    Irony aside (valid though it may be), guys know that being worldly and broadly informed, speaking out with confidence and being supportive and helpful is highly valued by you girls. Guys who don't know that much, are still aware of this preference, and simply work with what they've got or think they got or may get away with. And it works often enough.

    It's like a Honda Accord with big aftermarket spoilers and blue light underneath - it's no Lamborghini, but by and large such a Honda's passenger seat rarely goes vacant, so for all its obvious silliness, who is to say it does not work as an attraction, compared to the Lambs? :-)

    • Ha, you're a great writer. ;)

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What Girls Said 5

  • Guys are problem solvers. When you tell a guy something and they're listening, they try to think of the bedt tip they can offer. It's part of their hormonal tendency. (Logical thinking, problem solving, decisive active, keep it simple)

    It's an attempt to be helpful, not consider you below them. Take it as a compliment that they care to give imput and demonstrate that they're hearing what you said and attempting to give what they feel is valuable feedback. It's not necessarily them trying to 'be right' or impress you or prove anything, just a guy's way of saying "I listened. I care. I want to offer you whatever assistance I feel able to."

    It's not about being stereotypical, it's scientifically speaking, lateral and logical thinking. It's very literally, in a chemical and hormonal triggered way, part of being driven by testosterone, which guys contain a higher ratio of.

    • Oh dude... :S

    • This is 100% spot on. If you don't want advice or a problem solved. then don't' tell us about it, because its our natural response.

  • I would say either both the first and the third options, or all three. Guys (and many girls too) like to feel like they're better than everyone else.

  • xD I know what you mean. I point out their statement is ridiculously unnecessary. It's like they are presuming me a retard when they do this and I need to correct them.

  • My friends have complained about this same issue and since they've complained I've started noticing it too. But it didn't bother me before they pointed it out and it doesn't bother me now. Curious as to the reasons why it happens tho. Woman can point out the obvious too, but my friends have specifically pointed out many men in our lives who do it constantly.

    • I guess it grates on you after a while when they keep doing it! When it happens, I don't know what to say! Don't wanna say "I know!" cos you get accused of being childish. I just say nothing, or try to make a joke of it, but it disrupts my train of thought - I think, geez, isn't this person taking me at all seriously?