What are the signs that a platonic female friend of a guy wants to be more than friends?

[PhilaPenn]

I think that platonic friendships between guys and girls are good. But they can get weird if someone starts to catch feelings. What do the girls think? I think that when a female friend starts to like you, her behavior changes. She starts to get attitudes randomly, start to cross barriers of friendship-like looking through your phone or asking you invasive questions. Starts getting interested in who you are seeing, and usually putting that person down. Starts picking arguments, or getting frustrated with you. Calling you selfish etc.

Any thoughts?

[knowmeyourself]

You're asking two questions 1) The signs that a platonic friendship turned into romantic interest from one towards the other 2) Is platonic friendship possible between guys and girls?

I have guy friends who are nothing but friends. It's completely platonic. I admit that it's hard to maintain such friendship because sometimes knowing someone for so long, confiding in them, telling secrets to them, considering them your support system and whatnot...might lead to more than just friendship. It just naturally happens. Women need to feel cared for, loved, supported, etc...by a man and since a friend can show all these signs, even if he has no romantic interest, the girl starts to "love" him thinking he is the one. On the other hand, a guy might develop an interest in her for the very same reasons or because he can't find a girlfriend. He wants to get into a relationship so he thinks his best friend would be the best match since they feel "comfortable" around one another.

I know plenty of friends who got into a relationship or even engaged or married. It might be love or just the fact that they feel "comfortable" with each other.

So, yeah...a platonic friendship is hard to remain the same but it happens. I have a few myself and we never thought to be anything more than just friends.

About the signs, there are multiple ones like:

1) She will feel jealous when she hears about a romantic interest of yours and sometimes will try to sabotage your new relationship either by giving you bad dating advice or telling you lies about the girl you're interested in or whatever else. Some will only feel jealous and start wondering "Am I invisible to him?", "What makes him reach for another girl when I'm here for him and love him?", "What's in that girl that makes her better than me?", etc...

2) She would dress nicely, put on her favorite perfume and look her best whenever she's meeting you. Some will try to flirt, seduce or touch you in a way that you don't expect from a friend

3) She may try to play mind games with you. For example, if you keep on seeing another girl she will stop contacting you so that you will fight for the friendship and dump the new girl. She might call you selfish (as you mentioned) or whatever name just to make you feel guilty. It's a game of manipulation for you to be hers in the end.

4) She will be so much interested in knowing all the details of your new relationship OR some others will prefer not to know anything whenever you try to tell her about your new girlfriend. It varies from one girl to another.

Best thing to do with a friend (if she likes you) is not to mention your gf/lady interest too much to her so that you don't make her feel upset/jealous/hurt or give her an opportunity to know a lot and destroy your relationship (if she has bad intentions).

Hope this helps. :)

[PhilaPenn]

Yeah, I agree with all those signs. It sucks though that you couldn't talk about your Girlfriend with her. That's part of what's great about having female friends, you can runthings by her and get a woman's perspective. I think that you can be platonic friends even if there is a little sexual tension. Especially if you know each other well enough to know that personality-wise it wouldn't work in a dating situation, but works perfect as good friends.

[knowmeyourself]

I agree with you. It is really sad that you could not talk about relationships with someone who is supposed to be very close to you. I think whenever romantic interest, from only one side, enters through the window, friendship runs out the door. It is sad, but it unfortunately happens a lot. It only works if the person who has a crush is understanding and is working hard to cope up with this tough situation so as not to lose the beautiful friendship.

[PhilaPenn]

My friendships are really important to me. I've even gotten advice on how to break-up from female friends. I'll situations by them and ask them if my response is fair or warranted. It's awesome. I would have loved to stay platonic friends with some of my ex's but even though they said that they harbored no ill-will, they would make little comments that led me to believe that there was some anger towards me still. I guess staying friend's with ex's is a little too tricky.

[knowmeyourself]

Sadly it is. :/

Thank you for best answer. :)

[Anonymous]

If you notice she's spending all her free time poring over you and your issues, she's not just in it for a friendship.

Attitudes... I think if you start to "ignore" her she'll be more upset than she would be if you were just friends in her eyes.

Being curious about you (asking about your day, perhaps more personal things) is just what happens as friendships grow. It IS a form of intimacy, but only within the friendship. It doesn't necessarily imply a romantic interest in you.

SOME opp-sex BFFs become the defacto "husband"/"wife" and fuss over you as though they have a right. It DOES NOT mean that she is sexually or romantically interested in you, just that she's fussy and protective.

Calling you selfish? Mayby you're selfish (lol) or maybe she is trying to hint that you're not seeing her needs or perspectives in the friendship.

[PhilaPenn]

Lol. Thanks. I'm actually not talking about myself. I actually have several female friends that awesomely platonic. But I had a mini-argument yesterday with a girl on here. She took her guy-friend's phone from him, looked at the messages and asked him about a girl he was texting. He said that he was just playing around with the girl but she felt he was lying and got pissed. They were only friends. I think she likes him. To take someone's phone is a Girlfriend move.

[Opinion Owner]

I've never taken anyone's phone -- even my boyfriend's... or my (now ex) husband's...

(Hmm, maybe I should have looked at the ex's phone from time to time, lol.)

Anyway, the info still applies. :)

[PhilaPenn]

Lol. Taking the phone is crossing a line even for a girlfriend. Definitely out of bounds for a friend. And she seemsed to think that it was completely acceptable and normal behavior, and she thought she had a right to know what he was saying to this girl. That would not have gone well with me.

[Opinion Owner]

Personally I think it's tacky, but some girls think it's playful. (Shrug!)

[PhilaPenn]

It's tacky. I don't know of any man who thinks that's funny.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sure there are some dejected husbands out there...

Meanwhile, I see guys to that a lot. Just casually "Oh, your phone just went off." (Eyeballs the screen.) "Who's Rob?" "My friend Roberta." (Even if that's true, the guy is not buying that, lol.)

[PhilaPenn]

Lol. Maybe I'm just different. I'm just not a the jealous type. My Girlfriend could have guy as her best friend, and talk to him on the phone for hours. Go out for drinks with him, and it really wouldn't bother me. If she's my actual GF, it takes so long for any girl get that title that when it's official I completely trust her and she trusts me. I know she's not gonna cheat on me. I'm a pretty good judge of people and trust my instincts. When you are secure, and really know your partner trust is easy.

[confugirl]

She'll ask about your relationships more frequently. She'll probably stare at you more often with a smile on her face. She'll laugh at everything, and I mean everything, you say. Even if it was a lame joke. She could get kinda possessive whenever you say you'll see another female (friend), even if the woman is not a love interest.

[PhilaPenn]

Yes, or perhaps get angry when she sees you text another girl?

[confugirl]

Yeah, jealousy is one of the signs

[passionforprince]

friendships are difficult because the more comfortable you get around someone the more easy and daring you get. I know in my platonic friendship I tend to start giving more hugs and talk nicer and sweeter to them. why because once the understanding is established we are just friends I don't have to worry any longer about his feelings. as a friend I think we do become a little jealous when our friend spends time with someone else even if its someone of the same or opposite sex. I don't know you can only perhaps ask her and in a roundabout way if her feelings have changed. friendship should be simple and once arguments and expectation starts coming to surface it might be time to start distancing yourself.

[cazza1316]

I have had a lot of platonic friendships with men in my life & I have come to the conclusion that for me personally anyway, men & women can never just be friends. There is always one person who feels more than the other & I believe that it is there from the beginning & grows into bigger feelings which is probably why you are noticing it more now. I'm sure there are people out there that have great platonic friendships, but its never worked for me!

[PhilaPenn]

That's sad. I have a bunch of friends that are girls. I've shared beds with female friends and never made any moves. Even if they are cute, there is more than just a physical attraction, there needs to be that spark. If it's not there, it's not there, but the girl could still be most dope person and hella cool to kick it with. I'm good friends with my brother's Girlfriend of 5 years. I'm friends with another girl that another one of my bros has slept with in the past. Notfeelings.

[cazza1316]

that's great that you have good relationships with these girls, I wish I could have a close platonic relationship with a guy but it never works out cos they want to be with me more than that its so annoying! lol. With regards to your original post, I'd just bring it up with her & see what she says. Hope it works out OK : )

[PhilaPenn]

Oh no, it's not about me. Lol. It was just a question I had because there was another member on here who post a question about a similar situation. She has a platonic guy friend. But she made sure to mention that she thinks he may like her. Anyway, she took his cell one day and saw a text to another girl. She said that he liked the girl, the guy said that he didn't and was just playing around. She got mad, allegedly because she "knows" he was lying (no proof though). I think she likes him.