I finally got the courage to tell my parents about my boyfriend and my dad hit me... what do I do now?

Question

Long story short, for the past few months I've been sneaking behind my parents back to be with my boyfriend. I know, I shouldn't have done that but I was scared that if I told them then my parents wouldn't allow me to see him and I love him (he was my best friend before we started dating officially).

Anyways, my parents found out tonight and my dad was pissed. He said I could never go out with anyone, not even my friends, until I finish college and find a job. He also hit me, not once, but multiple times and he was really mad.

I don't know what to do at this point. As I'm typing this, I'm actually crying. I go to school, working on my BA in Teaching, I'm 21 years old, and even though I live under their roof, do they have the right to control my life like this? My parents are Indian, so I understand the strictness. But I was born in America and I am not "Indian" at all.

What do you guys suggest I do at this point? Since I go to school fulltime, I have no job but I do have $1,000 saved up. Also, should I tell my boyfriend what happened? I do not want to break up with him.

stubbsy · Accepted Answer

Your dad has no right over the choices you take, and to hit you, well he could be in a world of pain if people found out, because no one likes a man who hits on women, and with your situation, there is charities that will help you, like the citizens advice beaureu, they can find you safe houses if you are being beaten by your parents, and often find you a flat or room of your own so you can continue with school. The problem is, most girls like you, allow their parents to control them this way, but fail to realize that people do not accept this  behavior , and want it punished by law, and regardless of financial difficulties, you should not allow this to continue if you want help, because unless you help yourself, then people won't help you, so speak out to a charity or a doctor who can help you move on and put a stop to your fathers abuse, you have a right to live your life your way, and marry whoever you want to, its your life, not his, your an adult now, you have a vote, so its about time he treated you like one, good luck and fair play with standing up to him, never allow someone like this to ever control you with violence, good luck,x

Flamingo117 · Accepted Answer

I'm Indian and I know how you feel. However, my parents would never do that to me if I told them I have a girlfriend. They would understand.

BUT I have some Indian friends who have been through what you have. And one of them made the mistake of telling their parents. He ended up breaking up with her anyway.

He decided to lie to them with his next girlfriend. This way, he's keeping his parents happy and he's having his own fun. After he was finally independent, he told his parents that he's seeing someone. While at first sad, they eventually coped up with it because they realized he was a big boy.

I suggest you also keep things hidden for the moment. I know I would even though I know my parents would be okay with it. I still feel that they would be uncomfortable, so I'd do what I can to make them happy. Even if it means lying.

shawtylow14 · Accepted Answer

i heard a similar story from one of my friends but she is Muslim. ans her dad hit her because he said she became to Americanized, but she was born in the USA and this is all she really knows. I think he is out of line for doing so. One your to grown for him to be hitting on you, we are in America and to do that here is a crime whether your under his roof or not.. second, I know its hard to question the hand that feeds you but just because he is giving you a place to stay doesn't mean he can control you and hold that over your head. your a lady and should be treated as such. did you threaten to call the police this time? third you def should tell your boy friend. I think you need to tell him and see what he says and maybe you all can work this out together. If he is committed to you then he won't just leave you out on your own on this situation.

Amanda2 · Accepted Answer

Hi dear this is the part of your life where you have to make a crucial decision and prioritize. Now I don't doubt that your boyfriend is loving and caring. I've been with a Ned student who had a past for doing drugs. So it's okay if he works at a grocery store its not where you are but where you are going. In my opinion I don't think it's worth it going through the emotional trauma your parents will put you through because of a guy your main focus should be school. Explain the situation to your boyfriend and call it quits finish school. If he loves you he will understand. You are in a relationship not a marriage. It's okay don't worry things will work out

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I know what you're going through, my dad's like this too. I guess the only thing you can do is consider living somewhere else and try to make a living for when your student loans aren't there any more. My dad's Surinam, I don't understand where these people get the nerve to hit their daughter. My mom never did anything about it either.

Take things easy and try to concentrate on your studies and independence. Hope your boyfriend will support you if you get to see him again, and I really think your parents are stupid to be acting this way.. it's not your fault they're bad parents.

DutchAtheist · Answer

You should go to the police and inform them, even if you don't want to press charges at this point. I would think about womens homes if there are any in your area.

Being hit is not acceptable at all, if you start to accept it now, it will cause you to end up in abusive relationships later on in life. You are not wrong here, your father is.

You should tell your boyfriend and his parents, they are the only ones you can count on at this moment. Maybe they are willing to take you into their home, although then you should get a restraining order for your father.

It's hard to go against your parents, but you must realize that you have him by the balls right now, one phonecall to the police and he could have his life torn apart.

He did this to you and himself, you are not responsible for the consequences. Again, easier said than done, but keep that in mind.

Hope all turns out for the best.

heavensgift2girls · Answer

Your parents don't have a right to treat you that way, but neither do they have a legal obligation to keep letting you live under their roof.

It sounds like you already know that you want to move out. If your boyfriend is important to you, then he needs to understand what is going on in your life. I would definitely tell him.

I would try to find a roommate, or roommates to move in with. It will mean getting a job, and if your parents are paying for your schooling, possibly finding a way to pay for your school yourself, but you have plenty of options open for that, including student loans. I have heard a lot of women said they got married just to escape their parents. Don't rush into a relationship for that reason. You need to live on your own for a while, and learn to live your own life.

Moloch · Answer

To the people saying call the police: LOL, it's not that easy.

Even though what your dad is saying has some kind of merit, he's still kind of taking an extreme form of "doing what's good for you." if your dad is anything like my dad, talking to him will not do a damn thing, and he'll probably hit you again just for bringing it up, so that's not an option. You say you don't want to break up with your boyfriend, but you're still living under your dad's roof, so like...huh? If you really don't want to break up with him, then see him in the dark, pretend like you broke up with him, but keep it a secret. Know that maybe sometime in the future, your parents will catch on and figure this sh*t out, and you'll most likely get hit again as a result, maybe even worse, because you actually went out of your way to do something behind their back. If I were you, I'd break things off with this boyfriend, tell him what happened, and stick to what my dad tells me because I still live under his roof.

JoeLop · Answer

hey your the girl who asked whether you should tell your Boyfriend to go back to college and seeing that he works at a grocery store it's better to break up with him cause he's not worth losing your whole future don't be a dumb girl.

Seeing that your Indian I'm guessing your Boyfriend is white and many non-white women ruin their lives trying to keep a loser white guy simply cause he's white.

Anonymous · Answer

You're getting hit? That's completely unacceptable. You need to get out of there, but you need to be smart about HOW to get out of there in the best way possible for YOU. Frankly, f*** your dad. He's a worthless piece of sh!t. As for your mom, I can't have a ton of sympathy for any mother who tolerates her daughter being hit multiple times. I breaks her heart to have you move out? Tough freaking sh!t. She should've thought about that then she did nothing to defend you.

Now, how to get out. First you need to figure out what resources you have. $1,000 isn't a lot of money, but you should also take note of your non-monetary resources. Do you have a car? Do you have friends you could stay with for an extended period of time? Does your school offer campus housing? Do you have access to student loans to pay for school?

Also, how much longer do you have until you graduate and how much money could you realistically earn after graduation?

kheserthorpe · Answer

I would suggest you get out.

If they're supporting you they do sort of get to make rules but they don't get to hit you for disobeying.

Now if you decide to avoid confrontation an try to stick it out or financial reasons, I wouldn't judge you. Just don't ever forget that NO they don't have the right.

I'd also suggest you are ethically under no obligation to be honest with your father about what you do.

But I'd still advise you to get out.

Dhruva · Answer

Focus on your education. With the economy going the way it is. It's not as simple as move out and find a job. You still don't fully know where your relationship is going.  He could leave you three months down the line and you will be left with nothing but broken dreams.

Meedo · Answer

short answer.. I don't suggest you involve your boyfriend in this .. This is not his business..

imagine you have no boyfriend .. what would you do ? .. I suggest moving out.. you have to remember you CAN*T please every one... and sooner or later you will move out any way .

There is a way out.. but if you are trying to please everyone there will be no way out .

AshBrown · Answer

Parents have every right to hit their kids if they disobey. Remember that you come from a culture that does have some values. And it is not just that you are a kid. You are always supposed to obey parents. They always know best. Of course, some are unreasonable too but there are ways to handle the situation. As for dating, you have to follow their rules.

Phoenix52 · Answer

See if it's possible to move out and live with a roommate. That way, you can see your boyfriend more and your dad can't do sh*t.

Do financial planning. This will take a long while. But if you want to make the changes, no one said it would be easy.

JoeLop · Answer

Anything to keep a white boy even if it means jeopardizing your future but I can't force you but I do recommend you take your BF's brother's advance after all they know your Boyfriend more than you know him.

Don't be dumb

Anonymous · Answer

This whole "you're under his roof so you have to obey him" is complete BS. Just because you live in his house doesn't mean he can control your life. You're an adult. What if he tells you to not meet friends, will you obey him too? You're not a kid anymore, you can have a boyfriend and it's none of his business. And for having hit you, you should report him to the police. NO ONE is allowed to hit you and get away with it.

ming13 · Answer

You're 21 and an adult, hitting you is wrong regardless of what ethnicity you are, abuse is abuse. But unless you either report it or move out there is not a lot you can do.

Robotic · Answer

Your dad was way out of line, and you are an adult now at 21.

I'm sorry for what happened. is this a common thing among Indian parents? I knew another Indian girl on here who was abused by her parents often. They always strict?

Anonymous · Answer

You're still living under their roofs and you should obey them.

You have a strict belief and they treat it with respect.

$1,000 isn't enough to live by yourself. You should consider finding a good paying job before moving out.

jokersgirl · Answer

Ask some of your friends if you can move in.. College is all about room mates! Get a part time job and earn some money for rent and food.  Then you can live your life the way you want and be happy. Not being abused is a bonus too!

Anonymous · Answer

Gotta live by your parents rules while you're under their roof.

Don't like it, move out?

All these "yolo" Americans won't agree, but your parents are Indian and they have their own way of doing things.

VeohTV · Answer

Even though he's your dad, you still have the right to call the police on him for abuse.

josesmaf · Answer

Does he hit your mom and sisters that way?

larry69 · Answer

Time for police involvement! that's assault

I finally got the courage to tell my parents about my boyfriend and my dad hit me... what do I do now?

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