Why is he sleeping on my couch?

I have a guy friend that I have been close friends with for about a year. He is just a friend, though at first I was attracted and wanted more than that but he only wanted to be friends. I accepted that, as I am a few years older than him, a little overweight, and have three kids. The thing is that he has my kids calling him "dad" and thinks its great when they tell people he is their "step father". He spends time with my kids, does things with them and is truthfully like a father. Although all of my children have the same father, the oldest and youngest do not have much of a relationship with him. He has taken on that role and I am happy for it (and not in a creepy way). He is very protective and me and although he says he doesn't mind when friends (who believe there is more to this than what we say) tell him they are going to fix me up on dates, although he does act strange about it. The issue is that now he is sleeping on my couch. For the past three months he has been at my house more than at home and when he is off work he calls me at work to find out when I am coming home, etc. When our days off coincide he wants me home with him. He makes sexual innuendos to me often. But he hasn't made any passes at me. I am not sure how I feel about him at this point. Because he basically told me I wasn't his type and yes, that did hurt. But I can't blame him because he didn't experience the same spark that I did. As time has passed and we have reached a comfortable friendship level, honestly he is my best friend, I am not sure if I could have a relationship with him outside of friends. I would not be even asking but all of my other friends (mutual and otherwise) and family believe that he is now interested in more. I see it sometimes but thought it was just a trick of the mind but since others see it, now I am wondering. I do not want to ruin our friendship by even asking cause I am not sure if I even want more. I am sorta at that point where if the friendship progresses any more as just friends that I probably won't be able to have any type of intimate relationship with him, so if he is interested I don't want to let the opportunity pass. I hope this makes sense. Any advice? Is him staying at my house all the time a sign of interest or is he like me just comfortable with our friendship? Please help.


Most Helpful Guy

  • On some level I think he wants to emotionally feel like family but doesn't want to go through all the traditional steps of getting there (having one, marrying into one, etc..).

    I think its time to have another talk and DTR. If your both going to pull the friends thing, you may want to establish boundaries such as curfews and couch sleeping, for instance.

    • Basically you are saying that he is just "using" me to fulfill his need for a family? Not that he is doing this purposefully but subconsciously? Or are you saying that he wants to be part of my "family" but just doesn't want to date, get married, have intimacy?

    • I think your first thought is probably closer to what it is (subconscious).


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What Guys Said 1

  • So you're telling me if he confess his hidden crush that he finally develop an interest in you "on a romantic level" you'll turn him down all because when you first confess your crush on him, he kindly said let's just be friends?

    That makes it seem like a guy doesn't have the right to change his mind on a girl, cause sometimes it takes time for a guy to gather his thoughts on seeing a girl as a potional girlfriend, knowing he takes relationships very seriously.

    And plus most of the time when girls change their minds about a guy (who she kindly said lets just be friends) after she apologized to him and wants him to give her a second chance, he'll be glad to still date her as more than just a friend.


What Girls Said 1

  • He's telling your kids to call him their dad. He is interested big time.