I cheated on my husband with his friend. Why would he still want to be with me and move forward like this?

Question

My husband and I got married over a year ago. Things were going amazing, I couldn't have asked for a better husband. We spent every single day together .Things were going great and we texted, and talked on the phone every single day. He would always bring me around his friends and family and we would always hang out with his best friend while he was back. His best friend was someone my husband referred to as his "brother" They did everything together. He was known as a bit of a player and was always hooking up with a new girl every weekend. My husband was always very hesitant about the both of us texting. Over time my husband was so overwhelmed with work and we didn't get to talk as much as both of us would have liked so this caused a lot of fighting between us. One fight was so bad I just needed someone to talk to so I called the person who knew my husband more than me, his best friend.

We had been texting, and hanging out before all of this and although my husband didn't like it, he allowed it because he trusted that his best friend and I never would do anything.

I was a mess and called his best friend and we decided to hang out. We met up and went bowling, just to get my mind off of things. We went to his car and talked and drank a little, not enough to get drunk. We we're at a resort and decided to go swimming. Little did I know he had a room at the resort for the night so we went up and one thing lead to another and we ended up in the shower together but nothing happened. We went swimming and that's when it started to get heated. Next thing I know we are back in the room and we had sex. It just happened. I wanted so bad to tell my husband but his best friend convinced me otherwise, saying it was only going to do a lot more harm than good. His best friend and I didn't speak for another 2 weeks until one night he stopped by my house and once again I thought it was just going to be harmless talking but it turned into us having sex again. We did it 20 times in a 2 month period. I thought that he cared about me and I developed a crush on him. I guess I just needed someone physically there for me. There were times where we wouldn't "do anything"and just hang out but it got to the point where something sexual always happened. I hated it but I don't know why I kept cheating.

His best friend and I stopped doing it around Valentine's day because we had a pregnancy scare and because my husband got suspicious. His best friend and I both lied to his face for 8 months before someone finally told my husband the truth.

I don't know why I did it, I knew what it would cause but yet I continued to do it. I lied because I had a hope that he wouldn't find out that I slept with his best friend. My husband forgave me and changed jobs to be with me more. Why would he still want to be with me and move forward like this?

ryanrhino · Accepted Answer

There are many reasons people cheat, but the power of love can forgive most transgressions.

It seems that when things weren't great between you and your husband, you desired those original feelings of attraction and grandeur. His best friend seemed to fill the void you had been missing with your husband. So, your husband could meet some of your needs, while your best friend met the other ones.

Your husband has forgiven you because he is partially responsible. He does know that you didn't communicate well, but he does realize that you did have an issue with the relationship, so he changed as well.

When you start to feel things getting bad, talk to your husband. My mother gave me one of the best pieces of advice - "If something is going to bother you for more than three days, talk to your partner about it."

Also, something I've learned from personal experience, don't communicate with a non-professional, personally connected person to get the perspective of your partner. It's best to get a third party's opinion that will have no impact on the situation.

Therapy would also be advised, both for each of you alone and together. It's costly, but it will either save you years of your life, or speed up the healing and you can have wild love again with your husband.

UncleScrooge · Accepted Answer

I have to admit, I find it rather hilarious when people cheat and then act like they had no control over it. Like you were just having a conversation and then all of the sudden had sex with him 20 times. It's never an accident; you make a conscious decision to take part in it.

Regardless, I think the reason why your husband is giving you a second chance is because he's a pushover. I find it rather stunning that he was okay with you texting and hanging out with his promiscuous friend, and I think that proves that he's probably not very bright, and definitely has no self respect.

The unfortunate thing is that you'll most likely cheat on him again. If he's really as great as you say he is and you found it so easy to cheat on him the first time, then there's no reason why you won't just as easily do it again, especially now that you know you'll get away with it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Disgusting. Cheating once, I'd understand (not tolerate) but cheating god knows how many times during those 8 months? Absolutely revolting. Things like that don't "just happen", don't you have any self control whatsoever? No. It was a conscious decision on your part and to say that it "just happened" doesn't diminish the damage one bit. Learn how to take responsibility for your actions. Your husband deserves someone better, but I think his self-esteem is so low that he doesn't see any other option than sticking with you. Wow. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Personally I don't think there's a way to move on from this. One day he'll come to his senses, and he'll dump you, whether it's within a month or a few years. Point is, I don't see this going anywhere, even though he might seem like he's OK with it right now.

Turtleluv · Accepted Answer

You need to get help to understand why you need so much attention. Why you purposely went after a womaniser who was your husbands best friend. You went out of your way to hurt your husband as much as possible. Things like that don't 'just happen'. You went on a date with the guy. You really wanna say 'it just happened' when you got in the shower together? You had plenty of opportunity to make sure nothing would happen.

I'm gonna guess your husband has no self confidence or self worth left, that's why he's still with you. He's afraid of getting out and starting over I can't imagine its because he loves you.

You need to get counseling or something. You shouldve done that before betraying your husband but its too late now. The 2 of you should get counseling together and you on your own.

Anonymous · Answer

Wow, you know how many women would love to have a man as wonderful as it sounds your husband is?  MANY.  How long has it been since you two have reconciled.  I foresee this as being something that will eventually cause him to not want to be with you.  You've betrayed his trust and in the worse possible way.  When a man has to think about another man touching his wife, it'll destroy him inside.  I give it 2 years or less before he has to leave you.  Then he'll be free to find a woman that deserves him, and you'll be free to feel sorry for yourself for being such a sh*tty person and wife and sleep with whomever you want.  I have no respect for you, nor do I feel bad for you AT ALL.  I hope he gets away from you and can be happy again someday and I hope you learned SOMETHING from all of this.  Although, I have a feeling that lack of morals and self control is the reason people normally cheat, and that's not a learning thing, you either have it or you don't.

bunny_luv · Answer

oh man honey that's just terrible. I've contemplated the whole fooling around thing myself and I also know the consequences of doing that too. this is going to take a lot of time... for both of you (you and your husband). I think the hardest thing is for you to forgive yourself for what happened. not just to your husband but to yourself. I hope one day you can realize what you did to yourself and who you really are so you can move on no matter what. sorry to read all the other harsh comments and thought I would put something out there to help you understand what you need to do to heal and become a stronger woman. take care.

ps. this happens a lot by the way and you are not the only one (I've heard both men and women do this)

Anonymous · Answer

You don't love your husband. You love the idea of your husband. Anyone who loves someone (regardless of gender) would not cheat especially over and over. The best course of action would be to leave your husband so you don't end up hurting him or yourself.

Once a cheater always a cheater. I'm sorry I didn't tell you what you want to hear but quiet frankly you don't deserve it. I hope you reply to this but that means you will have to get out from under his friend to do so.

lovedcursed · Answer

ooooooooooooh this man must be a real real good one (Y) ! , you did him real wrong :S , but now please please if you are going to do something near to that again by any means just leave him now and forever , don't keep hurting him if you are not sure of yourself

artgirl1995 · Answer

Your husband is amazing. He loves you so much that his willing to forgive your one mistake for the love you make him feel. At least for him, don't cheat on him again.

LoneWolf21 · Answer

Why did he take you back after you showed him you're two-faced, backstabbing, manipulative, hypocritical ho? Because he's a DUMBA$$!

However, eventually he will come to his senses and either divorce your skank a$$ or turn around and cheat on you. Which in the case of him turning around and cheating on you I hope he f**ks your sister.

tacogirl93 · Answer

wow your husband is sucha good man you are lucky to have such a husband.I don think he desrved all that cheating from you and his best friend.Thats just so bad :( I feel so sorry for your husband. But I am glad to know you have realized your mistake.All you go to do is sincerely apologize to your husband now and never ever cheat on that good man again.He loves you a lot and that's he reason why he is not giving up on you.You're so lucky  to have him just know that.

Anonymous · Answer

Forgivness is a gift and he surely does have it. I'm really impressed. Even after you tried to hide, he still forgave you and even realized that he did his part in making it happen.

If just half of what you write his true, then you're really lucky with him...

He even realized in the whole chaos there, that at least part of it is also his fault. He accepted it and changed what he could to take even better care of you.

misternodramaman · Answer

Because your husband is WAY TOO FORGIVING IMO. If I were your husband you'd be kicked out on the streets in 2 seconds flat. You and his so-called best friend are low-life selfish scumbags and have no morals or integrity. It makes me sick as how people can have the audacity to do things like this to their spouses or friends and want sympathy for it SMH.

Do your husband a favor and leave him, you don't deserve such a nice guy.

I actually got angry when I read your story, and I hope his "friend" gets his teeth kicked out as well!

GOOSEBOY78 · Answer

he respects his marriage vows, but dont mis-understand here.

this ain't a "get out jail free card" here. your still on probation.

you broke his trust with his "best friend" with his bestest friend.

you should be thankfull he is still letting you in the house. i would have divorced your ass

steveguitar · Answer

disgusting. I hope you feel really dirty and disgusted.  If I was your husband , would have told you to get the f*** out of my house.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, your husband clearly has low self-esteem/self-respect. He doesn't think he deserves a faithful wife.

Bubbletea89 · Answer

Love. Don't wonder about the why, focus on this chance and your future and NEVER EVER do it again!

kangaru · Answer

if I have a husband like yours I would be so happy. no matter under whatever circumstances, one must have control over their desires

Cturner1999 · Answer

Your husband deserves better. That's all I am saying...

Anonymous · Answer

He is such a sweet person. Don't ever lose him. He forgiven your mistake

jaegerffff · Answer

because he's too nice. he hated you but forgave you cause he likes you even after you burned him.

Naughtyboy71 · Answer

Why it bother you your husband forgave you be honest you still want to fuck  Other men

Kazashi · Answer

It's okay ur husband will fuck ur mommy, sisters and best friend precious puss² coz urs is garbage😉.

Anonymous · Answer

Women do stuff like this all of the time and usually end up blaming the husband.

I cheated on my husband with his friend. Why would he still want to be with me and move forward like this?

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