I think my friend has inferiority complex?

[Anonymous]

I think my friend has inferiority complex.

She acts like she is better then me. Talks down to me and snaps at me at times. Also makes it out like I am the dumb one. She seems to be really embarrassed by me when we hang out and I feel like I can't be myself around her.

Examples: We did a Zumba class together once. She was not a dancer at all and knew it and I got "we found something you are better then me at. I had not been to the Gym for a while, she goes to the same Gym. Took a pic of the class I go to, sent it to me and sent a text saying "why isn't fatty at the Gym today?" I am of an average build. Not even over weight lol. We were at an event we used to go to weekly. She was not going the week. Her other friend's 10 year old son was there and I mentioned that I will keep him company while she is away. The reply I got to that "oh, you would not be at his intelligence level."

She kicked me off her trivia team. Said I had to make my own team. I could bring other friends with me she said and when I did, we were talking to loud, when we were mainly just chatting quietly amongst ourselves and weren't participating enough.

Apparently questions that everybody knows does not count. There were questions other people answered that I knew, that counted lol. The questions there were a bit outdated for me. They were mainly aimed at a older age bracket. The host and I had a flirtation thing going on as well and she was going on about how I was embarrassing myself (cause I was in my mid 30's and he was 50, he was single) with him when he was the one mainly approaching me and complimenting me (you would think an older guy would like a younger girls attention), she said it was awkward. Awkward for her but I did not see it. Especially when he was joking around with us the last night we were there. Shrugs. Nothing even happened with him and I. I asked how he was weeks later and she snaps at me and I was like woah. I wasn't asking for his number or anything!

We have known each other since we were in Primary (Secondary) School. I was quiet and shy back when I was younger, but I am not anymore!

I can see that she hates it when I don't act like, what she perceives me to be like and I feel like I have to revert back to being quiet again because that suits her better and she seems more comfortable with me when I am like that. Roll eyes.

She has often made remarks that insult my intelligence that I even asked my group of friends if they thought I was dumb and they completely disagreed lol.

I have not had any problems like this with other friends of mine. We are all on the same wave length and treat each other equally. I am a big advocate of that.

I honestly don't like people who think they are better then you and find people who talk down to you irritating. This girl is getting on my last nerve. Don't get me wrong. She is a nice person. Hence why I am still friends with her but having second thoughts about the friendship and have distanced myself a bit from her, because I don't like the way she is me.

[shadowscapes]

Yes, she has an inferiority complex. If she's in her 30's like you, then she's like 10 or 20 years too old for this shit. And you shouldn't tolerate it. But you still want her as a friend.

If this helps, when I was 16, I had a friend my age who was the same way. he would nitpick and degrade me on anything varying from not "being able to pick out a good meal" at a barbeque if I just got some salad and a piece of bread to twisting my words whenever I misspoke. He was still a really good person; just with a napoleon complex.

I realized this at one point and I decided to still be his friend and not be aggressive toward him but instead have a bigger backbone. When he does nitpick, I would acknowledge it and call him out on it (calmly and maturely - not with anger; and then proceed onward without making it a big emotional issue). And I also carried myself with more respect. And after a few months, he started to slowly treat me better.

[Asker]

She is in her 30's like me. 2 years younger then I. No I shouldn't! Hence why I have distanced myself from her. LoL when I mentioned to her once "you know none of my other friends talk to me the way you do" she goes 'they don't know you as well as I do'" wow. I have another friend I have known as long as her, who has seen that "shy, awkward" (not like that anymore, I grew out of it) side of me as well and I have no problems with her, so that blows that theory!

[Asker]

Yeah that barbie thing you brought up reminded me of when I was passing around chocolate to everyone. I was a bit slow giving them out because I did not know how many there was and she snapped at me as if to say 'your bloody hopeless', yanks the packet out of my hand does it herself. I just thought WTF?! Shook my head and just let her hand the rest out.

That's it isn't it. I think cause I am getting older now I am less tolerable of things and want people to respect me more.

[Asker]

That is a good way to go about it. Although the last time I did talk to her we had a few arguments and she did seem to twist things I was saying when I spoke up more to make me sound dumb lol. So not so sure but I will keep what you said in mind. Thanks for the advice. But it does feel good right now not dealing with someone like this in my life. Just gotta see what happens I think.

[shadowscapes]

yeah its important on the tone you express. let her know that you ain't cool with it, but don't let it rustle you up either or become an argument (because it gives the other person the "whoa calm down your overreacting" option).

[Asker]

It'll be weird to her if I do continue the friendship when I do stand up for myself. It'll spin her out but would probably prove that I actually have grown up and changed, something I don't think she thinks I has, she has even said it herself.

[shadowscapes]

i don't think it would make things too wierd. she'll just realize that she'll need to adjust herself a bit to correct it

[Asker]

Yeah she will. Hopefully the behaviour will improve if we decide to catch up again.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. :-).

[UberTroll]

She probably has a superiority complex but not an inferiority complex. With a superiority complex you feel like you always have to be the best, which is basically the behavior your friend is demonstrating. An inferiority complex is the opposite, they lack confidence and they're convinced they're the worst at everything. Someone with a superiority complex feels the need to knock others down but someone with an inferiority complex feels the need to knock themselves down. If the friendship is having negative affects on you then you may want to consider keeping your distance because it does sound like a toxic relationship. You might wanna try talking to her first too and see if it helps any.

[Asker]

I had thought it could be superiority complex as well. Either one of the two. I just thought of she already thinks she is better then me there would be no need for her to knock me down. Might have to read up on that to.

I did have to think about the original post when writing to make myself not sound like I have inferiority complex but I don't feel that way at all when I hang out with her just feel irritated and just ignore it.

[Asker]

Agree that the friendship is toxic at times. I mean she insults my intelligence and brings me down. Not cool and feel less intolerable of it now I am getting older. I wonder how I even tolerated it for that long.

The trivia thing was the thing that made me open my eyes to it more especially when my other friends were there and saw that I did nothing majorly wrong.

They mentioned how they felt looked down upon as well sitting at that table..

[Asker]

But yes friendship is not meant to be like this. It's meant to be more uplifting and on the same level.

[Asker]

Friendship is supposed to be uplifting not like this but do have other friends so it will be no big loss if I did stop being friends with this girl.

[desidoll]

She is trying to compete with you and make herself look better. I know how you feel.Somehow she must have good quality that makes you want to be friends with her but unfortunately she is letting her jealousy to mess up your friendship.There is nothing you can do to change her,unless she willing to change herself.It just one of her personality trait.I have a friend who is like this.She will make comment about my appearance all the time but then I saw how she dressed up similar to me.It just hypocritical.She will brag about how much guys chase after her,though I know she was lying.If you can't stand her maybe you can try to avoid her and find other good friends.

[Asker]

Yeah . Besides this whole thing she is nice at times. This whole need to be better then people would be exhausting I reckon. I am glad I am not like that!

Yes have been distancing myself from her and it had been good not worrying about how I should behave around someone without being snapped at.

I already do have other friends and thank god none of them treat me like that which is good!

[desidoll]

Its good that you have other options.You can always be friends with people who don't put you down.