How to get out of the friendzone (as a girl)?

Well for the past year I thought my guy best friend (who I've known for years) liked me, and he subconsciously flirts with me, and he treats me the way he used to treat his girlfriend (now his ex), and he's always touching me (my hair, my hands, my arms, my body), teasing me, it was nearly obvious that he liked me (and he did like me in the past when we first met but I didn't like him then). He talks to me for hours and hours and calls me special, and I know he enjoys my company. we enjoy a generous amount of the same things. he wants to do a lot of things with me in his life that take commitment. I thought I was on the right track, and for new years we even stayed in my bed together all night watching movies and passing out.

So yeah, I thought, this guy has to feel SOMETHING for me, right?

Oh so wrong. He's one of the weirdest guys I've ever met, and he says he had no idea that all of these things he was doing was flirting (trust me it is, I'm not crazy), and he's just socially awkward and incapable of understanding how to treat females or people in general. He can't tell when girls like him. He doesn't know what flirting consists of. He just "naturally" craves physical contact with people, and since I'm a close person in his life, he does it to me. After confessing my feelings to him he said that he didn't have "feelings" for me, and that I'm generally in the friendzone and that he would change it if he could, but that they're just not there.

He's attracted to me (Says I'm above an 8/10 on his scale), we spend half of our time talking to each other or doing things together. We love each other, but at the current moment I just love him as like a soulmate type of figure and he loves me as this special best friend that he can treat like a girlfriend but not have feelings for.

He says that everything's fine and he doesn't see me as anything different after telling him, so our friendship isn't "ruined". We're super close and it doesn't matter to either of us. (But I do still want to change how he views me)

How do I get out of this dreaded friendzone before it kills me? Like I plan on being with him forever. And I've kind of concluded this in my mind. Unless like 15- 20 years passes and nothing ever happens between us, I don't think I'll ever love anybody the way I love him.

What can I do?

Updates:
If it wasn't clear, he does NOT currently have a girlfriend and hasn't had one in the past 8-10 months. She cheated on him multiple times and it had nothing to do with me and at the time I only saw him as a friend. So I just wanted to make that clear.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • will let me tell you that I had the exact same experience "except that I didn't have girlfriend"

    the girl liked me after she slept with my friends, actually lots of my friends. it happens after she knew me well and after I knew her well too, so when she confess that to me I told her we are just friends even though that I used to like her and wanted her as girlfriend and she rejected me earlier.

    I am socially awkward I guess, when I get rejection, I just start new page and eliminate the girl who rejected me from my future relationship and just have her as a friend and that make it socially easier.

    seriously she even start to think that I am gay for not having sex with her even though she slept couple times naked in my bed and I done nothing to her. I told her if she wanna keep the friendship, she shouldn't sleep in my bed with me after parties or bars or whatever cause sometimes I get drunk and kisses her.

    after while she got bored and left me even as a friend.

    my friends blame me all the time for passing her. the reason I did that is, first she slept with lots of my friend. second she rejected me at first. third I had crush in her friend and you know girls usually don't miss around with guys slept with their girlfriends, am I right?

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    • I'm a virgin, and I don't sleep around. My friend doesn't have a girlfriend. He used to have a girlfriend about 8 months to a year ago. He's been single since then. & we've been best friends for 4 years. I've never been with his friends, I've never slept with his friends, I don't even know his friends very well. When we first met I had already been liking someone for a month, and I thought that guy had liked me too, which is why I didn't accept being his girlfriend back then, because I thought that was wrong

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    • yes it says in the text above that he thinks I'm physically attractive. I asked and he's always honest he said himself that 1. I look really good 2. I'm above an 8 out of 10 for him

      well I'm not like that girl, so I'm not sure what you mean by that

    • well if you want to be his girlfriend, you have to be like that. I know that guys should make the move but if you really want him try to be little bit physical and sexually attract him. if he doesn't like it just be his friend.

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What Guys Said 3

  • He definitely cares about you. Trust me. You can't spend that much time or do that many things with another person and not care.

    This may be difficult. But here's how to solve your problem: You basically need to give him the "fade out". Start seeing him and hanging out with him less and less. Basically, honestly tell him that you have feelings for him and you expect a relationship with him. If he can't give that to you, then he can't get the "perks" either. He can't have you caring and doing things for him like a girlfriend would. It's like if you don't sign up for frequent flyers membership, you can't have the perks of free checked bags, free tickets, free upgrades, access to elite lounges.

    Honestly, that's the only thing you can do. You can put more effort into him, but given how long you've been his close friend, it will be difficult for him to see you in a different light. I'm not saying to cut him off completely, but treat him like a NORMAL friend. You can spend your time and energy on another person that can give you more in return. You just need to be more open-minded. Remember, even though all snowflakes are different, there can be more than one "perfect" one. Keep your options open, and you will find the right person, whether it's him or someone else.

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    • Yep, I know he cares about me.

      The thing is I just went through about 5 months w/o seeing him, as in, new years was the first time I saw him in 5 months. I don't know how much more "fading out" I can do at this point unless I were to never see him again. Although I completely understand what you mean.

      I guess I'll try not being his therapist but you know, I love him as a friend before anything & we've always been there for each other so it's difficult seeing him in pain & not trying to help

  • Well I don't know the guy, and when it's a long time impression of a person, it can be harder to change.

    The flirting thing may just be an excuse. What exactly did he do that was flirtatious?

    He obviously has a connection with you. However maybe he doesn't 'lust' for you. I know it sounds shallow, but men are visual creatures, and we may friend zone a girl based mainly on how attracted we are to them on a physical level. I don't like doing that, but it's biology, it's hard to avoid.

    So the only thing I can think of is to dress up for him. However you interpret that is up to you, but make yourself an object of desire to him. Wear a nice perfume, wear make-up, wear tighter and/or more revealing clothes. Act more flirtatious around him. Make him want you.

    Aside from that I'm not sure much else can be done. If he has a certain way of seeing you after so long, you can either wait and hope, or move on. I just hope if he doesn't change that you find a way to move on.

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    • He constantly touches me, as I said above. He does inappropriate things, comments on my boobs, stares at me, compliments me, we cuddle, poke, playfight. There's more, but I'd rather not make a list right now.

      The last time he saw me I dressed up nicely and he you know, checked me out and said "you look REALLY good by the way", but it didn't mean much more than that.

  • It's possible that he just doesn't go for hot girls. I know that I wouldn't even bother with anyone above a 6/10 because they only go for the creme of the crop males. Some guys, such as myself, simply don't try to go for hot women because the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think it is not a good thing that you have already made this decision to be with him forever.

    You have to rub up against him show him your boobs turn him on.

    You have to do something to get the sexy rolling. High heels whatever it takes.

    This is painful to read really it is.

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    • boob rubbing, okay will do. lol

      yes this is even more painful for me

      I know the decision is bad, but at the current moment I can't feel any other way.

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