Weird situation... is cutting him off the right thing to do?

[Anonymous]

Ok, I am in the strangest living situation which I really can't get out of unless I decide to become homeless. I moved to another country last year to attend university near my ex (we were on a break when I came). I have been living with his parents for free and have sort of become a member of the family. My ex has his own place and I only see him on the weekends.

Anyway, when I came here we were on a break because we were living long distance and were going to talk about getting back together when I moved. We never did, instead we just slept together and I assumed we were back on. But to he told all his friends we were broken up and was looking for someone new while still sleeping with me. Anyway, he met her about 8 months ago and dumped me. He lied about being with her, but I always knew and eventually he confessed it when I showed him hard proof he couldn't deny.

I still stay with his family because I can't afford my own place and stay in his room. A couple months after dumping me, things didn't work out with this girl and he started sleeping with me again. At first I still wanted to get back together, but later saw that he didn't want a relationship from me, only sex. I keep trying to get out of this situation but I can't avoid him and he knows how to seduce me.

Anyway, I still have issues with him and about this other girl. I am so angry with him for what he did, but he doesn't think he did anything wrong. I am so angry at myself for getting myself into this mess and not measuring up to this other girl. He has been really great to me, letting me into his home and all and we were close (I am slowly distancing myself emotionally) but being around him I keep remembering that I am just his constellation prize and really he wants someone else.

I am going home next week for a visit and will be gone for 2 weeks. He was here over the weekend but left today. I haven't spoken too him since he left and was planning on just staying offline for the next few weeks until I come back.

After we broke up I managed to avoid him for 1 month (but when the other girl dumped him, he came looking for me). It really helped me to heal but is there any point in doing it again? I will have to see him again in 3 weeks. Is it rude to just cut him off without warning for 3 weeks after everything? Do you think he will even care that I don't talk to him for so long? I have done the no contact thing before, but every time we end up sleeping together.

[BaronScrewtape]

Have you thought about talking about your situation with his parents? If they are compassionate people at all I don't think they would approve of how he is abusing you. Maybe you can work something out with them, if you feel bad living with them for free without dating their son.

Thing is if he is keeping what is going on with you from his parents then he probably plans to blackmail you for sex if you try to cut him off. He can just threaten to tell them lies about the two of you to get you kicked out. You need to try and think of ways to protect yourself from him.

And as far as being trapped by your desire to get your masters: Is there another college you can transfer your credits to? And if it takes another semester, would that not be worth it to protect yourself?

I feel for you, and I hope you can work out a way to get everything you want without being further abused by this guy.

Be safe.

[loddo]

you need to understand that for him, sex is just something you do. its putting his whoodilly in your chacha a few times, and rubbing around on each other, NOTHING MORE. until you really, really understand that it doesn't mean anything to him, you will not see your situation clearly. you say you know that in your text, but your actions show that you aren't understanding it very well.

He isn't going to care if you contact him while you are away. You can't get him off while you're out of town, so what does he care.

What guy wouldn't let some girl stay in his parents house while he is away? I'm sorry, but its like a whore on call every time he visits home. he probably tells all his friends about it and laughs. (and it is his parents that are being generous, not him by the way.)

sorry to be rude, it tough love hon, you are going to get hurt until you see this for what it is.

[Asker]

I know how it is, I am the girl he sleeps with until someone better comes along. It happened already that he meet her and stopped sleeping with me but then she dumped him and suddenly he was interested again. I don't want to wait around for that to happen again, it was too humiliating the first time. I told him last night I need space and am not going online when I am gone. He got upset about and wants me to still contact him everyday.

[hersheyhawks]

I think that if you want to get away from him and if he broke your heart, you need to do what is best for you no matter how you think it may affect him. He really hurt you with the other girl, it sounds like. Unless you really think there is some potential there for more than just sex, I think you should cut him off. If you're worried about being rude to him, there's nothing wrong with telling him that you need to leave and cut him off because its the right thing to do for you and you need to.

I know the whole situation is really hard to do, but in the end you have to do what is right for you and won't keep you feeling terrible and heartbroken.

[Asker]

I know its the right thing, and I have told him in the past I am going to move out and that we can't be friends anymore but he really guilt me into it saying he's done so much and how could I just leave his parents and never come back. Also, I am slightly torn, he has been a big part of my life for over 3 years and the thought of never seeing him again is hard to swallow.

[hersheyhawks]

Have you tried working out JUST a friendship with him? I understand how hard it is to get completely away from someone after you've known them for so long. One option would be to save up some money and get your own place. Then you could still visit his parents or even him if you felt the need, but you'd still have space and be on your own. But I understand that sometimes getting your own place may not be a possibility financially and such.

[confused1081]

I knew a girl just like this, and these guys don't understand "JUST FRIENDSHIP" it starts out that way and then things get mixed up. Honestly, you need to cut ties completely. It's just putting yourself in this really bad cycle that's just damaging to you. Why don't you just go back to your h ome country and stay with your family?

[Asker]

I am one year away from getting a Masters Degree... I can't quit and go home now. But I don't want to remain in this situation for another year. I just feel completely trapped right now.

[hersheyhawks]

I think that if it really, really hurts you to be with him, you need to somehow find the strength to say no to him. Next time he makes an advance on you, tell him you don't want to and be straight up about it. Don't stay around where he can pressure you after you say no either. It may be hard at first, but after you'll be glad you did it.

[Gimmethecash]

He doesn't care about you! If you had your own place he wouldn't treat you like this, he know your situation and is taking advantage of it. As far as him sleeping with other people doesn't that worry you, health wise(STD) Not to be mean but who cares about being rude to him and stop sleeping with him your only making it worst for yourself.