My boyfriend's best friend is disgusting. What do I do?

[christinalong338]

My boyfriend is a wonderful guy, but I have come to my wit's end with his best friend. He's sexist, says offensive and degrading things about women, is always in my apartment eating my food and drinking my alcohol (that I alone pay for), and his moral compass is so far off I often wonder if he even has one.

The most recent issue I have with him is his sex life. He's having sex with four or five "milfs" meaning they actually have children. We are 25 and these women are like 28 with 13 year old children. He has sex with them while their children are awake in the house and then gets annoyed when they call him to hang out. He says he only has time to bang them and that they should just understand that. By the way, he's 25, hasn't finished college, only has class 2 days a week, and has no job. He has nothing but time. He hits on women everywhere we go. He's like a sex crazed animal. Most recently, he picked up a 16 year old and got her number. He agrees that he shouldn't do anything with her now because it's ILLEGAL! But he's still keeping her "on the bench until she's legal."

I find him repugnant and disgusting and my boyfriend won't even tell me the absurd and deplorable things he does anymore because he knows I'll like him even less. He lectures his friend too, but somehow it's not okay for me to think he's a pig?

I guess I don't get why they're still friends. If I had my choice, I would never have to see him agian, but since my boyfriend and I live together, he's at my apartment a lot. What can I do? Will my boyfriend ever see that this guy is too immature to be friends with anymore?

Updates

+1 y

by the way, the info I have about his sex life is mostly related directy to me from him, but some of it my boyfriend tells me about out of his own disgust, but then he gets annoyed that I'm disgusted too. He says "that's why I didn't want to tell you." but when I point out that I had the exact same reaction he did, he just goes quiet.

[ilovelegs]

I don't know why you consider your boyfriend a wonderful guy based upon the type of guy he's chosen as his best friend. I'm going to tell you something you're not going to like hearing - but you can tell a LOT about a person by the friends he/she keeps. If his best friend is as repugnant and disgusting as you say he is, and that he does such deplorable things like a sex crazed animal, then that says something about your boyfriend. I'm not criticizing him but I'm just saying. What could a wonderful guy have in common with such a person you say is a pig. Why would he even be seen hanging out with such a guy? Why would he ever let him feel invited to your apartment when he knows you so dislike him so much for what he's been doing? He is being so overly disrespectful of you. What do you think other people think of your boyfriend for his close friendship with him, or you his girlfriend for putting up with such a situation?. First, your boyfriend's reputation is already gradually going down the drain, and then you will be right behind him because of your association. There's a direct connection there that other people see and are well aware of even if no one is saying much about it yet. Once a person's good and honorable reputation is lost it's almost impossible to get it back. Your boyfriend's character will eventually be affected by this too. These two things have such a very high value...they're priceless and irreplaceable! You don't want to lose these just to keep a cheap friend. You need to tell your boyfriend that he needs to get out of this friendship with this guy he considers his best friend ASAP before the tar that's all over this guy gets on him and then rubs off on you. A person wants friends that are positive people and the type that have good moral characters and radiate enthusiasm. This guy is like a rotten apple that has the ability to spoil a whole bushel of the very best apples just by being randomly placed in there. You need to ask your boyfriend who's side he's on... his or yours. I wish you the very best in convincing him to stand up for what's right. He needs to stand up like a man. He needs to stand up with you. This best friend really isn't a friend at all. He's eating away at both of you. Good luck to you. You sound like a gem to me.

[christinalong338]

wouldn't it be controlling to demand that he drop his friend?

[ilovelegs]

There are times in your life where you should take control of things that directly affect you that are headed in the wrong direction. For example, not to do so is like riding in a car driven by your boyfriend that's starting to leave the road towards an embankment because he's starting to fall asleep but you hesitate grabbing the wheel or waking him up with a jolt because you think that'd be taking control. First, you give him that choice by asking... then soon later demanding.

[christinalong338]

my boyfriend would certainly tell me that I'm being controlling and unfair. He should be the one to decide who his friends are, not me. I just wish he would choose differently or only keep good friends around. I've kicked toxic people out of my life before, but they were mine to kick out, not someone elses.

[WassPoppin]

For all you know, these two could have been best friends since childhood? Why drop a wonderful guy just because of his friend's action? That's ridiculous.

Here's what you do, tell your boyfriend that you're extremely offended by his friends disrespect, that you'd rather him not hang around your house.

Your boyfriend should care for you enough to make this happen.

[ilovelegs]

You asked, "what do I do" and I gave you my suggestions. If you rather keep the situation like it is because you think "your boyfriend will certainly tell you that you're being controlling and unfair", and/or because you think you can leave the situation like it is and still keep your sanity and be happy, that's your choice to make. But you did say, "I have come to my wit's end with your boyfriend's best friend". My response to your question took this concern of yours into consideration. .

[kheserthorpe]

Forget his sex life.

Deal with the fact that he's a crappy rude guest who eats your food and drinks your stuff. That's not okay.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Birds of a feather flock together...They're friends because on some level they can relate to each other. Show me your friends and I will show me who you are...there are too many wise quotes and proverbs that basically state the character of your friends shines a light on your own character. Maybe your boyfriend is a lot more like his best friend than you realize he is, but you can't see it yet. People who are really disgusted by someone's behavior won't spend that much time with them, certainly won't be "best friends" with them. Your boyfriend is more than likely faking his disgust for his friend, that's why he gets annoyed when you show your disgust too. If he was that disgusted, he would agree with you, not get annoyed and defend him.

And don't let him in your house. It's YOUR house. Meaning, you control who is and isn't allowed to come over. You allow him to invade your space and eat and drink all your shit every time you open the door to let him in. If he's that bad then you need to take a stand and tell your boyfriend that you do not want him around because of all the reasons you told us. He can't be eating and drinking your stuff w/o your permission (that's basically stealing). Why does your boyfriend not defend you? Have you brought your complaints up to him? If he does not defend you and make his best friend respect you and act respectable in your presence at least then ask yourself what kind of man you really have. because honestly it doesn't sound like you have a decent one

[snowboarder720]

there's nothing you can do to change your boyfriend best friend. However, if he's drinking your booze tell him to knock it off and don't let him. He can buy his own shit.

It sounds to me like you're just waiting for your boyfriend to do this for you, I suggest you grow a set of balls and tell him this stuff yourself.

[christinalong338]

it's mostly that I think he's a bad person. the fact that he takes my stuff is just icing on the crappy cake.

[snowboarder720]

I understand what you mean, but when the cake is already baked you can't change what kind of cake it is. Hope that makes sense. You just need to deal with him. I'm sure your boyfriend knows your feelings towards him.

[WassPoppin]

Okay okay, I see what's going on, don't worry; in the end, your bf's best friend dies because some crazed guy with an obsession with your best friend tears his limbs off and his cotton flies out over the baseball field. You and your boyfriend will sew him up, but its no use... luckily you will make a wish and it's magic will bring him back to life and you guys will live happily ever after...

By chance, is your BR's best friend a magic teddy bear he got as a kid for Christmas?

[Kelly34]

28 eight year olds with 13 year old kids? Sounds like this slooting around thing isn't anything new for them.

Sounds like you need to pull your head out of your arse, his sex life isn't yours to dictate.

[christinalong338]

true, but I don't need to hear about it, and now that I have, I don't want to associate with him anymore. A man who speaks degradingly about women and practices what he preaches is not a "man" I wish to associate with. So in that he made me aware of his predelictions, he made his sex life my business. I would prefer if he would pull his head out of his own arse and join the real world where being an asshole isn't something to "cheers" to with a pint in a frat basement...

[madhatters4]

tell your boyfriend that if he comes over he's got to censor himself. or tell your boyfriend you don't want him there at all

[christinalong338]

wouldn't that be rude of me to kick him out of our apartment for good? I mean my boyfriend lives with me, but I pay 100% of the rent and utilities, food, water, etc. I wouldn't want to force him to choose his friend or me. What if he chooses his friend? I think he might...

[madhatters4]

well you basically run the place (paying rent, utes, food, water) so you should ultimately decide who and want goes on. If your boyfriend wants a say he should contribute.

Your boyfriend should also not force you or even want you to hang around people you are uncomfortable with. You've got to state your opinion here as you have a valid concern and desire. IF he chooses his friend over being considerate to you then you don't need this bf.

[madhatters4]

i have a friend who is crass, boorish, at times sexist. he is basically a relatively "manish" man.

my girlfriend can stand him to a point so he comes over now and then but otherwise I'll go to his place or we'll go out somewhere. I want to be considerate of my girlfriend and her home environment shouldn't be a place she is uncomfortable and/or unhappy

[sexyasianboi26]

Deal with it lol. Everyone comes in different packages, some have parents who will try and destroy your life. Your bf's bestie is like an annoying fly.

[CellLuddite]

Dump them both. The company you keep speaks to your character.

[Keyspirits]

I wouldve kicked him out if I were u

Disgusting mudda effort

[Whitechocolate1001]

I think you like your BF's friend because if you didn't you wouldn't be so interested in his life.

[ArabianPwincess197]

avoid him