Taking their love of glitter a little too far, bearded men around the world are saturating their facial hair with sparkles. Rumor has it the trend caught on after Instagram user The Gay Beards posted the following:
Although I wish this had been the muse:
That glitter tear! It kills me. It should have its own social media following.
Then the bearded duo posted a handy-dandy how-to video:
And now sparkly beards have been spotted across the globe.
Take a look at that number. Over 4,000 Instagram posts with the hashtag #glitterbeard. FOUR THOUSAND.
Guys...STOP. Glitter beards might be pretty, but they are a pain in the ass.
Your Poor Vacuum
Any kindergarten teacher (or arts-and-crafts lover) knows that while glitter is awesome and beautiful and sparkly and unicorns and rainbows...it gets everywhere.
Guys: Imagine your bathroom after you follow the how-to video above. Glitter will be on every single thing in that room. "Oh, but I put down a tarp! It will be fine," you say.
Don't believe me? Ask Erica Tachour, who posted the following photo on her blog:
Yes. That's a glittery bellybutton.
Your vacuum cleaner is going to be sparkly forever. (And it will likely resent you for it.)
Glitter has magical properties that allow it to get into every nook and cranny, which leads me to another reason glitter beards are an awful idea...
Glitter Does Not Belong in the Crotchal Region
The heading says it all. Let's say your guy resembles a lumberjack and decides to surprise you with a full-on, shimmering glitter beard.
Close your eyes, and imagine kissing him.
GLITTER IS NOW ALL OVER YOU!
And don't even get me started on the damage glitter beards could cause during more intimate acts of physical affection.
Look at the many pictures of glitter beards online, sure, and smile at how shiny and pretty they are. But do not drive your happy self to the craft store and come home with seventeen different colors of glitter and beard oil. Trust me: You, your significant other, and your vacuum cleaner will thank me.