Glitter Beards: Sparkly and Festive... and an Awful Idea

[KatrinaRobinson]

Taking their love of glitter a little too far, bearded men around the world are saturating their facial hair with sparkles. Rumor has it the trend caught on after Instagram user The Gay Beards posted the following:

Although I wish this had been the muse:

That glitter tear! It kills me. It should have its own social media following.

Then the bearded duo posted a handy-dandy how-to video:

And now sparkly beards have been spotted across the globe.

Take a look at that number. Over 4,000 Instagram posts with the hashtag #glitterbeard. FOUR THOUSAND.

Guys...STOP. Glitter beards might be pretty, but they are a pain in the ass.

Your Poor Vacuum

Any kindergarten teacher (or arts-and-crafts lover) knows that while glitter is awesome and beautiful and sparkly and unicorns and rainbows...it gets everywhere.

Guys: Imagine your bathroom after you follow the how-to video above. Glitter will be on every single thing in that room. "Oh, but I put down a tarp! It will be fine," you say.

WRONG.

Don't believe me? Ask Erica Tachour, who posted the following photo on her blog:

Yes. That's a glittery bellybutton.

Your vacuum cleaner is going to be sparkly forever. (And it will likely resent you for it.)

Glitter has magical properties that allow it to get into every nook and cranny, which leads me to another reason glitter beards are an awful idea...

Glitter Does Not Belong in the Crotchal Region

The heading says it all. Let's say your guy resembles a lumberjack and decides to surprise you with a full-on, shimmering glitter beard.

Close your eyes, and imagine kissing him.

GLITTER IS NOW ALL OVER YOU!

And don't even get me started on the damage glitter beards could cause during more intimate acts of physical affection.

So Just...Don't.

Look at the many pictures of glitter beards online, sure, and smile at how shiny and pretty they are. But do not drive your happy self to the craft store and come home with seventeen different colors of glitter and beard oil. Trust me: You, your significant other, and your vacuum cleaner will thank me.

[SilenRose]

Glitter A. K. A "the asshole of the arts and crafts world". It's so notoriously known that a business was made out of mailing an envelope filled with glitter to your enemies. The glitter beard is cute but I can see a way of removing it completely without having to get rid of your beard and starting over again.

[KHaskins]

Glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts. If you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Step outside on a sunny day from that day forth, and uh-oh: flareup.

[9mfeo]

I was literally going to say that lol.

[Rawrzz]

Yeah... okay. Clearly, you haven't heard of the whole vadazzling thing. A non festive way to decorate the vagina by putting toy jewels and glitter and who knows what the fuck on vaginas. Basically the same thing, just with vaginas.

Do you really think people are suddenly going, "OH MY GOD! Her subjective preference really shines the light for me. I really SHOULDN'T dazzle my vagina or beard." No. People are going to do what they're going to do. Like jump off hotel buildings and smack cobras on the head and such. Am I going to try to stop them? No. Because they're going to do it one way or another, regardless.

Hell. If anything, your post males me want to grow a beard by Christmas, just so I can do this.

[KatrinaRobinson]

Do it. And then post pics of what your bathroom looks like after. Glitter EVERYWHERE.

[Rawrzz]

I can't physically grow a beard by Christmas... :/ And I can't grow a full beard yet. Well, it's mostly full, just patchy. Even though I'm 25, and 16 year olds are sporting beards. -.-;; But, that's okay, because I look like white Jesus when I grow a beard, so I can't grow one anyway.

But! Rest assured, I would definitely post pics of my glitter beard if I could grow one right. Take that myTake Owner. In the *faaace*.

[sean1234]

Ha ha ha, I think someone has gold fever, LOL!!! m9.i.pbase.com/.../68713569.FiOwGggG.jpg

[spuitkaas]

But it's so fabulous 🌌
You can also do the girl variety. Glitter roots or glitter vanny.
I must say, it looks kinda awesome at beard but I understand it's not practical whatsoever

[KatrinaRobinson]

Or glitter pits. ;)

[Phoenix98]

*shakes head* no just no, get your freaky gay glitter festival out of here and take your weirdness with you, not to mention that's just bad hygiene and bad for your beard having all that glitter and glue stuck in it.

[rthomas43]

I'm so fucking tired of people tagging me in glitter beard articles on Facebook.

[teawrecks]

Just accept it you glittery bearded whore ☺️

[PaintPrincess]

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I actually love the glitter beard. Although it would be messy and pretty difficult to get rid of once you have it, I find it wonderful. I just love beards in general and I think this is a pretty cute way to jazz them up.

[Nachtmeerde]

I wouldn't mind glitter beards actually, as long as he REALLY takes the time to clean up after, or was thinking of trimming said beard a little anyways. As for glittery crotch, my disposable razor gets to be glittery too! Wheeeee 😂

[FauxGirlNikki]

LMAO... would make for one of the best episodes of "mountain man" ever! nothin can rake in the ratings like flamboyant hillbillies!

lol just made me think of a glitter bearded Early Kuyler (prob. had too)

[LeoLionEye]

Some men can't grow beards while some men don't deserve to have beards! It's like Spider-man said "With great power comes great responsibility". These men should be forced to shave. They are a disgrace to bearded men everywhere.

[Anonymous]

I saw the pictures the other day and just thought how dumb it looked. I wouldn't date a guy with a beard anyway

[KatrinaRobinson]

Not a beard lover? No way! I love some facial hair. Beards are my jam.

[Opinion Owner]

no, not in the slightest I never have been, I've been more picky than I used to be. . but awesome you like it. I'm sure you don't like something in guys that I do. thanks for up vote

[mooky06]

It seems like a very messy idea. I really don't want to imagine where the glitter can end up if it doesn't stay on the beard lol *cringes*

glitter pubic hair :(

[PippiL]

I think it looks awesome! I love how guys are finding new ways to express their style. Maybe if they used something a little stickier, it wouldn't make such a mess.

[Accipiter]

OMG no... glitter would be trapped in my beard for months! Not only that, but these guys will leave a trail of glitter where ever they go! It's bad enough when I kiss a girl who glitters up her face that her glitter rubs off onto mine.

[PeachSunset]

The glitter beard is a joke. Shouldn't you understand a joke when you have one sitting on your head?
Ok, I sound like such a giant ass hole, i'm so sorry 😂 I vote for the abolishment of glitter beards too.

[KatrinaRobinson]

Everyone's gotta be a critic. :)

[bluenose1872]

People are fond of making arses of themselves these days. Dignity and self respect are things of the past now.

[godfatherfan]

Why would anyone want glitter all over themselves? arghh.. what a horrible idea.

[SirenDep]

Seriously? Are there actually men out there who voluntarily put glitter on their beard? What's next?

[Elllie_1]

I think that it looks cool, imagine the mess though! Haha

[thewanderingme]

the guy with the black beard with just a little glitter looks cool to me

[Nuqood]

Your hair is pink and purple.. I feel like you have no right to judge bad decisions.

[Anno_Domini]

Shots fired!

[KatrinaRobinson]

You know what they say about opinions... everyone has them. Good on you for voicing yours!

[Nuqood]

Good for you, too, for dying your hair stupid colours at 33 and judging other people's fashion decisions, forgetting that the average person thinks you're a mess for having pink hair.

[KatrinaRobinson]

I'm feeling some suppressed anger there, Nuqood. You sure you're pissed that I have pink and purple hair? Or is it possibly something else that's causing you to lash out at random people you don't know on the Internet, behind the safety of a computer screen? Regardless, I hope you feel better and have a great day.

[Nuqood]

Nah I just don't appreciate your arrogance forgetting that you look just as dumb as the people you condemn. You haven't earned the right to voice your opinion about beard glitter being abnormal since you've tried your hardest to be 14 again.

[KatrinaRobinson]

... Did you even read the article? I didn't condemn anyone. Sorry you feel that way, but I'm not going to get into an argument with an Internet troll. Take care!

[Nuqood]

"So Just... Don't.
Look at the many pictures of glitter beards online, sure, and smile at how shiny and pretty they are. But do not drive your happy self to the craft store and come home with seventeen different colors of glitter and beard oil. Trust me: You, your significant other, and your vacuum cleaner will thank me."

Stupid.

[Mekkalyn]

Honestly, he kind of has a point.
If only it was said in a less rude manner.