Just Because You're Hot Doesn't Mean You Have "It"

Just Because You're Hot Doesn't Mean You Have

Girls and guys, I have one question for you: Do you know what the word "presence" means?

It seems these days that almost nobody has it. And when I say "it," I'm referring to presence, an indefinable magnetism generated by a singular charm and charisma. I believe certain people are born with the capacity to have "it" but they have to cultivate and refine it as they grow; they can't just expect it to shine through with no effort expended.

I'm just wondering why so few people seem to have "it." Of course, it's a rare quality but it's almost as if nobody even wants this presence or magnetism. They're perfectly happy with just trying to be "hot," maybe because we're so obsessed with sex and the visual element of relationships that we've started to regress in the realm of interpersonal relationships. In this way, perhaps there are reasons why "it" has started to disappear.

Lower EQ (Emotional Intelligence/Quotient)

By now, everyone is well aware of the negative implications of sitting in front of screens for most of the day, and letting machines do most of our "communication." A lack of face-to-face interaction absolutely and undoubtedly impacts a person's social ability, thereby hindering any chance of attaining a singular personal magnetism. Creepily, everyone is starting to have the same character traits and flaws; many can't meet your eyes, they mumble and look at their feet, they have the attention span of a gnat, they have no idea how to carry on a conversation, etc.

At this point, the average person may have a lower EQ/EI than any human civilization in history.

Obsession with "Image"

Let's get this straight- image doesn't have anything to do with presence. Image is strictly about marketing, whether you're actively trying to sell yourself (ala Lady Gaga), or you're simply trying to "sell" yourself to others. I'm not talking about prostitution; I'm just referring to our incessant drive to have an image we can present to the world. We're so obsessed with the idea of promoting individuality that in fact, it's backfiring to the point where everybody just tries to look like a "rebel" or has the "I don't care what I look like" attitude, which has never been and will never be even remotely appealing or attractive.

Indifference is a trend, I know. It's supposed to enhance your appeal and maybe it does (for some people). But it certainly has nothing to do with charm and charisma and ultimately, "it."

Obviously, the subjective nature of this topic makes "it" a difficult term. I believe young people will probably say one of those popular Twilight teens has "it," or maybe one of the many highly packaged, almost entirely artificial pop stars that strut around on stage with little verifiable talent but a lot of exposed skin. However, "it" should transcend generations and time; these amazing people who have such a rare quality are timeless because of that quality. In other words, I should look at one of these modern celebrities and see "it" because everyone can see it.

I'm just not sure it exists, though. I can't seem to find it. I have to scroll backward through time to find it. There are certain celebrities and social figures in human history that have this magnetism, this quality that you can't look away from; it doesn't matter what they're doing, saying, or wearing. They just dominate the room. They draw every eye and ear. It's not just beauty, either; it's not about being obscenely hot. Scarlett Johansson is silly hot but I can look away. She doesn't demand my attention simply by being there.

And by the way, this isn't entirely about attraction, either. We should all be able to recognize the magnetism and charisma of any gender, regardless of sexual preferences. That's what "it" really is, the ability to appeal to anyone and everyone, to be riveting and fascinating in all ways regardless of situation or time period. They're not necessarily performers, they don't have to have incredible sex appeal; they just have IT.

Social ability and beauty (external and internal) are parts of the whole but there's no way to explicitly define the whole, or why it's so alluring. But when you see it, you know it. You feel it. You know this person is special. ...how often does this happen to you? Has it ever?


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What Girls Said 17

  • 1mo

    Maybe you're looking in the wrong places? I see moments of this indefinable "presence" all over the place.

    I see it in married couples who can still drive each other crazy with just a glance, even after 20 or 30 years together.

    I see it in wordless exchanges between friends, who can deepen and validate each other's trust without needing to *say* anything.

    I see it in LEADERS of all kinds -- teachers, coaches, fathers, mothers -- anyone who can INSPIRE others to follow them.

    I see it EVERYWHERE.

    __

    As for "captivating anyone and everyone" -- Most people don't WANT to do that.

    Most people understand -- especially in this age of constant exposure -- that *that* kind of attention has WAY more downsides than upsides.
    What are you "captivating", anyway? Why bother? Why make yourself a target of envy or backstabbing?

    I know THOUSANDS of people who can inspire exactly what you're talking about. They're just... selective, about whom to inspire.

    As they should be.

    __

    Remember -- if *everyone else* seems to be the problem... you know where the problem probably lies.

    :*

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    • 1mo

      You don't seem to understand what I'm talking about. I'm not referring to an eternal allure for married couples (my parents have it, too), nor am I talking about charismatic leaders or speakers.

      That's just... not even close to what this Take was about, in fact.

  • 1mo

    That's true. Charisma is important and makes you instantly more likable than just looks alone.

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    • 1mo

      What's so interesting about your answer... is that I said the same thing you did with different words... and I ended up being thumb'd down by a guy user while you got thumb'd up by a guy user! :-D

      #GenderBias

  • 1mo

    Yep, real charisma is especially rare.

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    • 1mo

      The more and more I talk to people, the more and more I realize what you said is true. Not very many people that are naturally socially captivating, without putting on an act or a fake persona.

  • 1mo

    This makes me think of in the book I'm reading, where it talks about how nobody is special or unique. Which that is the truth because there will be a certain amount of people that are the same.

    Though I do agree that hotness can only carry you only so far. If you don't have anything else but that then you're not that interesting.

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    • 1mo

      I'm sorry, I just have to say, this idiotic myth that nobody is special or unique is just that: Idiotic. It's expressly designed to make people who simply aren't special or unique feel better about themselves, and that's that.

  • 1d

    good take

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  • 1mo

    I'm not exactly sure if I ever remember this truly happening to me... But I've met a couple of people on the very brink of having IT. I understand what you're saying about Emotional Intelligence and I completely agree that the average person's has definitely dipped considerable due to awkwardness caused by isolation with solely technology. However, I can say that I feel like a couple of times in my life I've either briefly HAD "it", or was on the brink of having "it." Because I've felt myself say or do things that radiate. It'll casually sweep up everyone's attention and I feel their amazement. This happened a couple of weeks ago when I was explaining the composition of a specific example atom to my chemistry peers and how I reached the solution that I did. It was very hard to handle such immense pressure so suddenly, but then I just told myself that I didn't really care and that it was not a big deal, and I just continued. You know how in classrooms there's always at least 2 kids on their phones at any given time? Well, the reason I think I had "it" was because every single person's attention was on me. Their eyes filled with amazement. I felt like I had some sorta lure for a tiny bit and it eventually faded away. Sometimes I'll feel like I have small traces of that graceful lure in small instances. Where it seems like I could be doing anything and I'll find eyes seeking me out. Not just males either! Females too. And I've found that sometimes I can approach a random person and even if I haven't made it clear that I want to converse with them yet, their attention will immediately turn to me as if they were expecting me almost... But they don't know me. I could be casually walking by and suddenly want to ask them the time and if I turn before I even say anything they're already ready to listen! And I haven't even actually implied that I wanted to converse really... So I feel like that's an example of when I have "it." It's almost like I'm slowly learning how to harness "it." Because I'm slowly understanding why it works sometimes and not others... I doubt I could ever explain it... It's just something that you need to experience to understand... Even I hardly understand it yet... But yeah, that's why I think that I have "it" sometimes. It's almost like it's an on and off switch, sometimes it's activated and sometimes it's not.

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  • 1mo

    Beautiful.

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  • 1mo

    i have the same magnetism and charisma- all it does is attract hatred and envy from people. the problem is we're living in a society where below average weirdos think they are great unique special and have this warped belief that they are above everyone. Then, when they see someone who IS special or amazing, they get hostile angry and jealous..

    they lash out at that person and treat them as if they're inferior. So its the ugly weird people today hating on the beautiful amazing people. I'm one of those beautiful amazing stand out people- so much so that celebrities like vanilla ice, john stamos, mick jagger, tons of other famous people have given me some weird attention. They notice that I have that 'it' factor- because they do as well sort of. They love it and treat me as if im someone great.

    The average narcissistic ugly weird idiot out there in society, not so much- they react with hatred and jealousy. It's out there but those people are being treated not so well

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  • 1mo

    Fathoms is like the gag dad who likes participating with the kids

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  • 1mo

    I don't have it.

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  • 1mo

    im hot and have major charisma--so much so that all peope do when i go out is focus on me--the issue is that usually it's negative. People go out of their way to get my attention, bother me harass me just be annoying. You don't want 'it' it sucks... in this day and age it just means an invitation to be bothered by people

    celebrities however, seem to love me. They notice my charisma and presence and go crazy over it. They treat me like a celebrity or like im someone important... they're the only ones who seem to have some kind of respect it seems. its surprising how the most famous people react to me.. Most average people just do anything to take my power or bring me down...

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  • 1mo

    How do you find it in you and how do you cultivate it, is the question.

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  • 1mo

    Really nice myTake. This is exactly what I think. Not many people think about it and understand it. You definitely have "it"!

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  • 1mo

    Great take! "It" or X-factor is rare. Around people my age, I only know one person who has "it" and that is my friend. She is not pretty by any stretch, but just about everyone instantly likes her. When I think of people who have "it", they not only follow through on their principles no matter what but are instantly relatable.

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  • 1mo

    this is an awesome take. i completely agree.

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  • 1mo

    You mean the "it" you need to become famous?

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    • 1mo

      No. Although it certainly helps simply because as a performer of any kind, magnetism is a helpful quality.

  • 1mo

    How do I obtain 'it'?

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What Guys Said 23

  • 1mo

    One of biggest problems in society these days is we care 80% of looks on first meeting and 20% on personality and use that to pick mates. When we really should be 50% looks and 50% personality on first meeting. This would help make more meaningful relationships for everyone.

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  • 1mo

    I fully agree, I have seen (to my taste) very physically attractive women, that didn't captivate my attention or spark me at all with their personality.

    The ability to socially captivate people with one's charisma and personality, is WAY more important than one's physical attractiveness.

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  • 1mo

    Sex appeal is funny, a girl might hit all the right buttons for what is conventionally considered sexy. Like this one girl I dated for a while at school who was very short like 4,10, short stumpy legs, wide hips, very slim, with a very flat chest, very pale skin, dark hair and one blue one green eyes. Not traditionally what is considered attractive but there was a real spirt about her or a real sexual aura just something about her that virtually all the guys in my old home town chased after and fought each other for.

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  • 1mo

    Yea dude, look at Emily Blunt, yes she is beautiful, but by Hollywood standards there are other much more beautiful women. However, the way she carries herself and her body language is absolutely mind blowingly sexy. Just because of that she's the sexiest actress in my opinion.

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  • 1mo

    Whenever someone states they cannot find something but admits it is subject to their interpretation the odds are that it is everywhere and they just don't have the eyes to see it.

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  • 1mo

    Great take. I'm going to follow it.

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  • 1mo

    It's always good to have a great personality.

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  • 1mo

    That's true, a lot of hot chicks are also gross and have terrible hygiene or weird beliefs.

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  • 1mo

    I do know what you mean sometimes the most beautiful people you meet aren't the stereotypically beautiful supermodel. They just have that X factor like there is a whole beauty category the girl next door then at the other end she could have radically dyed hair, piercings and tattoos. The person who I thought had the biggest X factor that I ever met was a punk.

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  • 1mo

    Depends. In the context of sex and relationships, men have to have "it" to get laid. Without "it" he will struggle. "It" ... whatever the hell that elusive "it" is that these gifted men have, get women. Women don't need any personality to get love and sex. It may not work long term, but she has a shot over all the majority guys who don't have "it".

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  • 1mo

    You speak as if "it" is unattainable. Ok, you're reluctant to admit it, but you constantly emit this negative "aura". You certainly don't have "it".

    "By now, everyone is well aware of the negative implications of sitting in front of screens for most of the day, and letting machines do most of our "communication." A lack of face-to-face interaction absolutely and undoubtedly impacts a person's social ability"

    By now, everyone should realize that make-believe is not something that helps one move forward.

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  • 1mo

    Indifference is a trend? Damn dude. I've been ahead of the game, then.

    Bruce Lee comes to mind. The way he talked was like, everyone shuts up immediately to listen to what he had to say.

    And possibly Ryan Renolds, just because he's awesome.

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    • 1mo

      Heh... I like Reynolds but no. He just has a lot of fun charm.

      Bruce Lee is an interesting example, though. He definitely had something about him but I think it was more in his bearing and the way he spoke. It was collected yet still intense, which I think was unique.

    • 1mo

      I'm not sure I understand what the "it" factor is, then, if Bruce Lee didn't have it. Do you have an example of someone in the past who had "it"?

    • 1mo

      On the male side, Paul Newman. That's a good one.

  • 1mo

    do you mean when you walk into a room

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  • 1mo

    Great take mengg!

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  • 1mo

    I don't disagree, but I do find it kinda flawed in that when you're referencing charisma, you're looking at celebrities... the reason they have charisma and why people pay so much attention to them is because they're famous in the 1st place. As long as they aren't extremely boring, I'd say most celebrities have "it"

    With that said, someone having "it", you said, is rare. I get you saying you can try developing it, but if you go on the premise that so few people have charisma now and ever, I don't completely understand your desire that people are lacking it now from maybe 10% to 5%, for example. Or the point in trying since basically you have it or you don't

    As for sex appeal and image, I would say it's a compensation for people who don't have as strong of a personality. And frankly, I don't blame people. People are attracted to attractive people. Personality is just confirmation or realization of a person's expectations. You might have the best personality in the world, but you are a 3 as much as a 9, good luck at attracting people. Also, image generally leads to better talking points in some cases. You mention lady Gaga. For all the weird shit she does, people talk about it. It's different and interesting. Much more interesting than someone who dresses like a basic white bitch 😂

    As for having charisma, people gravitating towards you, etc, I do think you're right in that people have it or they don't. The only thing I want to clarify is when you wrote people don't want to work on it. I know what you mean, but think it's worth clarifying that people should also be themselves and not try to hard to be well liked. That's where people tend to go wrong. You can't please everyone

    Hard to believe, but in real life I'm actually real likeable and have a ton of friends and people gravitate towards me. Crazy, I know... As much as I like to say I'm a 10, I'm fairly average looking, not that talkative and pretty reserved... I don't even do that much. But I have always been likable and people would generally talk to me. It was funny cause in college, I didn't think I had a lot of friends, but everyone in my friend group said I knew a ton of people. And, apparently, had 1 of the loudest cheers at (high school and college) graduation (s). If we went to random places, it wasn't uncommon for me to have conversations with random people... I don't know why or how, but whatever. Not trying to brag, but all this to say that I agree that you just have "it" or you don't

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    • 1mo

      "I know what you mean, but think it's worth clarifying that people should also be themselves and not try to hard to be well liked. That's where people tend to go wrong. You can't please everyone."

      The single biggest mistake young people are making today. All this REALLY means is, "I don't have to put any effort in because I'm me, and I don't need everyone to like me." Translation- I get to be lazy and you can't bash me for it. ;)

      People who have "it" aren't TRYING. It's part of their makeup; it's effortless, they can't even help it, really. You do have to be born with part of it and that part will always attract others. Only if you cultivate it will you bring it out fully.

      And I didn't merely reference celebrities; I also mentioned social figures in history. Note I didn't cite any names. :)

    • 1mo

      Trying hard for people to like you vs not being a shitty person and improving yourself to be respectable are 2 different things. I like to think you meant that you are advocating for people to work on being a better person, which leads to being more likable. But what you wrote could've easily meant that people should work on trying to have that charisma and for people to like them, which I don't agree with. You can't make people like you and the harder you try to do that, the worse it becomes. If people like you, they like you. If they don't, they don't. But don't pretend to be something you're not. Redundant, but whatever 😑

      Yeah, I agree people are born with it. I even referenced myself seeing how I tend to have whatever it is...

      As for the last part, I know, but you said celebrities and social figures, who, by definition, celebrities in their own right. But the point being that they're still famous in a sense. And people are attracted to famous people, so it's kinda skewed

    • 1mo

      Of course you can get people to like you. That's part of what social ability IS. I can get people who I disagree with entirely, on everything from politics to religion to general life principles, to absolutely love me.

      It's not being fake; it's simply knowing how to relate to all different kinds of people, and to be courteous and friendly to them. I do agree that you shouldn't be trying for the sake of trying; i. e., if you just have low self-esteem and you can't stand it if someone doesn't like you. At that point, it's about YOU and not other people, so I totally get that. :)

  • 1mo

    I'm hot and I have it

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  • 1mo

    I someone's hot we like them:)

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  • 1mo

    This is a really good take.

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  • 1mo

    I did learn few things so far in here and i think am gonna be here a while. I think the idea to make takes like these can make people think a little bit and understand something (The thumbnail worked like magic by the way)
    To look at people just because they look good? Nah, am not 14 years old kid anymore. Some idiots rating other idiots by scales and numbers by their look, that's so sad, some post asking how to get rid with ''ugly people'' and some asking ''am i ugly or attractive''. Hope this take will make some think about it and maybe do some changes for their own good. Thanks again for such a great take.

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  • 1mo

    I've seen many hot women but I lose attraction to them when they open their mouths. Hot and dumb isn't attractive.

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