Broke up over porn

hey guys I've been dating this woman for a year and its had its ups and downs but recently it seems like its been more down from arguments. well two days ago my girlfriend was over my apt and wanted to use my laptop so I said sure and that was the end of that. well two days later she said she wanted to talk cause she was acting weird. she told me that when she was on my laptop she looked at the history and saw some porn sites. she was upset and told me that I'm an addict and that desensitizes you and ruins relationships and marriages and that she wants no part of that and she was bringing up that it was disturbing and it was some swingers porn so she thought I would get involved in that and she doesn't have respect for me. I told her it was 3 weeks ago in my history and I don't go on it all the time she said it only takes once and she thinks we should part ways because this speaks of someones character and she doesn't want to date someone like that. she said she needs space but in the same breath she said that may not even be necessary because she won't forget about it and she will always wonder if I'm looking at it when she's not around that with the combination of fighting and having the ups and downs. I called her the other day but she really hasn't changed her mind on anything she has her views. I just don't know what to do or if she will be back or should I move on I really love her and want to be with her. just looking for feedback thanks

Updates:
thx for the comments just wanted to add that she did say that she would watch porn with me but to do it behind her back she said it totally disrespected and she had no respect for me as a person. she said it starts out with the porn and then other stuff.
and she said the porn was impacting the intimacy in our relationship saying there was none and that we just had sex and that I didn't know how to be intimate because of the porn messing with my mind and that I probably would never know how to intimate

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Most Helpful Girl

  • She is over reacting, watching porn once in 3 weeks doesn't mean your addicted. If you really love her, make time for her and leave her think about he actions and yours and she will be okay after a while, Its was just a 'in the moment' thing. If your not really commited to her then you can find someone else who is not that obsessive at very small things in life. because later on this could be a major problem if it stays at this rate. Anyway hope all goes well and if you but put in mind that you haven't done anything wrong in ur situation and its nothing on ur account. Gl,

    Love, Maggie

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What Girls Said 9

  • i guess if she felt that way and she told you this the first time, I believe that the best way around this is to not watch porn when she's around.

    talk to her about this. if you can resolve your issue of porn, then this would be good. if you really love her, I would, if I were you, put aside the porn and focus on her.

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  • Well for me I think that's extreme of her. Everyone is different so apparently that's how she rolls. I would watch it with boyfriend and when I wasn't feeling like sex or helping him out I would tell him to watch it and help himself out. I could see if the porn watching you were doing was excessive and all you wanted was porn and not her but that's not the case. She obviously doesn't understand men. Ask to speak with her seriously and tell her how much you love her and how much you don't want to lose her over something so small. If she refuses then move on honey...

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  • holy crap! that's freaking insane!

    i've know a few of my girl friends didn't like their guys watching porn but never went to this extreme. I on the other hand, along with many other girls could care less if my dude watches porn or not. and many girls watch porn themselves. honestly, let this one go, I know this is only 1 part of the relationship but her reaction ALSO tells a lot about her character (and you should tell her that if you feel the need) what I think this says about her is that she over reacts (which she probably has and will do when other issues arise), she doesn't know how to communicate (this is an issue that can definitely be fixed is she let it), but what bothers me the most is how JUDGEMENTAL she is. she says that SHE doesn't want someone that does that? well I don't think YOU want to date someone in which she has pertrayed!

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  • Sounds a lot like she is just trying to find a reason to end the relationship but make the break up seem like your fault.

    I mean would you break up with her if she had a dildo? Considering how long you two were together, I don't think so.

    And it's not like you had naked pictures of your ex-girlfriend on your lap top!

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  • I would talk w. the guy before I broke up with him over porn. I would however break up with him over it if he didn't stop KNOWING that it hurt her feelings. And it has nothing to do with insecurity it has to do with values.

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  • oh wow..she seems determined!

    i really don't mind if my boyfriend watched porn..i dnt see th big deal..your watching it..your not in it..but I guess that's how some people are..i think its a dumb reason to break up tho..just show hr you really care about her and call her at least once a day..and tell hr you won't do it again..

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  • I think what she actually trying to say is that she is insecure and might thing you fine the ladies more attractive then her

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  • I'd break up with someone who wathced pron. it's really isn't a good thing to watch. but everyone has there own standards anyway if your not addicted and you love her and she really wants you to stop there's really not reason not to stop right?

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  • Don't worry about it. She is just doing all of these drama I guess because she is thinking one day you'll see her starring in one the gangbangs your watching (Kinda like movies with titles "Attack that Ass") that she made when you guys are still together. Ain't those fun to see? Anyways you guys are just not sexually compatible the way I see it. Its been a month but I suggest you move on I think both of you will be a better person after this.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Don't worry:you'll be better with another one.

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    • If all guys wartching pron sometimes were dumped by their girlfriends natality would be in danger.

  • I'm glad to see she is at least taking the time to watch porn with u,but I don't like how it seems she doesn't much respect for ur feelings.(U should try to talk to her more if you can)

    Porn is porn and there should be no shame.

    Peace!

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  • Yea this girl is insane you will be better off with someone else...Actually anyone else

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  • porn desensitizes you? lol. how exactly? I waatched so much porn, it just doesn't get me "up" as hard as it used to lol. its just a means of getting relief from stress, etc so we don't become these serial killers because we want sex 10 times a day. (atleast that's how I see it..) and porn just gives us things to fantasize about, things that you wouldn't do in real life for example like swingers, incest, groupsex, threesomes, lesbian sex.. etc.. choose ur poison. fantasy ISNT reality. girls just LOVE drama and will say whatever to create that, saying ur an addict.. I go through like 40 videos when I wattch porn in a single night sometimes (like I'm jacking for an hour lol.. lots and lots of buildup haha :)) and that doesn't make me an addict if I do it every now and then (since I'm busy with work and stuff) but if I was single and just horny all the time, id probably do it twice a day maybe, one with porn the other in the shower or morningwood lol doesn't make us addicts.. now if you masturbated over 10 times a day YES you are an addict doing it 1-4 times a day for a week for a month DOESNT. depends on ur libido and some guys want sex like 5 times a day even.

    sigh.. girls and drama.. whyy did it have to come hand in hand :(

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