How to get over a very low self-esteem/feeling ugly and depressed?

I have extremely low self-esteem and I have BDD (body dimorphic disorder) where I see a monster in the mirror.

I'm so fucking ugly. And no, I don't want attention if that's what you think.

I'm getting a nose job next year- and I'm confident that the procedure will make me feel better about myself.

In the mean time, I have a huge nose and it's making my other features look ugly.

Is there anything I can do to improve my looks? If I can't be pretty- at least tell me how to be more confident please.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was the same way throughout my middle school years. I was the ugliest, fattest kid that I had ever seen. I had no confidence at all! I've wanted to alter myself since then. Things got a bit better throughout high school. I began to look a bit better and then everyone noticed me. Took a lot of effort, but I began highlighting the little things I like about myself. Now I have some self esteem. . . Nowhere near enough. But some is better than none. Hang in there. Disorders are the hardest to face and overcome. Those who don't or have never suffered from one will never understand.

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What Guys Said 11

  • 30 guys just stared at you at the hotel you're staring. If that doesn't make you realize you're not ugly, I don't know what else to say.

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    • I meant it in an awkward situation way. Haven't you ever walked into a room, and everyone turns around and looks at you?

      I think that's happened to everyone. Ugly or not

  • You
    Are
    Beautiful
    Honestly you are.

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  • I actually think you are very beautiful. If you want the nose job then take it but i personally think that big noses are attractive. And about the confidence. I can see at your profile that you play golf. You are good at that. You have to keep reminding yourself you are good at something. And when you fx. sing in public, just think to yourself: "I can do it".

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  • Why the hell does everyone wanna be perfect? If you don't see yourself as attractive, you're dumb.
    Secondly, you shouldn't compare yourself to other women so much. That'll only lead to misery on your part.
    Finally, you could care less. Once you accept the fact that you could care less, you can start doing so.

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  • You are good enough. You need to focus on things that matter like personality development and getting good grades especially if you want to be a rich and successful business woman and getting into a good college. High school is important. You should be focusing on these things so you can set yourself up to success in life.

    I don't want to brag or be like a know it all, but I used to be like you in high school... a perfectionist. I felt ugly in high school too. But now I'm 22. I was salutatorian in high school, got admission to an Ivy League and now I'm earning near 6 figures. And I like to think I'm pretty good looking. Things will work out if you learn to look beyond small things and look at the bigger picture.

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  • We're all gonna make it.

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  • Dont change anything. How many times do people have to tell you you're gorgeous? I realize you're not fishing for compliments, but take a hint already.

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    • But those people are lying. I know it's not true.. I own a mirror you know.

      I'm currently going to a therapist who kind of helps.. but I also need advice because I lack so much confidence. (have none actually)

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    • How does one "get more self-confidence?"

      It's reaaaaaly hard for me. I actually have a mental disorder, so it'll take a lot of work to build any kind of confidence.

    • I dont reslly know how to help with that, though I do understand to a degree. I have had issues with low self-esteem, though not as bad as you do. I guess I just ignored it and pretended it wasn't a problem long enough to get over it.
      Attitude is a huge factor in self image, just tell yourself you're pretty, even if you dont believe it at first you might be able to trick your subconcious eventually.

  • Like I've said before, you really have nothing bad going on about you in terms of physical. Mental, that's a different story as you explained your problem.

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  • Learn to kick some ass, that would help.

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  • What you need is to learn to accept yourself. If you are, take and move on. If you aren't, take it and move on too. There is so much more to life than being considered attractive, don't get lost in the little things.

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    • Being considered attractive is the most important thing to me. I know that sounds very superficial- but at least I'm being honest

    • Don't take this the wrong way, I don't want to sound patronizing. When we are in our teens, we worry about things those things. But it will pass, no need to hold it so highly. You are not defined by how you look, you have other qualities, you have things you excel at and those are the things you have to work with to reach the goals that really matter.

  • holy fuck you're pretty

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    • and what I see is "holy fuck you're ugly"

    • yeah but because how light works and own limited angular view in the mirror, it's proven that people think they look ugly in the mirror, but you really aren't
      same concept when you hear your own voice in a recording, it sounds great to everyone else but the person thinks they sound terrible.

      I'm not joking, you are beautiful and mirrors are weird to everyone, for me, my mirror image looks my skin is made of rough concrete blah lol but nobody can tell!

What Girls Said 10

  • I don't know. I'm struggling with it myself.

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  • If you have bdd like you say, a nose job is pointless. Also stupid as the cartilage will be soft and you might have to keep going in to get one. I don't personally believe the seriousness of disorders as everyone is just a little different mentally and everyone tries to find a way to describe it. I guess you could say I have bdd I don't look in mirrors when I go to single occupant bathrooms I almost always think I walked in on someone. I am depressed due to serious younger years many couldn't picture. I can't talk to people well, as I get nervous. If I like someone I can get mean without realizing it, and I just plain can't go up and talk to a stranger or I feel exhausted and embarrased from trying. I have speech and processing issues so I never can undertsnad half of what people say without asking them to repeat. My family is very good at throwing kids around or disowning people. My nose is a little weird looking due to it being deformed while someone tried to headbutt me. How do I get through being alone, depressed, and nervous? Practice, a friend (my sister), and just finding something smaller to look forward to.

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  • Aw, hon, I had a friend w/this in high school, and yeah: it's really nasty - even from a second-hand perspective, I can see how painful it is. So, I'm proud of you for staying strong thus far. Keep yr head up. You WILL get there, and you WILL recover, I promise. <333

    -Seek out people who are positive towards you, don't allow negative/mean/nasty people in your life, they'll prey on your insecurity and make it worse.
    -I assume you're already in therapy? That could help, though, if not. Also, antidepressants, maybe? I'm not sure what causes body dysmorphic disorder, so.. but depression seems to play a large part, unfortunately, so antidepressants, also, could help. There's no shame in taking antidepressants, by the way! I have done so for 5 years! And you can talk to me about citalopram&fluoxetine, if you want, amongst other psych meds which aren't antidepressants<33
    -Positive self-affirmations - sticky notes on yr mirror, give yrself a mantra to repeat. Tell yourself you look good, even if don't/can't completely believe it. Autosuggestion can be powerful!
    -Look into DBT. DBT is great. I have BPD, so like.. yeah. :P But though it was developed for Borderlines - by a Borderline woman, actually, Marsha Linehan - I think it's helpful to anyone in emotional distress! <3
    -Treat yourself every now and then. Looking after yourself is not "self-indulgent"; it is necessary to survival and a happy life! Don't feel bad about this.
    -Make-up, if that'll help you feel better about how you look!

    Those are a few suggestions, there's probably more ideas but they're not coming to me immediately. Hope you feel better and recover soon <33 I'm here 4 youu, if you want/need (:

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  • Why do you feel ugly? What triggers that feeling? What was the first incident that gave you the idea that you're ugly? What's your fear? What is it actually that you're worried about? It's okay if you want to get a nose job if you think it will make you feel better. But will it? Will it stop there? I think you should try to work and answer the questions I mentioned. Be honest about it. At least to yourself.

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    • When I was younger, people always told me I had a huge nose, and my body looked like a 10 year old boy

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    • It's gonna be a long conversations lol. But have you ever talked to your parents? And what did they say? Have you ever tried to talk to your school counselor or something? From scale 1-10 how bad do you feel about yourself?

    • parents just tell me to get over it

  • I don't even know what your talking about, your nose looks fine. Unfortunately I have a broader nose, in fact I have a broader everything, and I don't have the money or time to fix everything.

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    • my nose is very bulbous. It sticks out far, and the tip has way too much cartilage.
      I've been saving for 5 years... and I almost have enough :)

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    • Why would you get your skin bleached? So many beautiful black girls... i don't understand why you'd change it?

    • I think it's okay at bat. But most people don't like it so I'll just change it. I also don't feel comfortable so I'll just change it

  • Honestly you are really pretty. To e more confident I kinda compliment myself all the time

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    • does it help you? I think it would be hard for me to compliment myself.

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    • Also what I do is for features I like o accentuate them to draw attention away from bad features. Like you say you don't like your nose. You have really cool eyes. So draw the attention there and such.

    • When you say you see a monster, can you describe more in depth what exactly you see?

  • You are so gorgeous. Please dont change a thing. And Im not just saying that. Take my word for it.

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  • Sorry not gonna lie you are a stupid blind idiot. I look at your picture and I see a really beautiful girl and so many people here agree so its u vs everyone else and you're so stupid because you dont bloody see it!

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  • I've heard a lot of people who seem depressed on this website. I'm sure you're not nearly as bad as you think. I always thought my school pictures made me look ugly fat and stupid. It made me look at myself differently because everytime I'd look at myself in a picture or in the mirror id feel fat. But then one day I showed my friend the picture, and I didn't really show anyone else, and she said I looked great. I could tell she wasn't lying. She said you are your worst judge, meaning everyone expects more from themselves then they can handle. Nobody is perfect. And if we all looked the same this world would be pretty boring, huh? Everyone has something they would change about themselves. Just remember that it's what's on the inside that counts. And if ther s someone who can't see that, then they aren't worth your time and patience. There are people out there who will love being your friend for who you are, not what you look like. My cousin is very overweight. (I'm sorry another short story here ;)) And I don't mean a little chunky, he's extremely overweight. He's more like my brother because I see him all the time. It took him awhile, and me, but eventually we found a group of friends that excepted him for who he was, and we all get along so well! They don't care that he's overweight and weird looking, because he's funny, nice, and someone who you can talk to easily. That's all that matters. Just remember life is too precious to waste, so savor it as long as you can! If you are depressed consult a professional ASAP. Some anti-drugs (things to keep your mind off of it) are good ideas like-learning another language, write a story about what you think your future self will be like, or write about anything, draw, play music, do a project, read a book, design clothes, go exploring, make new friends, redesign your room etc . Trust me it can only get better! I'm rooting for you!

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  • Cute nose huh!!!

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