Is race STILL an issue in dating?

Back in the 80's thru mid 90's, I was a young, fit man. Grew up in a small farm town in Michigan that was 90% white. Couldn't get a date because I was black. Fine. In college, there were more women to choose from obviously. But couldn't get a date with white women mostly because I was black. But black women rejected me with equal rudeness because I was considered "Not black enough"

Don't try to make sense out it. Trust me.

So now that it is the late 00's, I am wondering if race is still an issue. I chatted with a chinese women who has a mixed kid. She told me men in china will not date her because she ruined her chinese purity with an outsider. That's BS to me. But the question still remains. Be honest folks.

Updates:
I live in Michigan where the trees grow tall and the women are cold hearted :D

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Most Helpful Girl

  • yes, race is still an issue. but there are people fighting this issue. wanting equality for all races and I know when I'm old enough, I will have my voice heard. I can't stand to see one person being ignored beacuse he/she is not "black" enough or "white" enough or even "cool" enough. the white people think their more special cause they are from an older nation. they think that their better then everyone else and most of all blacks. that's BS.

    racism is still an issue. most people think they are better then everyone else and their friends think so too. racism can't be beat when no one is willing to change.

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What Girls Said 23

  • I think that race is only an issue if people make it to be. I don't think it is but honestly I hear more black people making race issues now than white people are. Most black women I know get pissed if a black man dates a white woman. I honestly have never heard a white woman say,"Oh I won't date him because he's black. " Most people in general are just ignorant and care too much about what people will think and if they're dumb enough to let that get to them, then you don't need them, it's their loss. I wish people weren't like that because it sets society back instead moving forward. When black guys come up to me, the first question out of their mouth is if I date black guys. I tell them that it offends me because I'm not a judgmental or shallow person by any means and race isn't something I take into consideration when deciding if I like someone or not. I have friends from all over this country, and all over the world and everyone's beautifully different in their own way. I just wish people could accept one another's differences and knock down the racial wall that a bunch of ignorant assholes put up in the past. I'm sorry you had to experience that hun and I like Michigan but never knew it was like that. Do you like ICP by any chance? I love them and they're from Detroit. Everyone I've met from Michigan either loves em' or hates em' lol. Just curious as to where you stand=-)

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    • To give you an idea how bad it was for me. In college in IL and PA, the black women would reject me badly. Once I went back to white women, those same black chicks ridiculed me for being "tired" and having the "jungle fevor". No fun. And people wonder why I hire high priced escorts.

    • I'm originally from IL but anyways that's a horrible thing to go through. As I said in my answer it's just ignorance. I suggest broadening your horizons and surrounding yourself with people that are more open-minded. It may not seem like it, but they're out there. I can only say this because I'm one of them and I know I'm not the only person in the world with this outlook.

  • Being completely honest, I think race can be an issue with people depending on where they grew up. For me personally, race is absolutely no issue. I grew up right outside of downtown St. Louis, so I had a very diverse neighborhood and I actually find myself attracted to just as many (if not more! ) black guys as white guys. I don't even think twice if a black guy is hitting on me rather than a white guy.

    Unfortunately, some people do not have that diversity and open mentality. People that grew up in small towns, or the country, or predominantly white communities will usually admit that they still have issues with race, or do not find themselves attracted to people outside of their own race. It does not mean they are racist, it just means they have not had the experience growing up with and interacting with so many people of different races.

    Obviously there are lots of inter-racial relationships, so something is going right. But it will be a long time before EVERYONE is open to that idea.

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    • Seems like the only women in general I have had any success with in friendship or otherwise are asians. They don't seem to mind my height, race or in some cases, income. Why? Well, it helps that I speak enough japanese and chinese to make good first impression. But I have yet to have asian girlfriend.

  • I think that it is still somewhat of an issue. I'm African American and I've dated outside of my race before. There have been black guys that have not wanted to date me because they found out that I have dated white guys before. They act like I'm "tainted" or something. LOL. I have had white guys that like me but because of the stereotype placed on all black women, they assume that I'm loud, "ghetto" as they say, and rude. That is the total opposite of me and all the black women that are in my family and friends. We even joke about the "ghetto" black women. I think it's stupid to still have to explain yourself to friends and family because you like someone of another race. I used to live in Colorado and it was way more taboo then in Texas (where I reside now). I live in a big city so maybe that's why too, but I thought that TX being in the south that people would have a problem, but I see interracial couples everywhere and I don't really see them receiving too many glances. Race is not the first thing (or even the last thing) that I consider when I like someone and it would be nice if everyone would look past that. Although, I highly doubt that will ever happen.

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  • Personally, race is one of the last things that enters my mind when I'm deciding whether or not I like someone. However, I am simply not as physically attracted to people of other races, as a general rule. It's not that I'm racist, and my crushes over my life have included a few black guys, a couple of Hispanic guys, a black girl, a Japanese girl, a native Hawaiian, basically the whole spectrum. It's just that usually, physically, I find myself attracted to other white people. I don't believe that innate, initial attraction is something that I can control on a cognitive level, so I don't consider this to be racist. If anyone who reads this feels otherwise and can intelligently argue the point, please do so.

    When I do find myself liking someone of a different race, I don't let race be a barrier to that. If a problem arises, chances are it's going to be because of cultural differences, which are related to but distinct from race itself.

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  • Yes, race is still an issue the US struggles with. Europe is known to embrace inter-racial couples, and I applaud them. I can't wait for the day that people can marry whoever they want, without fear of someone firing back.

    Unfortunately, you live in a conservative pocket. I went to school in Michigan, and there are a LOT of people who feel that "mixed" relationships are unacceptable. I live in the Central Valley in CA, and it's the same thing. I can't imagine how bad the deep south would be.

    If you want to live and love freely, I strongly encourage you to live in places like southern California, New York, the Chicago area, Miami, San Francisco bay area, or other large, metropolitan areas. These tend to be the places where educated people reside, and race is an afterthought.

    Love is blind, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

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    • Not California, the place is always on fire. New York is a living hell. Chicago isn't so bad except for the traffic. SF is still CA...Hahahaha. Now Canada is cool. Maybe I stay there. It is unfortunate that I am too old for you!

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    • Could it be that you are telling me something? hint, hint!

    • Sorry, I have a special someone already. ;)

  • I think race is an issue still. Mainly because of our ancestors... some of us are not willing to date outside our race as we do not want to upset our families. My family was very prejudice, and I hated it. I date whoever I feel like it and I don't really care what my family or friends think. I am German/Hungarian and I prefer Hispanic men. Ironically, my ex-husband is 1/2 Asian, my children are VERY mixed. And you know what??? I don't care. I got a lot of BS from my family because my ex was part Asian. It was quite a wake up call for them. I fell in love with his personality, not his heritage.

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  • To be honest yes it is, its sad but its true

    where I'm from there are a lot of mixed couples but it depends on the people and the way they are raised.

    I'm black also and this white guy used to like me but I didn't like him back

    it was because he was soo much older then I was and he was bad, it was not because of his skin color.

    I hate when ppl classify me by the things I do. because I like some types of rock music and other things and pronounce my words differently they call me white.

    People will be like I'm blacker than you when they are clearly three shades lighter than I am.

    They think what you do makes you black, you have to be ghetto if your black and if your not ghetto your white I think we should get over the color of our skin and look into the characteristics of other people.

    cuz its really annoying

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  • I've never had issues with race and have been involved with guys from a variety of different racial backgrounds. But I think that is largely the result of growing up in a large multicultural city, going to schools which were multicultural but where students didn't form racially based cliques, and the attitudes of my family and friends. The answer to your question will depend on the person's background and history etc. Obviously for some race continues to be an issue, which is very unfortunate.

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  • I'm a black female and I have dated outside my race before. It can be uncomfortable (I live in Dixieland lol) but I think it's not a big deal if you have very strong feelings for the person. I mainly stick to my own though, but I have no problem with interracial dating obviously. What I do have a problem with is a lot of the negative stereotypes w/i our own race.

    I've had quite a few crazy experiences when I'm out with my best guy friend (who is white). We were sitting at the table in a bowling alley together, and a black guy just sat down right next to him as we were talking, and started hitting on me really loud like he wasn't even there. He assumed that we were a couple and basically just disrespected him because "what's a shawty as fine as you doing with a white boy?". WTF??

    Or black guys who exclusively love white girls. I'm sorry, nothing against interracial dating, but when you put down your own race to chase after another you look like a self hating house n...I don't know what other race of men do this except black boys. You don't hear white boys talking shit about how all white girls are this, and that; I've never heard Asian guys do it. But black men seem to have a million and 1 reasons why they don't date black women.

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  • sadly yes I couldn't care less about race but somebody always has somthing to say >.> like omg why are black and like white (or any other races don't feel like naming em' all) guys, but then if I'm around a black guy they look at me weird, like I have to pick one or the other.

    But, I have to admit I might even say somthing like " haha, he talks like a white guy" even though I went to a private school full of white kids and my best friends were white.

    Luckily times are changing and so are the people but they are still jerks, but unfortunately ripping on the mexicans and latin americans seems to be very popular at the moment >.>

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  • I don't really think so. I have dated all across the color line. My brother is married to a Japanese woman and my mother re-married to a Japanese man. I was also married to a white Australian. I'm sure there are still some people that consider it taboo to date outside their race, but then those are the people you would want to avoid anyway. As for the "not black enough, I definitely got the same from black men in the dating scene at times. I'm curious, where do you live now. Here in LA interracial dating is very common.

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  • It depends on the location in the You. S. Down South they are worse about that kind of stuff than on the East Coast. I think that people are beginning to be more open about it and it's becoming more common. But there are still some who are really against it and discriminate. Also, there are two issues here. One is people who would not date someone of a different race because they are not attracted to them. The second is people not dating someone of a different race because they think it's "wrong". I think you are talking about the second issue and it's a disturbing one. It's also hard for interracial couples because of the discrimination they face, which is why some people might just go the easy way and avoid all the social stigma and difficulties that come along with it.

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  • I've never dated a black guy but then I have never dated a blonde guy either. That's not because I wouldn't but it just hasn't happened yet.

    Race matters not a jot to me and any woman worth considering as a partner will agree - I hope.

    The sad fact remains that race will always be an issue for some narrow-minded individuals.

    n.b. the women are warm hearted here :D

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  • I am white obviously lol but I love dating black guys! Race is always going to be an issue no matter how far we come. But yea personally I love dating different races especially black people. But I am really sorry for you while you were growing up, to bad there aren't more people like me that are more open minded about that stuff.

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  • Love should not have limits but. People seem to have tradition and stick to what is or they know best. I don't discriminate in love based on race. I have dated every color under the rainbow and I DON'T regret it. Because half the men are all the same. And just want one thing in the end. No matter how sweet they are or there race.

    Don't let that bother you because not everyone is like that ok.

    I have seen white/black at clubs dating and latin with cubans or black etc. Is not the color is the people who are in the past who are ignorant and freaking stuck.

    Hey can I CUSS. I'm new to this freaking site. I found it by accident.

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  • Yes, race is still an issue. I think it is "stupid" that such a ignorant thing is still a problem! I happen to be white and I would actually prefer a black/African-American man. I don't now why but I find black/African-American men more attractive. But I would date any race as long as that certain person was nice.

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  • sadly it is, people are brain washed into thinking everyone needs to look like them. I personally love black men tho.

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    • Are you really 16?

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    • Too young, can't do anything with you. Law says so. The good news I am happy that some young folks as yourself are learning from the stupidty of the older generations. I applaud you

    • Um ok? law says as long as your not doing anything SEXUAL with me its alright. If the law said you can't talk to people over 18 everyone would be in jail.

  • I think that race is still and will always be an issue because their will always be ignorant racist bastards out there. I live in a small town in Texas and I'm an outsider because I'm white and my town is almost 60% Mexican and I used to live in Australia when I was younger. I'm not saying that they're racist against my family, but I know what you're talking about.

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  • Race really doesn't matter to me. I've had crushes on white guys and black guys, of several different nationalities. I have friends from US, Canada, India, Korea, England and like six African countries.

    But I've lived in 3 countries before (2 in North America, 1 in Africa), so I tend to be a little more understanding than Americans normally are of people of different backgrounds.

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  • I really don't think it is a cultural issue AS MUCH anymore. I think the real issue is in the older family members of "said people". For example, I have no problem dating guys with other skin colors. I never have, but not because of that reason. My mom wouldn't care. But my father has openly told me he would disown me (I would disown him if he acted like that). I think the future looks better for our next generation when it comes to interracial relationships.

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  • I always think it will be, but it really shouldn't be that big of a deal.

    But no one can ever look past it.

    It's sad actual

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  • Always has been and always will be somewhere

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  • Maybe its your height. Didn't you say you were pretty short in one of your other q and a's?

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    • I left my diminutive stature out because a man's height is a whole different argument(tall/short) that has been talked about too often. I KNOW my lack of height turns off women. So I focused on the race issue.

    • Well I was just wondering because I don't take race into consideration. But I do have to be attracted to them. :)

What Guys Said 11

  • Dude that is soooo true. I'm from michigan ( I don't live there though) and I went up to Grand Rapids this past summer to visit my grandmother. We went out to eat and everyone was white. But the girls were pretty hot. So I looked over at them and they just kind of kept to themselves (didn't look inviting at all) and then people looked at me and gave me the stare that says, "you're a black guy! " I'm thinking, "no shit you wrinkly old farts now put your teeth back in and finish your meal. " I really like white people especially white girls ( I don't like black girls because most are ghetto and I just don't like them), I'm even sure that when I get older, I'll definitely marry a white girl, but sometimes those people just get on my nerves. I hate it when you walk into a room and you realize you're black, everyone else knows it, but hopefully they won't really act like it. But nope, many times I get that, "we've got a negro in the house" stare. And then when I get into a room full of black people they look like, "you don't want to be with us. " I am not wearing that hood shit. I did when I was little because I was ignorant, no more "let yah chain hang low" for me. I'm in Cali now so it's all about the beach wear (hollister and abercrombie) and I'm accepted. I hardly ever realize that I'm black, and when I do, It's a plus because of the way I am. Oh and yes white girls date me. Not one didn't want to date a black guy. These rappers and gangstas have built up our reputations as ghetto being a mandatory prerequisite. But I'm here to stand against the established mindset as a heretic and I turn heads wherever I go! (as people stare up at my handsome, muscular, 6'3 stature) :)

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    • If you don't like being prejudged by prejudiced old white people, maybe you shouldn't do it to your black counterparts either. most of us are ghetto?? psh, that's not ignorant at all!

  • You probably already knew the answer before you asked the question, but just wanted confirmation of your fears. As much as tv or idealist or p. See. Folks like to say otherwise, yes race is still an issue.

    You have to understand, it's very hard for a society (or people) to admit it still has demons and face it's warts. But they are there :D

    I am puerto rican, but I live in the south. My features are cuban, but to people think I am half black and half mexican :) I have experienced just about everything you have. But I have had white girlfriends and have really noticed the difference. Black girls would give her mean looks and throw ice at her. When I dated a (I would say) very attractive white girl, older white men HATED it. I would joke about it with her and we would laugh at the narrow minded people and it never phased us.

    If a black person is exceptional they have better chances ( as well as a strong personality of the other race, who can disagree with their parents or what society thinks and not let it bother them. This is the minority,btw). But you may still encounter "My parents would kill me if I dated a black guy! " or "You can be my christian brother in church, just don't date my daughter"

    We are only 50 years from when black people couldn't vote and were segregated. When you see old film footage of white teenagers holding up Keep Niggers Out signs, those were real people who are somebody's grandparents (only one or two generations removed) you have to know that that generation still influences their kids and grandchildren.

    Truth be told it is a lot better than it ever was. In the past you were black you were bad, (second class citizen and rights) you were white you were good ( the best rights) now, if you are black you are more likely to be bad (he might not tip, if he is wearing hip hop clothes he might be a criminal, probably has an attitude or is lazy etc. )and if you are white you are more likely to be good (he probably has better manners and is better educated, he's not lazy he's just laid back etc. )

    A lot of it sometimes is not racism, but comfort. Two white people from the same background can relate to each other better and are more familiar than a black person's experience. A lot of people really have never been in that person's shoes, and might not really be able to understand where your perspective is or relate to your reality and experience

    Not everyone is like that, especially now, this generation is the least racist it's ever been. Which is great, I am very proud of how far we have come. But believe, that we still have a long way to go. It's okay though, this is human nature. (look up other historical cultures that always have had a need to separate themselves as superior to people EXACTLY like them)

    Just date girls that treat you the best, whatever race that may be.

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  • Yea it seems like although I see a lot of interracial dating going on there are still a lot of people that would rather keep it to their own "kind". For most Chinese people like myself, we've been taught while growing up to not date woman that has children. I really don't mind dating other races but to settle down with one will be an issue because most of us are still the first generation born here in America so our parents don't speak a lick of English. Its kind of hard when your date and your parents can't communicate with one another.

    Dating black girls is another issue and I'm not saying all black girls but just the ones that I'm surrounded by (i live in the projects) are mostly really "ghetto". Ghetto meaning they are loud! Always carries an attitude. Around here black people are just raised too differently so I think its an issue of us not relating to them (I see 8 year olds running around on their own with no parental supervision. That's not how I would want to raise my kids). Even though the things that I've said are just a general stereotype but its hard for people to look away from stereotypes. Like how most stereotype Chinese people for talking too loud (like they are fighting with one another) or how we're born to be good at math and science.

    But seriously if you're getting rejected as often as you make it seem then I really don't think that its a matter of race.

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    • I have noticed that I get along better with asian women better than with american women even though I know no more than 12 words in Chinese. I'm not sure if it is because Asian women in general are friendlier or they are looking for US man to marry into country as some people claim. Perhaps I should vacation to NYC and party into Chinatown! Then again, big city traffic...

  • Ugh, yeah old conservative China men are the most racist people you could find I swear. Some sort of high and mighty nationalistic standards that China has that reflects onto the rest of their society. Anyways, to answer your question. Yes racism is still present in some cases, but not the bad kind of racism where somebody thinks their race is better or anything like that. People are more comfortable with people they have similarities with like ethnicities and backgrounds. It's nothing personal about you at all man. Good example is why white guys who like rock music mainly are going to hang out with other white guys who have the same preferred taste. And black guys who like rap hanging out with other black guys who like rap. I mean neither race has a problem hanging out with another race and listening to their style of music at times of course; however, they prefer what they are used too and have grown up with.

    And this isn't true for all people though. I mean there are many women who like any kind of guy regardless of race as long as you have a great personality, so don't give up yet man. A key to winning over any girl which you probably already know is to establish rapport with her. Take interest in her likes even if that means god forbid listening to country at times I know. You have to be flexible and step out your own racial comfort zone if you want to close the gap of racial differences. Good luck bud.

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  • Absolutely. Everyone uses dating screens and most of the initial ones are appearance related because in most cases a visual of the other person will hit us before anything else. The important thing is are you basing your decision off of a an aesthetic preference (hair color, eye color, skin color, breast size, height, etc) rather than some KKK type prejudice (I won't date outside my race, religion, age, etc). If someone is making an aesthetic choice I would say that is OK. If they are a KKK type bigot I would say that they are unevolved and evil.

    But aesthetics matter greatly. Otherwise people wouldn't dye their hair blond. Or get breast/peck implants. Or colored contacts. Or diet/work out. Or buy designer clothes. We spend a fortune on appearance. Then we take a glance and instantly decide if you are in the game or out. And one visual element is no different than any other.

    I seem to have very few screens but that is rare. My dating history is all over the map. I have dated whites, blacks, asians, hispanics & indians. All hair colors. All eye colors. Tall to short. Jews, Christians, Muslims, Wiccans, Atheists, Agnostics. Nipples on ribs through DD, perky through saggy. Double digit years older & younger. With and without children. And I can't categorically say that there is any difference in any classification that I mentioned.

    I only have 4 main screens: I only date outside my gender. I don't date girls who are obese. Underage or over 65 is also a deal breaker. Since there is no physical attraction at all with anyone in those groups there would be no physical intimacy and therefore no relationship (underage also has more reasons that just the physical). And I won't date an idiot. I expect intelligent conversation when I wake up in the morning.

    Most people feel differently, though. I had an asian Girlfriend who would only date "white boys. " I have an asian guy friend who will only marry a white girl because he wants mixed children (they are more attractive). I know a few black girls who only date white guys. And a few white girls who only date black men.

    The consistency over a quarter of a century indicates something other than skin color (unless you live in a very small town). Speech pattern? Body language? Height (under 5'6"? )? Cultural preferences? Hobbies? Attitudes toward women? Conversational capabilities? Dress? Hygiene? I'm not trying to be insulting but over that period of time there has to be something other than just skin color.

    Bottom line. Everything can be an issue.

    Maybe it's time to reinvent/repackage yourself and come up with a new marketing plan :)

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  • I think it really depends on the area. Of the places I've lived, the more "pure" the neighborhood, the more likely there is to be interracial dating. Everyone is viewed as the same, there is no difference in color.

    In the mixed neighborhoods, it seems like people cling to others like them, and thus less interracial dating occurs. This is kind of counter intuitive, but are my observations

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  • I don't think its as much of a racial issue as it is a social economical one. That's why they say when a black guy gets rich he runs off and marries a white women and drives a BMW. Lol

    Some women marry into what they ,may think will fit into their family's agenda,that may or may not bother you, it does me but I would kind off avoid that. Its like they marry for status and money.



    Finding a genuine lady can be difficult with todays competitive views no matter what color or race.

    You know which ones to stay away from and wich ones to get close to.

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  • Love or not.

    Race or not.

    It is more held within tradition.

    There are some that are open minded.

    There are some that are close minded.

    Even within Race, Ethnocentrism is a problem.

    Nothing will ever be perfect.

    Sometimes you cannot be with the one you love because your family does not like them. You either have to choose your: family or lover/mate.

    Not just Chinese, but when purity is ruined, anyone that are traditional would be angry, do you not think?

    Simply put: it is an issue to some, but not a problem as a whole.

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  • it isn't. Love is Love.

    skin color? race? f*** them.

    and Chinese purity? wtf is this? they are way too close-minded. I suspect they are probably living under rocks.

    this is the 21st century. it's time for change and equality.

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  • you should came down to Ann Arbor

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  • Why do you want to date a white girl? And have you considered that you might just be a repulsive person to women and they use your race as an issue? Race isn't an issue for blacks anymore. You have the stereotype of being hung like a horse and you get free money for school just because you are black and feel as if you deserve to be treated better and be excused from proper behavior since your ancestors where enslaved, who might I add are all dead. So get over it.

    Also every race was enslaved once. I'm German, so should I ask the Italians to pay for my college and get a free Lamborghini because the Romans enslaved my ancestors?

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