I am 55, pretty and in great shape and I know that my husband loves me very much. But I continue to catch him looking at girls that are 30+ years younger than me. Why and what is the self gratification? What is he thinking of when he looks?
He is remembering his youth, and reflecting on a time when that age group found him attractive. Men are visual, we have huge egos, and we are hunters. He will always want to look, and he will always want to sniff. You are safe as long as he does not become a pointer, or a tracker. Let him enjoy the pictures, and be there to enjoy the ride when his bone is ready. In fact, blow his mind and suggest some porn sites, and tell him you will be expecting some extra effort on his part towards you after he has watched. Red TUBE is a good one and it is free.
The dangerous part of this is he is risking that you might decide to find attention from another source, and you are more likely to have what would attract what you would find, where he is not nearly as likely to get lucky with the girls he is web surfing.
Men who cheat, do it if they think they can get away with it. Women who cheat, do it because the men they love are not paying enough attention to their basic needs to be loved, held and appreciated.
Many women may also like looking at men much younger than themselves. In my area many women of all ages have "Hen Parties" where they have male strippers [who may be in the twenties] to entertain them, they may be your age or older ...
both genders may be drawn to admiring the opposite sex of a younger age.
The fact is that although with age we may have the appearance of that age [however attractive] many of us, in our hearts, feel the same as when we were, say, 21 - but with a mature range of experience and wisdom underpinning that. I am surprised every day to see a face of my years staring back.
If I stand in an art gallery and look at a painting depicting a young woman alive and alluring I don't look away, I revel in her pleasant form - her looking forward to all life can offer, the fact that innocence has been left behind with teenage years but she is aware of herself as a free spirited woman. I have a statuette of lady which I enjoy ... I have a picture of ladies about my age having a good laugh which makes me smile ...
There is a construct which many women build about men ... that once they are in a relationship suddenly no woman need be attractive to them ... only their significant other. This is a myth and however many men might refute this to their wives I have never known one man who will not enjoy the sight of a comely woman but they all say "but don't tell the wife eh?"
I once worked in an office with a few middle aged ladies amongst us, there were some roadworks outside one hot summer, the more the workpeople doffed their upper body clothes the more those women found it necessary to talk by the window, or to take papers there to see the fine print more easily ... they were ogling non-stop but spoke in guilty voices. However ... when we enjoyed a look at our Pirelli calendar these same ladies accused us of bringing Smut Into The Workplace!
I could not say what your man is thinking as I do not know how open minded he is, but to me it shows a healthier attitude if he knows you are aware then if he was doing this as a closet activity.
Before the internet? We men had a painting of a scantily clad lady over the mantleshelf in our library or a statuette in the corner of our study ... the magazine bought in confidence from the barber ... t'was ever thus!
A lot of guys including myself love that age - To me its just something that is hard to describe -
If you get pictures of girls of all ages and love at them side by side , girls in the age bracket that you are talking about just have this look, this glow, this look or feel of innocence in their eyes and their smile -
I'm not sure if it's something that woman can see themselves ya know, I am pretty sure a woman would not see the same thing a man sees -
Men like younger women, because in psychology, youth sybolises fertility, and strength and nurturing.
most men are less attracted to a woman, as she gets older, and even more so once she's past her prime.
with a man, an older man can see seen as attractive because with a man, age isn't a symbol of fertility. We provide the resources and the safety.
All mens hormones, program them to be very attracted you young females. And this is all guys not just some. Some men like older women, but not after she is past her prime which is about 40-45. You'll see guys looking at the olsen twins etc, but never at elizabeth taylor.
thats just the way it is.
Just see yourself as lucky that he manages to fight those urges to fool around with a younger girl.
Would it surprise you or would you question if a 18-22 year old guy was also looking at images of "Mature say 30-50" year old women on the internet? There are plenty of younger guys that have an interest in the "Mature - MILF" genre. Does that raise any eye brows? I'm in my early 30's and certainly enjoy both genres of younger and older. As a matter of fact I enjoy women of all legal ages. (mostly anyway).
I had an ex that questioned me looking at 18-22 females but had no problem with the fact that I also looked at (mature / milf) images also. Didn't make sense to me. The fact is our fantasies are built on things we don't have, can't have or simply won't have.
Most women would think, "He's looking at something I'm not, so I guess I'm not enough for him." Which is a legit feeling and in some cases that might be true. But, in most cases you probably are enough for him and it's just harmless fantasies that he is charging with pictures of younger women.
I'd say not to worry about it too much unless you find him talking to younger girls, seeing younger girls or spending time with younger girls. They are just images.
I keep thinking I'll reach an age when lust will no longer be a distraction, but I turn 60 soon, and a curve of hip or leg or a flash of skin is still a serious traffic hazard for me. It doesn't seem to matter how much sex I'm getting, it's a constant visual magnetic attraction that must be hard-wired deep in my brain somewhere. I do try and be tactful and not leer, but it's not easy.
Sexual fantasies I guess. Or just beauty. Is he jacking off. Honestly there is nothing wrong with that as long as it is not taking away from his life or yours. They are not actual people they are images of actual people. The truth of the matter is girls remain pretty even as we get older. I am 20 and I see a lot of fourteen fifteen year old girls that are pretty and have been through puberty. I am no pervert I don't have relationships with them other than friendly and I try my best to have self control and not look at them in a sexual way. But instinct is instinct. Its sort of like this. Have you ever been so mad at someone maybe even a friend or a loved one and thought or even said oh I just want to kill him/her. You never meant that, you would never do that. It was just a feeling and even Gandhi probably felt like hitting people at times, but he didn't and I don't think your husband will do anything more than look. And pictures will never be a replacement for the real thing. I think part of the problem is mens natural instinct is to like variety. Even if a man was married to the most beautiful sexy women in the world he would find other women attractive and think about them sometimes.
i mean guys his age and all ages always love younger girls because part of it is not wanting to grow up which all guys, and women I think don't wanna get old. so it makes em feel young and alive. guys love the idea of seeing a beautiful young girl next door type being wild and having hot sex...hes living vicariously through the guys on the porn having sex with the girls. he wants to be that guy. its a huge turn on for all guys seeing young hot girls having hot sex. I don't know y but it just does. if you were a guy you would understand. I'm not a counselor and all, but its not a healhty sign if he's looking at this stuff a lot and ur marriage is in jeopardy.
either you are not being sexual with him like porn girls r...but I would confront him bout it and give him an ultimatum. either start being wild and kinky or spice up your image. bottom line hell probly never give up porn no matter what even if he did land one of these little hot girls and was having sex with her hell still look at porn so don't fight it.
but ya id definteily go see a counselor and work thins out.
Even more opinions here about a tough subject...Older men sometimes marry younger women and vice versa...for obvious reasons...They are simply younger, firmer, sexier etc etc. I think we as humans want to deny lost youth...being 20years old again and it is hard to let go of that...As we get older, we lose many things that we had as very young people. I certainly would not lose any sleep over it, and I don't thnk your marriage is in jeopardy because of it...I may be wrong here ...but then again I am only offering editorial opinion ...like everyone else.
Men are hardwired to get excited by looking at nubile females in child bearing condition (does not mean he wants to leave you to go with them). The female equivalent is females finding strong and successful males attractive (does not mean you will leave him to go with them). Don't let it bother you.
Being completely honest, he loves you and he will always love you and will always find you attractive, but no matter how much attention you pay to your body and your physical appearance, you're not 20 anymore. That's perfectly fine too because your relationship has a depth to it that people my age can't comprehend, and you're both the better for it.
I'm younger so I can't really answer from the older part of the spectrum but I can make an educated guess. Almost all porn is comprised of 18-25 year old women due to their stamina, need for money, and young appearance. It has been statistically proven that older people are attracted to the embodiment of youth. I wouldn't think you have anything to worry about in terms of separation.
First, your husband looking at women online. Second, how you feel about him looking at other women online.
We all look at other people. I don't mean men only, either. We can love and cherish our partner, and _never_ want to cheat. But we notice other people we find attractive. It's normal to notice others. I _don't_ necessarily mean that it's okay to look at porn or Playboy. I don't mean that it's okay to indulge in fantasies that take us out of the real world. I think that normal noticing of others can be unhealthy, whether it's a man who can't get it up without looking at porn, or a woman whose opinion of men is influenced by the romantic comedy movies she watches four times a week.
Are you more worried about the _age_ of the women he's looking at, or are you more bothered by the fact that he's looking at other women, period? How would you feel if he were looking at women who were roughly your age? Or are you worried that you're not enough? Or am I missing the point?
Guys look at porn (almost all of us). When we do, we do NOT think about the girls personality. We don't think about having a date with them. We don't think having an affair.
We think about t*ts, ass, etc.
If you catch us looking at porn and you don't like it, BEFORE you feel hurt realise the following.
1: We still love you as our girlfriend/partner/wife.
2: We aren't looking because we don't want to have sex with you. Sex and masturbation are different.
3: The porn has no relationship towards our feelings for you in one way or another
4: We've been doing this for years, since we were young teens.
I've answered a number of these questions (all pretty similar), and time and time again the female's response/question is "Why is he looking at porn, doesn't he love me"?
So I hope I can make it perfectly clear. Almost all (not all, but I dare say most) males masturbate and probably look at porn (or some other visual stimulant). This is NOT a cause for alarm. Masturbation and sex are two different things and there are many studies that show masturbation levels do not diminish once in a relationship.
If you have concerns about your relationship, speak to your partner about it. If you have concerns about his masturbation/porn, again speak to them. But please keep in mind what I wrote above. It is not a reflection upon you in any way.
Seriously? Wow. Um, it's because girls that are young and fertile are supremely attractive and gets his blood pumping. It's that simple. Just because a guy gets older doesn't mean attractive women stop being attractive.
Quite honestly let your feminine insecurities go. He is just looking. For some men it's a way of trying to recapture their youth. For others it's just admiring the beauty of an attractive young woman. Remember too, when WE were that age there was not the proliferation of porn that there is today and if you believe in nature then you HAVE to know that men are visual creatures.
It's all nature dearie and you cannot change nature. You just live within it and he's still married and dedicated to you right? I'd say he's living WITH nature as best as any man can!
Well, first, he's masturbating because he has a heartbeat. There are exceptions, but broadly, that's what guys do. Masturbating isn't something guys do because they're unsatisfied with their partner(s) at all -- whatever women tend to think about this, in your average guy's mind the two are entirely separate subjects. One is about love and companionship and sex. The other is about anatomy and jiggly things and sex -- no personality, no moods, no being considerate required. Most importantly: no emotion. It's a separate thing in all the ways that count.
Second, he's masturbating over younger women because 95% of the porn out there is of women who are 18-22. If he doesn't make an extra-special effort to find "specialty sites" that deal in older women then it's going to default to young women. Not coincidentally, they also look the best. If they happen to be his daughter's age, then so what? They were hot when he was that age too, and chances are his opinion hasn't changed. There's no threshold in life where a guy starts saying, "Firm, ripe boobs? Ew!"
This does not connect with cheating, or with you not "being enough" for him, or anything like that. Guys don't think like that. Weird as it may sound to a woman, emotionless sex energizes guys in a way that women may not (or maybe may?) understand. Getting off and making love are both important. Guys are happiest when they get off regularly...and then make love regularly too!
That is a bit odd. Although I do believe most men continue to stare at women we'll into an old ripe age, doing it on the net sounds a bit creepy. I often remember my ex pointing out girls and asking me if I thought one was cute or not, and I was pretty honest. But I remained faithful, I would never act or have any impulse to seek the girl I'm casually staring at. Especially if I'm with someone. I do think he's trying to remember his youth. But if he's looking at even younger girls, or full blown porn, then you might have a problem.
I read many of the answers here and usually most are in favor of his actions, and so am I, only slightly. As long as he remains faithful to you, loves you, and he doesn't act on his impulse's, then he's a good man in my book. Do however, let him know how you feel when he does this. It's natural to want to find the reason, and you'll only grow more frustrated if you don't.
Men like porn. It's simple. Unless he is exchanging pictures with someone personally or getting people to send him pics of themselves you should have no worry.
It doesn't mean you don't look good, it means he also likes the way younger women look. Guys look at different kinds of porn ... one day it's asian women, the next it's older women the next it's college co-eds. He likes them all. Same as just because he looks at young porn models, doesn't mean he still doesn't think you look good.
Crazy analogy, but it makes sense in my mind. Until he gives you signs something is going on, it's probably just normal, male behavior.
It is entirely natural to be attracted to women in the late teens to mid twenties, no matter what age the man is. They are symbols of youth and fertility. It is simply adaptive.
That said, he may also be feeling his age. He may be longing for the days of his youth. It is impossible to tell without addressing him personally. This may be related to his own feelings of lost time and age, and he may appreciate talking about it. It may also be that he just likes to look at attractive young females, in which case he is just like pretty much every other guy out there.
I know of many older women who do this as well.
I would try not to take offense to it, but if it bothers you that much, just ask him about it.
He has urges, just remember has sleeping with you, would hurt if you went to the gym more and spiced it up in the bed room. and even surprised him in the shower. Its all genes and we are very visual. If you aren't happy about it then sit with him and ask him why he looks at it and if there's anything you can do to get is mind off of it. Despite Porn is on 90% of all computers or more. Just a lot more 18-22 year old on it because that's what hot in society now.
After looking at all the other answers, I think it is important to remember men's sexual experiencs that have programmed them for the rest of their life. Young boys learn early on the power of a sexual image to stimulate them to orgasm. This is an experience that they carry with them for the rest of their lives and forms their adult sexual preferences and habits. Even when they are adults and are in a wonderful relationship, they still carry those experiences with them. Does it make them bad or untrustworthy? No. It is just how they have been trained to stimulate themselves. It doesn't make them monsters or horrible husbands, unless they cross these lines:
1) He masturbates to orgasm by watching porn, thus denying you satisfaction and pleasure.
2) He starts communicating with real people for sexual gratification
3) He starts looking at child porn, which is definitely crossing the line of social acceptability
4) He becomes Obsessed with porn
Other than that, I think he is just a pretty normal guy. I think it is also good to remember that if he is getting older too, then he might have trouble maintaining an erection, which can be a very distressing issue for a man. So he might be trying to find that extra stimulation so he can maintain an erection. Just a thought!
No matter how well we age we simply do not look the same as we did in our early 20's. There is a different look that we all have in our 20's and it can be physically attractive and desirable to look at but that is where it ends. Most of us would tire quickly of actually being with someone that much younger. To me this is no different than wondering when you are in your 20's why your man is looking at other women at all. They do it, it is part of their sexuality and not a sign they are unhappy with their partner.
What is he thinking of when he looks at these younger women? He's thinking about exactly what you think he is thinking about. I think that it can be healthy (as long as he is just "looking" at them and the women are of age). Men are very sexual and it has nothing to do with you or whether he finds you attractive or sexy (considering you are still keeping yourself up). It is the difference between women and men that has been the same from their teenage years it doesn't just go away as they get older (if anything it may be more intense). They only try harder to conceal it as they get older because they don't want to be looked at as a pervert but they have a healthy interest in sexy women. They all will do it (take a peek) and if that is all that he is displaying, I wouldn't worry about it. I am not saying that any of this behavior is really okay with us but just know that it has nothing to do with you and it doesn't take any of his love away from you.
Just think about it this way, on girls night out we are looking at younger guys while joking around with our friends about what we would do with that. We are only joking but we are not looking at a 60 year old man saying...ooooh, he makes me hot (physically). It's all just a natural process that go thru as we get to the point in life that we may not be able to have what we think we want. Same thing for him, there is no young girls out there thinking about him sexually so it is safer to look at them on the internet without any rejection or criticism. It's safe. Hope this helps! Love & Peace!
he is a guy... that's just what happens. Its not that he loves you any less, but men have a lot of trestosterone even when they are older, and that's a way of releasing it. when you stop having intercourse that when it becomes a problem. Some of my friends and I were talking about this the other day... and this also is in reply to all the other that have commented before myself... the difference between a beautiful woman and young girls is simply... older women are beautiful, elegant, classy, and more distiguished, whereas younger girls are "sexy, hot" almost slutty if you will... and it has nothing to do what he is attracted to or what he wants you to be, its just that they are young, crazy, indistinguished and that's what is advertised in magazines.
I don't know but I think that if his bahavior is hurtful you need to sit him down and have a serious conversation. If he really loves you then hurting you would be the last thing he would want to do. I mean how would be feel if you were constantly lusting after younger hot men?
When you grow to be a certain age, men tend to forget what it was like to be young. You live your years of fresh skin, nice hair, in-styled clothes, and boyfriends. And you live your years of wrinkles, gray hair, sweat-pants, and marriage. You have to remember the times when you were younger - If you don't have children, it's even harder to. Your husband needs some sort of image to go back to his childhood, or early adulthood, just to comfort himself that he isn't becoming too old! Around your age, you tend to forget those things. He is still faithful to you, don't think he's not. He just needs remembrance of the early bloomers & if you want my advice - Invite your children or grandchildren (if any) over at your house for a weekend, or go out with the family more often. It will keep his mind off of what he's missing, and he'll focus more on what his age group should be doing.
You are probably very beautiful and your husband is probably still really attracted to you. But there is something very beautiful about youthful bodies and faces. And be honest with yourself, you've probably had a thought or two about some of the young men coming out of Hollywood these days. I wouldn't worry about it.
Instead of fighting against it, join in... (I don't mean look at young girls) haha.. I just mean, spice it up a bit, get kinky like.. give him a surprise in your undies when he comes home, or you show him where to put his hand, stuff like that, men (of all ages) love that stuff.. (I mean the majority, not all of them) ... Never mind the fact he looks at women.. so what? If he loves you, I don't think it should make a difference.. Cause you know he loves you..
Reading through this entire chain, I'll say this... many give arguments that it's only looking, no big deal, etc. That's really the lesser point.
The bigger point is that he must be doing this in very obvious ways for you to notice and ask this question. That is disrespectful. I watch porn, I like to look at hot men, look at their packages, etc. But I don't do this or comment on it in front of my boyfriend. Plus if you have children (hopefully not daughters), this would seriously be disturbing to them.
Further, the other big point is whether or not his doing so is taking away from your sex life, such that he's neglecting to have sex with you because he's getting the majority of his satisfaction elsewhere. That's also a problem; I had a major issue in another relationship where I felt like the guy I was with preferred porn to me - he was very obvious about his habits, and I started to feel unsatisfied and neglected. Again, I watch porn, but I'd much rather have real sex with my bf; it's more of a backup when I'm home alone for a while and horny.
When I'm in my 50's, no doubt I'll find younger twenty something men to be very attractive. But you can bet I won't obviously be checking them out or looking at pictures of them in front of my hubby, and I won't be neglecting my sex life with my hubby.
Obviously he is visually stimulated. Have you ever thought of doing a Boudoir photo shoot for him? I am a photographer and I recently did one for a client in her late 50s. She was having the same issues as you. we did tons of photos, different lingerie, bedroom shots, some fun outdoors shots, bikini shots andything that might turn him on. I put together a calendar for him, one photo per month, and we also did a book, 28 pages of awesome sexy photos from completely covered cute shots to completely nude with a feather boa on shots.
Of course I photoshoped out some wrinkle and made her sexier. She said since she gave it to him he has stopped looking for pics on the internet, he even told me thanks for doing it! It was done tastefully and it gives him Visual stimulation of His WIFE! Consider it!
Are you having sex regularly? Does he seem bored with it? Sometimes we tend to fall into a routine. Try something new (that you're comfortable with). A new lube, some fun pj's that have a pit of pizazz to them... something to mix it up. Maybe use a couple of his own ties to restrain him to the bed. I'm sure that would get his attention! Let him know that even though you're not those girls he's looking at, you're a real, breathing woman who can please him.
Men are visual, but I can understand you're hurt. Confront him on it, and try to reach an understanding. He may also be in denial that he's getting older. Which means that he's sensitive about his virility. Men at all stages in life are concerned about that. Let him know that he's still a man's man, and that he makes you feel like a real woman.
This is just stuff that guys do. I'm sure he isn't planning to have an affair or run off with someome else, and I'm sure he dsnt look at it because he liks the look of them beta then u. Most men do ths, some however dnt.
Maybe this will enlighten you. I'm 25, I dated a guy who was 57. You would think I'd do it for him? No way. Men are insatiable. Please check out my question on dating a sex addict.
Of course I'm not suggesting your husband is a sex addict. He's not. He's with you. He loves you so that's why he's staying with you. But he has needs and he's satisfying his needs via Internet porn, rather than soliciting real women.
Don't compare yourself to young pornstars, yet don't delude yourself and think a 55 yo body is the same as a 20 yo body. Even I feel different at 25 than 18!
Don't yell at your husband. Just suggest he do it out of your sight. Then try to spice up your bedroom life. Good luck and god bless.
Well, first off...what do you THINK he thinks about when he looks at those pictures?
Obviously, the problem here isn't you at all.
He is probably looking at these younger women out of appreciation, or out of his longing towards his youth. Could be many reasons. It's not really that big of a deal, I don't think.
But the way you can gain SOME control over the situation is by dragging his attention AWAY from those girls and towards you. If he is craving younger women, he is probably craving youth and adventure. What you should do is surprise him! Show him a confident, sexy, and youthful side of you! Best way to do that is to try something you've never tried before! That doesn't necessarily refer to sex...but sex is good too! :D Suggest something unexpected. It's not only going to make HIM feel good, but it's going to make you feel very youthful again too!
Men are visual and porn gives temporary visual stimulation to allow one to please themselves.When he looks,he is looking for temporary gratification.Regardless of his age,regardless of your age,regardless of the age of the girls,it has nothing to do with YOU,how he feels about you,your relationship or his love or respect for you.Whether male or female,it's natural to look at something attractive,and men as women,will continue to do so.And no matter how in love a guy is with his wife,how sexy/hot his wife is and how much he loves and respects her,there will always be attractive girls around.Does that mean he'll look?Most likely he will look.Does that mean he'll touch?No.Don't feel bad about it,those other women don't compare to wifey
i highly doubt he purposley means to look at women in those ages, its just what the industry is right now and its what there is everywhere it will always be younger ladies because that's what people want. when looking at p*rn it will usually be young adult to mid adult women unless he searches for the more mature ladies wich is already too much work for a man..
Men are so visual that they love porn. yes men of course are attracted to youthful looking women. But he's married and it would be an offense to your part of he looks and browse for girls in the internet, porn or not., for quite a while now that he devotes less and less to you and your family. I think you should discuss that with him, and not jump into conclusions. Hope you won't see him masturbate in front of the computer...
Everyone has their preference and certian things that turn them on when it comes to p*rn. I'm not gonna lie, I love my boyfriend to death but I still look at certain types of p*rn. Don't take it personal, if your really worried then just talk to him about it.
There's been numerous studies to prove that men like to look at women who would be good suitors to carry their offspring, it's one of the strongest bases when it comes to physical attraction. He doesn't even completely understand why he has a sexual attraction to women of this age, it's just in his nature. Men are just built that way.
That's what guys do. They don't realize the impact it has on us women though. I struggle with it myself. I don't feel pretty enough or sexy enough. I still don't know how to deal with it. I just know that my boyfriend is going to do it no matter what. It has brought my self esteem to extreme low. It eats at me like a cancer. When I asked him about it, he just says that all guys do it because they enjoy looking at all kinds of beautiful women and that it don't reflect any way on me. I am honestly sick of it. However, if you love him and all he is doing is looking and he isn't and hasn't cheated on you, hang in there. Try talking to him and express the way you feel. If he is open-minded he will be mature about it and reassure you.
Women are the fairer sex and men are the horny sex. Men are horny for hot young women, especially in the peak reproductive years. Media feeds into this natural desire by offering up scads of images of perfect-looking young women. Older women are not as attractive or fertile. So chances are he is looking and depositing these mental images of young girls into his “spank bank,” all men masturbate. You can be the most beautiful woman in the world and your man would still do this and desire lots of other women because this is how men are wired. If you lived in a society that allowed concubines and more than one wife, you husband would probably have picked some of those girls he looks at to be a wife or concubine. My advice to you is to not worry about his looking. You can’t stop it. All you can ask is that he do it in a way that doesn’t embarrass and disrespect you in public.