"Not looking for a wife". Did I make the right decision?

My boyfriend & I (of 8 months. but we've known each other for more than a year) because I wanted to be married & he said he's not looking for a "wife" right now... I noticed that every time I open up topic on marriage that it freaks him out usually will try to avoid the discussions. I broke up because I feel like he's not really sincere, serious or that he loves me enough to marry me. I was devastated by my decision.. I was miserable,so depressed that I wanted him back because I realized how much I love him; but part of me was saying to just let go & move on because he just coudnt commit in that level. My boyfriend is very caring & we had good times together.. I am very very heart broken... I WANT him back.. what will I do? did I PUSHED him too much?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your over 35, ready to marry and willing to start your own family. This man, obviously didn't want that. He wanted his "freedom", his space, and things the way he liked them. If he is also near your age, then I say he only a child, unwilling to accept the commitment and responsibility of marriage.

    So ask yourself, "Don't I deserve more than that"? Your ex boyfriend, only did enough to get buy. What you want, is someone more. So please don't sulk and go back to him, giving in to a love with conditions.

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    • Thanks for that insightful words... I think I just can't accept the fact that he actually doesn't want me in that much higher level of committment. And I also doesn't know how & where to start moving on.. it's only been 5 days.. & the scar hasn't healed yet.There's also regrets & I feel like I wasted my time, energy & emotions on someone who turns out to be a complete disappointment. yOU'RE VERY right though, he likes he's freedom he maybe 43 but I believe he's still looking around.

What Guys Said 1

  • Look, it suck and you will hurt for a while but if you want to be married and he does not then I would say that that is a deal breaker. You do not want to push anyone into marriage so I think that yo did the right thing. Give yourself a little time to heal and then start looking for the right person for you. Good luck.

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    • Thanks so much for that advice... it very helpful for me to put things in the right perspective.. before w ebroke up he was trying to convince me that marriage is not at all that important for as long as we have a wonderful conncetion & time together. But I just don't see it that way.. I believe that if a man really loves you & care for you that he will marry you to show how much he respect & value you. He said we should enjoy the journey & see where it goes.

What Girls Said 3

  • you made the right choice.

    it hurts yes, but he already let you know that he's not ready, and that doesn't mean that he ever will be.

    you shouldn't stick around waiting, you should be with someone who wants the same thing that you do. be strong and remember that he wouldn't have been able to give you what you want and staying would've only caused you more heartache

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  • No,it seems like you did the right thing...as much as it hurts you both want different things.

    You will not be satisfied in the relationship and he will not be able to give you as much as you want if its like that.

    I think youve been very honest with yourself and that youve made a brave choice-sometimes the right thing to do is also the hardest,and so many people settle for less then they want and it never works out.

    Ultimately,you just want different things,and your being true to yourself.

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    • Thank you nicky & mrsvinceoir... I really appreciate all the words that you both said. You're right I will never be satisfied with that relationship because I feel like I am just setttling down for someone who doesn't appreciate how lucky they are to have me. It just hurts so much that I had been depressed, miserable & rejected... He had stopped calling.. if ever he called back(w/c he said he will, two days ago when we last talk) should I talked to him?

    • Well if you have made your mind up I would ask you what you would hope to gain by it? I think you should ask yourself what the point would be-play it out in your head...can he say anything to change how you feel? Only you know that ;o)

    • I already talked to him today and I just decided that I am going to put a closure on us because from our conversation he really doesn't want to be married. I told him that the best way at this point is for us not to talk to each other-- so I can move on... we can never be friends because I am not ready to be friends with him yet... I will always be rminded of how he lead me on, he made me believe that he's sincere.....

  • I would not have broken up with him if you love him BUT I definately would have told him that you are not going to be exclusive with him if he is not ready to be married. I would date, go out to lunch, coffee, etc and start getting out and staying busy to keep my mind off him. You should not close off other possible better options while he makes up his mind on when he thinks the right time to to be married is. I would be very sweet and give very little details on your life if he contacts you. Don't sit and wait on "not looking for a wife right now". Good luck!

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    • Thanks for the reply! Sad to say we had already broken up-- I don't have peace of mind in that relationship; 8 mons of being together I feel like he has no future plans.. he's just satisfied seeing me 3 days every other week & when I am asking for more he just freaks out--it clearly shows that I am making someone a priority when he is just obviously making me just an option in his life. If he can't give me what I want then he's not worth my time.. I m very loyal-- I'm a "one man woman"...

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