I really need some advice on how to attract the ladies... I'm not totally sure what I'm doing wrong...

I'm 19 years old, I'm a little shy but I'm very friendly, I talk to girls and stuff and sometimes at college people will kinda start some small talk a little bit in line with me. I dress a little nicer. I try to keep a more classy look. I don't wear ya know, the ever so popular, "pants around my knees, boxers hanging out, with a cap turned sideways," that seems to be a hit with the ladies nowadays, or have a cocky attitude... :/

But while a lot of people say I have good looks, I just don't seem to connect well with women. I'm very nice and respectful to them.

Idk I just feel like I'm like one of the only guys without a girl that actually cares for me and I've never had a GF. Any advice on how to get a really close female friend or girlfriend? It just looks like so many guys can just go get a girl like its nothing, but I just... it doesn't come easily for me. Like I must be doing something wrong...

I ask a girl to hang out, even a girl I've known for a while and am friends with... That's who I'll usually ask anyways, and they seem to get all paranoid. I mean are the "nice guys" really that appalling? For example, I know girls like to shop, and I'd love to just go out and walk around the mall with a girl I liked. I'd have so much fun, just spending time with her, help her pick out outfits I think would look good on her. It may not be the most exciting activity in the world for me, but to just be with a girl I liked... I'd have a great time no matter what just because of her company. In fact, I'd rather do something like that than go to a party. And I don't smoke/do drugs or drink (i'm underage) anyway. Just doing nothing with a girl I liked sounds amazing.

I just really want some female attention, knowing that someone cares... It seems like so many guys get it and have no problem, but evidently I'm doing something wrong. maybe its my age group? idk. I know I'm a bit different than most guys tho for sure, I'm a bit more sensitive and I'm shy and stay away from stuff I shouldn't be doing.

How can I ever get a decent girl? What should I do?


now that I think about it... maybe I should have put this in Flirting or Dating. oops! sorry...


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you are really nice but you're thinking too much. And I know it sounds bad, but sometimes there's nothing wrong with a cocky attitude. All I know is that it works on me, I know it's lame but it does. Guys secure of themselves just have that extra something, I don't know why.

    But you don't need to go all cocky if that's not your personality... but, in my idea, you're a quiet boy and you don't talk a lot, maybe you should just try to draw a little more attention, I know it sounds wrong but that way you will get more girls to notice you... and then when they get to know you and learn how nice you are nothing can go wrong ;)

    I know it's harsh but there's nothing sexy about insecure... try not to be too dependent, you can do things she likes, but not only things she likes. That way I think she will get bored easily.

    Just, try to build up your self-esteem and they will all fall for you!

    Girls just don't always like guys that are tooo nice, you know? You can be nice and let her know you really like her off course, but try not to be too needy and clingy (sorry if that sounds hard)

    Anyway, that's how it works here in Europe, it sounds stupid but it's the hard truth, cocky just is sexy;)

    hope I was a bit helpfull :)

    Oh and btw: it also always works to compliment a girl on her looks!

    • I mean, I don't like become bothersome around a girl I like, but I definitely make sure I show her my time of day. I think how, you basically gotta ignore a girl to get her to want you is ridiculous. I show genuine interest, and I'm those guys that will blush and around the girl I like, I get a little nervous. I just feel a rush being around her, and its like a little bit of nervousness, excitement, and a whole mixture of emotions. It makes it hard to not be nice, just because I'm so excited

What Girls Said 3

  • well first off people probably like you but your just not aware of it- nice girls don't often approach guys.

    also you sound like a nice guy but I can tell you one thing that you may be doing wrong: if you are looking for a gf/relationship then you won't find it. people who seem desperate or needy are not attractive. try to just have fun with your life and girls will see and notice you- 19 is still pretty young. just give it time. you wouldn't want to rush into something now when the perfect lady for you is right round the corner.. if that makes sense. hope this helps.

    • I know but it seems like all the trouble of finding a relationship is placed on the guys... If I like a girl enough, I'll pursue her, but its never worked out for me... I try to live a fun life, but at the same time, I still live at home, I'm going to a comm. college, and my parents are strict. Plus I have a pretty high morale anyways. I just think people perceive me as boring, but they place this judgment on me without really getting to know the real me.

  • Maybe you're setting your standards too high? Are you going for very attractive women only?

    My advice would be, if you're not already, joke around with girls, be very playful but don't invade personal space. Ask them about themselves, most girls love to talk (it's how we sort through our thoughts) and love anyone who will give them an open ear. Try to compliment them on something but keep it fairly casual. Then observe the girls reaction. Is she laughing at your jokes? Smiling? Making eye contact? Is she fiddling with her hair or anything? Is she pointing her body towards you or away from you? Take all of that into account and you can get a fair guess whether she's interested. If she seems to be then ask her to something casual like a cup of coffee.

    • No way! I'm not setting my standards too high. not with seeing the kind of guys girls are dating nowadays. Yes I want an attractive woman, and I'm gonna find her. I just need to know how to be the guy that they want!

      I'll try being more of a joker... what are some good things to joke about?

  • When I read your comment about you being excited and all I think there will definitly come a girl along for you.

    Just be yourself, don't worry too much about doing it wrong! It'll happen!

    promise ;)


What Guys Said 0

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