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Is it true that every relationship has a settler (someone who settles for someone less good looking than themselves) and a reacher (someone who reaches beyond and dates above their own looks)?

The Reacher: Someone who reaches beyond their looks and dates above their own looks The Settler: Someone who settles for some one less good looking... Show More

Interesting to see the girls are pretty slit but the guys are in majority saying no.

Most Helpful Opinion

  • There was a study I seen on discovery health I think (not 100% sure) but they had a separate group rate a small group of 10 women and 10 men on a scale from 1 to 10. They were able to see anything that you would be able to see in real life. Walking, talking, and facial expressions.

    After they were rated the men and women paired off on who they thought they could form a relationship with based on looks. The outcome was pretty surprising. The 8s, 9s, and 10s all were attracted (and went for) higher numbers. While the 5s, 6s, and 7s became pairs just like the higher group. 1s would group with 1s and 2s, 3s and 4s went for each other as well. While no one in this study was particularly ugly, and none were even near obesity everyone had their distinct traits, glasses, freckles, hair color, style, length, and fitness.

    They ran this study on a few sets of 20 (10 men and 10 women) to get a more accurate view of things. There was only 2 couples that went for much higher/lower people. While I can see it happens day to day it all really is just personal taste and opinion. One person may like someone with freckles, finding them incredibly attractive, while others are more intrigued by body shape, hair color, face structure, etc.

    It was a very interesting study on attractiveness and how / why humans pair off as they do.

    Thanks for a great question!


    • I saw that same study somewhere or other and it seems about right to me.

What Guys Said 11

  • no I think this concept is rather silly and don't really think it applies to everyone

  • What about celebrity couples like Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie?

    • Plus, everyone views everyone else differently. Someone might say "Person A is The Settler", while someone else might say "You're crazy! Person A is definitely The Reacher!". You'd have to be able to quantify someone's beauty in order to rank them say "Person A is definitely prettier than Person B".

  • The poll is too black and white.

    I would say more often than not NO, but it happens sometimes.

  • No way, this may be true some of the time but not ALL the time! A lot of relationships don't have people settling or reaching- like when both parties feel lucky! I did with my girlfriend.

  • what about the ones where they're both bloody ugly?

    • Lol but ur probably not helping

  • lol well I know for a fact women aren't obssessed about looks compared to us men. so yeah, sometimes you find that odd paired couple passing by, but then women get what they desire from that guy (emotions) and the guy well he gets the good looking chick I guess

  • in a word, no

  • Who has more assets or power oscillates in a relationship, esp. between young people so there's usually a gap of some sort.

  • Voted Yes but its because no matter how you think about it we are simple not equal in each and every aspects of our lives, therefore you will always see differences in a couple as well as in any group of people so someone will always have an advantage somewhere somehow lol.

    Our real strenght is to find the right balance to make things work and to do so we need to work as a team.

    Isnt life beautiful?


    • Very well put mike!

  • deff not every relationship... sometimes both people are the same, and sometimes they both think they are worse than eachother, and sometimes they both think they are better than eachother...

  • I personally think so

    I think the same goes for best friends

    especially in females

    (I know I'm going to get many downs for this)

    look at your own best friends and look at them, I bet in most couples one is obviously hotter then the two and the other is the smarter then the hotter one.

    Stereotyping? Yes.

    True? More than likely.

    H Girl looks for someone who can give her a boost in ego because she wants to feel hotter and sexier so she picks a girl who isn't all that hot but needs a friend.

    S Girl looks for someone who can also boost her ego because she wants to feel smarter so then she goes along with the hotter girl

    so in a way its a win win situation ...right?

    • Actually I think its the opposite and that hotter girls will choose hot girls so that they feel good about themselves that this girl that is obviously pretty and cool and accepted wants to be her friend.

      And you are right about the smart girl part, but that doesn't mean she has to be ugly to do that, she just needs to know that she is smarter than her...

      kinda crazy...

      and there is always the whole concept of "you make me laugh and I like being around you" and hot/smartness don't matter.

    • Yea that goes for the popular group but the single groups of friends are like that and I understand the you make me laugh so ill be your friends but how often does that happen in high school?

What Girls Said 9

  • I guess if all you base relationships on is appearance it might be slightly true, but I don't think that's the majority at all. I think the best relationships are where people complement each other in abilities- they fill the gaps in each other. One has strengths in the areas where the other is weak, and of course they share common interests and such. Those are the best relationships because nobody is "superior" all the time and both partners recognize it. However, in most relationships there is a power dynamic in play, but again, people all have different abilities so you're always going to have strengths and weaknesses in areas your partner doesn't, so power doesn't have to be all in one camp and not in the other.

  • I guess if all relationships are is looks, then sometimes this is true. Initial attraction is often about looks, because, really , what else could we possibly know about the other person. But once you start dating and getting to know someone, then looks are not the only thing that defines the relationship.

    Regardless of that, no, I do not believe this. I have mainly dated guys that I was physically attracted and I know they felt the same about me.

  • no. there's no way that one is better than the other at everything. perhaps the girl is more beautiful and better at sports. well, they boy kicks her a** at video games, can fix computers, and excels in school.

    maybe the girl makes more money, but she sucks at managing it. the boy pays all the bills, saves, deals with the bank accounts and does the taxes.

  • Uhm... If I were thinking from a very superficial perspective, then yes, I can see what you mean.. everyone looks different, so we are all bound to date someone who is more or less attractive than us. But I don't think that it is the main reason someone is dating someone else who is less attractive.

    I'm kind of confused because I think this view is from an outsider's perspective? I mean, I've heard some people I know who do discuss other relationships and who has 'traded up' or 'traded down'...

    BUT yes, anyways, I think generally, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so I don't believe it really applies. And another note -- most people find that the most attractive people are the ones who resemble their own features the most. Similar facial bone structure, etc. .. which I find really interesting :)

  • I'd have to say because there always has to be someone more in control in a relationship. And in each section of a relatioship there will be certain area that each partner will be more predominant in.

  • i voted no. in a real, caring, loving relationship you don't 'settle' you just love them.

  • I chose yes. I really think you have something going here...but a little bit off...

    I think that everyone is a little bit insecure. You could have a 4.8 GPA and model and be nationally ranked in ten different sports but maybe you hate that you have curly hair or that you snort when you laugh. Everyone is insecure.

    I also think that if you really love a person, you love him no matter what, no matter if he snorts when he laughs. You treat him better than yourself. You believe he is the best thing to happen to you. You believe he is better than you because A)he is so wonderful and B) you snort when you laugh.

    so if it is a true, loving relationship, I am the reacher and HE is the settler, anytime.

    IF I ever believe that I am the settler and HE is the reacher, I am hugely conceited and don't deserve anyone.

  • I don't agree with that.

    My boyfriend and I are equally good looking. And we're both smart.

    So I think we're equal in beauty and brains.

    Which is fine by me.

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