Why do so many girls say 'looks don't matter', when in fact it seems like it does matter?

Just curious. This guy I work with has a very very hard time getting a date. He met a girl at a wedding and they hit it off, she gave him her number, yet doesn't want to go on a date with him now.

He's a really nice guy, never seems too negative about things, and all of his friends who are women ask him how he can still be single. Yet when he asks them after that they say no.

He is overweight, and I guess if you didn't know him you'd think he is a bit of a nerd, for lack of a better word. He can be a bit however he's really nice and witty. I feel bad for him because he's been single for soo long and is so much better than a lot of guys I see with girlfriends

Updates:
Thanks for the responses. This guy isn't overweight solely because he makes poor eating decisions, but some of it is genetic. He doesn't really have a particularily good 'style' dress wise, but he doesn't wear sweats and isn't a slob either.
Although his standards may be a little high, he knows when a girl is 'out of his league'. And speaking of that, I've read here many times that noone is out of anyones league. Is that not the case then?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Whether we like it or not, looks do matter. Love typically begins as lust or attraction, then grows into something else. Sure, you can become friends then fall in love, but that friend zone is hard to hop out of. That said, I am currently attracted to someone who is not even remotely my type. I have never been able to be attracted to overweight people simply because it means their lifestyle is probably sedentary and more focused on food than mine, which is a turnoff to me. BUT, right now I am more attracted to a man than I have ever been-- and he is overweight and losing his hair... So, go figure. You never know.

    I think for women, much of our attraction can be attributed to men's body language and self-image too. Even more important than looks for me is confidence. If a man knows that he's "the man," I'm far more likely to agree with him ;) Your friend probably comes off as less confident and more desperate, which is always a turnoff to women.

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What Girls Said 5

  • well, I've fallen for a guy who wasn't the most hottest guy on earth but he had a good personality.then there are guys who are both not hot and with not so hot personalities. if a guy takes care of himself, that's a good thing. if he's hygienic and has a sense of style, that's a bonus. it does matter but it isn't the most important thing.

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  • Personally I have never said "looks don't matter" lol. I have to find the guy physically attractive. No disrespect but a lot of girls who say that may not exactly be attractive themselves so they can't really be picky. =/ Women care about looks. We may not be as instantly visual as men, but that doesn't mean we want to date someone we have no attraction to. Ugly girls and ugly guys are kind of in the same boat, your personality can be fine and dandy but if you are not attractive then why would you want more than just friendship? If he is that great of a guy he should try losing weight to make himself more attractive to the opposite sex. I'm just gonna take a wild guess (I'm freely assuming, I could be totally wrong) but it sounds like your friend probably looks at girls out of his league and wants a girl who HE finds attractive. Well guys are not the only ones who want to be with someone they think is attractive.

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    • So he's not entitled to a relationship with a girl he's actually attracted to? What are you saying?

    • He can be attracted to them but they have to be attracted to him also. Say you have a guy who is really overweight, looks a little sloppy and doesn't take care of himself, and he is attracted to model looking dimes...he's going to have to either lower his expectations or adjust his physical looks. The girl has to be attracted to you to, some guys forget that.

  • Not trying to be shallow, but I do think it is important to be attracted to the person you are with. It would be hard for me to kiss some one I was not attracted to…just think about it for a moment. He could exercise and its healthy, being healthy is attractive in its self and he will live longer and have a reduced risk of disease. But I don't know what he looks like so I cannot say for him.

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  • there is a such thing as a girl being out of a guy's league and a guy being out of her league. unfortunately, my answer is that his looks do matter and girls are rejecting him for that reason.

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  • all I have to say is that my first boyfriend wasn't all that attractive. and I asked him out.

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    • Really you asked him out?

    • Yes. I did. I'm the one that made the move and I thought he was ugly at the time. what drew me in was his great peronsality. over time he became acttracitve to me.

What Guys Said 3

  • I think that its because some (not all) girls just want the bragging rights to their friends to be with a hot guy. Also I think it is because some (again, not all) women are shallow and would rather go by looks than personality. Guys are not any better with this though. I have quite a few female friends that only go for the hot guys and don't even think about the unattractive guy who would really treat them better in the end. It seems to me that women like to be treated like s*** and be the "victim" so people feel sorry for them...

    Just my $0.02 on that.

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  • Because it's a "polite" thing to say. But they are just placating. Much like men do.

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  • Well does he like know how to dress? He needs a certain stlye on him. If he's like in his middle ages, well he has to meet women that are over a divorce. He has to learn how to communicate with the lady. Also like make him like a responible adult. Not a Fat doode in his 30s still living with his mom, who still watches cartoons and stuff. He needs a good Job, and girls like guys with responability. Don't let him try so hard to impress the girl. Once he has made friends with her for at least 2 weeks. And if they start dating like 4 times. Then he's in a relationship, and it goes on, My friend.

    I know he can do better than me.

    Im just a kid, whose alttle VAIN for age.

    Many girls don't like me, becasue they think I'm player.

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