What do girls want in a guy?

I am 17 years old and have been currently looking for a girlfriend the problem is the girls are not interested in me. I have met 10 girls in the past year and each one has not even wanted to go on a date with me. I have been nice, have flirted, and gave them plenty of space. 100% of the time I would not hear back from them if I did not text them first. I am not sure what I am doing wrong I eat healthy, exercise daily, play plenty of sports, am on the honor roll, have plenty of guy friends, try new things (ex:just started snowboarding) and even modeled for a couple of photo shoot about a year ago.

An example of a girl ditching me happened a few nights ago. I met this girl at a party and she was nice and very sweet. The whole night we had conversations but I gave her plenty of space meaning she came up to me first. After a couple of hours of talking and flirting things were going very well. Anyway a drunk guy came up to her and started to hug her and I could tell she was a bit uncomfortable. I left without her number because the guy was being belligerent so the next day I Facebook messaged her but my friend told me the drunk guy she met at the party asked her out on a date and she went the next night with him. I do not drink and a drunk guy got the girl while I was sober. I am not even sure if that makes any sense. But that is what happens I text girls and they always have excuses to why they can't go on a simple date with me. They always say that I am "too nice" is that even possible? I have even tried to tone down how nice I am yet nothing has happened. So girls I am asking you what attracts you to a guy because apparently I have hit some rough spots in the dating game?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Man, I had a similar situation, I'm actually kind of still working on it. Basically, too nice means you're letting girls walk all over you, giving them exactly what they want. You have to think more of what you want, and be more assertive. Confidence is key, and you have to be more of a man. I'm like you, I don't drink, I eat right, play sports, good marks. Simply put, be more selfish- and also, look for girls more similar to you. You don't drink and you get good marks, so go for girls like that, not the others. And I know, hot, smart, non-drinkers are very hard to find. Ugh...


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What Girls Said 9

  • You have to be interesting.

    A lot of guys like me, because I am interesting. And I know this.

    Girls are the same.

    This guy I like was talking about me, saying that I was too good for him. Because if people were rain, he was drizzle and I was a hurricane. It's a quote from one of my favorite books. That alone made him intersting.

    It takes charisma.

    The whole being nice things is almost the opposite of flirting. Flirting is teasing, flirting is making jokes, rude or not.

    But being nice is probably a huge strong point for you.

    Last thing I have to say is, body language.

    I'm thinking girls might think you're just a nice guy, that's all.

    That you're not so interested, just want to go out.

    Your body language says everything, be open, turning your body, the arch of your back, your profile. It's a sensual thing.

    Maybe, look that up? A lot of people have trouble showing how they feel on the inside, showing who they are. And they come across boring.

  • yeah I agree to finding a girl who is like you. someone who is academically capable I guess is how I'll word it and someone who just doesn't ditch you.

    It takes time. I'm still trying to find that guy or more so just letting it happen whereby I just focus on me and let the guy do the work finding me or asking me out etc. you don't always find the best at parties. so anyways, just be patient and find a girl with similar interests. good luck :D

  • The problem is not you. Don't ever think that - just because all these girls are not interested in you, it doesn't mean something is wrong with YOU. it could just be you haven't met anyone you really clicked with yet, and it might take a while to get to that place (i'm still waiting - I actually have a similar problem as you, but I know that I'm way too reserved when I try to talk to people, so I'm working on opening up and gaining confidence). You can try being just a bit more persistent, because girls really do like it when someone we've just met shows a lot of immediate interest. it tells us that we're admired, and everyone loves that feeling. don't be in their face of course, but when you text or something the next day, don't be afraid to make it damn happy, straight-forward text. all girls want something different in a guy. some want Brad Pitt. some want Charles Manson. I want Plato. I'm 17 too, and we have a long way to go yet my friend. Just hang in there and be yourself, that's the only way you'll ever establish a healthy, fun and easy relationship.

  • Uh, you seem to be focusing way too much on the whole "giving her space" thing. Why did you not just ask her out yourself? Why did you abandon her when the drunk guy started making her uncomfortable?

    • Your right in a way I did abandon her but the drunk kid was my friend so I did not want to have him mad at me. (That part was my fault.) Maybe I should have used better wording she kind of left me to be with the drunk kid when he came around and started hugging her. I do know for a fact that was the first time they met ... Do you think in the beginning when you are meeting somebody new you have to be aggressive or is there a middle ground somewhere?

  • your cute, so you've got that going for you...

    Ok, so girls say that your "too nice". Yes that is possible, hate to break it to you. I once talked to this guy for a while and was really into him until he started drawing me things, and saying things like your beautiful...( I know your probably thinking oh my she's nuts) but you see girls don't like it when guys are "too nice"-that is before your dating- because all they hear is blah blah blah, he's a liar. It sounds like a bunch of bull to us. If you want to get a girl you can't be at all fake, we have a radar for this crap. When it all comes down to it, we would rather be with the "drunk guy" at least he's honest about who he is. The girl was also probably thinking it was easier to know exactly what this drunk was thinking for sure, because he told her, blank point. Girls don't like the guessing game.

    (Example::: the hottest thing happened today at school (three girls melted)..and the guy was a punk. Here's what happened, I got off the elevator with one of my friends, and when the door opened, this guy leaned in and narrowed his eyes like he was searching for someone, then he spun around real quick saw this random girl in the hallway and said "hey you, come here" he bent down a little, grabbed her chin and kissed her" IT WAS SO HOT, it was like he was this bad ass punk who just proved he could have anyone he wanted. And he can.)

    • The was a good story. Definitely a good answer also. I have heard you have to be confident which I try to be. The only problem I have is what do other people think of the "drunk guy" it would be good if I could get the girl but at what cost in front of my friends? Also I would hate to hurt the girls feelings if I acted like that?

  • Your problem is that you are being too damn nice and expecting girls to mistake that for sexy. Knock it off already. If you are nice to girls, and they aren't sexually atrracted to you first, you have just killed any chance you might have.

    Girls are looking for a real guy, some p*sser that will take control and protect and provide for them and their babies. They can't help it, it is in their biological programming.

    You have to make girls be attracted to YOU first, not the other way around. Be smart, funny, sexy, engaging, challenging, sarcastic, witty, and give the damn girls a hard time. Once you make them laugh, and convince them that you can't be had by just anybody, and give them the idea that you don't care how goodlooking they are, and that YOU are the real prize, you are on your way.

    And get buff. It really, really helps. Body For Life is your friend.

  • Eating healthy, exercise, sports, great grades, none of that has to do with getting a girl. Just be yourself, and I know you've probably heard that a billion times, but its true. She might have seem sweet but if you just met her that night, then you truly have no idea; maybe she thinks guys that drink are attractive and that have that life style.

  • It's different for every girl you know. Maybe you've just been flirting in the wrong crowds? You're only 17, there's a lot of parties for you to go to. Be yourself, someone will come along liking you the way you are.

  • Unfortunately, coming across as too nice will get you put in the Friends Zone. Really hard to get outta there. sorry


What Guys Said 3

  • Here's what I think:

    a) You are a 'nice' guy at heart and you think that this is what girls want. Sadly this is NOT what they want. In our experience, girls often mean the opposite of what they say. ie. when they want to fall in love, they want to be chased or the feeling of a chase; when they want a relationship and understanding, they want to felt over their bodies and shown the world (not read books). When they say no they sometimes mean yes. This is why a lot of guys like yourself have trouble understanding women in general...

    b) You are trying to be too nice to them, and this is what kills the relationship. The worst part nobody told you is...being too nice to them means to them being 'boring'. When you do that, they think you are a walkover...which you have now (sadly) become.

    c) When the drunk man came over, you didn't help her get rid of him but instead backed away from it for her to handle. This is the real clincher and probably why she didn't call you again. Because in her eyes you were a LOSER by backing away. If you had any shred of manliness in you, you would have protected her regardless and held your ground, pure and simple.

  • If I were you, I'd be trying to hone her towards my own demands, and things working on my term and not hers.

    She is ignoring you because in the way you say things to her online you are probably not being 'cocky' enough, humorous or interesting enough to keep her interest, and it is making her feel that you are boring person for her to talk to.

    Girls (that I know of) like to often be taken by surprise and to have someone they can really talk things about, but not in a patronising or condenscending way, but in a fun and mutual sense, and while still giving her a bit of free reign (only a little). They like someone to be themselves when they talk, give them honest (if not also funny and cocky opinions) that make them laugh and preferably someone with 'a bit of backbone' as it were and not just a simple 'yes man' to every single whim she has. If anything try to show a bit more opinion in your postings, and try to be a little bit more confrontational next time you talk on something...

    Also you are making it too easy for her to be with you, and not harder from a worth point of view, hence the lack of mental/sexual tension she feels with you. For your relationship to work she has to know it is very hard for her to get you (to love her) and she has to earn this respect from you, not just 'given it' to her almost for free (which being too nice actually conveys).

  • Women like men. What would a man have done?

    Given here some space to be polite, but if he was digging her, he would have gone for it (asking her out, hooking up, etc.)

    Asked her if the drunk guy was bothering her, and not take sh*t from the drunk guy if he turned around.

    I'm not saying you should be a drunk, belligerent asshole to get girls, but even though they can be scummy, they will have more of a chance with a woman than a nice guy. Nice guys are too passive. Manliness doesn't only come from being into sports or being dominant; it's doing what you want without letting other people sh*t on you, because, by God, they will if you won't do anythig about it. Now, when I say manly, I don't necessarily mean truck-driving, arm wrestling, beer drinking manly, I mean confidence.

    Be confident by

    1. not needing everyone to like you. just like yourself and you're set.

    2. not compromising excessively. if you don't want to do something that someone else does, DON'T. Do it because you want to, not because having someone like you for it will feed your ego.

    3. knowing your limits and restraining yourself sometimes. (hypothetically) you might be able to kick this guy's ass, but you're going to hold back because you're better than that.

    4. be decisive. you will be happier when you're chasing your happiness instead of trying to appease others'

    5. get out there and have fun

    don't think of it as changing your personality, just think of it as being yourself MORE. like, doing what you want, saying what you think, etc.