Why is everything so superficial?

The problem lies in the fact that I don't know how ugly I am. I know I'm not pretty enough for a good guy, so I'm stuck thinking am I too ugly for anyone in general? I have other occupations in life: helping others, being a good friend, etc. But when I think of love, which is all the rage among my friends, I burst into tears and think this is not worth it. Life is not worth it when one is so undesirable. I can't help but not want someone who looks like convict or a slob, but not even the average guys approach me. What is a girl, who is kind and intelligent, to do in world where I am considered so expendable.


0|1
6|4

Most Helpful Guy

  • Unfortunately this is a fairly selfish, self absorbed society. Especially when you're younger. After the thirties, its not quite so bad. Sometimes things change a little.

    Honestly, I'm pretty ugly in the looks department, so I understand a little bit about what you are going through. I'm ugly and a bit depressed. I can't get out on my own, in spite of having traits that should, if life were fair, be all that would be needed to excel. But there's the rub. Life isn't fair.

    But, on the other hand, sometimes ugly can be ok. Some of it is relative anyway. If we all looked like Brad (the men) or Angelina (for the women) there'd be good looking guys who are more desirable than others. There'd be different levels of attraction, even if everyone looked good. And yes, it'd be boring.

    I think we'd still have a lack of confidence. "Oh, I didn't get the job because that Brad look alike is an inch taller than I am. All the jobs go to those guys. "

    And sometimes, ugly actors or dumpy people get the good roles. And sometimes, we play the best villains. Imagine a great looking Wicked witch of the west. Arguably Not as amazing as average looking actress Margaret Hamilton.

    And who best to teach others not to be so shallow but us ugly people? We've got the great qualities. And while the better looking ones have more opportunities thrown at them, and they tend to excel, some of them have to wonder if it's because they had the talent, or if it was something superficial like looks. Did they get married because they were good looking? What happens when they age? Will that be enough to keep the other person?

    With ugly, you get the good people underneath - sometimes. You get the great potential parents and spouses. The hard workers. The geeks who can change the world. (Imagine if Bill Gates looked like George Clooney. Things wouldn't be the same. ) We don't have to spend three hours in the morning to look our best because everyone demands it. We can get up, wash up, throw on decent clothes and go.

    So it has being ugly, if we can use it to our advantage, has it's perks.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 3

  • You obviously lack self-respect. I felt the same way for a number of years, especially after a girl I liked said no to anything further. What I would suggest is to develop a better image of youself (many sources of help are available). The greatest determining factor as to whether or not you can accomplish something (and it goes for anything) is the belief that you can do it. This belief comes (in big part) from self-respect. It is the key to being happy with life.

    Keep at your occupations. When you serve others, it feels like your own burdens have been lightened. Love and romance are more likely to occur when you are busy and involved in things.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I like all women ;)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Personally I don't think that any woman is ugly. All they need to do is spend some time on themselves. When they look good they look good, it's just a matter of keeping up with making yourself look your best. And don't give me the whole "but my best isn't good enough" yes it is

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 6

  • When it comes to true love, image is not a factor. I work part time at a take away shop, you have no idea of all the kinds of people I see. Sometimes I see gorgeous girls with really unattractive guys and other times I see really gorgeous guys with really unattractive girls. Love is amazing and isn't about somebodies image, it's about those other qualities that you said you had. Trust me the right guy will come along someday. Besides how do any of us know what defines real beauty, people these days only follow what they see in magazines. Nobody knows the defintion of beauty because it is all an individual opinion.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Look don't stress about it. Don't think that your UGLY. No woman is ever ugly! Unless you think about it that's how your gonna see yourself. And you may start looking like it. Just kidding. But seriously don't put yourself down. There will be a guy out there for you. Guys don't always go for looks. Trust me guys get tiered of BRAINLESS GIRLS. You got everything a guy wants. Your KIND & INTELLIGENT. That's basically it. At least that's what a SMART GUY would choose. So don't put yourself down. Stay yourself and keep it that way. Soon that guy WILL come. So be patient and soon you will get what you want. Or what your looking for. Good Luck Beautiful! Hope I Could Help!

    0|0
    0|0
  • First off baby never put yourself down as to what a guy may think because everyone is assigned to their own opinion especially their own type or what attracts them. Second it's always the opposite of what you think about yourself then what a person on the outside sees which they might like.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Don't worry...been there, done that. If you really wanna know, you have an advantage to it, because when you finally meet the right one, at least you will know that the relationship goes beyond the physical attractions, and everyone knows that these kind of relationships are hard to come by, therefore hard to break. I share your insecurities on the way you look. I've always known that if I were to meet a guy, it would be a guy whom i've known for ages, for he would have to see me beyond my lack of physical attractiveness and see the person within. True enough, I got together with one of my best friends, and our relationship is stronger than ever, and at least I know that he won't be leaving me when i'm old and ugly(or uglier?)!

    0|0
    0|0
  • I know how you feel. I always thought I was cute miss nice girl and that was the reason that no guys ever seemed to take me seriously or want me. That they wanted the slutty or bad girls. But then, when I least expected it, I got together with my crush from a few years back! And I'm saying this to you from personal experience, it will happen when you least expect it. It did for me. :)

    0|1
    0|0
  • It sounds like you're the golden catch and the guy will come along to you, It's not the end of the world. When this guy meets you he will wonder where you have been there are plenty of DECENT looking men and all they want is someone intelligent who they can love and actually talk to. Maybe when you meet this guy he won't be the one. That doesn't mean there will be more guys to come and go or stay. Just because you're not miss sexy doesn't mean that there isn't a guy out there who dosn't need you. Someone does.

    1|1
    0|0
Loading...