How do I get out from my beautiful mother's shadow?

My mom was a beautiful movie star in Singapore. Here is a photo of her. How do I get out from my beautiful mother's shadow?

My dad also looked like a movie star-he was tall and handsome. I'm cute, but not movie star beautiful and relatives have told me that I'm a disappointment. A few relatives have told me that I can't compare to my mom and that it's so unfair how I turned out. I can never measure up and I even feel some shame when I go to family events because deep inside I feel that I am a let down. How do I get over this?


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Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girl

  • As if looks would save your life. But do you measure your self worth on looks alone?

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    • I know I shouldn't judge myself just based on looks. It's just hard when your relatives do.

    • Oh those mongoloid folks of yours..

    • Well, I don't think it's that common among my Chinese community. My dad's side of the family doesn't really talk like that and none of our Chinese friends talk that way about their kids. I think there is something particular in my mom's side of the family that make people talk like that.

What Guys Said 19

  • How did your mom and dad treat you? You mention relatives... Wow, how shallow, rude and insulting they are to you. I know that feeling, that is how my dad treated me at times, although not as potently. It is stated as if you lack value because you weren't like them or as good as them.

    Read the Bible? Maybe read the Genesis 2-3 section... the foundation of man is what you stated... "Shame". It is a terrible feeling that roots fear and anger. Then read the New Testament... that will help when you realize you have all the value and worth you'll ever need in Gods eyes.

    The other approaches, which I'd do all of them, are get proefssional counseling (designation PCC or PCC-S). They can help you process the lies these people are telling you. It helps to have a Christian counselor because the foundation being God loves you is THE solution.

    The other one is read a book like Change your life in 7 days. You need to do everything you can to improve your self worth and esteem.

    If they continue to insult you, I don't have a problem putting them in their places verbally. Are you ok with that? Have you ever told them how rude and insensitive and hurtful they are to you?

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    • My dad never talked about my appearance and my mom said that I didn't need to look like her. She said I had my own kind of beauty. I am talking to a counselor and working on my self esteem. Thank you for your advice.

  • I can relate a little bit to this. My dad was a successful engineer and made lots of money. In my family, that was what made a man: your income and intellect. I went to school for engineering and I hated it. I started feeling like a let down too, and if I couldn't be as great as my father, I wasn't worth much. He expressed disinterest when I changed my major.
    This was a few years ago and it's only recently that I realized something. All of these opinions my family had on what was important in life (like money or in your case beauty) were different from family to family. It proved that, if everyone valued different things, people really have know way of knowing for sure what is important. The truth is, how you measure yourself is the only measure that matters. Your relatives that say you don't compare to your mom don't know this. They still believe the way it was for them is the way it has to be for you it doesn't mean they don't love you, it just means their love is constrained by ideas that really have no grounds of being universally applicable.
    If you ever feel that familiar sting of 'not being enough' just remember it's what you do that defines you. Not what you look like and not how you compare to your mother or to anyone else.
    It's a tough lesson to learn but you are not alone

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    • Yeah, you're right. I've had a lot of accomplishments and have helped a lot of people because I like to help people. I just wish people didn't value looks so much on my mom's side of the family. I feel like my other accomplishments don't matter as much. I should've been gorgeous is what they think. Well., I am working on not caring as much about what people say and just see my own value.

  • By not caring. Who the hell tells some one that anyway clearly not people who care about you. The fact is you are you your mother is your mother, she lived her life you live yours. Who cares if your not just like her? Your your own person and you shouldn't be just like her and I doubt your parents (unless their horrible people) feel that way about you. So live your life and stop caring about what a few people think about you.

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    • Thanks, I'm trying to not care what others say. No, my parents didn't say that about me, but i did wonder if my mother was secretly disappointed. She was so famous for her looks and everyone thought they would have a gorgeous daughter since they were both so attractive, but I'm not that. I do have other good qualities though.

    • I doubt they would think that, besides in the grand scheme of things looks are pretty low on the list. Time takes that away, accidents, disease etc, basicly out of everything there is looks are the most ephemeral, they don't last. Plus there subjective ie not every one agrees whats good looking or not so it doesn't even matter and ask yourself who are famous good looking people both now and in the past and which one of them actually did anything of worth? Then ask yourself if the things they did do had anything to do with their looks? Basicly I would rather be smart/kind/generous/artistic/witty/talented and average looking then really good looking with nothing else going for me. So again, I don't think it matters. Any one who puts that much emphasis on looks and nothing else isn't particularly smart. So don't worry about it.

  • Well I need to see your pictures to know for sure but you mother was a 10/10 on my rating scale.

    That being said... Do you plan to have a career as an actress by any chance? Or a super star in music? Maybe go to Hollywood and hit it big? If your answer is NO then you shouldn't care much about your looks. Also, looks only get you so far into the movie business.

    If you think you look cute and your parents looked hot then you are at least a 7/10 and you are well into the 'pretty' category. Any decent guy will definitely consider you girlfriend material. You don't need a lot of looks to have a fabulous life.

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    • Well, I don't want to put myself into more hurt by putting my picture up and having more people compare me with her because I know I can't compare. It'll be like comparing Doris Day to Liz Taylor. That said, I am an actress, but I do it for fun and have no dreams of making it big as a movie star. I do theater and small films here and there, but you're right, looks aren't everything and I should be happy to be just cute. Thanks for the advice.

  • ignore what family says because family can be brutally honest thinking there helping you or something. they dont know anything about today's Young people.

    just take it with a grain of salt and think about things you want and not thing you family seem to live off of which is sad in my opinion.

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  • Ahh fucking typical Asian parents.. Just ignore em ans be you.

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    • It wasn't actually my parents, just other relatives and not everyone was like that- just cousins and aunts. My dad's side never talked like that and they're Chinese also.

  • You're relatives are shit. I'm sorry to say it, but it's the truth.

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  • your relatives are total assholes not gonna lie lol

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  • Wow that's really rude of them to say. You can't change what DNA you got it's just a lottery. Focus on what you want to do with your life and find something that makes you happy. Just ignore what your relatives say.

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  • Try to focus on yourself. Work on yourself emotionally. Accept your parents for what they are/were. You are responsible for your own life so only you can choose to live in the shadows or not. If you've not seen Rocky Balboa I would strongly recommend you to watch it as it touches on a similar issue.

    https://m.youtube.com/?gl=GB#/watch?v=D_Vg4uyYwEk

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    • Thanks! I'll watch this:-)

  • Be in a Godzilla movie as Godzilla, then you will be too big for shadows.

    Hope this helped OP, stop asking dilly questions.

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  • Well she is really beautiful, but I'm sure you look fine too. I wouldn't worry too much.

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  • Listening and believing what your relatives are saying is very foolish.
    Stop thinking like that and be confident in yourself.

    You're better than that.

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  • All the guys you crush on just want to date your mom?

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  • BE YOURSELF. you are the charachter of your own story.

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    • That's true. I have a lot of good qualities I think. Looks aren't everything and I should be grateful for what I got.

  • Nobody *here* would have even known if you hadn't said anything...

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  • What makes you, you? What do you do? What are the things that you're good at?

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    • A lot of things I guess. I just wish they valued these things as well, but looks are very important on that side of the family. I guess I have to change the way I view myself since I can't change them.

  • Move to America and you'll get plenty of people who won't know or care about that.

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  • thats seriously messed up id get some cash and move far away from them ASAP

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What Girls Said 2

  • I know the feels, my family is like that although they prefer to compare me to just random girls and not my mom lol but really you just need to learn not to give a damn.

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  • Ignore them. Don't let them compare you to ANYONE. You were born the way you were for a reason. You're meant to have your looks, and it's up to you to figure out how to rock it. People aren't unattractive - they just don't know how to present themselves. You have to find what works for you, or just learn to love yourself for who you are. Don't listen to them. Their expectations are too high, and that's their fault. They're being selfish.

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    • Thank you. I have to learn not to let them hurt me.

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