What to do without looking like total a penis?

OK, there is this girl I'm after, but she is refusing to meet with me in person,(we met at work, though she's not there anymore, but she was clearly into me) at least for now. We haven't even been on a date of any sort or even hung out.

We haven't been in a relationship, but I want her. We have been in contact on another site, and for various reasons I sent her some pretty nasty messages, and she told me not to contact her. She hasn't blocked me on there. I'm not going to contact her, at least not for a while yet, but I will eventually.

Thing is, I want to apologize and explain why I reacted to her message the way I did and why I said what I did, and what I really think of her.

But how can I do this via the internet without looking or feeling like a complete penis, whilst at the same time trying to win her over again and gently persuading her to meet with me in person again?

And please, please don't tell me to forget her and move on, because that's not going to happen, at least for now.

When I message her again a a while, it really will be the last shot, then I'll leave it alone. I've been single about year and a half, her about 6 months.

Anonymous: She hurt my feelings first! Which is I sent those nasty messages.
I NEVER said I was thinking with my penis, or even that that is the only reason I want her, because it's not the reason I want her. She's a pretty special person. I said how can I tell her what I think of her WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE A PENIS. Jesus, people.
How can something so simple be misconstrued by people to mean something else entirely?

It's not that I want her, I want to be with her.
She's everything, and I really do mean EVERYTHING I've ever looked for in a girl. As far as I'm concerned so far, the 1st answerer, Anonymous, is spot on right. Anyway, nobody here really knows what was going on between me and this girl.
Nobody here knows what was going on between me and this girl to make me think, no, not think, KNOW that she's into me. I just think that she's not fully over her ex and needs time. I'm just an impatient b*stard.
Best answerer- it wouldn't let me type more. Her attitude changed completely- she ignored me, wouldn't talk to me, and had a face like a slapped arse towards me. Then, two days later, she was all friendly and chatty towards me, though not really flirty.
And now she's doing this to me in communication on another site. I'll message her again though. Thanks.
I wish I knew who you where instead of being anonymous- you seem to know what you're talking about. Though I'm anon too, aren't I?!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I can actually relate to some of this, from the opposite side. Do you have an email address for her? If you've been really nasty then you should stay away from her, sounds like you've hurt her feelings quite a bit and she may just get angry at you and the communication will go awry. Best thing you can do is write it down, your explaination for how you behaved, and how you feel about her etc. Don't get too bogged down in feelings over email though, don't confess undying love or anything but tell her you do care for her etc and would like to pursue something with her. Tell her you are sorry for hurting her feelings etc. Explain all this on an email and let her take it in and give her bit of time to reply. Just say your piece, and let it lie. If what you have said has made an impact, she will understand and forgive you. Believe me, I know. But you must be sincere, and let your male pride go out the window. This whole "without looking like a total penis" things has to be put away at least for now while you are trying to redeem yourself and get her to trust you. You have hurt her feelings, get over your pride and show her sincerely you care for her. If you don't she won't trust you with her feelings anymore.

    Can I ask - why you said such nasty things to her if you clearly are really taken by her and won't get over her?

    • Yeah, she hurt my feeling first, which is why I sent those messages I did. But there is another reason I reacted in that way. I was already pretty upset about something already, then saw her message.

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    • And the sad thing is that you never even tried. Ever. You have no idea how easy it was to fix , any kind of an effort on your part would have gone 10 fold. But you never made the ffort to connect with her on the situation. And that made her feel pretty worthless I can tell you. Despite feeling incredibly nervous and unsure and everythign else she forced herself to repeatedly connect with you and always got shot down. But she wasn't worthy of your efforts it would seem. Not even when you owed her

    • WTF?!

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 1

  • So, let me get this straight. This girl won't meet you in person, won't date you, won't hang out with you but "clearly" wants you? Are you effing serious? That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. If she wanted you, she'd snap you right up. The fact she didn't speaks volumes.

    "And please, please don't tell me to forget her and move on, because that's not going to happen, at least for now. " - These are the words of a guy who is addicted to pain. Until you get over yourself, you're going to continue sending nasty messages to women be it verbal or virtual.

    You already know you have to walk away because she's out of here, you just don't want to because you CAN'T digest that this girl is not interested AT ALL.

    • Yeah, I'm more inclined to listen and take advice from a girl's point of view about this... After all, girls know and understand other girls better than guys will ever do.

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    • Reasons why you would want to talk to this PERSON, why you want this PERSON in your life not why your PENIS wants this person in your life... These are things you can think privately, & I would advise that id you can not come up with reasons that you want her in your life or realistic reasons she SHOULD want you in her , then hinestly I s doiubtful that SHE WILL EITHER, so your email will be recieved a anapology either gracefully or not- but not as a prelude to any sort of acquatance....

    • SO send it to alleviate your guilt & do not expect her to respond.

      (-IF you can't think of her beyond your penis.)

      -What EXACTLY did she say to unleash your defenses, so quickly?

      What did you say to her in your defense?

      Were you guys friends before hand?

      Did she say she liked you?

      Did you tell her you liked her?

      Were you guys on a friendly bases?

      Could you carry on a conversation?

      Why do you like her?

      Why do you think she should like you?

      Where would you like things to go - hypothetically?