I have a history of dating guys that are decidedly not on the upper end of the attractiveness scale. They're smart, they're funny, they're nice and all that, but I'm not ever physically attracted enough to them to really be passionate. I feel bad about it, but it's something that I feel should be kind of important. I feel like I'm missing out by settling for people who really don't quite trip my trigger as it were. This isn't saying that I really want to sacrifice a great personality for a better face, however... I guess I'm just hoping that they coexist.
I guess the reason I end up with not-so-cute guys is that they're usually nicer or at least more humble than really cute ones, plus there are fewer other girls fighting for attention...
Anyway, I hooked up with a real cutie over the past few weeks, and although I can't have him, it really made me feel like I should start placing more importance on physical appearance - I haven't felt that much raw attraction to anyone since... well... ever, maybe.
What do you all think? How important is physical attractiveness to you when looking for a partner?
- I'll only date someone if I think they're really cute/hot.12% (3)24% (4)16% (7)Vote
- Physical attraction is important, but personality always makes up for anything that's missing.54% (14)59% (10)56% (24)Vote
- I just date for personality. Good looks are icing on the cake.15% (4)0% (0)9% (4)Vote
- ...It's complicated.19% (5)17% (3)19% (8)Vote
Most Helpful Girl
There is a difference between wanting to be with someone because they are physical attractive and wanting to be with someone who you find attractive.
There are people who just date for looks. They like the status an attractive person gives them so they look specifically for who is attractive according to other people's standards. Like a person who only dates people who are rich.
But what you seem to be saying is, you aren't attracted to the people you are with. That is a huge difference! Attraction really isn't looks alone. The man I with now isn't as physically attractive as the guys I have dated in the past. He is good looking but not as much as other boyfriends but Lord have mercy he is the sexist! I am UNCONTROLLABLE attracted to him. He sends chills up my spine just thinking about him. When we meet he wasn't my type at all but there was just something about him that I couldn't get out of my head! And now I don't think there is a better looking man on the planet! All I ever think is "God, how can all these other people be satisfied with such ugly people compared to him?" That's attraction.
And I think it's completely necessary in a relationship. Attraction can grow in time but if it never comes it is going to be a problem in a relationship. There are billions of other men on the planet and if you aren't attracted to the person you are with, how hard do you think it will be to remain faithful if every time you turn around you are feeling things for guys who aren't him? If you are always feeling strong urges for other men you will always feel like there is something missing in the relationship.
You need to be attracted to the guys you are with because that's what a romantic relationship is about! He isn't your friend or brother or cousin where they are just fun guys to be around so you hang around them. Someone you are dating is someone you are going to be doing physical things with at some point. If you don't have any desire to do that, then you are just hanging out with a good friend. Not being intimate with a lover.
And by the way, I love the Labyrinth reference on your page. ;)