Judge me, seriously, both guys and girls.

So you can see my pro-pic. That's how I look. There's also a pic of my body type: petite and slender. Then, I'm pre-med...and super rich.

I'm just really not that outgoing and I like to present my self with class, what some mistaken as arrogance. Sometimes I avoid guys because I know they are interested as more, and I don't want it. Especially not college boys who even if serious about a girl, don't really know what they want or are ready. And besides, the ones interested in me in a serious way are usually not the ones I'm into. Even the ones I'm into (overachieving party types), I know they are at their party stage and respect that because I rather not have a guy resent anything later and harbor regrets. I like these guys because I think it is important to search around and know everything (for a guy) so they can say, yep I chose right and approach me when they really have something to offer (into the idea of serious relationship where they can logically have time --as school takes a lot of time, security--a guy should have some career). I hold women in the same standard but rather than know every guy, they should be picky. Have a some men who fit their basic criteria go on coffee dates and get to know the guy, and if you like his personality, let him get ot know you slowly.

Still, I'd like to know the vibes, both girls and guys get of me.

What kind of vibes do you get from me?

It's just, my mom says I come of as mean, arrogant, and condescending because I don't smile a lot, am always dressed up and never initiate conversation. Isn't it more important not to judge people? At the end, I treat a doctor the same way I treat the pool man...and I think that is true realization of equality. I just hate when people think they can judge you (I have gone from the poor ugly duckling to a reasonably okay looking and rich person and see how people change around you).

Updates:
Oh, I live at home. Have a variety of friends but no real "group of friends" and am pretty much a "good girl" because I lack a lot of experiences.
I just wanted to thank everyone for your honesty. for those who wrote it in a vulgar way, please, no girl deserves that unless...she states that what she wants. Arrogance conceited, I can understand what turned some people off but I did not deserve any
disrespectful comments. Anyway, will smile more and socialize. That's what makes a person good looking anyway. Thank you ALL except for the almost vulgar comments.
Anyway I wanted to give up an update. I realize smiling is important socializing happens once you make the effort I had a graduation dinner and everything went wonderfully. I've also realized that there are certain things I want in guys.
This doesn't mean they necessarily have to be party type guys in their early 20s. It just means that they get what is important and aren't ''settling''. Thanks everyone.

0|0
32|34

Most Helpful Guy

  • damn honestly I was turn-off when you said super-rich

    you shouldnt say that cause it makes you sound conceited and snobby

    and then I read the rest of your text and I was right. You do sound conceited.

    and "I think it is important to search around and know everything (for a guy) so they can say, yep I chose right and approach me when they really have something to offer (into the idea of serious relationship where they can logically have time --as school takes a lot of time, security--a guy should have some career)"

    to me ^that^ is just totally wrong because by knowing everything about a guy is judging him and going through his Facebook is totally the wrong thing to do, ignorance is bliss!

    and what you're looking for in a dude is not going to come now because your 18-24 and at that age almost everyone wants to party and party.

    I know this because I want a girl like that. A girl who has a head on her shoulders and knows where she is going in life and has a career. Most girls who have that are 3-4 years older than me so unless you know some older people you will have to wait (and they prob won't be as good looking as you would want them to be either)

    (what you said is one of the reason I don't have a Facebook cause its stupid that a girl would judge you through a profile page that OTHER people post up on. Its not a reflection of me

    its a reflection of what other people see in me)

    "It's just, my mom says I come of as mean, arrogant, and condescending because I don't smile a lot, am always dressed up and never initiate conversation"

    Just not smiling and not talking can make you seem like a mean person and when you're dressed up it makes you seem worse. So just try smiling and see how that changes how people view you. And don't be afraid to go up to people and talk. Just don't flaunt anything you have!

    So I would say re-read what you wrote, smile more, and talk to people (but don't flaunt)

    I understand you were a ugly duckling and now a okay person but strangers don't know that so you must prove it to them that you are not.

    2|0
    0|1
    • So I did re-read it. Yes, it does come off as concieted. I think I was just stating facts. I would never say this stuff in real life. However, and I hate to say it, this is indeed some factors that go into it. I know because once people see my house or my before pictures, big shock-de-do. The statusy girls from my old ghetto life got in touch with me once they saw my "glamarous" life on fb. Again, I never state this stuff..but it does matter. THANSK!

    • Show All
    • I think someone else did.I added mine =P

    • Oh ok lol thanks

      btw if someone miraculously enters ur life after ur enter ur glamourous life then obviously you should stay away from them but don't make it that obvious just ignore them without seeming like a mean stuck up girl

      i sorta have the same story

      good luck and let me know how everything turns out =)

What Guys Said 33

  • I find your comments about relationships (especially in the MrKkibbles answer below) very naive. There is a big difference between dating and relationships, and in order to be functional in a relationship when you meet "the one" (also naive), you need to have experience dealing with a relationship, which is hard work and goes far beyond coffee dates. Relationships are about more than companionship, they also teach us more about ourselves, and we emerge stronger and more defined after each one that fails. Most relationships do end, and if you never put yourself out there and take a chance with a guy you like, then you very well may end up getting heartbroken when your relationship with "the one," doesn't work out.

    Of course, if you are content living your life alone, then disregard the above.

    3|1
    0|0
    • No, I know I have to go through the relationship processes eventually but right now, as a college student, coffee dates suffice. I've seen where college guys are at their life and the ones who want long term ...I don't see love, just settling fo rhte best..it lacks appeal and confidence. Why shouldI hurt myself for guys that are not ready to really give in the form and fashion I prefer?

    • Show All
    • I agree...but being in a relationshp doesn't mean I'll work those out. Understanding the various people out there through friendships and some dates does the same without too much emotional investment and energy that could be used for things iht certain gains. when I fall, I fall hard and I can only imagine what a mess I would be if I invested years into a boyfriend that left me end of college, as some of my friends are going through now. but I will try to be open minded and smile and talk. thanks!

    • Naive is as naive does, my naive friend.

  • Before I start, I'd like to say I'm totally impressed with:

    1. How much effort people put into their replies. Walls of text I'm seeing.

    2. How you seem undaunted by vicious replies.

    Let me see… I'd say you are a person of contradictions and conflicts.

    You have a tendency to judge people and hold them to high standards but you also have a wish to assess people fairly and carefully which conflicts with this. You view people as having to act in specific ways or have a certain level of maturity and view yourself as having reached that level. However, your mindset that people must act in those ways or achieve that maturity (especially at young ages) reflects that you, yourself, still have room for emotional growth.

    You are concerned about what others think of you. This is partly the origin of your desire to be seen as poised, classy, mature, and well-developed emotionally. You wish to be seen as a woman who knows what she wants in her relationships and understands people. You wish to be seen as successful and attractive. You worry that this may be off-putting to others and may be construed negatively. You see this as an opportunity to balance out your personality into something more well-rounded. I sense you are a little like me and while you seek a balance in your personality to give people little to complain about, this balance is more for yourself, as something to be proud of. When you find the man you are looking for, and you know you will, you know he will appreciate how well-developed your character is. You are concerned about what others think but also how you are developing as a person (what you think) and what your future lover will think.

    Appearances are also important to you. It is a sign of breeding and class. Aside from the respect of your peers and the opposite sex, you feel it is important because looking good makes you feel good. You feel this will makes you more approachable. However, your high expectations of others along with your inexperience make you appear reserved or even unfriendly.

    In friends, you treasure class, understanding, empathy, but most of all, maturity and worldliness.

    You fear you will be seen as lacking in grace, unfriendly, judgmental, narrow-minded, but most of all, as someone who is immature or has huge character flaws.

    You are open to change and while criticism hurts, you see it as an opportunity to grow. You use people's interactions and reactions to mold yourself into an ideal person. You are limited by your experience but over time you will incorporate many struggles and life lessons until you have reached the point where you have gleaned what you think is important in building a solid moral, mental, and emotional foundation. While you will still have much room for growth, at this point you will see yourself as being ready for what the world as to offer. (Hmm… I might be talking about myself now)

    …is my impression. Yes? No? Maybe? All wrong? :D

    2|0
    0|0
    • Also, in friends, you treasure insight, open-mindedness, and intelligence.

      Why can't we edit our answers? :|

    • Your too good. I can't find a better description. Good luck with you...wow, I never expected this. It's nice to know that some people can see that while I do value the external, it connects to the inner. This was amazing. Thanks!

    • Cool. You're welcome. d: I find that few people are as shallow as others think they are. There is usually a good reason for the way people act or behave. Those who judge quickly and easily, like many who replied to your topic, are bitter, insecure, and in some ways, the saddest ones of all.

  • The bottom line here is that regardless of your reasons, it is very easy for others to perceive you as stuck-up if you're not friendly or sociable. This is a stigma you will have to deal with if you can't be more friendly and sociable. I won't comment on anything else you mentioned about you because I won't have a whole lot of very nice things to say.

    2|0
    0|0
    • This is the main message I keep getting form ALL comments. Statistics favor that this is the true lesson, and a universal message. Thanks!

  • When I was a teenager, my stepfather told me that I should be more conversational with his friends or they will think that I'm "stuck up." Sounds like something similar to your situation.

    In reality, I wasn't a "stuck up" individual. I wasn't exactly shy, but I tended to only say something if I had something to say. Not exactly good at small talk, I guesss. Not very "outgoing" I guess.

    I question why you mother felt like she needed to say that. Was there an event that lead up to that conversation?

    It could be that your mom is simply trying to help you out, trying to get you to be a little more outgoing. It does help, to a certain extent, in some social and career circumstances. Warming up a little can open other people up.

    Your behaviour sounds familiar. You state that you avoid some guys because you know that they are interested in you, but you don't want to reciprocate. I understand, and honestly have done that myself (with women), but it was only when I was certain that it was the case. However, be careful and don't mistake "genuine kindness" for "interested". I've definitely gotten the cold shoulder from women that I didn't want to have anything to do with. I was just being nice to them because they were part of a group of friends. It could be that she was being "safe" because she wanted to make sure she wasn't sending out the wrong vibe, or it could be that she's being "arrogant." I tend to think it was arrogance.

    Dress how you want. Say what you want. Smile when you want. Date who you want. It's your life, and you need to do what you need to do to be happy. If I were you, I would be a little more open to WHY your mother said what she did, not that I agree with HOW she said it or WHAT she said.

    I agree with how you treat people with equality. From the doctor to the pool man, as you say.

    1|1
    1|1
    • She thinks I should be open to dating now and doesn't get why I don't put myself out there more. It's hard to explain it but I like clever guys and they will not get into a serious relationship right now, only to end up breaking up (good girlfriend but no future) when college ends or get engaged because they don't think they can do better.Of my friends that are engaged now (last year of college), I think only one is sincere love while the other two it is more of, "your the best I think I can get".

    • Show All
    • Yeah, I've known a few to succumb to the "the best I can get" disease. I just won't do it, which would be one of several reasons I'm 35 and have never been married!

      Assuming you haven't lied about your age, there's no reason to be in a hurry to get married. Unless you're in a hurry to see what a divorce is like.

    • Trust me, I have many beautiful friends...and they are RUSHING. Peer pressure does effect me...I just try not to let it influence me. And mom, God, living with her and my uncle's worry about my marriage is annoying.

  • u sound like a know it all and you do seem arrogant. I mean you asked people to judge you and theyve given their ctiticism but then you came back with criticizing them with your intelligence. you seem pretty stuck up and I'm sure its from being rich and you were given everythin you ever wanted as a kid. so you have high expectations from those around u, but you don't really spit these words out, its just transparent I'm sure. I guess people can't really blame you for this, since you were born rich or whatever but it doesn't give you the right to feel as if your above others, because honestly you may not admit it, but I really do believe this is the way you think and that is why you come off arrogant, and mean. and I bet you anything, your going to wanna criticize this answer iv'e given and I'm sure you will. I honetsly would not a date a girl like you just judgin by what you wrote. you think your too good for the guys you meet. (u can admit it or not.) you keep believing this and I'm tellin u, you will never find a man. there is no perfect guy out there you will always find faults in them. your problem is, this is what you have your focus on and not their positives. change this view and I promise your mindset will change as well. but why am I tellin you this? you already know right? your the know it all right? sorry to be an ass but I'm just being real. hope you take this answer into consideration.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Rigid, insecure, unpleasant, and stuck up.

    Learn how to have fun, smile, and go with the flow. There's no reason for you to be frowning all the time, you're rich and in pre-med, I'd be grinning from ear to ear if I was pre-med and rich. Learn to shoot the breeze with people, it ain't that hard. And don't tell people you're rich. People will hate you or think you're stuck up or take advantage of you.

    You can never avoid judgments, people always judge, subconsciously or consciously.

    And you say you try not to judge people, but you judge all those guys you don't give a chance by labeling them as college boys who just want sex. Learn to give people chances and get to know them better. Those guys that like you seriously will most likely be the ones that have purer intentions. And how do you know if those overachieving party types are really what you want? You don't even party with them. You never really know someone until you've known them.

    4|1
    1|1
    • Ok, defintiely smile initate convo. As for the party guys, you must realize, I like the fact that they aren't the type to just get a college girlfriend and then break up when college ends. Plus people are always changing, why go through a series of relationships. Yes its companionship but losing that companionship is awful and I rather not give myself. Dates are fine...but I don't want the relationship label either unless its with the one. But as a girl, I won't party but do it selectively.

    • Show All
    • Classic narcissistic projection.

    • Me likey that last comment

  • Only read the first paragraph and it was enough for me. Not only did you mention you were rich which is no relevance to the question you claimed you were super rich. Rich Snob ftw

    4|2
    2|1
    • People unconciously make these evaluations or keep them in their heart. I openly admit to it. That's the difference...i guess I'm a rich snob for admitting up to it.

    • Show All
    • "This doesn't mean they necessarily have to be party type guys in their early 20s. It just means that they get what is important and aren't ''settling''.

      This is a huge contradiction I think it is safe to say that a guy who has been titled a "party guy" has no idea what is important in life. They are complete opposites.

    • Not fair to say: many of my guy friends are party-type guys and yet, they are as ambitious and as hard-working as me. I know one kid who studies hard and wants to be a surgeon but is partying every night until finals. He's also active in sports and has won many community service awards. That sounds like jealousy...

  • I know people who are pretty poor but they are extremely kind hearted. They have a small amount of money in their pocket and still donate it to charity. I also know poor people who are bitter at the world and would step on you if it meant they could get ahead. I also know rich people, some are arrogant and think they are above others and some are incredibly down to earth and generous.

    I don't think money makes a person who they are, it comes down to the way they were brought up.

    Smiling is a big issue, if you smile you seem friendly and approachable. Not smiling and dressing well might make you seem stuck up.

    Why don't you smile?

    1|1
    0|0
    • AGREED!

    • Show All
    • I don't smile because I don't want to smile. There's no reason for me to smile for the sake of smiling if there's nothing to smile about. I may have a very serious expression most of the time but then again I don't really care how I come off. I live in New York City damn it.

    • You don't have to smile just when you're happy. It's a fun body language to mess around with. You don't have to be doin' photo smiles, mischievous ones are the best to flirt with.

  • We all have a filter we use to judge the people we come in contact with. Our filter is based on our total life experiences. Struggles and hardships teach us compassion, being lied to or being used teaches us to be cautious.

    It sounds like you have had a good life, and have a lot to offer a relationship; maybe too much. It will be hard for you to trust that the man you like really loves you for the person you are and not for what you have to offer. You may have the same issue with finding close friends who you can trust.

    But at the end of the day, you are dealing with the same thing we all deal with; how does one find true love. And I suspect you are fishing in a smaller pond than the rest of us. But the good news is that you will stand out no matter where you go.

    Good Luck,

    James

    0|0
    0|0
    • Gosh, your comment made me smile. I truly hope it was all honest and not out of kidness. Thank you all the same!

  • I like you -- you have poise, dignity, and grace. And beside, it's a parents job to try and destroy their children, until those children have enough sense to make their own judgements about right and wrong. You feed a cat poison until it learns to feed itself.

    1|2
    4|2
    • Thanks--it's okay...I've gotten criticism for most of my life...from people that love me too. I'm asking for this. But I do appreciate your kind words!

    • Right! Keep on truckin'. :)

  • Honestly I get the "rich snob" vibe from you. You may treat everyone the same but it sounds like that is far from what you think about them. Part of this is what you had to say about college guys, that is more of a "feminist" vibe and I don't mean the equal rights type, I mean the female supremacist type, although in your defense you may just be referring to the type of guys you are interested in and not all guys in general.

    And yes you need to smile more.

    3|1
    2|0
    • I know I internally make judgements but doesn't everyone? However, I believe that the potential is same in all. I think that is the key difference. I don't hink looks or income define the person but rather they are a victim of circumstance. Clever guys I'm into are the ones hwo come from families that weren't as well of but they want to make something out of themselves and they don't want to get into relationships only to break up with them when college ends, as some guys I know.

    • Treating everyone the same is not the same as treating them magnanimously.

  • why do you like only heavy party animals? You know those men are really unstable, and actually are very likely never going to have a good family relationship with their wives (too much drinking, too much partying, abusive and what not). Overachieving its never a good idea either, later on in life their work becomes more important than their family and wife.

    I don't think you are conceited, you are just really immature and inexperienced, just like how you state it here. Too bad you don't like those guys that follow you all the time, they would make really good boyfriends, but you are too young too realize that now. You will realize it when you get hurt or cheated...mark my words. Be open minded, don't reject other men just because they are not like the popular guys.

    0|0
    0|0
  • you sound very smart and honest. these other people will call you judgmental and self conceited. and that would make them all hypocrites. it's human nature to be like that and the fact that you're honest and you express your opinions makes you a better person than most of these kids calling you a rich snob in my book.

    there's nothing wrong with your looks or your personality. you seem to be good at being yourself. you might just be a little self-conscious but that's ok because most people are.

    2|1
    1|1
    • Thanks...honesty is the one trait I try not to rid of...but man its so easy to be a hypocrite. I'm working on it as I write this, haha!

  • I think we have something in common here. I can relate. I am the same way. I treat you or the president the same way. People I general are very ...Judgemental. We al think we are the smart one in the room, really the smart nes are the ones who know that there is always someone better than them. you are not the only one who thinks and feels like you do. just do what you do and be srong in your beleifs(at that time) they will alway change. if they dont, you are not growing as an individual. collage guys are just for fun. collage is for life expeiriances. fun is an excpieriance. enjoy it. make mistakes. they help you!

    0|0
    0|0
    • Making a mistake right now. wish me luck ;)! but you have to remember girls are super effected by ''fun'' incidents...

  • You sound like a narcissan or worse. Find a narcissist checklist on the internet and score yourself.

    2|1
    1|0
    • It's generally not helpful to call names. Also, narcissists usually have every right to be narcissistic. When they see that it's mainly just hurting themselves, then they get their head in gear.

  • I think your pretty and very smart and intellectual. But you seem to come off as a little negative vibe. Just try to be more friendly.

    0|2
    2|0
  • Kind of sounds like you really don't know what you want yet in life. I don't really take you as stuck up, just that kind of personality. You should try to smile more, its good for you. Try to talk to people. P.S. don't say your just not that kind of girl because you can change. You will like it when you start to smile and laugh with people. Don't beat yourself up to much!

    0|0
    0|0
    • I think you're just projecting your own internal state onto her.

    • Hahaha, no I'm pretty sure I'm not! I know what I want in my life and I'm perfectly happy with the way it's going. I smile all the time and I'm a very happy person, so don't tell me "I'm projecting my own internal state onto her!" I was just letting her know what I thought, I was not even rude I was just being honest on the content she mentioned!

    • Sarakkkk, I wasn't trying to be rude or judgmental! I'm sure if I or anybody had the chance to get to know you, you would be one of the coolest girls out there! I was just telling you what I thought!

  • arrogance is only that that comes from insecurity and trying to look confident or valuable. you seem like you know what you want so f***ing rock on.

    2|0
    0|0
    • Btw I feel like you think exactly like this girl I was head over heals for in high school and I feel like I understand how she thought about me (she rejected me lol)

    • Wow, thanks for the nice comment. I think every relationship that hasn't worked out, at a distant annoying future, is for the best. but darn darn darn, sometimes it is a distant future...and you never forgot the one who got away, at least for guys.

  • You would need better quality pictures if I were to judge you accurately.

    0|1
    0|0
  • The whole bit about holding people to some standard smacks of arrogance. People have their own standards and ideas they won't bend to yours no matter what. Your just going to have fight after fight on your hands until they finally take you down.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You have a reason for the way to act probably. It ain't your mistake :)

    Turn off the arrogance. Take the example of a dollar bill and a cent. As the value increases, the noise reduces. Be the dollar bill and everyone will want you!

    1|0
    0|0
  • saying ur "super rich" is not "mistaken arrogance". ur arrogant. try again

    3|0
    1|0
    • Is it arrogant to state a fact. Sh is not gloating about it, nor is she holding it over anyones head. . Don't be such a jerk.

    • Saying your "super rich" is totally gloating. It's one thing to acknowledge the fact that she's wealthy, but there's better ways to go about saying things, and she definitely could have gone with something more subtle, but still gets the facts across.

    • Oh and btw. YOU aren't super rich. your PARENTS are. good luck on ur own girl. People work hard for things that aren't handed to them and that gives them an edge in the real world.

  • I can see how some people might get those wrong impressions of you. Rich hot girls can be intimidating, but you seem genuinely awesome.

    0|2
    5|1
    • Your so nice. I needed that! Mom and I got into a problem about this last night and she's mom, lol, so she must be right. I guess I could smile more. haha!

    • Lol thanks. Yeah, I have a problem with smiling too, but I don't really know how I come across to people. Just try smiling some and see what it does. =D

    • Ha! Good on ya Tennessee! This guy gets it.

  • No pic?

    0|0
    0|0
  • im pre med too. I very talented at many things and I have high standard for myself and my friends. people call me arrogant. but whatever.

    0|1
    0|1
    • But we have to stay connected to ppl, esp who we will be serving. if patients think this way, we're screwed as bad doctors.

    • No we care about if they die or not. were not going to hang out with them

  • From your picture I get a vibe of a very wise , defensive and independent woman

    0|1
    0|1
  • Haha you're going into pre-Med with Obamacare? So much for being super rich, I guess

    1|1
    0|1
    • Lol, I'm rich now. I don't need that much money. I like the work and science... haha.

    • Show All
    • Lol wait so you're not doing pre-med?

    • I am, just not pediatrician, but cosmotology dermatology. go figure, let the ''your so shallow and materialsitic'' comments keep coming. but hey, thanks for ur honesty. and for saying it in a way without vulgar language.

  • Your attractive and you sound extremely intelligent.

    1|2
    7|2
    • 2 nice statements out of 9. lol thanks

    • Show All
    • I would prob find you stuck up tho...but I would see that as a challenge not so much a detriment...i would prob tease you bad and give you crap until you liked me

    • Its okay I get it. I'm getting use to people...and I'm starting to be ok with me. but I do think I should smile and talk to people and initiate more. I do accept that. thank you for ur input--it's nice hearing good things from this Q too. haha.

  • dont listen to don garb he's probably just an idiot

    0|0
    0|0
  • .

    I guess you are a conceited girl and I detest conceited girls regardless of their beauty and virtues. If you don't want guys why do you bother yourself by asking such a question.

    Your "About Me" section of your profile is too intimidating .Apparently, you are a girl with a negative attitude towards boys. Do you think all guys here are to flirt with you ? Don't mistaken our chivalry !

    Your mom is right. Listen to her, your life will change completely for good. Just change your attitude. You will prosper if you stay humble and social.

    0|1
    1|0
    • I know my profile on here is intimidating because I've already had silly guys try to add me with sns like "I like nasty girls" or asking me Qs that I can't even understand, let alone answer because they are so sexual in nature. Thanks though for your honesty!

    • Show All
    • I know but unless a girl gives those signals...it's not something you do

    • Well, that is obvious.

  • More from Guys
    3

What Girls Said 32

  • Okay wow, this is a new one. The vibes you give off are the vibes you feel inside. Meaning, that if you're not happy you can't radiate happiness. I understand being well off and coming from a good home and yadda yadda yadda, there's a good percentage of us who aren't rich but aren't poor and all that jazz, but when people notice other people's vibes its not about what label you have on your shirt or what kind of purse you carry its about a connection. Anyone can be rich and for the most part smart if they want too, but do you have personality? Do you have heart? Anyone can be a doctor but what seperates a good doctor from a bad... not just knowledge but bedside manner that's a connect, based on a vibe.

    The vibe I get from you well I don't know enough about you-- meaning, through all of this you can tell me you're intelligent and you're rich that's all superficial. See people who are really this or that or have this or have that generally don't advertise it... because there's no need. As much as you want to be show self-confidence you come across as insecure. I don't mean any disrespect by that but this is what I am trying to say is... I could tell a person all my particulars and they would never know me, I could tell someone everything about me but if I don't know how to listen to them or connect with them then all they walk away with knowing is my superficials.

    Vibes are subconscious they are beneathe the surface. They aren't something that can been seen or told, they are felt where it matters most in the heart, then the tummy and lastly in the brain. There are some interesting things you said, you have a variety of friends but not real group of friends that sweetheart means you have acquiantances. I can tell you that because I have tons of acquiatnaces but a few good best friends and that's normal especially the older we get. What I am saying is exam your own life, you want us all to judge you which is fine but once again we only know what you tell us. It sounds to me that oyu have a lot of set standards those translate into judgements you turn down guys who are interested because you ASSUME they are wanting something more.. that's not always true.

    They don't have the sayings, "you can't judge a book by its cover," or "things aren't always as they appear," for no reason. So stop judging yourself and figure out how to make a real CONNECTION not a superficial one and you'll find happiness. You'll find that spark you're missing from life, and people will naturally radiate towards you. Those lack of friendships will become abundant and you'd be surprised to notice that smiling is easy and so is laughter. I hope that helps.

    0|1
    0|0
  • lol I have to say you are funny. I love how you go from the idea that you have the right to "hold people to a standard" (which is really a sugar coated, bull sh*t way of saying "i judge people frequently based on how they live their lives and go about their relationships") to this woe is me stage of "why are they judging me?! I thought we weren't supposed to judge people! :("

    I mean really girl.

    I think you might come off as arrogrant, but I can't be sure as communication is obviously limited online and text doesn't do much. WE can easily get the wrong impression from what you have written here. You seem to have a very traditional view on how people should run their relationships. I resent that, as I do with most traditional views, but that is just your opinion I guess. Try to smile more and be witty and talkative. Have conversations with people. Honestly I know arrogant people with lots of friends and relationships. This is because although they may be arrogant they are very social and funny and know how to engage people.

    Another thing to consider. Again I don't know for sure because I don't know you, but I get the "not really interesting or unique" vibe from your text. Being interesting draws people in sometimes. Unless of course you want to blend in (which is very common among the wealthy) in which case you have nothing to worry about.

    I don't know how I feel about the idea of having "class." to each is own though.

    some people prefer not to date wealthy girls though just a note. I don't really care about them being rich personally but I have heard a lot of men say they prefer middle class girls.

    Being outgoing is something I definitely look for in potential gfs/bfs. Smiling is important although I have dated people who aren't exactly sweet or anything. My girlfriend has an attitude but she is also very nice and funny. She has dark humor and sarcasm and I love her personality. I didn't see what you looked like but I tend to think curvy girls are gorgeous. a lot of petite girls are attractive to me as well, but curvy is my preference.

    good luck!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well, from your post alone, here are my opinons:

    You ask us in the main line to, "Judge me, seriously" in your question, and then go on later to say, "Isn't it more important not to judge people?" You're inviting us to judge you, and yet you expressly state that you would find that abhorrent. Mixed messages, much?

    Second, "super rich"? That's not a good way to describe yourself. Why is part of your identity how much money you have? That gives me the impression that you place a lot of value on material things. While placing that value is not a negative in and of itself, its easy for me to assume that if I/someone else didn't value material objects or couldn't afford them, you'd be looking down on them.

    Presenting yourself with class is very important to make a good impression. Simple class can easily be read as snobbery though, which intimidates most people. True class is being classy and approachable, and never making anyone feel inadequate around you.

    You avoid college boys if they're more into you than you are them. From that information alone, I say you're a bit of a wimp. How much does it take to turn a boy down, politely?

    As for the "overachieving party boys" you like, what I think you're saying is that you like them because they're living it up, rather than letting life pass them by. But then you go on to say that he should know everything and then make the first move. It sounds to me like you think that Prince Naughtily Charming (with his huge inheritance) should walk up to you and work on the wooing, which is unrealistic. "Overachieving party boys" like overachieving party girls, usually. And sometimes, you are the one who has to make yourself vulnerable and approach him.

    Wait, wait, wait. "I hold women in the same standard but rather than know every guy, they should be picky." A) That's not the same standard. B) Why shouldn't the girl know every guy, so SHE can say that "yep, I chose right"?

    If your version of dating existed, it would never happen, because each gender would have two drastically different approaches.

    As for your mom, the part I most agree with is that if you never initiate conversation, yeah that looks bad. Relationships, even on the acquaintance level, require give and take. Sometimes, you have to give first. And while it is important not to judge people, its an unconscious habit.

    Again with the mixed messages: "I just hate when people think they can judge you." My judgment, however little impact it may have on you, is that you're a hypocrite. Never fear though: 99.9% of humanity is.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Your message was so honest. I loved it.

      I don't mean to have double standard for girls and guys...this is how society works. If I party and get into a lot of relationships, the consequences suck for me. Partying would make me seem easy. Relationships risk my emotion and time. So I want to be picky and only consider guys who are really in it for the long haul, and the long haul that has marriage somewhere.

    • Show All
    • In that case, my last piece of advice is to make sure that you don't keep chasing an ideal. There most likely will be more mature guys after college, but don't keep telling yourself, "After med school, after I move, after I get this job, etc."

      Best of luck, and I hope you have a very happy life.

    • No, I loved what you had to say. It made me think and I had to make sure I had a sincere answer in my heart for what you asked. THANK YOU SO MUCH, seriously. I will admit the greatest flaw in all of this is my level of idealism. These standards are a little high and I will have to compromise....but I'm going to hold out until 26.

  • You sound like you don't even live your life. Life's about passion, what do you have passion for? I feel like your whole outlook is trying to make all the right choices and it sounds like you're cutting pictures out of a magazine instead of painting your own picture. Even asking this question seems bizarre to me instead of looking for your answers online why not take more chances in life. I'm sorry if this came off as mean, but don't you wonder why you're not happy?

    2|0
    0|0
    • Your so right. Thre's a lot I haven't lived and I know that is why I'm not happy...but it boils down to this: short term happiness vs long time regret. Atleast that's how I look at it.

    • Show All
    • Getting hurt is apart of life, pain is the only reason life can be wonderful. Do you see? Without sorrow there can be no love. You will never be fully living unless you have heartache.

    • I'm fine with sorrow. I see your point. But you know how it is.Sometimes a girl who isn't mature enough is taken advantage of by a guy ...who isn't really trying to use her...it just happens to be that way... that guys don't have to value certain things we do. Society or personal values, whatever be the case.I don't want to take that risk. It DOES bother me that I miss out on a lot of experiences...but ... really..I think I'd regret some. Sometimes I regret even liking a guy and flriting ...haha

  • Sweetie. I don't think you are stuck-up. I think you have a good head on your shoulders. It's better to know what you want, then to float through life clueless. The key is to keep the things you want in mind without letting it consume you. Open yourself up to change. Have fun and be flexible.

    Also, be real. Although, the more you smile, the more you will want to smile, but if you don't feel like smiling, then don't. If you fake emotions, then what people think won't matter, it's not the real you anyway. You heard!

    1|0
    0|0
    • Man, that was sweet. I won't lie. the nice ones do bring a smile to my face...and I've decided to go with the wind and be happier

  • You sound aloof. And if I met your in person I probably would think that you were stuck up. Sorry, but I'm a shy person too and I don't smile a lot. But I try, because if you don't talk to people and don't smile and act carefree, then people are going to think you're a snobby bitch or you've got a chip on your shoulder. That's just the way it is ok? You create your own experiences. You've got to project to people that you are approachable and you would want to talk to them.

    And yes, you do sound like you judge people before you know them. You sound uptight and kind of inside your own bubble, one that you don't want "the wrong people" to come into.

    The fact that you said "I'm super rich" is just a complete turnoff. You could have said, "well I have a lot of money" or "I'm very wealthy".

    1|0
    0|0
    • In some ways I have realized I am aloof. well wish me luck.

  • You should focus less on material things and more on personality.. you seemed arrogant within 2 seconds of reading this .. nobody gives a damn if you are "super rich" if you brought that up to me in a convo I would pce the f*** out real quick.. its just rude and snobby! focus on the real you .. not what's in your pocket.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Some of the these response just irritate me. People can be real jerks. How many of them answered this question just because it was an opportunity to call you a rich, stuck up bitch?

    When I read your question and your responses to a lot of the people here, I got the impression that you are a person with great humility. You are sensing there is something off and you want to fix it. You don't want to come off as mean or arrogant, and to me, that is not an indicator that you have an arrogant spirit.

    From what you posted though, while youstress the importance of not judgin people, it seems like you just need to meet people on thier "level" (where they are comfortable). For example, don't dress up to go to a base ball game, that's just silliness. Good luck.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Your right. You can't talk to someone who talks about the color red and talk about blaack. horrible analogy

  • I think you're too objective, and it's going to be hard for you to enjoy life. I don't think it has much to do with the fact that you're "super rich." You present yourself with "class" and you don't smile, you're not outgoing, your view of relationships seems to be overly logical, you're in a difficult field of study I would imagine, you have a well-defined definition of equality and are very idealistic, I would assume. None of these things are bad in their own right, but they all make you seem very controlled. It's difficult for anyone to get close to someone like that, especially emotionally, if they don't know any more about you, which they won't have incentive to if you don't prove their first impression wrong.

    I also feel like you're going to miss out on a lot of simple pleasures because your emotions seem to be kept in check so well. I wouldn't assume you're cold, but that's mostly because I've been misjudged the same way, so I understand why someone might think that. I don't know if you're mean or condescending, because that requires malice, which I highly doubt you have. However, if you are as idealistic as you seem, I can see it being interpreted as arrogance, and insecure people making the jump to something directed at them personally.

    Honestly, just smile more.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Talking more and smiling more is the only advice I want to take from all the comments I'm getting. The other stuff just reinforces that people think differently and I can't connect with some...something I can judge from the start. I've had experiences wih people and personality traits, without the relationship title. Why don't people get that you get people without investing years and years into a relationship.Often times, that's just a selfish cry. And yes, my rationality is extreme...

  • You seem like a bitch who thinks you're better then everyone. You say you used to be ugly.. now you think you're a babe.. even though that's not what you said.. we all know that's probably what you think of yourself, you just don't want to come off as conceited. Get off your high horse..

    listen to your wise momma.

    0|1
    0|0
  • It's hard to make an accurate impression of someone when they're describing themselves. People usually go too easy on themselves, or go the opposite and go totally negative.

    From what I've read (personality wise, I can't judge you based on a picture that's actually not you at all) Yeah sure you seem like an arrogant snob, but you also seems like you know what you want - and most women who know what they want, can get that way.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I do know what I want but I'm filled with such doubt because it just comes around rarely and with a lot of patience and effort...thank you for making me smile.

  • Honestly I think that we are very much alike...except I am not rich

    We both know what we want in life and so it may have turned us just a tee bit cocky with a huge ego. I hate it when guys want 2 flirt with me all the time just because of how I look. I always think it is best to get acquaintance with persons who are on the same level that you're on or you're aiming for. Anybody else will just bring you down. I also believe that it is best 2 befriend guys who you see as your potential boyfriends first before you get into a relationship with them.This poses an advantage as they already have a kick start ,other guys all they want is to judge you by your looks and what you possess

    1|0
    0|0
    • See, you get it! Why befriend guys, and waste all this energy on men that may not put that same investment in you. If a guy is going to consider you as something serious, I think he'll know from the get-go, or should be at a level where he can.

  • humm, I think you definitely know what you want and what you don't want.. I'm er "rich" too, although I rather prefer useing the term wealthy or fortunate as suposed to rich... and I know what you mean by looking at peoples social status ... but I think that unlike you I find communers really attractive and amazing!, I went on a date with a guy at college who lived in a really mainsteam type home, and found the whole experice really exiteing, (hte date was going on the train) haha, so may be you should be a little bit more open mindind and I definitely think that smileing would be a good step too attract some poeple as I think it makes you seem more aaproachable.. anyway I hope thigns go well for you! :]

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hey omgg I just saw your pic for the 1st time I don't know why I couldn't see it before. You are cute so you're cute smart but depressed? No worries. You are in the right place and sounds like you've made the most of your early life experience. The flirting takes time don't worry I'm like 30 and I used to be clueless about flirting because I was afraid to be known. Enjoy the ride and if depression is a problem look into getting help. A lot of people end up being lonely and doing things out of grief or sadness. Otherwise all your feelings are normal and you will be fine just take your time and enjoy: ). I am sure that your parents are proud of you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Omg, this may sound weird but you sound just like me! lol people always tell me I'm beautiful and I know I'm hot , I'm not concited but everyone, even from when I was a little girl, would telll me "smile you look so unhappy" and I am fine I just don't have a friggen smile ear to ear every second. my latest ex boyfriend would always say you seem like a bitch becuase your never the first one to start conversation with someone. Ugh I think that your just like me, your normal and you seem like a good girl :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • OMG yo totally remind me of myself! besides the whole rich part lol.people judge me the same way. talk to your friends, have a laugh especially when there is people watching , they will soon realise that your not mean or anything. and just remember (ifyour still in school or college) you will be leaving soon enough so you can start up a whole new reputation with new people.you can be ayone you want. I'm worried about changing who I am at the moment cos I'm worried people will be like well omg why are you acting like that you never used to.

    so save it for when you leave. but say to yourself this "I am who I am and I don't have to change for ANYBODY if they don't like me well f*** off" it really does help =)

    0|0
    1|0
    • I am leaving college. your so right! thank you for your sweetness. I hope you were being honest too ;)

  • I am exactly like you I don't understand why people say I am extremely judgmental when I am not personally I think you sound very smart and sound like a great person considering we are very alike

    1|0
    0|0
  • i think if you could be less on yourself and be humble u'll turn out "fine" into this ever judging world. what matters most is what truly you have in ur heart and soul, treat people the way you yourself want to be treated by others.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks! I will try to work on the heart and soul and coming off as humble (being it too)!

  • I think you set yourself to high.

    0|0
    0|0
  • i have 3 words for u... (what a bitch

    0|0
    2|0
  • You are not here anymore, so I can't...

    0|1
    0|0
  • I Like cheese

    0|0
    0|0
  • Though shall not judge

    0|0
    0|0
  • Your white

    0|0
    0|1
  • pre med means nothing. any major can claim themselves to be pre med. all it means is that you have the intention of applying to med school. nothing solid. get over yourself

    0|0
    0|0
    • That is so true. I agree. In fact it just adds to the pressure...trust me I'm not arrogant about that...but even having that title (not that I claim it in real life ... I just am associated with it) treats you as if your smarter or sh*t. Finally, someone who gets it!

  • Wow, so many replies.

    Why?

    Is it cos she's both seeming like super confident, and then crumbling into low self esteem?

    Well the men are more constructive usually with their criticism. I'm really neutral here, cos I can't fault you cos I don't know you, but also no idea what the actual question is.

    So what if people think you are this this and this? Just act that way you think is fair.

    I think women can be quite vicious to other women, which I also don't like. I just think you need to be down to earth about how you feel about yourself, not below or above others, just some balance to your self esteem so you won't have to ask people what they think. But I appreciate your bravery for asking for honesty. I think more people should ask for honesty and be honest with themsevles too.

    0|0
    0|0
  • seems like your a bitch. plain and simple. :)

    loosen up a bit or your going to die lonely.

    0|0
    1|0
  • Well even if your mom was right and you come off as mean arrogant condescending so what? We all had stages to grow out of. People thought I was a snob as a teen but I was just standofish, misunderstood, dreamer type late bloomer either way be true to yourself better to show your true colors.

    Also you sound like you try to figure things out too much before they happen. Maybe that is the right thing for you right now sometimes we regulate ourselves for reasons not evident at the time. But I think you should focus on having fun letting lose and not worrying about what others think. You sound smart for early 20's the people who matter will get past whatever flaws present themselves so just be yourself.

    People are a$$holes anyway and they're f*cking crazy so I don't think you're worse off. Perhaps you don't sound as likable. I would imagine follow your gut instinct/intuition because ultimately that is the best guide.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Wish me luck on thist gut instinct/intuition. I saw one truth work out but after years and years of waiting, and finally giving it up.

  • I like your personality a lot. You sound a lot like me. It sounds like you're a really deep introspective intelligent person and since you're quiet, some people don't know how to take that. Insecure people who believe that everyone judges them and who judge people the same way, might assume that you're judging them similarly and that's why they may be uneasy around you.

    I can relate to going from ugly duckling to nice looking person with more style and yesss people are shallow and treat you differently! I think that experience teaches you a lot about people in general.

    People seem angry about your views on guys but for the most part you are correct. You're just not following "the program" and that's why people react harshly. Many people (guys themselves) will agree with the notion that most guys don't want to settle down in their younger years and that they are just dating for fun and looks. But when you acknowledge that and don't throw yourself to the fodder and idealistically expend all this unnecessary energy on guys who aren't serious about you, it's a problem? I read someone compared you to a man-hating feminist lol.

    VIBES I GET FROM YOU:

    artistic/creative

    book lover

    probably listens to Imogen Heap or Regina Spektor

    maybe a bit pessimistic or "realistic"...not super bubbly

    I think you diet a lot for some reason

    a bit self conscious

    I think many people don't like you is because you are intelligent, reasonably secure with yourself, not the type of girl to do whatever it takes to get everyone else's approval and some feel threatened by that. If you were a bubbly, nice outgoing cheerleader type you wouldn't get these negative comments, but how dare a girl be introspective and think a lot and not try to gain other people's approval?

    0|0
    1|0
    • I do diet a lot. it took me years to lose weight. and yes, my looks finally working out did teach me al ot. your vibes are righ tin other ways too. for fun, I like to draw and write. I love persoanlity and psychology books. I will have to try imogen heap and regina spektor. while I do get flustered by people's judgements... their judgements are imp. and thank you, the guy energy thing is so true.

  • To be honest, based off of your pictures and your vernacular you don't seem all that rich or smart or even hot, not even remotely.

    Grow a brain and get some class.

    You seem stuck up and arrogant because you are.

    2|0
    1|0
  • More from Girls
    2
Loading...