Any comforting words or advice?

I've moved away from home so I don't have any family or close friends nearby to comfort or listen to me go all emotional, so I guess I'm just after a sounding board.

Anyway, I broke up with my (ex)boyfriend of 16months at the beginning of the year but we've been seeing each other regularly since then.. as in once or twice a week we might go out for breakfast or ice cream or he'd come over and we'd cuddle, kiss etc Truth is, I didn't want us to break up and it seemed he didn't really either and so I've been doing everything I can over the past 6 months to show him how much I genuinely care about him and that it would be worth getting back together.

But it's been so long and he's never shown any reciprocating interest/effort, so I finally told him I couldn't take waiting for him anymore. And he was so calm and blase when I told him this and said he hoped we'd still be friends and that he's sorry for causing me unnecessary grief. It was just so upsetting, I guess I'd hoped that he would say something else... And now I'm an emotional wreck and I don't know what to do or how to proceed. And I just cared about him so damn much, it kind of feels like I've failed at something... any words of comfort of advice?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Contact needs to be cut asap! First and foremost. It'll be painful, so fill your schedule up with things that just do not allow for you to think about much else but what you are doing. Secondly, it is NOT your fault. Is not. You loved him I assumed, and you lived your life to the best you could and he just wasn't in the same place. Nothing you can do will ever FORCE someone to feel something they just don't feel. So do your best to convince yourself that you are not at fault or a failure at something.

    You shouldn't try to avoid these painful feelings. Actively avoiding them keeps them in your mind because you're thinking to yourself that you have to avoid them, and it keeps it in your head. What you should do is spoil yourself for a little bit. Sit on that couch, grab that ice cream or pizza or whatever, and just enjoy some feel good tv or movies. But of course don't neglect your health too much, get some exercise too!

    You may not feel like you want anyone else but him, but you deserve someone who feels the same way about you as the way you feel about them. To want someone who doesn't want you back will only make you unhappy later on.

    This all seems like it's sort of cliche these days, but I'm learning more and more that it's so true. Time + distractions + learning to be happy with yourself, if you focus on yourself and things you enjoy, before you know it that new special someone will suddenly appear in your life and you will be in a great place to start anew with him.

    Your ex may have felt like one in a million, but that just means there are 100's more out there just waiting for you in the country.

    • Thank you for your very kind and thoughtful answer

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What Girls Said 3

  • i'm dealing with the same thing right now kind of. my boyfriend of 4 years decided to go on a break for my last month of being in another country while he just got back home. it is 100 times harder to deal with stuff like this when you are isolated and already feeling lonely. its like the one thing you counted on or believed in is gone so you are left with nothing. my advice would be to try to get out of the house. try really hard not to mope around and think about him. I am having a really hard time doing that myself, but I know I need to. I feel like I shouldn't be so torn up about everything if he isn't, but I can't seem to get past it. being angry helps, but it doesn't make me happy. right now you need to forget the possibility of being friends with him because that is not going to be good for either of you. I would just say don't talk to him, and try to think of yourself in relation to the world that has nothing to do with him (this might be more relevant in my situation since I have been defined by that relationship for so long, but I still think its good advice). just good luck girl and keep your head up. we need to remember that if he was the right person things would not be so difficult, they would just fall into place. we shouldn't have to work to convince someone that we are good for each other, we should just know. and if he didn't think so right off the bat then baby it never would have worked. stay strong! it will get better with time!

  • just move on, it might take some time but you deserve better and its his lost

  • sweetie my advice that I would give you would be to take up a new hobby or change your hair style go for something new! I know its hard after all that time together ( my ex dumped me without warning after 2 1/2 years together) but my best advise for you is to find something new and exciting to get your mind off him. My best release was yoga its so refreshing and that's something I never pictured my self doing (farm girl ;) ) I know it going to be hard at time but I want you to know that there are definitely more guys that would be dying to meet sweet girls who are looking for someone to help them move on (but be on the watch for ass holes too!)

    i really hope you heal soon best of luck!