Do looks matter? And why? Or is it something else?

I am not exactly the prettiest girl. But I am a good person, honest, compassionate... I have been told many times by guys I have desirable qualities that they themselves would like to have in a girlfriend. But when it gets down to it, I am still single, despite the "desirable" qualities. So what am I doing wrong? Is it the fact that I dress casually (bluejeans and t-shirts mostly), the fact that I am not really comfortable in makeup, the fact that I am built rather stockily for a girl (I've got thick bones. Really. I am a bit overweight too, but I actually do have thick bones too), or the fact that I am a quiet person? I do not get in people's faces, and while I can enjoy a party, and rock out loud just like anyone, I am, by nature, more intellectual and quiet. Is it the looks that keep people away? Or the quietness? Oh, and I do ask people out sometimes. But the end result is them looking at me like I just grew a second head.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I actually know a few girls who look about how you describe yourself, and I've never noticed them having problems getting boyfriends. Honestly, your problem is probably a mix of you not "advertising" yourself in a way that is striking and a lack of aggression. I personally like a girl who is kinda quiet and fairly intellectual but what shines through in a social situation are the girls who put themselves out there in the spotlight. Your jeans and t-shirt are fine, a lot of women I know wear them and still put out sex appeal. Just remember that there are all kinds of different styles and cuts and that you should find the ones most flattering to your body type. I'm not saying you need make up but I've noticed it can be a huge confidence booster when you can feel confident about covered blemishes, etc, but just do what you feel is comfortable, and put yourself out there just a touch aggressively. If you see a cute guy or whatever, chat him up. Flirt a bit if ya want. Just always show a touch of confidence and a little mystery. I don't have a single male friend who doesn't love it when a woman is a little mysterious. Leave the guys around you thinking about the things you didn't say, the actions you didn't do-because believe me, when a group of girls walks away, its the ones we have questions about that stick in our minds. As far as the "desirable qualities" thing goes, more than likely you are great girlfriend material and being told that you have these "desirable qualities" means that even though the people around you are sure you have the qualities that represent an exceptional gf/mate/w.e. you don't appeal to them personally...otherwise they'll have tried to hook up by now(unless you got a really shy one). That doesn't make you less. I promise. It just means you need to search a little further afield for someone you match up with well.

    Something else I can say honestly is that if you are good, honest, compassionate with a quietly intellectual personality you WILL be approached by someone who wants to be with you. It takes time. Don't give up, and most of all, don't change who you are just to please a potential mate. Just be yourself and try to be a little more forward(not in a promiscuous way) and you'll find that guys are more likely to talk to you. I hope this helps.


What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • You shouldnt question yourself so much. A lot of times if you doubt yourself, it shows, even if you don't say it. Maybe it could be as simple as looking a different direction, if you tend to have your arms crossed, not smiling back if you get a smile. If you do decide you wanna try a little makeup, go for an SPF lipgloss , or a little eyeliner, even stuff as simple as that, can make you feel more confident, and it'll really show.

  • i think you just have to be more confident, and find you feminine side.

    ive herd then men are attracted to looks and confidence 50/50. the key to being confident is finding the right clothing to fit your body type (you can look up on the internet your body type and clothing tips) and when it comes to make up you can stop at any make up boutique and get them to teach you to do your make up. (keep looking natural.)

    you will see once you feel good about your self you will become less shy and people will become attracted to you.

    you might just want to get an answer but I would seriously act on it or you will feel bad about yourself all your life. and you deserve it to your self to feel beautifull.

    if you don't feel confident, fake it . walk with you back strait (good posture is important) don't look down when you walk and smile.

    it will help you esteem so much and will be defanitly worth it. if you want tips link a picture of yourself and I can give you some advice :)

    • I'll put a link to my Facebook page in my profile. That is where I have some pictures.