I'm nearing 20 y.o. and I've NEVER been in a relationship, or even on a date! I'm seriously wondering wtf is wrong with me. I know I'm attractive, I have my own things going on for me, smart, quite chill. I have guy friends who love hanging out with me. Some of these guys know about my "predicament" and told me I am a great catch and all I have to do is wait and the right guy will ask me out (always wondered why they never ask me out...). I can never get guys to see me as more than a sex object or a friend, even older, more "mature" guys. I'm just really hurt now because it's like no one sees me as even a casual (not serious) girlfriend when some of my female friends are getting really serious in their relationships. I'm old school, so I won't ask a guy out directly, but I give signs and sometimes I'm REALLY obvious, but nothing seems to work. Anyways, any pointers/tips/advice on getting my butt into a relationship :P . Thanks!
Most Helpful Guy
Usually I assume a girl isn't as "attractive" as she thinks... so that's my first guess. When a girl has troubles with guys it's usually one of three things:
1) She's physically unattractive
2) She's socially unattractive
3) She's unapproachable
All three of things are pretty easy to fix when you accept they're holding you back.
1) Make sure there's not something about you physically that's turning guys off. Your appearance alone isn't enough to scare away ALL men, but it' a road block you should address.
Are you extremely over weight? If so you may wish to either dress appropriately, or consider thinning down. Over weight women aren't ugly, but they can easily be mistaken as insecure and unhealthy.
Big women who are active, dress well, and are socially inviting are VERY attractive, so keep that in mind.
Yes, men are superficial, at first. When we get to know you we care less about your fitness levels. But that means we have to get to know you first.
2) Being socially awkward turns men off as well. There are all types of women who are socially awkward.
- Women who are TOO sexually aggressive is a turn off.
- Women who have NO social skills (shy, quiet, awkward) is a turn off.
- Women who act uncomfortable in their own skin
- Women who don't have friends indicates a problem.
Also, the more social you are the more calibrated you'll be around men.
Imagine two girls:
Girl 1 is always spending time with her girlfriends, going out (shopping, coffee, events.. I'm not talking about the bar) and interacting with men. She's going to learn how to create conversations with strangers simply because social events force her to. This makes her automatically more friendly and more attractive.
Girl 2 doesn't have many girlfriends. She stays home. She doesn't get the hundreds of hours of human interaction that help mature her social skills. She then doesn't know how to act around men she finds attractive.
Be girl number 2.
A FUN girl wins over all other women. That's a secret.. shhhhhhhhh.
3) If you're beautiful and highly social you may have another problem... you're intimidating to most guys.
Men will automatically put you on a pedestal, which leaves you out of reach of a relationship.
Bring yourself back to earth by being more casual, and by interacting with guys more often. If they think you're a QUEEN, then help them to see you're just a normal fun girl.
Being approachable means flirty eye contact, smiling, laughing, and touching. Laugh at his joke, then touch his arm. Hugs are good too, with people you know. Touching helps men realize you might be interested.
Finally, remember that relationships require relating.
Learn about rapport and you'll learn how to automatically create a sense of connection with guys.
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