I hate my body, but my boyfriend loves the beach, what should I do?

Hello there I am a 22 year old female and have always been small my whole life, but recently I had jaw surgery and lost a ton of weight. After I was able to eat solid foods my body started to pack it on in weird places because it thinks that I am starving my self. My boyfriend says I am beautiful but I was small when he met me and fell in love with me and he said I was beautiful then. I gained about 50 pounds since we met 4 years ago. He always wants to go to the beach but there are so many gorgeous girls there showing off their goods, and I am jealous but I don't let it show but I don't want him to think I am a bummer either. What should I do?And I have tried talking to him but he thinks I'm being ridiculous

Updates:
Ridiculous** Pair**

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ask yourself, who is telling you that you don't measure up? You are. So, no matter what your boyfriend says, you are the one comparing yourself to these other girls.

    It sounds like you are overweight. I am assuming you were not skeletal when he met you and, barring that you have grown in height quite a bit which at your age is a possibility, having added 50 lbs since you two met is a lot of weight. It may be time for you to re-examine how to get back into shape. It is good for your health as it doesn't take much of a weight gain to start exposing you to all sorts of health problems in the long run. I am in my 40's and I see what happens to people that started off with bad eating habits in their 20's. It's not pretty. They are constantly at doctor's appointments dealing with one serious health problem or another.

    Beyond that, you need to decide what you feel is a good weight for you. Consider that a lot of the girls at the beach are not the ones with amazing bodies and maybe you are only comparing yourself to the few that do. Taking charge of your health and weight can make you feel so good. I know on a day that I am working out I feel much better about myself even when obviously one day of working out or eating better didn't make any change to me that day. Try it!

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What Guys Said 7

  • Maybe you should entertain the thought that your weight has very little, if anything, to do with whether he thinks you're beautiful or not. It's certainly possible.

    Go to the beach. Who cares if there are other girls there. You'd enjoy the beach a lot more if you forgot about yourself and just watched your boyfriend instead. Heck, even watch other guys if he doesn't mind. I don't mind if my wife guy-watches. It's a lot more fun than second guessing your own appearance all the time. Your guy will leave with you, and your guy loves you. He wants you at the beach. I don't see anything wrong there. You're a lucky girl. Keep him.

    Greg

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    • Agreed. It's not easy, but the best you can do is your best. Show up, don't act ashamed or vulnerable, make him feel like there's nothing wrong with you, and he'll probably respond really well. I'm short, I do the same thing all the time, and women respond really well. I just don't feed into it and show what I have to offer (without and attitude) and women like it.

  • I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Sure, I understand why you feel that way. Just realize that if your man didn't think you were beautiful, and if he thought you were a downer, he wouldn't have invited you to go with him. He wants you to be there.

    You should know that men don’t notice your so-called flaws when you’re turning them on. I'm pretty sure you do that to him when he sees you half naked.

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  • if you are not comfortable with your body lose weight, I gained about the same amount much quicker and lost it all. you can try cardio, dieting, dieting supplements. you can buy a metabolism boosterfor as little as 10 dollars for a month supply. you can also buy green tea acia ber extract straight up for cheaper than that. hydroxycut is expensive but very effective. green tea and acai are best mobolism boosters. go on gnc and read product review or other sites that have them.

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  • If you show that you are putting an effort in trying to lose weight, it means a lot more than you think it would

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    • Definitely. but for now, keep your chin up and don't let anyone see you sweat, don't even bother worrying.

  • Identity crisis? Insecurity?

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  • You are probably being ridiculous?

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  • You are being ridiculous.

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What Girls Said 12

  • I think by not wanting to go, you're doing yourself and your boyfriend a disservice. You guys have known each other for 4 years now. And he's apparently not the type of guy that cares so much about your weight "problem". I say you take him at his word and just go with him to the beach. You'll end up having fun and be glad that he didn't go to the beach by himself or with his friends and meet a new girl

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  • Face it, even if you were at your desired weight, you still would be worried that your boyfriend is checking out other girls at the beach. Find a swimsuit that you feel hot in, and continue to pretend that it does not bother you. It will only bother him if he can see that it's bothering you and it's taking the fun out of the whole experience. If he has stuck with you all four years, he clearly likes you for more than your body, and if he's told you you're beautiful the way you are, then he must mean it. In the meantime, if you are interested in losing weight because your self-esteem is on the low side lately, check out the book The Skinny by Melissa Clark & Robin Aronson.

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  • Girl, He is with you. Love is blind and we love men for it! The other girls may have the body but you have his heart. So go splash make the guy happy. Nothing is sexier than confidence. So get used to your body cause its the only one you have. For self confidence and health, excercise. It will help you feel like you have control over your body and you'll be happy with your tone and overall mood. Go to the Beach ...get a cute beach wrap/ sarong to feel even more comfortable and a cute pair of shades and you are set to go! Also a black bathing suit is always more attractive. Enjoy!

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  • i'm scared to get a boyfriend who likes to beach...cuz I hate my body too..i think if he thinks you're being ridiculous...this is a good boyfriend...he thinks you're beautiful, so really he doens't care what you look like...the girls with the good bodies can keep eating their salads and pita bread. since you were small...but then gained weight, he's still with you right? this just shows how much this guy loves you. don't worry about it. go to the beach and have a great time. you can still lose weight if you want, but you should just know it doens't matter to your boyfriend

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    • And everyone has different tastes. There *is* a guy out there who will absolutely love your body for what you consider it's "flaws". I guarantee it. And if you were on the beach in a bathing suit, a guy *would* be there thinking "Wow, what a hottie! Better not let her catch me looking, but *wow*!"

      Life will never get better as long as you're hating on yourself sweetheart!

      Cheers,

      Greg

  • I know how you feel.. my boyfriend says he loves my body and I'm not real big or anything but I have curves I'm no stick that's 4 sure.. anyways every time we go to the pool and I see these skinny girls running around I get really jealous. I'm trying to diet and run now but it's hard because I still have some extra meat in spots. All I can say is find a swimsuit that looks good on u. A one piece I know that some are not that cute but you could try that or do what I do because my extra meat is in my legs I hear a bikini top and get the bottoms that look like shorts. I know its hard in today's world because all these girls are a size zero.. but hey we gotta deal with it some how right? I hope every thing works out for you and you go to the beach and have fun!

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    • So if you're curvy, and you were curvy when you met your boyfriend, and he says he loves your curvy body, then why try to lose those curves that attracted him to you, and that he still loves? You just might be short-changing your boyfriend by losing those curves. Generally, guys prefer curves on women while women think "skinny-skinny" is best. Who do you want to have attracted to you? Your boyfriend, or yourself? I'd take a size 16/18 over a 0 any day, but I like you women chubby and cuddly!

  • in someways, yes it's ridiculous. Guys want their girls with self-esteem. Please do not starve yourself, go to gym instead and make that flab look fab! a nice guy like your boyfriend deserves a good reward for loving you despite that 50 err pounds. stay fit :) good luck!

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  • One word(s?): Self-confidence!

    You just gotta flaunt what you have! Who cares if you're not as good as you used to look? No one on the beach knows it! All you gotta do is say to yourself, "I look good and I don't care if anyone thinks otherwise!" But don't get out of hand and get into the category of cockiness.

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  • you have to go with him to the beach. you think if it would be most hated man fat after beach you land you look after other men? are quiet, there are many who are very sucks. So I sometimes I think they are fat and ugly, but I understood that my boyfriend wants me to me, a good good girl who sits near us on the beach.

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  • Guys like nothing more than a woman who is confident with herself. You should definately go to the beach! I can't say don't be insecure, but if your boyfriend likes the way you look, he likes the way you look. Just wear something that makes you feel sexy and flatters you. And whatever you do, don't hide your body with your arms. Guys hate that.

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  • Talk to him,because you are who you are,if he just like your body or something, not your inner beauty,he does worth your love.

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  • Go to the beach with him. Obviously you still see each other naked. He wants you to go with him and you should. He thinks you are beautiful because you are. Maybe get a different bathing suit that you are more comfortable in.

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  • personally, I don't think it's ridiculous at all. most of the stuff girls wear are far too revealing and I don't like being around that stuff either. I have talked to my guy about it and how it really bothers me and upsets me and he is understanding. he is more concerned about my feelings than going to the beach and that's how it should be. there's so much other fun stuff you can do. It doesn't mean your guy doesn't care though... everyone is different and will see things differently... but you have every right to feel what you feel. if it really bothers you a lot more than you have let him know - you should be able to talk to him openly and share your true emotions and insight with him. try to explain it and he should at least support you and comfort you. after 4 years of being together... if he can't at least do that, then what the hell? But I'm sure he will work through it with you and try to do everything he can to figure it out together. :) Best of luck :)

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