It makes me feels like I'll never have a boyfriend... What should I do?

I think I'm (the opposite of pretty) but all my mates say I'm not. I hate being in photographs and try to avoid being in them. The only time I feel attractive is when I do my hair in the morning, I think I look OK. My best feature is my lips, red and full. My nose is slightly bigger that average, which makes my eyes appear small. I just feel so ugly when I'm around other people. I try to 'get a life' and forget about it, but it's hard being the quiet and not-so attractive one out of all my friends. :( It makes me feels like I'll never have a boyfriend... What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1) Hang out with uglier friends. (I'm kidding on that one)

    2) I have some VERY beautiful female friends; A lot of them, I have to say, are stunning. A) I pick on them from time to time. so if it's like that, then perhaps it's not always as mean as it could come across. I'd like to think that everyone is aware of when I'm just teasing, but it may not be the case, so I try to watch how often I do it. B) Do you know what they do? Complain about their hair, complain about their teeth, complain that they look ugly in that picture... Now they could either just be fishing for compliments, or they could really be that insecure; most people (including the hotties) get a bit shy (guys too).

    3) I'm working on trying to not say anything bad about myself. This is difficult for me, as I often joke about my appearance. Honestly, my looks do not get me through life any easier. Perhaps you could consider doing the same thing, and seeing how it goes. Don't put yourself down for 30 days. Try to avoid doing it even in your own head, but certainly try to not speak bad about yourself for 30 days. See if it works.

    4) It could be much worse. Granted, you might think that it could be better, but try to look at it as a glass half full thing. and... there are benefits to being ugly. A) Less work; the pretty ones have to look pretty every time they go anywhere. B) Personality becomes more important, and you learn how to have personality earlier on. The pretty ones can do more skating through life; but when they get older, they NEED that personality; if someone's ugly, that may just give them the opportunity for a head start.

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What Guys Said 17

  • I can say you are probably a lot more attractive than you think. It's very very rare that a girl is actually not attractive in anyway. Sometimes a diet helps, sometimes a new hair style can help, it's all comes down to what fits the person, so maybe try to get a style that fits you?

    You can also try posting a picture, I'll give my 100% honest opinion.

    Lastly, and of course no way least, your looks aren't going to be the only thing that will matter for getting a boyfriend. If you have a great personality, showing that personality to the right guy can do wonders. And be proud of who you are! That in itself, is not only a good mentality, but also an attractive one =).

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    • I'll try my best, ta xx

  • I tell you I never found myself to be a cute guy I always hated how I looked. But one day I looked in a mirror I found that my hair was long, people told me that I needed a hair cut. But I took a good look and said I like it forget what they think I'm going to grow my hair. I kept that mentality with everything I started to buy clothes that I thought looked good not what my friends had. Where I live everyone wore baggy pants and have a short hair cut I was tired of trying to fit in. I felt better on how I looked and was a happier person even if people didn't liked the changes I made, and most of my friend didn't. As time went by I found that being happy made people around me happy to and it made them want to be closer to me, I started to talk more and be more opened. Its odd but I always thought that my first girl friend would be the first girl that showed interest towards me. There has been three girls that show me interest but I didn't like any of them. But I found one girl that I really like she is shy and very sweet she is the most beautiful woman to me and I tell her that, but she thinks I'm lying which I'm not. I'm a little mad because she doesn't want to go out with me I know she likes me but she thinks I only want to get in to her pants. Which I don't well at lest after 4 to 6 months of dating lol.

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  • Stop being so hard on yourself, that's a first thing. Relationships come to us when we least expect them to.

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  • I don't give a f*** about how you look.

    I disagree on choosing a girl entirely from her looks!

    Heck, of course we want our girls to be pretty but this doesn't mean that only models should have boyfriends.

    I've fallen for a girl that's not pretty cause I like her character, another pretty hot girl liked me but she wasn't the same as the other one. I still prefer the "uglier" girl.

    My point? You don't need to be 100% pretty, 50% + being your self makes you a 100% person and that counts the most.

    Hope you understand what I'm trying to say cause it's a bit confusing.

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  • I'm 22, have had one girlfriend which is was basically long-distance (2-4 hrs at a time) for three years, and to be completely honest I've forgotten about 90% of what the relationship was like, so it basically feels as if I've never had a relationship lol I feel your pain, hang in there, it's easier for women to get men than men to get women.

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  • I think that you are your own worst critic. I will tell you that you need to stand up for yourself and eat a bowl of confidence every morning. No one is going to love you unless you love yourself first. I will tell you that I hate being in photographs as well. It isn't because I think I'm ugly or anything, but I think I'm used to seeing the world through my own two eyes rather than seeing my reflection. All I can say is just get out and enjoy doing the things you like to do. Build your own self-confidence. Also, don't let people judge you based on how you look. If they do this, they were never worth being your friend anyway.

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  • I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend, so I feel like you most of the time

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  • I feel the same most times, but in all honesty the thing your lacking is confidence. Your putting other people around you on a pedastal and looking up to them as if they are better. The things that you are mentioning that you are concerned about are things not everyone looks at and you may be blowing it a bit out of proportion.

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  • 50% personality and 50% looks. Guys can be picky, but most guys will go to be with a girl that is loyal, fun, not a whore etc.

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  • the details that you say make you unattractive, are really only small details that nobody else notices. don't let insecurity get the best of you. confidence is what makes you attractive.

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  • I'm in the same boat, I'm sure my face is ugly but friends say I'm not. And I'm shy so I feel like I'll never get a girlfriend and end up a 40 y.o virgin.

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    • Noone has to end up a 40 year old virgin, its called a brothel.

  • how old are you? because I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend

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  • your probably a very pretty girl and your not getting the right people to tell you that you are...post your pic on here so we can see you

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  • Lets see a picture

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  • Change your frame of reference. Get out of the perfection mode and take up interests you enjoy, whether riding horses or attending art exhibitions. The people who are involved in external pursuits look more toward inner beauty, which you probably do not lack.

    Do the best you can to stay in shape and take care of what G0d gave you but et your character attract good men.

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  • What is average? What is bigger? What are you even comparing yourself to? You know that your perception of yourself is not exactly the same as it is for others, right? You might be pretty much average, not ugly. Just because you think you are, some people might not even notice, they might just say "wow she's pretty" or whatnot.

    Regardless, it would be easier to tell with a picture.

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  • i feel your pain. you're not alone.. I'm feel the same exact way but the other way around "i feel like I'll never have a girlfriend" :(

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What Girls Said 17

  • If you ever want to get over this, you have to stop thinking this way. 90% of looks is confidence and 90% of confidence is all in your head.

    Try to start thinking of yourself as pretty or at least OK looking, then you'll be more motivated to do a few little things that could improve your appearance like wearing a flattering outfit or a natural makeup product.

    If you keep avoiding pictures and telling yourself and other people that you're ugly, then you'll only make yourself feel worse and annoy other people.

    Also, if you make an effort to look around, you'll notice plenty of plain girls have boyfriends, so looks is not what gets you a boyfriend. Being relaxed around guys is much more important. What guys want in a girlfriend is an easygoing happy girl. Most guys automatically think most girls are pretty, so focus on your good point and your personality and don't even worry about the rest.

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  • The only reason you won't get a boyfriend is because your confidence sucks (or you might but he wouldn't be the kind of boyfriend you want). You are focusing too much on what you perceive as flaws. I used to feel the same way you do, but then I started to try and see myself as how other people see me. I know its hard, but you have to see that you are better looking that you give yourself credit for. Besides, guys are interested in more than just looks. If you have an awesome personality and embrace your uniqueness, then you will most likely get a boyfriend.

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  • I think the best is just to accept how you feel rather then feel bad. Just be like Hey maybe I don't look as hot as my friends or others girls... but that's OK. I am me. As soon as you accept that I think you'll feel a lot better and not feel bad for being something you feel like your not.

    Also- most likely your looks arn't the reason you don't have a boyfriend. I know tons of girls who are pretty and don't have a guy and people who are butt ugly (yes, butt ugly) and do. So... its all subjective.

    keep in mind. someones always attractive to someone.

    hope I helped. :)

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  • Quit it with the self pity and put yourself out there. Projecting yourself as under-confident (which I'm sure you are) is very offputting for people, whether they want to date you or be your friend. If you have to, fake the confidence. And never, NEVER, whinge to your love interest about how you look calling yourself fat and ugly and basically fishing for complimets because they hate that. I know it's hard but you really need to become confident and love yourself if you ever want to be truly happy. I managed.

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  • I'm the same way. I'm the "ugly" one out of my friends but I just got to where I don't care about my looks anymore. I do my hair and my make up and that's good enough for me. If people don't like it o well. I'm hoping one day someone will like it or like me enough to not care. I'm the shy type but I also want to help people. They say that makes me a great person because I do everything I can to make my dreams of helping people true. "saving the world" is not my goal but doing everything I can to help people in gernal is. That's gotta mean something. More than my looks. Right?

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  • Fuck it. I hope you never find a guy. I hope a guy finds you. And sees how awesome you are and loves you for who you are, and not the unimportant things. =) Don't go looking for guys, or friends. I never do. They always find me. And I always find my TRUE friends. Try it. Just be yourself. Sorry if I scared you will the whole "hope you never find a guy" thing.

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  • i feel the same way. I have contemplated getting surgery so many times and all my friends tell me I shouldn't...like your friends do. honestly we can't see ourselves through others eyes and if we could we would probably realize how pretty we really are. but don't feel like you will never get a boyfriend I have a big nose and I get plenty...more than plenty ..just have confidence and they'll flock your way.

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  • focus on your good features (and what you think is ugly may be pretty to others) beauty is in the eye of the beholder. my nose is slightly bigger than "average" too, and my own mum picks on me about it (in a serious way) but then again, she doesn't like most of my physical appearances. *does not start bashing about mum-daughter relationship*

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  • You said you have had boyfriends right? Is it because people have pointed out your insecurities? Don't worry you'll be fine, I've been through it, I've had people make fun of me before but a person will always pick on someone else when they know what it is that makes them feel low, Don't let anyone get the best of you, Get your hair done nails done, change your outfit or style a bit, Boost your confidence don't worry :)

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  • try internet dating - and I don't say that because you describe yourself as "ugly"; I found that by casual dating, I was able to have my confidence go wayyy up - now I got the best boyfriend in the world for me :D

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  • Listen, I seriously feel the same way. However, not only do I feel ugly, but I feel like a GIANT compared to all the other girls. I'm 5'8--not that tall, right? Well, everyone else is so tiny and thin/frail. I work out everyday, and not saying I am buff, but just toned. So, just keep your head up and smile. It is not a big deal :)

    Anyways, there's always prostitution, right?!?!

    That was obviously a joke...or not.

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    • YES A JOKE ,, never prostitution (N)

    • I'm in the same boat as you! except I'm two inches taller. haha

  • I never felt that way :( BUT my advice to you is to have self-confidence. There's a right guy for you in the right time. So don't worry because everything will fall in the right place dear. =)

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  • i know how you feel, I have a big nose and a small chin so its even more noticeable! the only feature I like is my eyes, even when I do my hair really nice I still feel like my nose looks massive!

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  • why don't you try initiating and asking a guy out? stop following that old tradition

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  • There was a time in my life when I used to sound like you and would agonize relentlessly over my appearance. I've always prided myself on having the ideal hour-glass figure but I could just never get past my nose. I was fixated. After all, the reality of it is, my 'beak' (as I referred to it at the time) pretty much dominated the entirety of my face with it's obtrusive nature, compromising the harmony of my otherwise proportionately delicate features, overshadowing my coy little doe eyes, detracting from my luscious lips and my flawlessly chiseled cheekbones.

    A friend of mine (clearly immature and therefore injudicious at the time) suggested I break it so I could get a free nose job. Being the impressionable and insecure 11th grader that I was at the time, I took his advice to heart and would use my field hockey stick to bang it up until I could take no more. This only made it bigger and therefore more daunting to me. So my mom finally agreed to have it fixed as one of my graduation presents, and I must say...it was probably the best thing I've ever done. I started noticing a drastic difference in the way people treated and responded to me. Everything in my life became effortless, making friends was impossibly easy and dating and meeting boys was a reality I couldn't avoid...everyone came to me! Suddenly, I felt as if I didn't have to do all the work anymore, I had so many prospects it didn't matter, if one date didn't go as well as planned, I had five others lined up that weekend. I had the luxury of treating people however I wanted (this mostly applies to boys), since I knew they'd almost always come back. But I started noticing an evolving emptiness that was eating me up inside. Perhaps I had been discouraged by my realization that the world was just as fixated on looks as I was. I always had a vibrant, eccentric personality and would do just about anything to draw attention to myself with my 'out-there', outlandish, unconventional humor, and overtly theatrical presence, making myself a voluntary spectacle. I used to dress up Philip, my Bedlington terrier in top of the line, designer dresses I had outgrown and parade around the city streets in nothing but a leotard pretending I was deaf and mute and could only communicate via suggestive interpretive dance moves...ridiculous I know, but I'd sorely do anything to forget about the massive crater imploding in the middle of my face. It's a sad reality, but we are in essence visual beings reacting to the world and the people around us based on what is physically present. So if you're feeling this way, there's probably a good reason for it or it could just be a deep-rooted, emotional or psychological dilemma. So try to evaluate the true cause of your dissatisfaction with your appearance. To put yourself down like that in a public forum seems to me to be a desperate cry for help...see a therapist, get a nose job, do whatever you have to do to turn your life around.

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  • Those guys had great answers. And I have full lips, a bigger than average nose and small eyes, and confidence and a smile, which makes me sucessful. Smile, believe you're beautiful, and you'll glow from within. Boys don't think about details, they look at the whole picture--a hot, pouty-lipped, smiling girl.

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  • i totally get what you mean ! trust me, compared to my friends I am the unnattractive one! but honestly, sometimes boys see past that. I have other good qualities, liek my personality and my talents like guitar, singing and drawing. Focus on your good qualities and let them shine! As long as your kind and friendly, you will deffinately end up with someone. I know its hard to believe sometimes, but guys aren't all superficial idiots. ;) so chin up! and remember how lucky you are compared to some peple in the world! worrying about minor things like the size of your nose, or how pretty you are compared to your friends just isn't relevent in life ! xxx

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