Would you find it difficult to look at your girlfriend if she had a black eye?

I have a painful infection of the eye lid, that has caused my whole eye to swell. Yesterday it was so bad it was black, blue and purple and was swelled totally shut.

It looks just like I got hit in the eye by someone and feels like it too.

Unfortunately, this infection of the eye lid is something I get once or twice a year and the doc says there is nothing I can do to prevent it. Just treat it right away or the infection could go into the eye ball & I would go blind.

My boyfriend has never seen me before when I had this happen. I knew him then,

but he must have missed seeing me at those times.

Yesterday, I saw him on my way to work & I admit - it looked bad. All he said was

" That looks horrible! Are they going to let you work like that?". I told him yes as long as I had my eye patch it would be fine.

After work I asked if he wanted to meet for a few minutes, but he said he had a

meeting to go to. I though the meeting was usually later, but didn't think too much of it.

Then I asked to meet him again tonight as he will be leaving for a work trip for almost a week & I would like to see him

before he goes. He seemed reluctant, but said yes. Then when I got there he was very distant & wouldn't really look at me.

Finally, he said it was hard to look at me with that patch. My eye is a lot better

today and less swollen so I said I could take it off. As I did he turned away & said "No! Put it back on!" . So I did.

My co-works have all seen my eye and were very sympathetic, but didn't seemed really bothered by it. They all

made pirate jokes and so did I. I even brought a little stuffed parrot to work this morning because so many had

asked " Where's your parrot captain?".

that didn't bother me. My boyfriend not being able to look at me did.

I know it's not pretty, but no one else

had that much of a problem with it.

I didn't say anything to him as he is the type to feel very guilty about anything &

everything and I don't want to make him feel bad.

Would you have a problem looking at

your mate if they had a black eye?

The worst part is - this eye thing will happen off and on for the rest of my life. I can't stop it. And I can't hide from my boyfriend each time it happens.

Jokes don't bother me, joke right back. And if anyone else had a problem looking at me I would say it was their problem not mine. But this is the man I love and who loves me. We are talking about spending our lives together. It's supposed to be "For better or for worse" right?

I'm kind of hurt right now.

How would you feel about all this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • No, I wouldn't have problem with it at all. I would be concerned, and ask lots of questions at first, but I wouldn't have a problem with it once I was fairly certain you were OK. If friends were always assuming that I had been the cause of the black eye, then it might become a slightly bigger issue; still not enough to break up with you.

    Various friends have all kinds of things... Vitaligo. Alopecia, Turrets, Autism (Asberger's), Juvenile Huntington's Disease. Spina Bifida, As babies, some had "deformed craniums." Some of my friends are even :shudder: Michigan State fans. I have all kinds of friends with all kinds of so called "handicaps." An occasional "messed up" eye is not going to make me run if I loved the woman who had it. Now if it was contagious, like Pink Eye, then I might not always be so quick to snuggle up, but other than that, not an issue.

    Patches and eye issues don't really freak me out much because I'm used to it. Someone not used to it might have a bigger problem with it.

    • He asked if it were contagious. I told him the doc didn't seem to think so & it was covered & it wasn't like I was oozing stuff all over.

      I could maybe undertsand if it was just a "lets not cuddle" thing. But not even looking dirrectly at me hurt.

      He had a staff infection in his leg a few months back and I still hung around him. Worried about him too.

      I tried making a couple jokes, but could see he didn't like it. He got really mad at his friend who made a joke about his leg. They were just

    • Trying to make him laugh. Just like my co-workers were doing for me and my eye. And for me it worked.

      no one ever even thought he caused it. But anyone who knows him knows he would never hit me. He is very kind.

      One guy jokingly asked who did I lip off to. I told him I lost a bar fight.( I don't drink so that really got a laugh).

      I just need to talk with him and see how I can help him get past it.

What Guys Said 2

  • If it just looked like a black eye then it wouldn't bother me at all. In fact I'd take advantage of it to be cheesy and say you look beautiful anyway.

    If it was all crusty and fungussy then I'd want you to leave the patch on. But I wouldn't make you feel self-conscious about it. I'd joke and twice a year we'd role play: you're a horny pirate who hasn't had a man in months and I'm the sexually-skilled whore there to give you what you want.

    • Just brused and swollen looking. The ointment did give it a shiny/ greasy look ( like if you put vicks on it or something), but that about it.

      I think I just got so used to all my co-workers and so on making joking and teasing me about ( in order to make me laugh), I just expected it from everyone. So when he reacted the way he did it really shocked me.

      e is on a business trip right now, but I did talk to him about it a little before he left & he knows it bothered me.

    • I flat out asked - next time this happens (and it will happen) do you need me to stay away?

      If we have a future together, this is something you will encounter again.

      He seemed very remorceful for his reaction. I didn't place blame or anything. Just said I could tell it really freaked him out.

      Since he was out of town, we ended up having this conversation via text. This was Sat & I was having a really rotten day. Everything was going wrong & even though I didn't say all this he could tell

    • All afternoon, he kept texting me. Asking me to please smile. Telling me things would get better.

      It was very sweet.

      Thanks for your comments ! :)

  • One of two possibilites:

    He has a problem with it, or you're too paranoid about it. I personally think that you're just worrying too much. If he dumps you, he dumps you, and you wouldn't want to be with anyone that shallow anyway. Don't be the one to end the relationship.

    But that's not what you asked.

    I'd put my hand on your eye and pray, then I'd say "Now put the patch back on. I'd rather think about my badass pirate girlfriend than think about how much that eye hurts."


What Girls Said 1

  • I think he's just uncomfortable. I mean he probably feels a little embarrased, and worried and a little ashamed, but that's his own emotions and he needs to deal with them. He needs to let you know he still loves you even though you get the eye infection, and stand by you. That is what boyfriends are for. You need to talk with him and say, " I feel like your a little distant from me..is it because my eye? I can't control it and I really need for you to ignore it to make me feel better about myself. Everyone makes fun of me and I don't mind it, but I feel hurt when you don't look at me. I don't like what happens to my eye and I can't stand looking at it, but If I don't treat it I could go blind...thats worse right? " Let him know, that your upset, and if he can't accept you than maybe you need to reevaluate your feelings for him. I guess that's all I can say :D