Why do I feel I have to be like the guys on Jersey Shore just to get a girl? or to even have friends?

just to clarify... I'm not "out to get" anyone. I just want to find someone to love. but the thing is. I'm a pretty good looking guy, not like Jersey Shore guys or whatever, but I'd say I'm above average, and I'm not as fit either, but I'm not fat or whatever.

but I don't have that carefree cocky attitude. I'd care if I got into trouble, I'd care if I hurt someone, I care about me and I care about others and their feelings and well being. I don't act stupid like those type of "tool-shed" guys.

but I love a beautiful girl, and I just hope to find the ONE that I can really care for and love right. I feel that I deserve the best. and I do my best to BE the best I can. so what gives? I get zero female attention, when I personally know guys that fit into that "tool-shed" category I was talking about, literally get APPROACHED by girls without having to approach them themselves.

A lot of people who judge the book by its cover seem to think I'm a bore... I'm really tired of it. I wish people would stop being so shallow and superficial and for all the wrong attention. people are so crazy and this world is so messed up. I just want someone to love and someone that actually cares about me like I care for them, and not be misunderstood and blown off socially and as much as I reach out to people, they act like they didn't even hear me, then act like everything is cool later. I have cool friends, they just aren't much of friends to me.

any tips or advice? :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The thing is, perceptions is sadly everything. A "tool-shed" guy knows this and will play to it (even sometimes subconsiously or natually due to the way their lives pan out).

    Firstly, a "real" person is usually badly flawed. For someone who is uncaring to function in this world they must not appear uncaring (they need to develop a mask). They learn to not show themselves but to put forth what brings them most reward. This can give a passibly attractive person an air of "mysteriousness" and "unobtainability" as they continually seek to hide their failings. This seems to be attractive to a lot of women.

    IMO its why women go for "bad guys", they don't want the bad guy they just see someone whos above average looking and hiding who they are and they fill in all the missing information with their hopes and dreams of what the man might be (or hope maybe they will fill the gap possibly). Guys of course do this too.

    Sometimes girls seem to want to "fix" a guy. They think it must be that "he's misunderstood" (the reason why he behaves the way he does). They then seek to understand and to show love (with a misguided feeling this person is the preverbial lost diamond). If a person is too easy to understand that may work well for them initially (they will like be liked for their qualities) but in the medium term a person could lose interest or not be left with a sense of physical attraction for the person (theres something about an inviting mystery which seems to foster attraction).

    So, I think what might help is to make yourself less obtainable (obviously without actually hiding away lol) and avoid being obvious in your thinking (reveal who you are only in little clues and make people feel getting to know you is deeply special). If you meet someone you really like who seems to like you, establish there's an interest then behave towards them like if she was an unattractive friend. Let the love grow.

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What Girls Said 1

  • That is what the media wants you to think. That's why they call television shows "programs" because they program people to think a certain way. That is not true, you dont' have to be like a Jersey Shore guy to get a girl and have friends. Look around you, does every guy with a girlfriend act/look like a Jersey Shore guy? Are guys like Pauly D and The Situation the only ones with friends? That is not true, don't believe the hype.

    If you are sitting on the sidelines unhappy with yourself and thinking about other people, of course you won't attract people as much as if you would if you put yourself out there and was happy and carefree. The Jersey Shore guys don't do it for me at all in the least bit, but one thing I can say is that they seem as if they are fun to party with and very carefree. when people go out they want to be around that. its an aura that you have to give off, if you change your mindset and just focus on having a good time and having fun wherever you go, you'll get closer to that attractive vibe.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Let me get this straight, your think other people who judge you are shallow because of who you are. But your quick the judge the guys in Jersey Shore and hate on them.

    Guess what? while your crying, those dudes in Jersey Shore are living life.

    Here is some advice. You need to stop judging others for who they are. If you ask me, your the one with issues.

    Yeah, I judge too, but if someone is happy with what there doing and the way they are, biggest tool or the nicest person ever, I will give them props.

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    • I'm not that judgmental of a person really, I was just being observant for the sake I'd the question. I'm friendly to everyone, have friends in all the social groups/stereotypes. and many do things that yeah I don't agree with, but I just accept it as long as I find them trustworthy and worth hanging around. It's just I don't want to stoop to any lows just to simply attract a girl. I just try to be myself. I was raised to be a put-together person and that's who I am.

    • *of the question... my bad

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