Is it really possible for girls and guys to just be normal friends without ANYTHING sexual ever happening?

Okay, so I am a 22 year old girl who likes to meet new people and develop friendships with everybody. I like to be friends with everybody regardless of race, age, gender, etc….. but problem is, I don’t think it is possible for girls and guy to just be “normal” friends with each other without ANYTHING sexual (kiss, etc) EVER happening between the two of them, and I personally don’t understand why that is the case and I think it is sad… I think girls and guys should be able to control themselves and be normal friends with each other and hang out one on one and become good friends down the line but never do anything sexual with each other because they would just be friends, not dating each other….. What do you think?

Because it is frustrating for me, every time I try to talk to guys or make friends with a guy, he backs off because he probably assumes I like him in a romantic way which I don’t. I just try to develop a friendship with him like I do with girls but he assumes I want more? Like it’s frustrating. I NEVER do anything sexual with a male UNLESS I am dating him. I don’t have any “real” friends that are male. All my real friends and good friends that I talk with and hang out with are female. This makes me question if it is possible to just be normal friends with a guy to hang out one on one with him and develop a good friendship with him without ever doing anything sexual with him. I don’t think it is possible for guys, but it is possible for me, I know for sure. I control myself very well and if it is only a friendship, than that’s it. I don’t do anything else.

Like I know I tried to make friends with this one guy I met at an event (had no attraction for him – was just trying to make a normal friend). We agreed to become facebook friends but when I wrote on his wall to wish him a happy new year a few days later, he sent me a facebook message saying he has a girlfriend and I was like “wtf?” I had to say to him that I was happy for him but I had to also tell him verbally that I did not like him as more than a friend and then he understood and was okay with me and all.. I told him I liked him as just a normal friend, that’s it. It is frustrating for me because I want to develop good, deep friendships with guys and to be able to hang out with them one on one without anything sexual EVER happening between the two of us, but I don’t know if he will be able to do that or not. Especially if he thinks I am good-looking and a lot of guys and girls say I’m beautiful….. so guys, what do you think? It’s not possible, right? :/

Oh, and I actually have had male friends before... in the past. And by friends, I mean hanging out with them and talking on the phone and such. I only had two in the past. One of them was gay, the other straight but had a girlfriend of 5 years.
I want to thank everyone who answered and helped me! ~thank youuuu~ :))))


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it is possible. There was this girl whom I've hung out with a few times. At first I was attracted to her, but then that just went away and never saw her as anything more than a friend. She has a boyfriend anyways, so even if I was still interested in her that way, she is already taken.

    I think it depends how you go about it. If you've just met a guy and get a number or something and ask him to hang out right away, then maybe they'd think your coming onto them. But if you've spoken for a while and have a good relationship that way I think asking them to hangout as a friend would be well received. The girl I've hung out with - we've known each other from school for 3-4 years. It was 3 years before we actually hung out. I think if I asked her to hang out much much earlier than that, she would have thought I was coming onto her.

    When I make a friendly gesture like what you did about new years, or if I ask a woman to hangout or something and they say 'I have a BF' - I just say 'umm ok? does he want to come too then?' or something like that. I think that conveys the message that your not looking for anything more than a friendship

    • Very nice answer! I really appreciate your help! Totally makes sense. I understand everything you were trying to say. Thanks so much again! :)

What Guys Said 6

  • "I think girls and guys should be able to control themselves and be normal friends "

    Sure. But this is planet earth.

    Age is a factor, because it governs the hormones. So, if he is 80+, that would probably work. Still, have you heard of dirty old men in their 80s molesting kids/teenagers/adults? I have. What does that tell you about guys in general?

    "Especially if he thinks I am good-looking and a lot of guys and girls say I’m beautiful….. "

    Now that makes it near impossible. Placing a beautiful girl in front of a guy is like placing a fish in front of a cat, saying, "Thou shalt not eat that fish". I wouldn't bet even one dollar on it unless the cat is castrated, or gay.

    • Omg your answer is hilarious!! I love it and was cracking up. Haha. But everything you wrote does make sense to me.... so it might not be possible somtimes, maybe most of the time. :/ I don't know but I really do appreciate you answering my question and your feedback/input! =)

    • Got you rolling on the ground, huh? :) When it comes to human beings, irregardless of age, sex, cultures, education background, position in society..etc., trust (and act immediately upon them) your gut feelings no matter what, all the time.

  • It's possible, but it's got to be a certain type of friendship, I think. I understand why you'd say it's NOT possible, but I know that it is.

    There IS a very common expression I've heard; that "You fall in love with those you spend time with." So that might account for feelings people might develop in those situations.

    That's my take on it. I know it's not a very long answer, but the fact is, I KNOW it's possible. I've seen it happen before.

    Don't stop believing! =]


    • Oh thank you so much for such a nice and honest answer! :) I truly appreciate it! I am glad to hear from a guy that they think it is possible. You really give me hope! I guess it's possible then! Hehe. =) Yay!

  • I personally don't think it's possible, or very rare.

    Chances are it will work... but for how long ? Males and Females are meant to be sexual together, and mating/reproducing is the goal of any living organism on this planet or other.

    Now that said, I have a couple female friends, I myself don't think of them as more than that, but I don't know from their side, they might be sending me signals and I just ignore them.

    Generally speaking, female and male friends drift apart as they grow older, because their life styles change drastically as they mature, I don't know why but that's just how it is from what I've seen.

    Also, I just don't see myself being as close to a female friend as I am to my 2 best buddies... no offense lol, but guys just get each other better, and generally have the same mindset (atleast me and my friends do)

    So in conclusion, No I don't think they can be JUST friends, sooner or later, one of them will develope feelings -=OR=- they just drift apart because they're just not the same. You know what they say,

    "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"


    hope I helped ;P

    • I really appreciate you help and input! Yes it did help a lot and I totally see what you are saying.

  • well it is something I hope for me and my girl frends just to be that frends but it is hard you will need two differant minds so there minds don't get mesed donna one of my girls that is a frend she started to get a bit umm to far past frends so I sat her down and told her that we are frends and I don't want to ruin that blah blah and so on she is not ingaged to one of my guy frends and we are strong frends... so I think it is all about not mixing feelings and telling them what you want and with guys it will be real hard we can be easlery led on the rong path by our umm little heads

  • Over the years I have had many women friends. Almost always the relationship just stayed friends, often for many years. I am straight and very sexual, and there are many dimensions to relationships other than romantic and sexual. I have really enjoyed many of these relationships. Sometimes the chemistry just would not have been right for romance but there were other dimensions where we clicked. In other situations I found them very attractive, but we were each in other relationships, and / or the relationship got started in another way and we chose to keep it in another channel rather than risk loosing the friendship by trying to take it into a new channel.

  • Lots of girls give stupid adivce for dating like "become friends at first". It will never work, because girls have this "I don't want to ruin the friendship" thinking, so becoming friends will only lower you chanches.

    I have some female friends, there are some who I weren't atracted, and some who I was but it didn't worked out so we remained friends

    • "Ability to get along as friends" is good advice for those who want a serious, long term relationship. It reduces the likelihood of the two tearing each other apart, cutting each others' throat when they're outside the bedroom, which is where they spend most of the time in a long term (decades) relationship.

    • What you say it's true, and I agree with you, but it doesn't apply to their thinking

What Girls Said 1

  • of course it is. I have a lot of guy friends I will never sleep with or make up, etc