Where is the beautiful, sweet, honest girl I fell in love with?

so I have been together with my girlfriend for 10 months now, unfortunately 6 months in, I got deployed and now I'm in Iraq away from her. we spent everyday together, we were so happy nothing could destroy us! she has had a shady past, she used to get around a lot and party a lot. but she changed when we met, at least that's what she says. she would always tell me that I'm the best thing that has happened to her, she loves me so much, and that she can't wait to marry me. I'm the first boyfriend she has had that has taken her on dates, or bought flowers for her.she told me when we first started dating, that she was a nympho, but as time went on she said she changed, and now that I'm gone, she says that sex is never on her mind and that she just wants me home so we can be together again. but the problem is...she only talks to me when I message or call to her, most of the time she is short in her answers. a few days ago she was like "im getting really lonely without you here, I'm bored with my life. I know we talked about dating other people and decided that neither of us would do it. but I wanted to ask you, if its OK if I could date only if I was asked". this messed with me a bit, seeing how she said she wanted to settle down with just me. I told her no because we already promised not to. than I asked her what she was going to wear for Halloween. she said she was going to wear the same costume as last year, which is a cabaret dancer. that was a year ago, and her chest is a lot bigger than it was last year. so I knew that it would show a very large amount of her breasts. I told her I didn't feel comfortable with it, what does she do? gets p*ssed and says I'm being really dumb. the next day she saw a something I posted explaining our situation that happen the day before. she commented on it, saying I never said you were dumb, you make me sound so mean. she didn't remember that she got mad a said I was dumb. well a couple days later I asked her about the costume again, and she said she wants to look sexy on Halloween, I told her I would feel comfortable if she got a different costume. she sends me a link to another costume, that is better on the chest but its a short skirt. an even more slutty costume. I finally gave up and said she could wear it. she said "okay...i won't show my boobs and stuff"

My question is, has she changed? and what do I do? I am so depressed. she still says she loves me. but with the wanting to date other people, and look sexy on Halloween when I'm not there worries me. I trust her fully. I don't want to think she is wanting to mess around with other guys. but I don't know what to do or think anymore... what do I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't really have any words for you right now. Phoenix52 is right, though. Tell her straight up what you expect and what you won't tolerate. You being in Iraq is hard on her, as well. And it's easy to lose sight of things whenever you're so far apart for so long, but she needs a reality check. She's creating stress on you that you DON'T need in an environment like you're in right now. Try not to let it interfere with what you're doing, and what your job is.

    • The problem is, a lot of the time I tell her how I feel. and sometimes she just doesn't care, and than comes back the next day or a couple days later saying she is sorry. don't worry I told her to *pleasure herself when I'm gone, and she says that masturbating is not her thing and she has only done it twice in the last year...idk I love her so much and don't want to lose her. but I feel that she has lost interest in me. I get images of her screwing around with other guys, and it devistates me.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Does she have any friends that you could ask to help keep an eye on her to makesure that she doesn't do anything bad?

    • Ya but if I tell them that, I'm sure they will be like. "your boyfriend doest trust you". but I made up my mind and told her to decide if she wants me, or to date other people. she can't have both.

What Guys Said 3

  • You take this relationship by the horns and confront her more about it.

    As far as the Halloween outfit goes, I'd let her wear what she wants. If she wants to look sexy and sl*tty, check this out ... LOTS OF GIRLS LIKE DOING IT. They do it for sex appeal and for validation from males giving them compliments about it. And it's the only day of the year that they can look this rediculously crazy without a real dress or skirt.

    However, you tell her to control her hormones. If she's horny, she can go masturbate. Or better yet, she can hold out for you when you get back. Reserve the sex for the significant other that you're sharing an exclusive relationship with.

    She's bored or her life without you? Then she can go have fun on her own. Go hang out with her girl friends, do stuff for her own life. Go to the gym and workout, join a bowling league, join a book club - hey, she can do things she's interested in. And if it just so turns out that she wants to sleep around for the thrill, then she's a done deal. (Because you'll have no problem ejecting her sorry ass from your life - she lost her 'girlfriend' status).

    Seriously, guys need this jerkish behavior to help women make themselves better. She will lose everything you two had if she bangs another guy, or even takes a kiss from one. Make her be loyal to you, as you are to her.

    • She always told me that her past relationships, she would always be the one that got dumped. and that she has always been cheated on, but now with all of this going on, I'm beginning to wonder if they all dumped her because she just got bored of them and went out. about the masturbating part, she says its not her thing she has only done it 2 times this whole year..

    • (1) She's been dumped before because, yeah, the boyfriends got bored of her and realized how clingy and sh*t she could be, and it's beginning to show. Was she cheated on? Perhaps, because either SHE cheated first or the boyfriends cut ties without her knowing it yet. (2) Masturbation isn't her thing, eh? So she will go out and get new d*** since yours isn't available? Well that's too bad ... when you work on your own life, get ahead, and do fun things, sex isn't crucial to have...

    • In all honesty, this girl isn't a good catch. She's too dependent on the relationship and can't manage to be on her own. What women need to do, as well as guys, is take control of their lives and advance themselves first. Be independent. Take a relationship as a good bonus for all the hard work they're doing, instead of being bored with themselves and using a relationship for a source of entertainment and dependency. Sorry to say it, but I wouldn't trust her :(

  • Phx52 is right... your the man in this... I did have a similar situation.. rite before I went to Basic, my girlfriend went crazy... all the signs were there... do watya gotta do, son!

  • your hers to lose, she's not yours to lose. You seem a decent guy with a solid job. If she's contemplating seeing others then I'd say you should of dumped her when she suggested it. If she truly liked you, she wouldn't of said it. Don't give her excuses. Move on from her, you can do better.