How to deal with a guy who doesn't show emotion?

[Anonymous]

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for about two months now, but we've been talking for at least 3 maybe 4. I know it seems soon, but I really like him and enjoy his company. He is a great guy and we don't have many issues. But, I seem to always be finding something wrong , I never feel fulfilled. He has a HUGE issue with showing emotion. He says he cares and yes his actions prove it, he does come by and see me often and we hang out a lot but I just I miss the part where he actually says nice and sweet things to me. I know most guys aren't big romantics but I feel like I need the fulfillment since I'm such an emotional person. And another thing is he has this this with wanting to change me for the better, and although the things he wants to change aren't always bad, it makes me feel unwanted at times. He's always talking about if he ever finds a girl he truly likes/wants (and am assumming he means if we break up, or at least I hope) then he would try and show off or prove to the girl he deserves her, but I feel like he doesn't do that for me he's too busy trying to change me.

I need a guy's opinion*

Updates

+1 y

well, I have a really good update. We have qotten a lot better, and he is becoming a lot sweeter. He's told me am his fav. and only chic. We settled all of our issues, and he loves the way I am. He's showing compassion, we just had to talk it out... (:

[farogorn]

k there might be a solution for you to communicate to him - listen to the words he uses when he talks...does he use a lot of words that are visual or auditory perhaps? for example will he say things in a conversation like.."i hear what your saying, listen to me" or..."look here, I see what your saying" etc etc

By listening to what types of words he uses you can start to get a picture of what internal representational systems this guy uses to communicate. They are called predicates and you can use them yourself to communicate with him. Communicate with him in the way he communicates with the word...study him, listen to what he says...watch his body language...if you can then match the style that he communicates you will get into rapport with him and you will start to feel how he does inside...another excellent tip is for you to match his breathing pattern - you'll find yourself getting into instant rapport and may find your head flooded with thoughts that are not usually your own...they will be his thoughts ;)

a very handy tool...if you want look up building rapport with NLP its actually very simple to do and you will be able to communicate with him very easily once you practice a little.

there is no such thing as a non emotional person they do not exist...unless they literally have brain dmg in the area of the brain that generates emotions...even then we can communicate in other ways. Match his body posturing when your sitting down together and focus on your feelings, I can guarantee he will feel them if you do.

But really what this comes down to is if you feel that he is worth all of this trouble...I mean married coulpes normally go through this kind of trouble after years of being together...2 months doesn't seem very long and if he does not express himself to you emotionally...then what exactly is it about his personality that attracts you so much? just the actions? to me actions have no weight to them if one doesn't understand the intentions...intentions are the most powerful thing in the way we communicate

[farogorn]

this is really interesting...it sounds almost as if he is keeping his options open - this whole "if he ever finds a girl he truly likes/wants" thing must be very unerrving for you as it seems he is sending you mixed signals.

I do not like the idea that he is trying to change you for the better...that is a sign of somebody who does not love you for all you are, then again it depends on what he wants to change, or if he simply wants you to improve yourself in other areas so that you are more happy...which to me is totally fine if you are OK with it.

Now its all well and good getting opinions elsewhere however its all very subjective since I do not really know your Boyfriend and what his intentions are...do you know what his long term intentions are? perhaps if you knew that you would feel more fulfilled.

Regarding fulfillment...this is something that nobody can ever give you fully...its something you really have to find within yourself - many many people make the mistake of looking for partners to replace things that they are lacking (not saying you have done this) and this can lead to very painful and complicated situations where a couple may find themself transferring emotions and whole parts of their personalities between each other.

The real question here is...should you really need to have sweet things said to you in order to feel fulfilled? if you have complete faith in yourself and love for yourself then the only reason you would WANT to hear those things is validation of his own emotions to you rather than filling a void you are feeling inside.

Open and honest communication is always key and always remember to keep your ego in check when communicating with each other. You need to express what your full intentions are to this guy and find out what his intentions are also...find out what the short, mid, and long term intentions are for both of you and see if there is a future there.

Hope this helps :)

[Asker]

Everytime I try to communicate with him about his feelings he tells me he's not emotional and he's just not that type of person. I don't need his words to fulfill me but more to validate his feelings, which to be honest with you I'm completely unsure of. I don't know if he really wants me, or he wants what he thinks he can make me. He has said it himself if he really wants a girl he's willing to go the extra mile I don't think he does that for me. but I'm just SO unsure.

[Anonymous]

Can you please tell me what you did to solve your problems with your dude? lol because Im having the SAME PROBLEM. Reading all your comments sounded like something that would come from me.

Im happy to hear he improved to you because he sounds like my bf and i feel like he's never gonna change. But seeing that yours did change makes me feel a little better. it just means anything is possible. Like u said before, you tried talking to him but he says he doesn't know how to express emotion and he's not that type of person. So what is left to do? what did u do or tell him?

[Bubbles_the_Magician]

You are not the girl for him. He is trying to formulate you into his dream girl. I'd just dump him and move on.

[phil2]

That's what I sort of got out of it too...

[authentic]

An emotionally mature person knows that his/her happiness is his/her responsibility, and no one else's. Meaning, s/he doesn't use another person to "make" him/her happy.

[Asker]

I understand that my happiness is NOT his responsibilty, but I just am never sure of his feelings for me. I want the communication romantically more to validate his feelings for me than to fulfill me. I guess it was a wrong choice of words for me. The truth is I never feel like he's truly happy with me , or that he even really wants ME ! My issue is the fact that I know how I feel but am unsure of how he feels, and since he continues to tell me he isn't "emotional" I don't know how to approach it

[authentic]

"The truth is I never feel like he's truly happy with me" & "he continues to tell me he isn't 'emotional'">> This is important. Trust your gut feelings. Tell him, "I don't come to planet Earth to date a robot. Goodbye". No apologies needed. Forget about changing him. Forget him completely. Focus on the guy you want until he shows up, accept no compromises.