Why do girls always end it at the exact same time, with the exact same reason?

I was seeing this girl for about 3 months, and we always got along great and had fun. Today out of nowhere she says "Your a great guy and all, but I'm not ready for a relationship right now". I understand what they mean, and I understand there's reasons behind it. But why is it always around the 3 month mark, when there are no visible problems or anything? I'm so lost and confused...

I was never "that nice" because I've heard and learned from past experiences. That's why I'm so dumbfounded by this, all these girls are good looking and normal lol. I am a normal guy, normal build, good job, going to school. I'm definitely not clingy...


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey 3 months isn't so bad :) First question: were you her boyfriend for 3 months? or just dating her casually? It sounds like you're pretty good getting girls and keeping them, but just not as long as you'd like...I think 3 months is just long enough for an interested girl to get bored. What are the relationships like exactly - in terms of amount of contact/who initiates contact? All you have to do is shower her with attention for 1 day and then for 2 days only talk to her if she talks to you first. You want it to be subtle obviously, but absence does make you more mysterious. If she's giving you short text answers to yours, putting off responding, or doesn't show passion/genuine interest in one of your dates...drop off the grid for a week. You're not ignoring her, you're just staying off facebook/email/IM/phone for awhile without explanation. In the case of dates, you finish it as you would otherwise, wish her goodnight (shower her with attention) and THEN drop off the grid for a few days. "Not ready for a relationship" either means that she's getting too used to attention or isn't getting enough, but the first one usually tends to happen more. Don't worry about it :) Just switch things up hot/cold a bit. Good luck!

    • i agree with the last part abt girls saying there not ready for a relationship

What Girls Said 5

  • 3 months is the typical amount of time it takes for a woman to get bored of a guy/relationship.

    "Your a great guy and all, but I'm not ready for a relationship right now" is code for "I feel bad breaking up with you because you're nice, but I'm bored and not sexually attracted to you anymore."

    If you want to go past 3 months, try to find ways to keep the girls guessing. Be more spontaneous. Do things together that are a little more risky. If you can get her heart rate up, make her curious, and have a little bit of EDGE, you'll keep a girl interested for longer than 3 months.

    Think James Bond.

    • I only saw this girl 1 time a week, never anymore. I just feel like, if I get past 3 months, who's to say it won't end in 6 months, or 9 months and then I've wasted even more time... I just feel so hurt, the past few girls were kind of wild, but this one was pretty down to earth and sincere. Didn't think she was capable of doing this.

    • If you only see her once a week, you better be leaving her DYING FOR MORE. Or else, even if nice and sincere, she's going to get bored. Even nice girls want excitement in a relationship.

      I'm sorry you're hurt, but take it as a learning experience and find some ways to up your game.

    • Sounds about right on

  • That's around the time when you realize if you keep on in the relationship things will go from casual to serious.

  • I actually read something on CNN about this yesterday. 3 months..usually is like the time when you realize if you should keep spending time with the person; or if you should just end it.

  • well it doesn't take that long to see if ones compatible.

    it takes 4 seasons to see if ull marry the person.

    u should ask her to tell you bluntly what it was... perhaps bad breath?

  • Usually I dated guys for around only 2-3 months before I knew I didn't like them. The signs are usually for me:

    -does he have the same personality as me? (same religion, political views, lifestyle?)

    -does he have hobbies that I think are something I could live with (maybe he likes a sport too much, or a certain type of music too much that I don't like)

    -do we have a good vibe (am I comfortable around him? Do I feel like he is comfortable around me?)

    if we are always arguing over religion/politics and how to live your life (with drugs/clubbing or not? with church and family or not?) then that's a no go. Does he treat me right? Does he mock me or make fun of me or say something that offends me? Does his love of sports (golf and surfing) bore me to death? Do I feel like he isn't over his ex or he has some kind of immaturity issue with himself, he doesn't know what he wants? He has issues with his job?

    Usually there are hundreds of things you can answer about a person after a few months and you can tell if you like that person or not. It sucks that she didn't tell you exactly why she didn't like you but usually try to ask the person and get some closure next time. Usually I tell the guy why I didn't like him. Like the first guy was because of religion/political differences, the second was because of lifestyle differences (clubbing and drinking too much), the third was due to sports interest difference (he liked golfing and surfing and it bore me to death).

    Then there will be the "one". He doesn't argue against my religion and political views so much, he doesn't go clubbing or drinking. He has no interest in sports and I can deal with the fact that he just likes to play video games once in a while as a hobby.

    If the girl doesn't tell you and you really look back at the relationship you CAN try to figure it out yourself why it didn't work out. I hope this helped a bit but maybe not.


What Guys Said 4

  • Let me guess. You are treating too good, giving them respect, being the good reliable faithful nice guy, agreed with them most of the time, giving them your time and attention, being there for them, and giving them what they "want". These are all bad moves because it makes you a doormat, not a challenge. Even though you are "the man that women say they want guys to be like", you have been dumped and left behind for other guys (jerks like me) that show off more men qualities. Since girls always have guys chasing them no matter what, if it's too easy she isn't interested or will lose interest fast and try to put you in the friend zone. When a guy becomes predictable the relationship becomes "boring", even if the relationship is good. It's like this, you have a favorite food right? Can you imagine eating your favorite food all the time 3 meals a day? You will get so sick of it quickly even though it's your favorite, leave it alone, and will only want it every once in a while after that. This is how girls treat good guys. You have to have some twists and some drama because girls crave that, it's their nature. Throwing a curve ball every 1-2 days rattles their brains. When a girl says she doesn't want drama, give her drama. If she says she doesn't want a jerk, be a jerk. And so on. You must not cater to a girl. By the way, have some more girls lined up. Don't cheat or sleep around, but have girls lined up. Why? It's simple, girls have guys lined up no matter what if she wants it or not (and they want the attention trust me). The next time a girl dumps you just walk away and say nothing, don't be friends with girls (that's not what you're there for), stay busy and have a life with friends and family, stop trying to include a girl with all your time or activities even if it's just being on the phone or texting. Don't see or talk to a girl everyday. Most importantly, go out, enjoy life, become the alpha male that women crave, don't chase girls, and remember that no girl is worth your self respect.

  • To your update. You said you are a normal guy. Well trust me when I say that normal is boring for girls, not to mention way too easy. You have to be different than other guys so there can be "something about you" that a girl can't resist. Also, you have to go with what works and look at the facts about yourself. Seriously evaluate yourself as a stranger, critique yourself deeply. You can't always be "right" when it comes to you. Plus the way you see yourself may not be the way that the girls see you. To keep a woman wanting you is more than physical and more than looks. You have to show her that you are a MAN. Not just in her eyes, but to everyone you come across. A woman must feel secure and safe as much as pleasured and taken care of. Let me put it this way. When you cook something, it may be good to you even the best things that you eat, but to someone else your food may have something "missing". It is what it is...

    • I completley understand what your saying, believe me. This isn't the first time this has happened. That's why I'm so confused. I'm not to available, I'm not clingly, I usually take control, I have a life of my own. I just don't know how to be any different, yet the results are always the same? I've read up on many problems gusy have, and I feel like I've done what I can to avoid those same mistakes others have made.

  • I know EXACTLY what you mean.

    It does go both ways though, I've often ended it at around the 3 months mark.

    Ever heard of that term 8 1/2 weeks?

    It's because, some scientists have argued the first 7-10 weeks of interaction between a man and a woman is supposedly when sensations are the most uncommon and therefore most intriguing.

    There are other theories however.

    Depending on how often you date, it also has to do with roughly the 10-20 date marks, basically the first 3 dates are a type of testing process, after 3/4 dates you tend to get into a more comfortable zone, after roughly 8 or so dates, you probably have had sex and exchange personal info, maybe emotional, maybe past experiences, etc.

    The weather also affects mood and 3 months may be a seasonal relationship depending when it started. Thinking about it personally, I actually had relationships that started in September/Late August and ended with the Fall.

    This may also be because of school schedule, you're 18-24, if you or a girl you date goes to college the schedule probably looks like this:

    Sept-Dec first term, 2 weeks in Dec are exams, then Christmas break.

    January-April second term, 2 weeks April are exams, then school ends.

    And even if you're not in school you do tend to find your years broken up into 3-4 pieces.

    To give you another example, I volunteer quite extensively at the YMCA Sept-Dec.

    Then after my Christmas break I usually have more school work, start looking for jobs in the summer as well as coaching opportunities and usually in two intramural teams at my school with friends.

    My summer is packed.

    So an entire year is very up and down, and also I will usually spend more time 3 hours away from my school in the summer.

    Girls I think are worse at maintaining a relationship when not seeing you at least once every 3-4 days, so they may break up with you out of convenience.

    • I actually agree with the see you at least once every 3-4 days mark because a lot of my girlfriends are like that. but fundamentally, girls probably are bad at maintaining it because there's no reassurance from the guy (though I understand from a guy's point of view, this can be tiring).

      To add on to his questions, what actually can be done to maintain a relationship with a guy for more than 3 months (if say both parties are very busy that sometimes keeping in touch is not common)?

    • I love the explanations you wrote here. They make perfect sense and never thought of it this way. I think you just saved me from not being able to move on from the guy I dated for... guess what... 81/2 weeks! haha... He had no reason to dump me after our summer relationship entered fall and so I'm assuming he just got bored/lost the pizaz of the summer. Thanks

  • Like previously stated, that's around the time most people realize what the relationship really means, if it hasn't yet gotten serious by then.

    Overall you're just overthinking. You don't need help, you just need to find a better girl that is suited to you.

    Good luck amigo!

    The right girl for you will come around. Don't be confused, just be patient.

    Take care!