I have a lot, and I mean A LOT of insecurities.. I am in my early 20s and I always have a feeling inside of me telling me I am not pretty/beautiful. I have always been getting compliments since I was a kid that I am very pretty but for some reason I have never accepted those compliments. Every time a guy compliments on my looks, I feel like he is not telling the truth. I guess few reasons is because 1) I look really young for my age, 2) I have big hips/butt, so I know these features are the ones that people tend to quickly notice about me.
I feel like this is the reason why I don't have a boyfriend because I lack confidence due to me not liking my appearance. Can anyone give me advice as to how I can feel better about my appearance and accept compliments? thanks in advance!
Most Helpful Guy
It is hard for me to relate to you since I am a guy, but I will do my best.
All my life I had a problem accepting compliments. I always felt like I am being deeply offended whenever someone complimented me, be it appearance, clothes, something I did. I couldn't understand why I am prone to believing the bad, but not good things people say about me. I started paying close attention to the way I feel and tried to relate it back to my childhood.
At one point it hit me. My parents would only compliment me when they wanted me to do something I didn't want to do. "You wash the dishes like no one else can, so from now on it will be your chore", "You are so great at babysitting your brother! You should babysit him today! (while me and your dad take your other brother to the movies and buy him icecream)." My dad would "negatively compliment" me on my appearance, for example: "(referring to my dirty clothes) I love how tidy you always are when you come from school! *laugh* *grin*" What did this all mean to me? It meant that people would compliment me, lie to me, just to get something from me. That is why when I grew up I would never believe any compliments. Someone tells me I have a beautiful smile? Well, they are just lying to get something from me. And if I know they are lying, that means my smile isn't beautiful, right? Or is it...?
After that moment of insight, I started having spontaneous bursts of compliments I would give to people around me. I see a girl with gorgeous eyes: "Hey, just wanted to say that you have very beautiful eyes.", smile, turn around and walk away. I stated the fact, I didn't want anything from her, so my compliment is truly genuine, right? It made me realized that not all people are like my parents. Some are being genuine, and that I shouldn't use my negative feelings about their compliments to dictate the way I feel about myself. Well, and in the case when people DO lie to get something from me, well, I'd make a confused face and ask them to repeat what they just said.
On another note, every person deserves to be loved (I mean it). You have to tell that little girl inside of you, that you like a person not because they have something, are capable of doing something or are stunningly beautiful, but because they simply... exist. It is little quirks, little things, that you love people for. You might love a girl because of the way she smiles, the way she frowns, the way she expresses happiness and frustration. It is when you look at a person and you can't really tell what exactly makes you love them. You just love them, what is more to tell?
If you have any questions feel free to ask.
I hope this helps.0