Is it my looks or personality?

I'm 22, and I'm a lifetime single. ("Hi ringlets02".. an aa reference.. just jokes... maybe it's my corny jokes...)

I honestly scare guys away and I don't know why. All my girl friends, older women, etc. say I'm pretty, but I can't see it because honestly, the only time I get attention is from men who are way older than me, or obviously interested in sex.

I'm looking for a sweet boy who loves God (please no hurtful comments on this :)).. I just don't understand. I graduated college, and I've still never been asked out by the type of guy I want to attract. Only online, when the guy had met me two years ago, but it didn't work out.. long story.

Do I look like I'm 12? (In which case, guys who talked to me would all be pedophiles..)

The thing is, I'm scared of guys I'm attracted to. And I think I might come off as a jerk. Would this be the reason? Or do I just physically attract certain (creepy older) men? (Please note, I don't mean glances or whatever, I mean obviously aggressive men who look at me like I'm a piece of meat.. just the other day I was sitting at starbucks with a friend, and a group of guys were staring at me while talking loudly about date rape.. ugh)

Should I try harder to be more approachable? Honestly, I am scared to death of guys I like, and it takes all my willpower to even make eye contact. I've tried to message the guy I like on fb (who is also shy.. awesome..) but he only responds.. never initiates.. I've ignored him a few times by accident (meaning I was too scared to look at him for fear I might fall over or drool would fly out of my mouth... you know.. logical things). Could it be me? or does he just not like me? ugh. Fear.

Alright. Let me know what you think, please :)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Approachability is key. If you are this afraid of guys you like, well it will come through loud and clear as insecurity or they will mistakenly believe you don't like them at all. Until you work through your fears and your apparent belief that you don't deserve to have a great guy, you will continue to experience great difficulties in meeting someone. Until your view of your world includes the thought that it is perfectly normal and natural for a guy you like to approach you and that it is not a fear inducing event, you will struggle.

    I would seek the help of a therapist to have an honest opinion from an expert who can guide you and who is not going to judge you like friends and family will.

    Oh, and if you are cute, yes, you will get unappreciated attention from guys that you would never want to date. It happens. We cannot control the universe to only have guys we are interested in approaching us. We cannot also control having only polished thoughtful guys approaching us. There are many foolios out there to provide this irritation. Just ignore them. I used to get so aggravated about this myself and then I realized I was just aggravated that I had not met a guy I wanted to date and I had to let it go. I did not want this negative vibe to be a part of who I was.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Haha! No offense, but you sound just like me, except female and a bit younger! ;D I'm sorry, but I find it funny that someone else has the same kind of thinking I do. I'm just glad I'm not the only one...but honestly, I'm sorry you have to go through that, too. I wouldn't wish that on anybody else. :( Let me first say that there is NOTHING wrong with you, okay? :) The guys who look at you like "meat" are just slimeballs, nothing more, and unfortunately, most girls have to deal with them at some point...it's not just you. You're being to hard on yourself and worrying too much. Maybe he likes you, but doesn't know how to go about answering you, or maybe he doesn't like you in the same way. Don't let that dsicourage you, though. You're putting too much pressure on this situation to work out, which is only going to hurt you all the more if it doesn't. Don't go after every guy expecting it to end in happily-ever-after: at least, not so early in the relationship. You're only going to scare the guy away and hurt yourself all the more. (I know this, because I have dealt with girls the same way you're dealing with guys.) Learn to relax, be confident in who you are, focus on your life, and don't put so much pressure on finding "the one". God will find the perfect man for you...you just have to stop trying so hard to find him yourself. ;)

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  • You sound normal. You just need more confidence and you need to initiate things. If you don't then all you'll get will be that Starbucks example. Being a girl you have a much lower chance that a guy is going to turn you down then vice-versa, simply because most guys never get approached by women. However I understand if you're incapable of that because the truth is it is not easy.

    If you're about God then church is a good place to meet people, statistically speaking more people meet and get married through church than anywhere else. Make friends with guys, hang out, you'll meet someone.

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  • Both are important, the way someone looks initially attracts you to someone but ultimately and more importantly (well for me anyway) its all about personally

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  • just be friendly and flirty and the good guys will come too :) project your personality and look your best but classy and all the guys will come flocking then you can take your pick..

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What Girls Said 3

  • Maybe your too shy or worse, too sexy (meaning dressing a little trashy). Both can be intimidating for men.

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  • Desperation is the world's worst cologne ~ Singles [1992].

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  • That is so funny how we both asked similar questions...I wish I could attract genuine guys, not perves and jerks.

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