New style every couple of days!

hey all ..i love my boyfriend but he keep asking me to change my style ... I'm not talking about the clothes only ...i mean everything...

he likes weird stuff like piercing everywhere and die my hair purple or pink or highlight it with that colors , and to shave a side of my hair ..as a style.. its weird to me

im worried that if I don't do what he likes that he will like some one else.. and now because I don't do what he likes he thinks I'm not fashionable ...any help?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • be very careful...you will have to stay with yourself for the rest of your life, if you start changing so much, you won't know anymore who you are, and that's gonna be trouble. I've read of this girl who did ANYTHING because she was scared of being dumped, she even underwent cosmetic surgery to adjust her face to what her Boyfriend liked. He dumped her anyway, now every time she looks in the mirror she not only does not know who that person is, but is reminded every time of him, and she just hates herself.

    It's hard, but the two estremes are:

    1. you become and do anything to be who he wants you to be, so that he does not live you...and leave a life in continuous low self esteem and fear of being dumped. Note also that he wants you to be his FANTASY, and the fantasy may change! so one day he may ask you to be one thing and the other just the opposite, so you really become just a nobody, a puppet who wears the appropriate mask for the appropriate occasion.

    or

    2. you take the risk of being true to yourself, as much as you can. The extreme scenario is maybe nobody will ever be in a relationship with you ever again... but although a very hard situation, I think that's still better than losing yourself. I've lost myself and it's a nightmare, I really wanted to kill myself 2 years ago. Losing yourself does not happen overnight, it's a habit of doing things to please other out of compulsion (i.e. I'm not saying to become an asshole who just does not give a sh*t, I'm saying having choice on when to please others iinstead of becoming addicted to people pleasing and just be the great person for anyone and ending up being in reality just a nobody)

    Who's gonna be the only person who'll always be with you, especially through hard times, illnesses etc? YOU. No matter how someone else may like you, it is just obviously impossible to expect that person to be there the day you are dying in pain...

    you seem extremely attractive, if he does not want you, it may be pain at the moment because he's touching you your' deepest inner self, so you may feel out of control in those moments, but in the moments you are in control, try to prevent yourself from doing things you'll regret for the rest of your life...e.g cosmetic surgery or losing yourself.. I know it's hard (I think you have very deep seated insecurities, but it's OK, hey:)), but I hope this can put you into a better prospective

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What Guys Said 8

  • Sometimes you just gotta say, "No."

    If you were my sister, I'd probably shoot him.

    Do things because it is a representation of who you are. Not who he wants you to be. Sometimes the very simple looks of fashion in life, are very fashionable and very adored. Take Audrey Hepburn, for example. She's not entirely sophisticated and flashy, like a lady Gaga type thing, but she's got the looks and the simplicity of who she is and its very "fashionable." If he leaves you because he doesn't like what he sees in your fashion, then he was never with you for love to begin with. And just like you said... you love him, but its a two way street. You set the standard, and you set the boundaries. Don't let him walk over you.

    There are somethings that you can compromise if it doesn't bother you, such as trying on clothing and such, but when it comes to that... its simply, "trying." See if you like it, and if not, then don't wear them again. If you're into piercings or such, then sure, try one... IF you want. If you don't like it, you can always take it out.

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  • If you conform to his wishes he will treat you like a doormat if you keep doing your thing he will have to accept you as you are or not. Just live your life and if he can't accept you you aren't right for him.

    Some sacrifices are normal in a relationship but no one should ever ask you to change a whole lot about yourself. Especially superficial stuff.

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  • you are who you are, he needs to accept you the way you are, he has no right to ask you to change yourself for him, and if he leaves you over it its not your loss. it just means he never really loved you.

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  • Does this extend to the sexual as well?

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    • ...because if it does and you can explain just what he asks, I might have an answer to consider.

  • Sounds like he wants to date Ramona Flowers hah.

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  • dump him. Sorry, there's no nice way to say it. Nobody's worth that much work and nobody deserves that much from you. date a guy who like you for who you are :)

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  • if he doesn t like you the way you are then you might want to think if its worth being with him

    but you think he might have a bit of hair fetish if he keeps thinkng of stuuf to do with your hair either that or he's really hard to pease

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  • dump the door-knob!

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What Girls Said 8

  • Hey, you are not a living doll or toy for him to play with. You need to pick a look that works for you and hopefully it is one of the multiple looks he is attracted to as well. It is the changing of looks constantly that is the problem here, in my opinion. And, if he leaves you for that, well good luck with him finding any girl who wants to constantly change her look.

    I would talk to him and let him know that you are not interested in constantly changing your look and that some of his suggestions don't work for you at all (I am assuming). Ask him if he still likes you or only sees you as some sort of play toy he can change at his whim. He may just be really immature and unable to understand why this is a problem. If so, eventually this just won't work out and there is not a lot you can do about that. Good luck!

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  • If he's your boyfriend, then he must already like you for being you! If you don't want to do anything that he suggests then don't! Just tell him no because that's not you, that's not your style. After all, I live by the saying "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not".

    And what's wrong with not being fashionable? I'm definitely VERY unfashionable and couldn't be happier! I can't be putting up with worrying about all that nonsense all the time! And fashions don't ever last either. This may be the fashion now, but give 6months, maybe a year and they'll be something else that's "fashionable", I gurantee it. That is the nature of "fashions" after all. Besides, those half shaven hairstyles don't look that great in my opinion and when the style is no longer wanted, I just think its gonna be such a pain to try and grow out again! Maybe I'm just being too practical? :P

    Basically, if you want to then go for it. If you don't, if you have even the smallest hesitation or doubt then don't because you'll likely end up regretting it. Your boyfriend will have to like it or lump it. But the key question isn't whether you should do as he asks but why is he trying to change you?

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  • If he doesn't like you for who you are then he obviously isn't worth your time. You should never change yourself just to please someone, especially a guy. I'm sure there's plenty of guys out there who would like you for you and not want you to change.

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  • Wow that sounds like the exact description of the school slut at my school. She has everything you listed but she's a little bitch. Anyway, if he doesn't like you the way you are then screw him and find someone who does.

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  • He is a creep and needs to be kicked in the nuggets real hard ! Don't change who you are because of some guy.Tell the loser he needs to buy a freakin life size barbie if he wants to play dress up and sleep with that at night. There are lots of guys who will love you and want you just the way you are!

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  • You shouldn't do it just to please him, you change you're style to suit yourself! If he only does it a little as a suggestion its OK, but if he's being pushy then says he'll leave you or something then he's not worth it. Stick to your own style girl ;D

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  • why the hell is he with you if he asks you to keep changing? ...if you don't like it, stand up for yourself. either he's getting what he sees or that's it. don't let him treat you like an object. and don't act like it's your loss, it's his loss. if he wants a half shaved head so bad good luck to him for finding a girl with that style.

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  • Break up with him next time he says something like that. An idiot like him doesn't deserve a girlfriend.

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