hey all ..i love my boyfriend but he keep asking me to change my style ... I'm not talking about the clothes only ...i mean everything...
he likes weird stuff like piercing everywhere and die my hair purple or pink or highlight it with that colors , and to shave a side of my hair ..as a style.. its weird to me
im worried that if I don't do what he likes that he will like some one else.. and now because I don't do what he likes he thinks I'm not fashionable ...any help?
Most Helpful Guy
be very careful...you will have to stay with yourself for the rest of your life, if you start changing so much, you won't know anymore who you are, and that's gonna be trouble. I've read of this girl who did ANYTHING because she was scared of being dumped, she even underwent cosmetic surgery to adjust her face to what her Boyfriend liked. He dumped her anyway, now every time she looks in the mirror she not only does not know who that person is, but is reminded every time of him, and she just hates herself.
It's hard, but the two estremes are:
1. you become and do anything to be who he wants you to be, so that he does not live you...and leave a life in continuous low self esteem and fear of being dumped. Note also that he wants you to be his FANTASY, and the fantasy may change! so one day he may ask you to be one thing and the other just the opposite, so you really become just a nobody, a puppet who wears the appropriate mask for the appropriate occasion.
2. you take the risk of being true to yourself, as much as you can. The extreme scenario is maybe nobody will ever be in a relationship with you ever again... but although a very hard situation, I think that's still better than losing yourself. I've lost myself and it's a nightmare, I really wanted to kill myself 2 years ago. Losing yourself does not happen overnight, it's a habit of doing things to please other out of compulsion (i.e. I'm not saying to become an asshole who just does not give a sh*t, I'm saying having choice on when to please others iinstead of becoming addicted to people pleasing and just be the great person for anyone and ending up being in reality just a nobody)
Who's gonna be the only person who'll always be with you, especially through hard times, illnesses etc? YOU. No matter how someone else may like you, it is just obviously impossible to expect that person to be there the day you are dying in pain...
you seem extremely attractive, if he does not want you, it may be pain at the moment because he's touching you your' deepest inner self, so you may feel out of control in those moments, but in the moments you are in control, try to prevent yourself from doing things you'll regret for the rest of your life...e.g cosmetic surgery or losing yourself.. I know it's hard (I think you have very deep seated insecurities, but it's OK, hey:)), but I hope this can put you into a better prospective1