Looks are less important to women than to men?

Looks really aren't so important to me. At all. I'm not an unattractive girl, and if I had a good-looking guy nobody would look at us and say "ew why is he with her!". (Not trying to be conceited, I just know I'm not ugly. Doesn't mean I think I'm perfect at all, or that people should kiss the ground I walk on.) But when I think of what I want in a boyfriend, looks aren't one of the first things I think of. In fact, I've been very strongly attracted to guys who weren't exactly gorgeous, and I've met some very good-looking guys who didn't attract me at all. To me, it's about personality, chemistry, goals, etc. Not just looks. In fact, if you asked me to choose between an extremely handsome guy and an average looking one and the average one had everything else I'm looking for, I'd pick him over the handsome one in a second.

I tried to explain to a guy how looks don't matter to me, because he is very into looks, and he just didn't get it, how looks aren't the most important thing to me.

How much do looks matter to you? Do any girls feel the same way?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Male-of-the-species calling and yes, looks matter to me. Yet I have so often seen your outlook — a lovely girl with an ordinary looking guy — that I think you can take it that it is quite a frequent pairing. And yes, that ordinary looking guy will have Something. But there are both Positive Somethings and Negative Somethings that I have seen reeling girls in. You and other questioners might find this list informative:

    Positive Somethings (that make Mr Ordinary-Looking attractive)

    (i) Laughter, and the ability to make YOU laugh

    (ii) intelligence; financial shrewdness (especially if linked to generosity lol!)

    (iii) Alpha-male dominance: he walks into the room, and that's the last you see of the room...

    (iv) protectiveness

    (v) physical strength

    (vi) the ability to listen

    (vii)stereotypically-female traits such as sensitivity, artistic gifts or gentleness.

    Negative Somethings (that make Mr Ordinary-Looking attractive, but will end up biting you in the ass)

    (i) classic pickup artist traits/techniques, especially tactical negging (saying something casually disparaging about you, forcing you to prove him wrong)

    (ii) cruelty — to which, B.I.ON., some women can become addicted

    (iii) Alice-in-Wonderland scheming, to which he draws you in. You both enjoy the fantasy, but at least one of you wakes up broke/in jail/grounded/busted.

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What Guys Said 7

  • Male-of-the-species call and yes, looks matter to me. Yet I have so often seen your outlook — a lovely girl with an ordinary looking guy — that I think you can take it that it is quite a frequent pairing. And yes, that ordinary looking guy will have Something. But there are both Positive Somethings and Negative Somethings that I have seen reeling guys in. You and other girls might find this list amusing and informative:

    Positive Somethings (that make Mr Ordinary-Looking attractive)

    (i) Laughter, and the ability to make YOU laugh

    (ii) intelligence; financial shrewdness (especially if linked to generosity lol!)

    (iii) Alpha-male dominance: he walks into the room, and that's the last you see of the room...

    (iv) protectiveness

    (v) physical strength

    (vi) the ability to listen

    (vii)stereotypically-female traits such as sensitivity, artistic gifts or gentleness.

    Negative Somethings (that make Mr Ordinary-Looking attractive, but will end up biting you in the ass)

    (i) classic pickup artist traits/techniques, especially tactical negging (saying something casually disparaging about you, forcing you to prove him wrong)

    (ii) cruelty — to which, B.I.ON., some women can become addicted

    (iii) Alice-in-Wonderland scheming, to which he draws you in. You both enjoy the fantasy, but at least one of you wakes up broke/in jail/grounded/busted.

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  • I love how looks are genuinely not a major criteria of attractiveness for you! I love that and wish I could have more of that.

    I'm guy, I'm attractive, and I care about looks. And I hate that. I want eye candy. I mean not a super high standard, but I want to look at something pretty.

    I totally agree that looks are not the most important thing, and it probably says more about me than anything else...

    But yes, as a guy, it's hard to relate to how attraction works completely seperate from looks. Because there is physical attraction, and the attraction of the person's personality/ sexiness (confidence-playfulness)/ *inner beauty* would seem to somehow be interlinked with that... or something!

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  • From every single scientific and common sense standpoint, yes, looks matter more to men than women.

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  • Sorry, I was trying to edit. If a moderator will kindly delete the earlier version...

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  • When it comes to attraction, men tend not to be deep thinkers. Women probably do put more thought into what it takes for them to become attracted, so this would explain why looks aren't so important to women as it is for men.

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  • women are more willing to settle , at the same time women can pick up men more easily if they knew that most men are not great at picking up women.

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  • you done convincing yourself?

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What Girls Said 2

  • I am right there with you. Aesthetics are temporary and though your friend may be shallow now, this will more than likely change as he matures and gets older. Whenever I try to explain my point of view on this subject it always comes down to one thing, they may be good looking now, but add on another ten years and that oh so sexy girl you THINK is perfect, will be less than fortunate looking and still have the stuck up/arrogant attitude. Most guys (or even people for that matter) are visual which also comes with a sense of shallowness. We all do it to a certain extent but it takes people who truly care (like you and I) to take a second and pass judgment on the entire person and just not what the wrapping looks like. In the end, picking a boyfriend/girlfriend is tricky. Looks do play a part in everyone's decisions because you have to be attracted to them even if it is just a little bit. More importantly, you have to have things in common, chemistry, and an amazing connection on an intellectual and emotional level. Without those connections all you have is some eye candy who is only appealing when their mouths are shut. Not all good looking people are GOOD people, and not all 'average' or 'below average' people are bad. If you are frustrated with the shallowness of society, just know that if you find a guy who is caught up on looks like that, then obviously he is not the guy for you.

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    • I like what you wrote.

      Looks mostly last through the 20s. The differences become less pronounced as time passes, plus the value placed on beauty probably lessens too due to more maturity.

      But to keep it in perspective, [as you said] we must be attracted to our partner. Enough so we can wholeheartedly say, I'm attracted to this person.

  • I know, I prefer the less unattractive/more average guy, honestly. For me it is almost always personality. A mans shell will never last forever but his insides will.

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    • This is what you meant right? "I prefer the less attractive more average looking guy"

      What you said was: "i prefer the hot average guy"

      By the the way, you are cute and I'm ugly with a great personality, perfect match, anyway too-da-loo

    • no, I like average guys...because when I dated hot guys they gave me pain

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